I had thought not to touch this story and just keep my private thoughts on it to myself…and share  them among friends only…if they asked me.  But after thinking about it I realized that I could not.

One of things about coming out of something…is that you sometimes can become highly convicted in your stance against  whatever it is or was that you may have come out of.  Or in other words…things you no longer wallow in…or transgress in…indulge in…came out of…it was the way you used to be…etc…so, you emerge from it  being  very strongly opposed to it.

You become very anti- it… whatever it was  or is that you used to do…or who you used to be…but now are not…or of  that which you no longer do.    You in fact…move all the way over to the left side of the bar…and become an extremist regarding that issue…or thing that once had you bounded.  Usually, to the farthest end you can get…emotionally and opinion-wise.

Having already told you that I was once ‘in the life’ in several other blogs…meaning was a lesbian…gay…lived  in the homosexual lifestyle…then I feel I can freely talk on this subject.  But do not ask me anything about drugs or alcohol…or most of anything else…because I know little to nothing on those subjects…outside of the fact of what I have seen regarding the affects of them…or the after-affects of them.  That being said…

Chastity Bono, the daughter of Rock icons Sonny & Cher of the 70’s, decision to alter her sex…and the way that it is being presented in the media…really kind of disturbs me.  Not her decision to change her sex…because that is her choice…but it is the media on it that concerns me.

Having had been in the life for many years…some I don’t know…more than 30+ years…I have known many women.  But the people I knew…or should say know…as I still know them…and still converse with some of  them…though I do not hang out with them…but all of them were women who were happy to be women.  In fact…they celebrated their woman-ness… sought out places that were exclusively women… restaurants… bookstores… vacation spots… curise-liners… clubs… etc…

So, Chastity’s decision is not the norm… far from it, in fact.   Many lesbian women have no dealings with men…and hate them for various historical reasons in regard to their lives.

Though today, I do see many more young girls trying to really do this thing…that is called ‘butch’ themselves up.  With the hanging pants…and all the other things they do.  But still it is not the norm.  And thank goodness for that.

http://www.tmz.com/2009/06/11/chastity-bono-becoming-a-man-2/?icid=main|hp-laptop|dl3|link3|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.tmz.com%2F2009%2F06%2F11%2Fchastity-bono-becoming-a-man-2%2F

Imagine this world…if everybody decided that they wanted to change who God created them to be.  How whacked out this place would be.  Some people would walking around calling themselves some kind of animal…maybe this is a bit  extreme.  But not that far fetch… considering some of the things that some people involve themselves in.

I can’t image wanting to change my sex to become a man.  I mean I have always wondered…how it is that men go to the bathroom when they do the number 2?  

Do men sit on the toilet and have to hold that piece downward in their hands?   I don’t really know men like that…so I have no way of knowing.  But I have a serious thing about germs.  I really wouldn’t want to do that.   I would be so afraid that I might touch some filthy toilet seat…if  I were out in public having to do that.   Though  rarely do I go to the bathroom while out.

And yes…I am a bit naive.  I do admit it.  There are many things that I do not know.

And since we are on the subject…   When they…men…stand over the urinals…all of that spattering…all over your pants legs.  Who wants to go through all of that?

Yes, I am happy to be a woman.

But if…I were a man.  Why would I want to be a woman?

What would be the benefit of that?

I am just so glad that God does the selecting and choosing…as to what we will be.  Could you imagine a more confusing situation than that?   Trying to choose whether your child would male or female.   Though some scientist have tried to come up with a way of doing just that.  And many countries have put a premimium on one sex over  the other…the male species…though without women this world would come to sudden and complete end.

But  going back to my original train of thought…I just could not see myself as being a man…or having ever wanted to be one.  And thank goodness none of my gay women friends have had to battle with that either…nor any of my male friends.

I can imagine the pain that one must go through having that conflict.  Because there has to be one very big and hard inward battle going on to decide such a thing.

The truth of the matter, however, is this…the mind plays tricks…and if you are not careful you will fall into the trap.  If you look into the mirror every day thinking that you hate what looks back and that-

“I would look good as a man.”

Or perhaps…as a woman.  Sooner or later you will begin to believe that you should have been born a man or visa versa.  You will also start to believe that you see certain characteristics or qualities about yourself…which in reality  have been sub-consciously taken on…or may not  truly be there…do not really exist.   But because that is what you placed in your mind…and what you want to see…you will see it.    And then in turn you will believe that those characteristics verify the fact that you should be…and are really something else other than what you are…a man or visa versa.  And so you come to the final conclusion that through some trick or error of  nature you were born a woman rather than a man…or visa versa.

It is a head-trip…a mind game.  You will see what you want to see…you will feel what you believe you want to feel.

The mind is wicked…and quite deceptive.

For most of my life I have thought of myself as being unattractive…ugly in fact.  I never wanted mirrors arround…hated to take pictures…etc.   Because I hated seeing me.  It was not until I had to start taking pictures for my book cover…that I came to  realize that I am really not ugly.  In fact, I have to laugh…because of all the years I let get pass me believing myself to be ugly when I was not.

Then too, in my book I made a statement…which made me really have to think.  I state in my book, THE BISHOP’S WIFE, how I had been stalked at least 3 separate times in my life.  After writing that…I began to think about what it was those people saw in me that would have lead them to want to do that.  When I know many good-looking people…very good-looking…exceedingly good-looking…and they had never been stalked.

So, why me?

This is when I thought…again.

Here it was all those years I never realized that I was not ugly.   Because of my profession and always being the public eye…people gravitated to me.  And people who listen to you over the radio…

Well, they just fantasize  about everything.  And they all believe they love you.  But I could not have looked that terribly bad…to have problems with 3 separate people at various times in my history.

But I never really knew until I looked into those pictures for my book…that I wasn’t as bad looking as I had thought  I had been for all of my years.  It is amazing.  But it was a mind game…which for me came about when I started thinking that I was not as good-looking as any of my sisters or brothers…as a young child.  And that shaped my thinking of myself for all of these years.

My mind had me tricked…I saw that which my mind allowed me to see.  And so I lived under that shell all of my life until about 6 months ago.

Let me take a quick station break:  my book, THE BISHOP’S WIFE… is coming…. Yes, my book is  coming…I will definitely let you know when it is available for purchase.

Now…back to the subject.

I was deceived by my mind a 2nd time…when I fell into lesbianism.  But thank God…I didn’t sink so far down that I ever thought about mutilating myself…with a sex change.

And yes…I had met some hardcore women…who wore men’s clothes and under garments.  Some even who  thought it manly to beat up their lovers and/or girlfriends.  But I never heard any one of them talk about changing their sex…or wanting to do so…no matter how much outwardly they tried to emulate men.

Yes, though we were living in confusion…we were far from being that confused.  And I thank God…from removing me totally from it.  I no longer dwell in a ball of confusion…and under the cloud of lesbianism.

But the article that I read of  Chastity Bono’s decision to under-go a sex change was so accepting of it…as though it were a natual transition in life…something acceptable. I would hate to think that any poor child or teenage or another adult currently battling with issues over their sexuality…should read that  article and think that such a thing is either natural…or really acceptable.  Not acceptable to you or me…but for themselves.  As it goes against nature.

And there have been many articles and books written on the subject…some opposing and some pro.  But there have been many regrets regarding that whole process.  And I have seen much sadness and anguish among those fighting that battle.

As I mentioned in at least 2 other blogs…I did know a guy…who when I met him was in the process of under-going his sex change.  I met him as the women he presented himself  to me to be…as he had started coming to Salsa Soul Sisters meetings…and we all at the time  believed that he was a woman.  But from the time I met him…and I cannot call him ‘her’…I would be lying if I said that.  But from the time I met him…in the back of my mind I always felt that something about him was out of whack.

I have met many gay guys…but had never met one trying to become a lesbian before.  And neither had anyone else in Salsa Soul Sisters either…until we all met him…who presented himself as a woman to us all.   But when they found out…nothing could hold them back…those black lesbian women.

One night those women stormed into Salsa and turned that meeting out…because they were not having a biological man…turned lesbian…or turning lesbian…within their organization.  And they meant every word of it…and voted that night ‘that no one born biologically a man could ever sit on the board of Salsa Soul Sister, Inc. or become a member of  Salsa.’ That was their sentiment…and they were right.  I did agree.

The fact is…regardless of the pills and surgery…you will always be what God created…biologically.  You can change your name…your hair style…your walk…talk…even your game…or anything  and everything else you want to change.  But underneath it all…your real DNA…can’t be changed.  Who you are…is who you are…who you really are…and that can’t be changed no matter what.  No matter how much you dislike it.

I don’t know when I saw it…but it was on television.  I think it was a Barbara Walters’ special.  It was one of the saddest and most horrifying shows I had watched in my many years of watching TV.  It was a show on parents allowing their children to cross-dress.  By this I mean…there are parents who are allowing their very young pre-teen children…sons or daughters to decide that they were not either male or female anymore…and dressing like whatever they wanted to be.

To see a 4 or 5 year old being allowed to demean himself  or herself in that fashion was horrifying for me.  At such young ages children being bred in a continuous state of high confusion…and their own parents abetting them in doing so.  It was terrifying…absolutely.

In one of those stories, Barbara visits with a family who allows their little boy to dress as a little girl…long hair…the whole 9 yards.   The little boy has a baby sister.  Her cup and everything about her is pink…while everything for him was blue…do note the word ‘was.’

The boy wanted the pink cup…the pink this and the pink that.  Well, it really doesn’t  take a rocket scientist to figure that thing out.  The little boy had become jealous of his little sister.  I don’t know…maybe the parents stopped doting on him and became pre-occupied with his little sister.  So, he of course wanting his parents attention once again…he might desire to become his little sister…or some how take her place in order to regain their…his parent’s attention and love again.

So, what does his little confused mind decide to do?

He starts wanting what she has… her things… clothing…etc.  He develops a desire to replace her… by becoming her.  Thus, a desire to be a little girl… as in his confused little mind he views it as being the root cause and remedy to his little situation.

It is not that he really wants to be a girl.  But he desires his parents’ attention again…which they have taken from him and given to the little girl…his sister.

So, what if he doesn’t grow up playing baseball…or basketball…or watching sports.  It doesn’t mean you have to put your stamp all over him…and say-

“I know what…we’ll call him girl.”

And  dress him up like one.

Yes…I do know that some gay guys…and even some women… claim that they knew they were gay from the craddle.  But closer examination on the matter…might bring them to some other opinion if they really sat down and looked back at things in their history that they may have forgotten.

It is a mind game.  Some kids grow up thinking that they are the biggest and the baddest.  Some that they are stupid and don’t know anything.  Some believing that they are beautiful…some that they are smart.  It can vary depending upon who they are…what their social-economic backgrounds…neighborhoods…family…schools…churches…etc..and what is going on within their home.   But over time it almost always changes…our preception of ourselves…and the world around us…and how we view ourselves in it.

Imagine a little child…4 or 5 years old trying to fight that battle everyday.   Of having to go to school everyday…and trying to interact with other children…dressed as a little girl when he is a little boy.

Most gay guys can’t even deal with issues from their history…family rejection…etc.    Which is why many of them suffer from alcholism, drug addictions…and indulge so heavily in all types of dangerous sexual practices.

Yes, sadly…I have seen and heard many gay people…mostly men…crying over their broken relationships with their families…endless cycle of  broken love relationships…etc.   Crying over their  lives wreked in pain and sorrow.   Dealing with dying lovers…ex’s …rejections…regrets… etc…etc…  It is hard no matter…straight or gay to deal with such things.  It’s hard.  But then to have the added burden of  being rejected by your classmates… churches…and society too…makes it all the more worst…and painful.

All across the gay community there are vast levels of self-hate…fear…and self-destruction.  It is sad…very sad.  So, how could any loving or caring parent indulge their child in any such way as to let them suffer with such thoughts…and conflicts that they…themselves have probably placed upon their child in the first place?   Which the child may end up battling and trying to fight for the rest of their lives.   When all they…the parent or parents of that little boy… had to do was get rid of all that ‘pink and blue’ stuff…stop setting up stereotypes…and road blocks for their son.   And try to give him…their  son some quality time.   Rather than to assist him into the further creation of confusion in his little life…by buying him girls clothes etc…trying to emulate something which the child is not.  He is not a girl.

Being a woman encompasses a variety of things.  We do and think differently from the male species.  Our tendencies towards giving, sharing, helping, family, responsibilities, listening, conversing with others, aiding, depth of compassion, commitment, emotions, emotional strenght etc…and so much more are all quite different from men.   It is  far more than one group having a different set of sex organs from the other.  And all the pills and operations…and therapy in the world is not going to change this.

I personally  think that that particular Barbara Walter’s special should have never been aired.  There are some things better not put out there for public consumption.  People start to get simular ideas…and start following suit…copying eveything they see and ear.   We sadly live in a world of people who have  stopped thinking for themselves…and merely seek to duplicate…follow…and do likewise.  And for some people  it is just simplier to assist certain behavior rather than try to work to stem it.

Isn’t that a horrible why to be?

Even worst…to have that kind of parent.

We would all have been in trouble with those kind of parents…that were that Barbara Walter’s special.  Many parents from time to time feel helpless…but they do not give in to their helplessness.  No, another force kicks in…and they step it up…to the next level.  Parents have to…because all parents are faced with challenges when it comes to their children…at some point or other.  And you just can’t throw up your hands saying-

“I just can’t do anything.”

At that point…some people know that there is one other thing.  They start to pray.  There is power in it.

Well, in between, Chastity’s decision to change her sex…and that supposed man having another baby (another subject that I said I was not going to touch…as I have already given him rather her too much of my time already)…it has been a very busy week.

Well, enjoy your weekend.   And I am still trying to catch up on my sleep.

God bless…

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