Posts filed under: ‘Emotions‘
I recently wrote how shocked I was to find out that Yolanda King had passed last year at the age of 51.
In fact, I woke up this morning thinking just how blessed I am. And it is not just that I am alive…but I have a son, I have a slew of fantastic nieces and nephews, a wonderful and encouraging church family, the best of friends, cousins etc…and then I was gifted with the very best of parents…and have always had the best of everything. So, yes I awoke this morning thinking…how blessed I am.
Though I was shocked about Yolanda’s passing, I am not, however, shocked about the problems the siblings are currently having. When you listen to Bernice King speak at Yolanda’s Home Going service,in the youtube footage in my last blog…there was a sense that something was going on among them.
That is very unfortunate.
Bernice kept expounding on ‘listen to the voice of the Lord and give no heed to another.’
When people die there are a mixture of emotions which surface…among them are greed, selfishness and a sense of ‘I’m going to get mine before anybody else does’…just to name a few.
When you are forced with having to deal with loss…greed and selfishness are not 2 things…along with anything else negative…that you want also on your emotional plate of loss and grieving.
For some…death brings their families closer together…but for more it drives them apart. The court is loaded with families seeking legal relief regarding family issues which arose upon the heels of someone dying.
Just a few seconds ago I was chatting with a friend…the one who is hooked on youtube and is emailing all those old R & B/Soul singers…and she informed me that Bernice and Martin, the third, had filed a law suit against their brother, Dexter King, for mis-managing family funds and the funds of their father’s center, the Martin L. King, Jr. Center for Non-Violence, in Atlanta, of which Dexter now heads.
There is nothing like death to bring out the absolute worst in people. You will see and hear things you never would have thought would be coming from people you loved, trusted and never would have expected would be acting as they are now acting.
Estate matters hurt. And more often than not they have to be dealt with through the courts…either Probate and/or Civil Court.
Regarding our own estate affairs on several occasions I have had to go into court to pursue some sort of action, such as becoming the Executor of my parent’s estate. I needed to become the Executor of the Estate for one reason…because somebody has to be over the property….the property simply cannot regulate itself. And the other reason that really prompted me to seek the Executorship of my parents estate was this. Somebody had tried to take out $40,000 against my parent’s property…which was luckily declined. This and worst are the kind of problems you can come face to face with when people start dying…and greed, selfishness and I’ve got to get mine… all enter the picture.
It is hard to be at odds with family members…but it happens…and often. And these fights are never kind. No, on the contary they can be downright hateful and vicious…and surprisingly so. But someone has to maintain the high road…the right road. Somebody has to stand for truth and what is right…yet forsake the spirit of hatefulness and viciousness…though it is being showered upon you. Otherwise, you will become just like the wrong party or parties…and no one will be able to decipher you one from another. And that they might not be able to do anyway by the time the other side gets through dragging your name through the mud.
Just look to be demonized…if you are the one trying to do the right thing. By the time you are really in the midst of it…they will…or he or she will…have you looking like the culprit to anyone who will give them an ear. And everybody will come to you…and ask what are you doing?
Why are you tearing apart the family?
You will be the thief the robber and everything in between.
It will take much crying. Many nights of soul searching…and living in isolation. But prayer can conquer anything. And lots of it.
And one other thing…having someone who will listen to you…who can offer wisdom and counsel you through it. Someone who will not prosecute you…because they have already become contaminate by buying into what the other side was saying…because they bought into the lies.
I have found that you have to be able to voice you pain…your strife’s…the turmoil’s that you become faced with during life which keep you up all hours of the night…or all night.
Just to be able to have one somebody…to be able to tell it all to. Unloading verbally your problems can be an awful good feeling and somewhat of a healing tool in a time of need. That is what my friend whom I have shared with you that we believe is in the process of passing. When I coundn’t find anybody else with whom I could discuss it with…she gave me her ear…and she counseled me through it. And I never once found her counsel lacking.
My problem was that I was in New York…and I kept saying-
“Oh, I’m not there.”
So, I allowed them to do what they were doing without me interfering.
I had no idea what was going or to what level…until I was forced to go home…even I was constantly questioning family members about it.
And God made it so I had no choice in the matter. I was evicted…so, I had to go home.
Once there I came to find out that the very person I relied upon to keep me inform about matters at home…had been lying to me. In fact, I came to find out that he was one of the culprits and he became one of my biggest antagonizers. And that he had apparently never heard that inheritance comes after death.
Following the passing of my mother, my father took it very hard. And it doesn’t help anything seeing your children clamoring for everything they can get…grab and snatch from you…and you haven’t even closed your eyes yet.
That has to hurt…after working all of your life for a bunch of people who suddenly become like strangers to you…can be, I have no doubt, devastating. Yes, he became quite devastated…my father just eventually shut down and gave up.
Money and things can make people change…and go crazy. And my parents had money and they had things…and nothing they had was cheap.
We grew up living very well.
And I know I said it in my other blog on estate issues…but maybe we had too much. One thing for sure we had no appreciation…and those who had some didn’t have enough of it to make difference on my father’s behalf.
If you would care to read more this story CLICK the LINKS below.
Some people may not understand why Bernice or Martin are going after Dexter. But I do.
Dexter just bought a 4.16 million dollar home in Malibu…that’s Cali…in a ritzy suburb of LA…if you want to get specific. But he heads the Martin Luther King, Jr. Center in Atlanta?
It really doesn’t sound like Dexter intends to spend much time in Atlanta…doing his job and assisting in keeping the family legacy going.
No, it sounds more like Dexter has the glitter of Hollywood more on his mind…and a highly expensive pallet to go with it.
On the surface it sounds more like little Dexter is out to deplete the family estate of all its funds…and is acting like he can’t understand their lawsuit against him.
I don’t know why not…since he is the one spending the all the money. And has probably been more like they have been trying to call him.
I have seen some of the best…they grew up with me. And when I stood in court beside them and heard them speak…if I hadn’t been privy to what we were in court for…forget the judge…I would have believed them. And they were in court talking against me.
If they, Bernice and Martin, don’t stop Dexter…he is going to run straight through every nickle and dime they have and everything else. And whatever is left after he gets threw trashing the all the funds…that will go up on the auction block…just like it is in our situation.
It hurts…and people may not like it…may sit on the sideline surmising the situation…those outside of the King family. And even them themselves, Bernice or Martin may not like it. They might like having to do it…in fact I know they probably don’t. But if they don’t do it they will have to reap the consequences of the reckless disregard of their brother…as I now am after turning a blind eye to the situation until I was forced into it and had no choice but to deal with it…and try to get this upside down situation…rightside up again.
“Dragging the family name through the mud like that.”
But is there a cause?
You get a relative…a sibling…or relatives or siblings…who is out to plunder and destory everything that your parents worked for…and/or out trying to ruin your family name…and lets see how you would handle it. Short of going to jail…the only other way is by going to court. And that becomes public even if your name is not King.
Thinking about my last blog where I discuss my friend who had MS.
I really felt a bit guilty. I think I made it seem as though I had been some kind of great friend. When in fact I had not.
After writing that blog, I laid down and thought about it.
I had become some kind of radio super star. I found some new friends and rarely even spoke with my friend other than in passing. But yet she continued to be nice and pleasant towards me.
Where we had hung out together before during our first year on campus…during that second year and beyond we did not. I didn’t have time for her…I was…well…too busy making a name for myself at the campus radio station. And when I wasn’t there…I was…well…sitting around clowning and playing cards with my new friends. And I never thought of my friend much during those latter years…until I found out she was sick.
I think about that now.
If I could rewrite that history…I would.
I didn’t value our friendship. For that matter…I didn’t value her.
I made mention of this to another friend of mines this evening. And I said-
“You know I really need to write that…because really I wasn’t a good friend. And I think I made it sound as if I had been.”
And she said-
“Yes, but we were all 18…20 years old then.”
Treasuring people is not something that should come with maturity. But it should be iinstinctual and begin from day one…when or as people come into our lives.
That first year was nice…but boy what fun we could have had those other years…if I had only been wiser…and a real friend.
When my friend needed me…I was weak…and useless.
I will never forget going to visit her one day while I was working at a local radio in her town, which gave me cause to have to see her more regularly. But I will never forget getting there and finding out she had suffered 3rd degree burns all over her body. Simply because she had tried to bathe herself. There had been no one there to help her. The home health aide who was suppose to be there with her many times would not even show up or would leave early leaving my friend alone many times, as I later informed by my friend’s mother.
It angered me that no one paid attention to stuff like that…and that no one cared. That person…that home health aide whom I had never once seen in the few times I visited with my friend during the time I worked at that radio station…she should have never been allowed to do that. And not only that but my friend by this time was in such a state that she really needed round the clock care.
When I think back on it now…struggling that way kept my friend out of a nursing home and also near her daughter whom she adored…and who had virtually became the parent to her mother. She was just a young kid mostly caring for her mother almost virtually herself. And today she too is suffering with MS.
Just knowing that about the aide…I should have agitated for my friend for better care…or something. But not even that did I do.
I know you are waiting on some more Chinese…and I will give it to you…it’s coming. If only I can find my Chinese book.
Started really cleaning the house today…so any day now I should put my hand on that book. That is all I am going to say…except also my friend to whom I was talking with this evening pointed out to me how I spelled Collin Powell’s name wrong. Good looking out…now if I can just figure out how to correct that…I will. Thanks.
Got to get into New York on Sunday…it is my Pastor’s Anniversary. This will also give me a chance to visit with my friend who we believe is passing.
Wouldn’t it be great if God just lifted her up off of her sick bed. And gave her to speak again…to walk again…and to eat again. It is great to know that God is capable of doing all things…including that. And for Him that would just a light thing.
Well, God bless…
Before getting off the line with my friend…we started talking a little bit about politics.
It has been a bit tooquiet politically don’t you think?
It just means to me that those sneaky Republicans are busy planning how to rig the election. I have never seen a more dishonest bunch…outside of some of my own family members. I’m just kidding about some of my family members…but it could be a true statement…might be true. But they are mines anyhow. I can kid somewhat about it now…but believe me it has been a very trying time when you have to deal with family woes.
McCain can’t out talk him, can’t debate him…doesn’t have his youth, zeal or appeal. It’s like Buggs Bunny running circles around Elmer Fudde.
Look for the big fix…and all of the dirtious tricks they can pull out of their hats and anybody elses to start hitting the air waves soon. ©2008
Add a comment August 2, 2008
And there was…the supposed man in the story…is really a woman living as a man who…I started to say had a sex change. But she couldn’t have otherwise she wouldn’t have been able to have the baby or get impregnanted.
I am naive on many things…and I truly am.
But there are somethings which clearly just irritate me.
Why go through all of the trouble of trying to present yourself as a man…and then want to get pregnant?
What was she trying to make a mockery of?
Herself or God?
He can’t be made a mockery of.
And then to have this picture of her…well, supposely him and the baby together. Well…
Was this just a media thang?
And now they…what? The gay couple exploit the child and their relationship? Selling their story to the tabloids and appearing on talk shows. Anything for a dime or a dollar.
I once knew someone…and I guess I still do…just that I haven’t seen them in a very long time.
When I first met this person I realized something was out of whack…but I could not put my hands on it.
She lived in the same town as a friend of mines…and I say she because really that is what I met him as…and have only known him as. Though I do realize to call him…her would be lying…though at the time of course I was not saved…nor trying to be.
It was my friend who informed of what I just couldn’t put my finger on.
She said to me one night…while we were all out at dinner or something I think…she said after the person had gotten up from the table-
“I know you kept saying that there was something strange…or something about her. So, I have decided to tell you. And don’t look over there at her when I tell you this.”
I said, “Okay. So, what is it?”
And she said…she ain’t a she.
I know I said I wouldn’t look over in her direction…but my head spun around so quickly. It was an automatic response. I could not believe it. I knew I had felt something was out of whack…but I never would have guessed it was that.
My friend immediately admonished me saying-
“I told you don’t look. Don’t look.”
But I could not help but look. In fact I was staring. I had never experienced anything like that before. It was adverse to me.
I thought that she was a woman and nothing could have prepared me for anything otherwise.
I told you I had been terribly naive…and to some degree still am.
That was at a time when I was heavily involved in gay life…hanging out…partying in clubs with women…and a member of Salsa Soul Sisters, Inc, in New York City. My life is by no means like that now but there was a time…almost 25 years of my life when that is what I did. Before that I was not sexually involved at all.
So, I had gone through grade school and college without any type of involvement. Never dated boys in my life.
I was just different from most people and lived a highly sheltered life under the wings of my parents.
It was in Salsa Soul Sisters that I met this person whom I had introduced to my friend who had just moved to New Jersey from St. Louis. Salsa was a lesbian organization…and I guess that is why I never would have guessed that this person had been anything other than a woman.
But this is the way it went…she was a guy who wanted to be a woman and then a lesbian.
When the Salsa Soul Sisters found out about this…every founding mother and everybody else stormed into Salsa one night…the record had to be set straight (no pun intented)…and they called an emergency meeting. Where it was voted on that no biological male could ever become a board member of Salsa. Because that was really the issue…not only did she want to become a woman and be a lesbian…but she also was nominated to run for a position on the board of directors of Salsa…and that of course was a no-no for any male…real or operated on…which at the time she was not. And the Salsa Soul Sisters were not having it…not at all.
You would have loved to have heard those women that night…it got pretty heated…and they were not playing.
In the end I felt sorry for him…because he was nice and had proven to be a good worker. But my Salsa Soul Sisters were right…and I had to agree with them.
Salsa was a black lesbian organization…the oldest in the world. And through their years some very well known women, writers, artist of every type…and professional women and otherwise…etc… have walked through their doors…including Audrey Lorde, June Jordan and many many many others…all Salsa Soul Sisters. Some very well known and widely read, and seen in media and all facets of the arts, performing and otherwise, as well as educators etc…all Salsa Soul Sisters. Exceedingly, talented women.
It was hard for me to grasp why she…he would want to dress up as an woman and engage in sexual activity with women as a lesbian. She was after all a man…by living his life as man…he would not have had any of the confusion that just knowing the story caused me and many of the other Salsa Soul Sisters.
And as much as they tried…tried to not say…many of those same women dated her…before and after that meeting.
There is much confusion in the world…and I am so glad to not have that type of confusion any longer.
I am so glad that God has reclaimed my life…and set me free from the bondage that once held me.
Perhaps as strange as I thought she was…she was not more strange than I was. One thing is for certain we were both lost. I don’t know about her or him today…but I have been set free. And I walk in liberty.
But there is one thing though…I will leave a pocketbook like most people forget an umbrella…because I am not used to carrying one. So, most of the time I don’t even bother with them…unless it is something like a bookbag…because I will walk off and leave it. Smile…and even that too may become a thing of the past.
It is so good to be free. I cannot thank the Lord enough…for saving me.
Have a good day… and God bless….
Oh, yeah…another Chinese word. wu bu dong …. means I don’t understand… wu is Chinese for ‘I’.
It has been raining most of the day and yesterday…but just as I was about to finish telling this story the ceiling started leaking. I look at it as a sign that the devil just doesn’t want me to tell this story. But I will tell it everywhere I go if need be…if it can encourage somebody or help someone else to find peace and deliverance in their life. I’m going to tell it.
I am oh so thankful….for the chance to share it with you.
It is funny…but the moment I wrote that last paragraph the ceiling stopped leaking. It is the power of God…to speak what he puts upon your heart to speak. I know that this blog is going to touch someone in a special kind of way…and I am so happy to be able to speak life and truth into your life. Be bless… ©2008
Add a comment July 24, 2008
A group called “Black Men Against the Exploitation of Black Women” is taking on R. Kelly…and rightly so.
They are calling black folk to take a stand with them and boycott Kelly and never support him again.
Now, I can get to that…but it is the rest of it I have a bit of trouble with…
It goes like this…stand with them until R. Kelly publicly apologizes for his behavior and gets help for his sexual mis-conduct and highly ill-legal acts with children (paedophilia) and his grotesque sexual lyrics which are demeaning, and diminish women to mere sexual objects.
For the harm that R. (Robert) Kelly has done to the several known young girls who were victims…a mere apology could never be enough…nor all the money he has managed to pay them and their families off with.
This stuff doesn’t get erased.
When innocence is stolen…it is stolen.
Forever….and how do I know?
What has happened to little children being protected by their parents and families…and other adults?
I have an adopted neice…one out of several…who shared with me on several occasions how her own natural grandmother would allow her husband to have sex with her regularly. This mind you while my neice was extremely young…under the age of 11.
R. Kelly is not all by himself. There are many many many men who indulge in this practice…whether they be in their upper teens or latter years. But these cases mostly go un-reported because the children really don’t know how to process it. They feel something about it is not right…so, they don’t speak about it.
For one reason because they simply don’t know how to voice it.
So, they bury it within themselves and carry it into their womanhood and manhood where they still oftentimes keep it hiddened.
There is a woman in our church, who when she gets up to speak many times she tells of her father having sex with her as a child repeatedly. I have no doubt that it had an impact upon her because she tells of it often. And each time she tells it…I hear her authority in voice…an authority that she didn’t have as a child when her perpetrator, whom in this case was her own father, sought her out to rob something from her over and over again.
Those black men who have come together to build a coalition to boycott R. Kelly are currently 19 Black Men strong…made up of professors, writers and activists in the African-American community. I salute you all…Black Men Against the Exploitation of Black Women…and children everywhere.
Speaking of music, I have a friend who is hooked on youtube.
And don’t ask me how she has managed to do it…but she is conversing with some of the ol’ R & B/Soul singers. It is a mystery how she has managed to hook up with them…and if I were to call some names you would know them. And some of them still look good too.
But then…she has always been a real groupie.
While looking up something else I came across this on youtube…and I could not resist sharing it with you as these were my girls. I think I made mention that I used to do radio.
Well, in radio you get to meet a lot of folk particularly if you work in various markets. And I have…so after hanging with Sheila, Wanda and Pam (the Emotions) one concert night…they invited me to New York City…to the Nassau Coliseum where they were going to be performing the following night.
Did I go?
I drove right up into the coliseum like I was part of the act and was on stage most of the night. Enjoy… and God bless….
Oh, yes…takes a while for the Emotions to load…click on it and lower the volume…then watch the other video while the first one loads.
ps…I don’t really listen to this stuff anymore…my musical taste has changed drastically as well as my life. ©2008
Add a comment July 22, 2008