Posts filed under: ‘Marvin Sapp‘
I have long held that most of the supposed authorities giving out information on how to treat, displine and handle your children…are really a bunch of people who do not know what they are talking about.
Now, today I happen to come across this article…which…
Well, it proves my point.
The above LINK to the article is written by a mother who states that she is a Professor at some big time university…where she and her husband taught. And I say ‘taught’…because he is now deceased, but she still teaches there…wherever it is.
Probably in New York…or at Yale…or some place. Some place like NYU…or Harvard…M.I.T. Or Georgetown…or Princeton. But I bet you it is somewhere on the East Coast. Somewhere near Greenwich… or out in the Hamptons.
And I tell you why.
In this woman’s article…this Professor… she states that she told her daughter that it was okay for her to drop out of school.
Yes, I did say that. This she plainly states in her article where she says that she told her daughter, who wanted to drop out of high school…that it was okay to do so. In fact in the article the woman states this….”school wasn’t working for her. So, I even encouraged her to drop out.”
Now, do you get my point?
For some years now these so-called ‘parenting experts’ have been telling this country how to care, chastize, woo and cuddle their child. Most of them mind you have never even had a child yet they sit around articulating on various talk shows, radio programs and in new articles how ‘we’…real parents should care for our children, and their discipline.
They are the ones responsible for why laws were written about what types of discipline are and are not allowable or acceptable. Laws which have given way to some of the most unruly children to walk the face of this earth. Many have no matters…and some even lack basic unbringing.
I am not, however, critiquing or criticizing all children or teens…or anyone outside of this mother who happens to claim that she is an expert in this matter. Clearly something is wrong with the picture of ‘child/parent relationships’ today. And this corrupted picture basically has stemmed from a lot of very bad advice from a bunch of people running around who nothing about children. And neither do most of them had any children of their own…or like this woman who wrote the above article…they failed to be able to control their own children.
So, they give in to them…and up on them.
No one. None of them did. Though in past times many children did not have the leisure of pursuing a full education based upon family demands. But these days have changed and so has the criteria to be capable and compedent to be a part of today’s work force. It has grown and gotten much higher. You need more education today…more than ever before. And particularly if you want what is called a good job…and higher pay.
Evidently, this woman is either very rich… or she has heavily insured her daughter and plans for some type of accident. Because either that or she must be planning on taking care of her daughter some how for the rest of her life. Because without a college education…and many times above… her daughter’s life is going to become very hard.
Anyone who does not have an appropriate education today is as good as doomed. There is no about it…or buts about it. Everybody can’t go to Hollywood and become the next $20 million movie star…or make mega making music song deals.
I am sure that that this woman’s daughter is never going to be the next Whitney Houston or Barbara Streisand. Her daughter doesn’t stand a chance unless her mother has some money. It is highly unlikely that this woman’s daughter will succeed at much of anything if her mother’s attitude has always been-
“Oh, well if you can’t do it that’s okay. Just quit.”
What parent tells their child that?
People who want their child or children to succeed in life push them. They push them to get up in morning…to make their beds… to clean their rooms… to brush their teeth… to comb their hair… to take a bath…etc. Parent’s push their children…and after a while the hope is our children will start pushing themselves. They must learn to get up…and make their way in life. They have to learn to clean their rooms on occasions… and how to take a bath and brush their teeth…and comb their hair without anyone having to push them.
And I do not mean by being mean and cruel to your children…or be overbearing in your desires for your children. No, not in that way…where the children come to dispise you because all you care about is that “A” or the winning of the ball game. No, not at all like that. But the kind of pushing that parents must do in order to get their children up and going…and to engage them in life.
It is called ‘growth and development.’
We grow…and develop over time. I am sure that over time even I have grown in the writing of these blogs. My first blogs are nothing like they are now…be it in their overall appearance…content…the amount of time I spend on creating them…and my total effort in doing them. I have grown…and so have they.
But I learned how to grow through my parents pressuring me to always do my best…and to never give up. Needless to say…I didn’t always like it…but it worked. Speaking of which…when my son spent 4 years in 9th grade…
Yes, I did say 4 years in 9th grade. I told him this-
“I don’t care how long it takes you to finish high school. You can sit there until you get old and grey if you want to. But you are going to stay there until you finish or until somebody walks up to you and taps you on the shoulders to tell you to get out. But you are going to stay there until then.”
And I meant every word of it.
It was not that my son was a bad child. But he was a social butterfly. I sat in on many of his classes just to ensure that he was doing his doing what he was suppose to be doing in school. And I often travelled in from New York… getting off the inter-state bus to catch a city bus to the whatever school he was at.
If you want your children to succeed you have got to commit yourself to their success. And you have to do it without surrendering. I never surrendered. Today my son is very successful. He successfully finished high school and then went on from there. Today he makes lots of money doing what he loves. But it did not come with me giving up on him or giving in to him.
It takes education to end up in life doing what you love. Must people work doing what they have to…and oftentimes doing something that hate (and that is many times regardless of their education if they chose to study something just for the money). But those who are educated can pick and choose what it is that they want to do…and at what price. That is the beauty and difference that education can make.
This is not to say, however, that only people with good education succeed. Because there are many examples today and yesterday that prove that point as well. But, however, that road is not an easy one… and it becomes complicated with a lot of ‘no’s’…and plently of road blocks.
During the last year of my son’s 4th year in 9th grade whenever he asked me for anything I would just merely say-
“Four years-9th grade.”
That ended any further discussion about whatever it was that he was asking me for. Oh, how I loved that time…I did not buy one single thing for him that was not a need. He asked me for new pair of $100 sneakers…he asked me for a beeper…he asked me for all kinds of things. But he got none of them… no Christmas gifts…birthday gifts…nothing. Nothing…not that I would have bought him a beeper or spent $100 on a pair of sneakers anyways. But I still remember his face when I would say that to him…4 years-9th grade. But he made it out of 9th grade. And from that point on he began making the honor roll.
It took some time but it got there. It hit home… my saying that to him. It must have given him pause to sit back and think about the time he was wasting. He had thought of school as a fun place not a learning place. It is alright to have fun in school, but not whern it disrupts others…or hinders your learning…or that of those around you. My son did not hinder others…he just was busy not doing his work.
But after that first time of making it onto honor roll there was such a shift in my son’s attitude towards his school work. He started taking pride in himself and his school work. He even began to brag that he was the smartest boy in his class. And from that first moment on the honor roll he just kept on out performing all of them…because it felt better than sitting in school doing nothing…and everybody now looking up to him, and asking him to help them.
At the end of the day no child wants to do anything. I know I didn’t. We would have all rathered to have sat before the TV all day watching cartoons or drawing and coloring on paper…where as today’s kids play all kinds of computer games…game boy and things like that. And if they could they would never set it down… or go to school if their parents let them.
So, enter this woman…who I guess is proud… Well, she states that she is proud. She feels that she has done some great thing by telling to her daughter to quit school. I would beg to differ.
And just like I said when I started this blog. It just goes to prove all along what I have always believed about these so-called ‘child experts.’ They do not have a clue. And nobody should be listening to them.
And before I forget…the reason I said that the woman (the mother) was probably some Professor from NYU or some other North Eastern college, was because her view seemed to be quite East Coast liberal. It was…or is quite liberal, which I think is how a lot of former flower children/hippy…or should I say ex-hippy…or ex-flower children liberal Eastern Professors think. And particularly if they have money…or come from families with money.
If you have money then it really doesn’t matter. You can say something dumb like tell your child to go ahead and just drop out. Because you have the finances to provide and care for that child for the rest of his or her life. And being that this woman has a daughter… Then she can do it right up until the time her daughter gets married.
Well, I was wrong…the woman who wrote the article teaches at some school in California.
But the point that made the whole article ridiculous for me was the fact that the woman…this ‘child/parenting expert’ was proud of herself for telling her daughter she should just drop out of high school. This she told her daughter because her daughter wasn’t doing well, and she didn’t like school.
Boy, if ever parent thought like this woman more than 3/4 of the school population would no longer be attending school.
What child doesn’t think that they hate school?
I didn’t…but that is beside the point. I guess I would be part of 1/4 attending school. But I don’t think I would really count. Because I only liked school because it got me out of the house and away from my sisters and brothers. When you are the oldest of 8 siblings…you fall in love with school real quick.
Now, back to this woman who wrote the article…this supposedly well educated woman…a woman of letters… having a doctorate in her field…which in turn gave way to her the claim to proclaim herself an expert in the first place. And this woman also writes books telling parents what to do concerning their children.
Real parents stand up. You better take those books by these so-called experts and throw them into your incinerator. Because clearly this woman doesn’t know what she is talking about. She doesn’t even have a clue. Her head must be stuck in the ground. And her hand is definitely not on the pulse of what is important in the real world.
And she teaches college students?????
If your child is going to succeed…they will need to be educated. And I hope that whoever your child is…I hope they are not in any of this woman’s classes.
Throughout history the levels of man’s success has always been measured and linked to his hard work and level of education. And education has always set the standard for the classes…separating those who have juxtapose to those who have not.
While listening to Bev Smith last night on her late-night radio talk show over the internet, I heard that Gary had been emitted into the hospital and was in intensive care.
If ever you have considered getting your child involved in the entertainment business Gary Coleman’s life is definitely one which should give you pause and is worthy of another consideration.
If ever there was a group of child stars who did not fare well it was the group of child stars that appeared on the show with Gary Coleman. We all remember “Diff’ rent Strokes.” It ran all the way up until Arnold began to turn old before our very eyes…and therein laid his delima.
Size-wise he never grew much but his feature stopped ceasing to be as cute and lovable…I guess you could say. Which I have no doubt had a lot to do with his medication and kidney problem. But then too there were those storylines. They got to where they were just plain dumb. And so the show over time lost its appeal and audience.
But there was something going on in the background. Drugs came into their midst. Then drinking added to the drugging. But we never could tell…least ways I couldn’t. But it affected the lives of the 2 other child stars on the show…more so than it did Gary.
Todd Bridges who was always good-looking, along with Dana plato all became sister and brothers. Willis…the character that Todd played on the show, was supposedly Arnold’s real brother, who both end up being adopted into the rich Drummon family. Where Dana, Kimberly Drummond on the show, becomes their sister. Todd later reported that he and Dana experimented with drugs together while working on the show.
Dana later becomes pregnant by some boyfriend and got fired from the show. Like Gary Coleman, she too was adopted. And from articles that I have read…the woman who adopted her was hungry for money and really never cared much for the child otherwise.
Dana’s life like Willis’ and Gary’s was sad following the end of their years as stars on Diff’rent Strokes. Down and out Dana moved to Vegas with her baby. She found herself in a beat-up trailer park…and one day steped into a video store to rob it with a gun…got jail time…and she later died of an overdose.
Like Willis, Dana was probably the product of child abuse. She had the typical scars of a sexually abused child. Following her departure from Diff’rent Strokes she posed nude in a layout in Playboy…and later turned to staring in pronography.
Willis’ inner demons began to plague him following a friend of his father taking advantage of him sexually as a very young kid. Years later he found himself suffering from anger management, drinking and problems with drugs…and doing time in jail on weapons charges.
Dana at the age of 14 was already drinking and drugging long before she hit the set of Diff’rent Strokes. It is amazing that watching them you would have never guessed any of the inner turmoils in any of their lives.
No one can ever tell me about the demons which chase children long after the abuse stops. What a different life and end she might have had.
Arnold…or Gary suffered with kidney problems…a problem which attributed to the lack of his growth in stature. And he also became a very angry man as the years went by. Often he was dragged into court stemming from incidents where he hit or punched a fan.
Though he tried at different ventures…everything failed. And for a very brief time he even tried to pursue a college education…but that too failed.
I think the one shinning moment through those years was when he and Willis teamed up on a movie showcasing their lives and the turmoil that followed after Diff’rent Strokes was ended. I have no doubt that that movie will pop up somewhere now that at the age of 42 Gary Coleman is gone.
Willis…or Todd which is his real name… has since gotten his life back on track. And often I have heard him talking about God in his life. I hear that he has a re-occuring role on a soap opera. I certainly wish the continued best for him…along with his continued growth in the Lord.
Yesterday I spent most of my morning resting for my afternoon studio shoot. About 1 o’clock I was up and rushing. But by the end of the night I was tired… but quite satisfied. I had gotten most of what I wanted… and everybody who said that they would… Well, they showed up.
Now, I am on my way with that. And I feel good.
And in case you are wondering why I have not said anything about my book, THE BISHOP’S WIFE, lately. Well, for one thing I was hoping to be in New York promoting my book at the Book Expo America this week. And since you know I was in the studio shooting footage last night… So, you know that that didn’t happen…no me and New York City this week.
The other thing that happened…and perhaps you have experienced this. My flash drive died. It CRASHED…and I had all most all of website files on it. And I do mean it crashed…and I had failed to back-up those files anywhere else.
So, for the past 2 weeks I have been praying over my flash drive…and continuously sticking into this computer and that computer hoping for just anything to happen. But it has not. So, I have been trying not to think about.
Because like you may have…I have learned this lesson more than once. And yet I continue to do it.
I never save anything on a back-up. And dealing with computers…which are very tempermental…you are taking a large risk if you don’t back-up everything someplace else.
Enjoy your night and have a beautiful day tomorrow…and Monday, Memorial Day. I am going to try and get some sleep now.
Today while waiting on bus. I was joined by some high school seniors in their caps and gowns. And they looked beautiful…and their was an air of excitement and happiness in each of their eyes, as well as, upon their faces.
And I just had to compliment them on their achievements, and tell them how well and beautiful they all looked.
It was beautiful.
The weekend before last we were in Jersey at Drew University cheering for my brother as he walked across the stage accepting his doctorate degree. This past weekend a niece and cousin graduated from college. And this coming coming Wednesday another niece will be graduating from college.
My parent’s children are all growing up…and our family is expanding in many different ways. In our growth and knowledge of the Lord…in our family size…and in our educational knowledge. My partents time and efforts were vested well.
So, it has been busy around here with all the graduations. All of the graduation receptions…and all of the tears of pride and joy…and happiness for them. Hope you have had the opportunity to do the same. And if not this year maybe next. But it does not come with people giving up…or parents telling their children its okay you can just quit and drop out of school.
What a road map for desaster.
THE BISHOP’S WIFE is now on sale…
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Add a comment May 29, 2010