Corrective rape??? Infant rape???

There is something seriously wrong in South Africa.

I have read some sad and very sick things in the past couple of weeks… but this thing has to make one wonder about what kind of times we are currently living in.

How can you correct something while committing something worst?

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/mar/12/eudy-simelane-corrective-rape-south-africa

What is going on with the thinking in South Africa?

And perhaps other places as well.  From the raping of  infants by grown men claiming because they are trying to avoid AIDS????????????     To raping lesbian women in order to correct their sexuality?????

What kind of  thinking  is  that?

The crimes being  perpetrated are far greater  than any fear of AIDS…  or any  woman’s  involvement in lesbianism.

How can anyone be so overcome with fear that they would destroy the life of an infant?

If  I were that fearful of  AIDS…I would cease to have sex.  I would abstine from it…rather than think to destroy innocent babies.   But this kind of  thinking is a perversion…that stems not from fear of  AIDS…but of  desire to have  sex with babies.   The lie of  the  so-called fear…gives those men some kind of  license to perpetrate that evil thing that has seeped  into their very pours yeilding forth their evil perverted mind’s  endowing them with a fetish to go out and commit  such a horrible crime against innocence.  And like mad dogs…or animals…once they have tasted it…seek it out all the more.

STop lying…it is not about protecting themselves against AIDS…but it is a deceitful  and lustful mind that seeks babies to satisfy an evil supplanted need…not for being with a woman but with babies.   Otherwise, there could never be any kind of satisfaction in that.

And corrective rape???

There is no such thing.

Crimminal acts are crimminal acts.  And they should not be allowed nor  tollerated by any country …or  any group of people.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/mar/13/south-africa-corrective-rape

http://www.newser.com/story/66130/congos-new-horror-men-raping-men.html

Having grown up reading  and  hearing about gay men who had been killed simply because….they were…gay.   Having heard the stories from some of the last surviors of  the Stone Wall bar…that marked the beginning of  gay men…black gay men…deciding not to take it any more and began to fight the New York City police back after years of  being raided and put into jail…simply because they were…    Having participated in Gay Pride…walked in the parades…sat on conference panels…and never once having to fear that my life was in danger because I was…who I was…at  that time.

The thing that most parents of gay children fear…is that something will happen to their child simply because…

http://www.stonewall-place.com/

How sad it is that  gangs of men would seek out a woman…gay women in South Africa and rape them.   And kill then…kill them…because they are…

Many gay men and women…came into ‘the life’…and are in ‘the life’ because of some things which happened to them.  And many times it was rape…that brought them there.

So, how could rape ever be corrective?

How can violence of any kind of way be corrective?

Rape is destructive.

And throughout history it has destroyed… many lives… people… families… etc…

There is something sick about these times.

How do good people…decent people sit around watching this sickness…or hearing about it…without doing something?

MOVE!

Somebody has got to do something.   And satan be defeated.

Many years ago…I almost fell victim to gang rape…but by the grace of God…who has more than once spared me.  I was but a child.  I had no knowledge of  what  was going on.  Because I was too young to process it or anything else really.

I was raped by one man only…but there had to been about 20 of  them who would have had me…had not the man who owned the rooming house where these men were staying…not seen the man who had the little girl by the hand and had walked her into that rooming house.

As the man prepared me for himself and his friends…one of them came to the door and told him that the owner of  the building had come.  The 20 blocked the doorway with some type of  wild commotion …while I was quickly ushered through a back doorway.

I recall it well.  And yes it marked me…and perhaps you can tell that it did when you read my opinion on some things.

But I was fortunate…to have  gotten out… that that man…the owner had seen me being taken inside.   Through the grace of  God…I had been spared…stained perhaps…even  tainted…no doubt.     Today, they not only rape children…but kill them too.

These are sad times…but I guess…   I guess…that since the time that sin came into this world  it has been sad times.

I hardly feel like talking about my book now.  But can’t allow any opportunities to get by without mentioning it to you.

Finally completed my book’s trailer…which is kind of  like a commercial…which I put together for youtube.  So, that you can get a feel of  what my book,  THE BISHOP’S WIFE, is about.

I hope you enjoy your day…it is hard to do knowing that there is so much madness in this world.

God bless…

Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on…” www.bsmith101.wordpress.com ©2009

 THE BISHOP’S WIFE  is now on sale…CLICK this LINK to purchase my book.  You do not need a paypal account to purchase, and you can purchase using a debit card.  Thank you. 

Add a comment August 9, 2009

EXTREMISM…Chastity Bono

I had thought not to touch this story and just keep my private thoughts on it to myself…and share  them among friends only…and only if they asked me.  But after thinking about it I realized that I could not.

One of the things about coming out of something…is that you sometimes can become highly convicted in your stance against  whatever it is or was that you may have come out of.  Or in other words…things you no longer wallow in…or transgress in…indulge in…or no longer partake in…and was the way you used to be…etc…  So, you emerge from it  being  very strongly opposed to it.

You become very anti- it…about  whatever it was  or is that you used to do…or who you used to be…but now are not…or of  that which you no longer do…or indulge in.    You in fact…move all the way over to the far left side of the bar…and become an extremist regarding that issue…or thing that once had you bounded.  Usually, the farthest  you can get from it…emotionally and opinion-wise as well.

So, having already told you that I was once ‘in the life’  in several other blogs…meaning  I was a lesbian…gay…lived  in the homosexual lifestyle…then I feel I can freely talk on this subject.  But do not ask me anything about drugs or alcohol…or most of anything else…because I know little to nothing on such subjects…outside of the fact of what I have seen regarding the affects of them…or the after-affects of them.  That being said…

Chastity Bono, the daughter of Rock icons Sonny & Cher of the 70′s, decision to alter her sex…and the way that it is being presented in the media…really kind of disturbs me.  Not her decision to change her sex…because that is her choice…but it is the media (the type of coverage) on it that concerns me.

Having had been in the life for many years…some I don’t know…more than 30+ years…I have known many women.  But the people I knew…or should say know…as I still know them…and still converse with some of  them…though I do not hang out with them…but all of them were women who were happy to be women.  In fact…they celebrated their woman-ness… sought out places that were exclusively women… restaurants… bookstores… vacation spots… curise-liners… clubs… etc…

So, Chastity’s decision is not the norm… far from it, in fact.   Many lesbian women have no dealings with men.  And hate them for various historical reasons in regard to their lives and past histories.

Though today, I do see many more young girls trying to really do this thing…that is called ‘butch’ themselves up.  With the hanging pants…and all the other things they do.  But still it is not the norm.  And thank goodness for that.

http://www.tmz.com/2009/06/11/chastity-bono-becoming-a-man-2/?icid=main|hp-laptop|dl3|link3|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.tmz.com%2F2009%2F06%2F11%2Fchastity-bono-becoming-a-man-2%2F

Imagine this world…if  everybody decided that they wanted to change who God created them to be?

How whacked out this place would be?

Some people would be walking around calling themselves some kind of animal…maybe this is a bit  extreme.  But not that far fetch… considering some of the things that some people involve themselves in.

I can’t image wanting to change my sex to become a man.  I am so happy that I never had that conflict.  I mean I have always wondered…how it is that men go to the bathroom when they do the number 2?  

Do men sit on the toilet and have to hold that piece downward in their hands?   I don’t really know men like that as I was a lesbian.   So, I have no way of knowing.  But I do have a serious thing about germs.  I know I really wouldn’t want to do that.   I would be so afraid that I might touch some filthy toilet seat…if  I were out in public having to do that.   Though  rarely do I go to the bathroom while out.

And yes…I am a bit naive.  I do admit it.  There are many things that I do not know.

And since we are on the subject…   When they…men…stand over the urinals…all of that spattering…all over your pants legs.  Who wants to go through all of that?

Yes, I am happy to be a woman.  Though the men’s bathrooms tend to be a bit cleaner.   I have heard that.

But if…I were a man.  Why would I want to be a woman?

What would be the benefit of that?

I am just so glad that God does the selecting and choosing…as to what we will be.  Could you imagine a more confusing situation than that?   Trying to choose whether your child would male or female.   Though some scientist have tried to come up with a way of doing just that.  And many countries  put a premimium on one sex over  the other…the male species.  Though without women this world would come to a very sudden and complete end.

But  going back to my original train of thought…I just could not see myself as being a man…or having ever wanting to be one.  And thank goodness none of my gay women friends have had to battle with that either…nor any of my male friends.

I can imagine the pain that one must go through having that conflict.  Because that has to be one very big and hard inward battle going on to decide to do such a thing.

The truth of the matter, however, is this…the mind plays tricks…and if you are not careful you will fall into the trap.  Of  believing something that is not so.

If  you look into the mirror every day thinking that you hate what looks back and that-

“I would look good as a man.”

Or perhaps…as a woman.  Sooner or later you will begin to believe that you should have been born a man or a woman.   You will also start to believe that you see certain characteristics or qualities about yourself…which in reality  have been sub-consciously taken on…and/or implanted in your sub-conscious…which may not  truly be there…and do not really exist.   But because it is what you want to see and  placed in your mind…it is what you will see.  So, if you desire to see certain things…over time you may come to believe that you see them.

Then in turn you will believe that those characteristics verify the fact that you should be…and are really something else other than what you are.  And so you come to the final conclusion that through some trick or error of  nature you were born a woman rather than a man…or visa versa.

All that kind of thinking is a head-trip…a real mind game.  You will see what you want to see…you will feel what you believe you want to feel.

The mind is wicked…and highly deceptive.

For most of my life I have thought of myself as being unattractive…ugly in fact.  I never wanted mirrors arround…hated to take pictures…etc.   Because I hated seeing me.  It was not until I had to start taking pictures for my book cover…that I came to  realize that I am really not ugly.  In fact, I have to laugh…because of all the years I let get pass me believing myself to be ugly when I was not.

Then too, in my book I made a statement…which made me really have to think.  I state in my book, THE BISHOP’S WIFE, how I had been stalked at least 3 separate times in my life.  After writing that…I began to think about what it was those people saw in me that would have lead them to want to do that.  When I know many good-looking people…very good-looking…exceedingly good-looking…and they had never been stalked.

So, why me?

This is when I thought…again.

Here it was all those years I never realized that I was not ugly.   Because of my profession and always being the public eye…people gravitated to me.  And people who listen to you over the radio…

Well, they just fantasize  about everything…and they all believe they love you.  But I could not have looked that terribly bad…to have problems with 3 separate people at various times in my history.

But I never really knew until I looked into those pictures for my book…that I wasn’t as bad looking as I had thought  I had been for all of my years.  It is amazing.  But it was a mind game…which for me came about when I started thinking that I was not as good-looking as any of my sisters or brothers…as a young child.  And that shaped my thinking of myself for all of these years.

My mind had me tricked…I saw that which my mind allowed me to see.  And so I lived under that shell all of my life until about 6 months ago.

Let me take a quick station break:  my book, THE BISHOP’S WIFE… is coming…. Yes, my book is  coming…I will definitely let you know when it is available for purchase.

Now…back to the subject.

I was deceived by my mind a 2nd time…when I fell into lesbianism.  But thank God…I didn’t sink so far down that I ever thought about mutilating myself…with a sex change.

http://www.usmagazine.com/healthylifestyle/news/chaz-bono-im-enjoying-life-as-a-man-20092910

And yes…I had met some hardcore women…who wore men’s clothes and under garments.  Some even who  thought it manly to beat up their lovers and/or girlfriends.  But I never heard any one of them talk about changing their sex…or wanting to do so…no matter how much outwardly they tried to emulate men.

Yes, though we were living in confusion…we were far from being that confused.  And I thank God…from removing me totally from it.  I no longer dwell in a ball of confusion…and under the cloud of lesbianism.

But the article that I read of  Chastity Bono’s decision to under-go a sex change was so accepting of it…as though it were a natual transition in life…something acceptable. I would hate to think that any poor child or teenage or another adult currently battling with issues over their sexuality…should read that  article and think that such a thing is either natural…or really acceptable.  Not acceptable to you or me…but for themselves.  As it goes against nature.

And there have been many articles and books written on the subject…some opposing and some pro.  But there have been many regrets regarding that whole process.  And I have seen much sadness and anguish among those fighting that battle.

As I mentioned in at least 2 other blogs…I did know a guy…who when I met him was in the process of under-going his sex change.  I met him as the women he presented himself  to me to be…as he had started coming to Salsa Soul Sisters meetingsa lesbian organization in New York City…and we all at the time  believed that he was a woman.  But from the time I met him…and I cannot call him ‘her’…I would be lying if I said that.  But from the time I met him…in the back of my mind I always felt that something about him was out of whack.

I have met many gay guys…but had never met one trying to become a lesbian before.  And neither had anyone else in Salsa Soul Sisters either…until we all met him…who presented himself as a woman to us all.   But when they found out…nothing could hold them back…those black lesbian women.

One night those women stormed into Salsa and turned that meeting out…because they were not having a biological man…turned lesbian…or turning lesbian…within their organization and on their board.  And they meant every word of it…and voted that night ‘that no one born biologically a man could ever sit on the board of Salsa Soul Sister, Inc. or become a member of  Salsa.’     That was their sentiment…and they were right.  I did agree…and still agree even though I am no longer a member.

The fact is…regardless of the pills and surgery…you will always be what God created…biologically.  You can change your name…your hair style…your walk…talk…even your game…or anything  and everything else you want to change.  But underneath it all…your real DNA…can’t be changed.  It can be confused…I guess with all that medication.   But  who you are…is who you are.  It is who you really are…and that can’t be changed no matter what.     No matter how much you dislike it…or dislike yourself.

I don’t know when I saw it…but it was on television.  I think it was a Barbara Walters’ special.  It was one of the saddest and most horrifying shows I had watched in my many years of watching TV.  It was a show on parents allowing their children to cross-dress.  By this I mean…there are parents who are allowing their very young pre-teen children…sons or daughters to decide that they were not whatever sex they had been borned…and dressing like whatever they wanted to be.

It was horrifying.  Truly, horrifying.

It made me sick to see a  4 or 5 year old being allowed to demean himself  or herself  in that fashion.   And they looked hideous.

At such young ages children being bred in a continuous state of high confusion…and their own parents abetting them in doing so.  It was terrifying…absolutely terrifying.

In one of those stories, Barbara visits with a family who allows their little boy to dress as a little girl…long hair…the whole 9 yards.   The little boy has a baby sister.  Her cup and everything about her is pink…while everything for him was blue…do note the word ‘was.’

The boy wanted the pink cup…the pink this and the pink that.  Well, it really doesn’t  take a rocket scientist to figure that thing out.  The little boy had become jealous of his little sister.  I don’t know…maybe the parents stopped doting on him and became pre-occupied with his little sister.  So, he of course wanting his parents attention once again…he might desire to become his little sister…or some how take her place in order to regain their…his parent’s attention and love again.

So, what does his little confused mind decide to do?

He starts wanting what she has… her things… clothing…etc.  He develops a desire to replace her… by becoming her.   Thus, a desire to be a little girl… as in his confused little mind he views it as being the root cause and remedy to his little situation.

It is not at all that he really wants to be a girl.  But he desires his parents’ attention again.   Which if his parents had taken any time with him…it would obvious to them.   That the love he felt that they have taken from him and given to the little girl…his sister…he wanted it back.

Then there is this other side of the coin.  If the little boy doesn’t like boy stuff…toys, sports etc..

So, what if  he doesn’t grow up playing baseball…or basketball…or watching sports.  It doesn’t mean you have to put your stamp all over him…and say-

“I know what…we’ll call him girl.”

And  dress him up like one.

Yes…I do know that some gay guys…and even some women… claim that they knew they were gay from the craddle.  But closer examination on the matter…might bring them to some other opinion if they really sat down and looked back at things in their history that they may have forgotten.

It is a mind game.  Some kids grow up thinking that they are the biggest and the baddest.  Some that they are stupid and don’t know anything.  Some believing that they are beautiful…some that they are smart.  It can vary depending upon who they are…what their social-economic backgrounds… neighborhoods… family… schools… churches…etc.. and what is going on within their home.   But over time it almost always changes…our preception of ourselves…and the world around us…and how we view ourselves in it.

Imagine a little child…4 or 5 years old trying to fight that battle everyday.   Of  having to go to school everyday…and trying to interact with other children…dressed as a little girl when he is a little boy.  It is a ticket to suicide…or drug abuse…and self hate.

Most gay guys can’t even deal with issues from their history…family rejection…etc. when they reach older ages.   They battle those issues most of their lives.    Which is why many of them suffer from alcholism, drug addictions…and indulge so heavily in all types of dangerous sexual practices.

Yes, sadly…I have seen and heard many gay people…mostly men…crying over their broken relationships with their families…endless cycle of  broken love relationships…etc.   Crying over their  lives wreked in pain and sorrow.   Dealing with dying lovers…ex’s …rejections…regrets… etc…etc…  It is hard no matter whether straight or gay to deal with such things.  It’s hard.  But then to have the added burden of  being rejected by your classmates… churches…and society too…makes it all the more worst…and painful…and as a kid?

All across the gay community there are vast levels of self-hate…fear…and self-destruction.  It is sad…very sad.  So, how could any loving or caring parent indulge their child  in any such way as to let them suffer with such thoughts…and conflicts that they…themselves have probably placed upon their child in the first place?   Of which the child may end up battling and trying to fight…and deal with for the rest of their lives.   When all they…the parent or parents of that little boy… had to do was get rid of all that ‘pink and blue’ stuff…and stop setting up stereotypes…and road blocks for their son.   And tried to give him…their  son some quality time.   Rather than to assist him into the further creation of confusion in his little life…by buying him girls clothes etc…and engage him in trying to emulate something which the child is not.  He is not a girl…nor a joke.  Or a plaything…he is a real person…who is on his way to  being badly damaged.

Being a woman encompasses a variety of things.  We do and think differently from the male species.  Our tendencies towards giving, sharing, helping, family, responsibilities, listening, conversing with others, aiding, depth of compassion, commitment, emotions, emotional strenght etc…and so much more are all quite different from men.   It is  far more than one group having a different set of sex organs from the other.  And all the pills and operations…and therapy in the world is not going to change this.

I personally  think that that particular Barbara Walter’s special should have never been aired.  There are some things better not put out there for public consumption.  People start to get simular ideas…and start following suit…copying eveything they see and ear.   We sadly live in a world of people who have  stopped thinking for themselves…and merely seek to duplicate…follow…and do likewise.  And for some people  it is just simplier to assist certain behavior rather than try to work to stem it.

Isn’t that a horrible why to be?

Even worst…to have that kind of parent…or parents.

We would all have been in trouble with those kind of parents…that were that Barbara Walter’s special.  Many parents from time to time feel helpless…but they do not give in to their helplessness.  No, another force kicks in…and they step it up…to the next level.  Parents have to…because all parents are faced with challenges when it comes to their children…at some point or other.  And you just can’t throw up your hands saying-

“I just can’t do anything.”

At that point…some people know that there is one other thing.  They start to pray.  There is power in it.

Finally, no matter what  Chastity’s decision concerning trying to alter her sex…she will always be known as woman…who had a sex change…if she proceeds with the operation and all those pills (which she probably already has done seeing how they have released the story).    But she will never be known as ‘a man’…no matter what she does to herself.  People may pretend…but in the back of their mind will be the fact that she was and will forever be…woman.

Well, in between, Chastity’s decision to change her sex…and that supposed man having another baby (another subject that I said I was not going to touch…as I have already given him rather her too much of my time already)…it has been a very busy week.

In the end Chastity will always be a woman who had the operation.  That is how people will see her…never as a bonafided man.   That only comes by birth.  It is the way people think.  And it is true really… and we should keep it that way.

Besides, if you are truly unhappy with yourself…do you really believe that changing your sex is going to do it?

I say no.

True happiness is something that you have to find within you first.  Putting up pretenses…or  making superficial changes…only brings about more unhappiness… and sadness.

How can you feel happy…when you put up a bunch of pretenses?

I have sat on the trains (the subway) in New York and watched the drag queens.   Unless they were out partying and hanging with friends did I see any gaiety.  Most of  time when I saw them…I saw a lot of saddess…emptiness…and loneliness.

I also talked to some and knew some.  It is how I knew of the inner conflicts.  Which a lot of gay women have too.  I didn’t I did…but I guess I must have.  Because I am so happy that I am out of the life…and have no intentions of ever going back into it.

It is a hard life…and if  the  truth be told.  Life is not  easy for most of us.   And all of  us have found something which we don’t like about ourselves.

But we deal with those things without trying to destory ourselves in the process…or tear ourselves apart.    And that is how I feel about sex change operation.   It is very much like  trying to go against the grain.

One other observation…  Chastity’s girlfriend really looks a bit like her mother.

Well, enjoy your weekend.   And I am still trying to catch up on my sleep.

UPDATE: ON CHAZ (Monday, September 5, 2011)….recently read that she will be on ‘DANCING WITH THE STARS’ this season.  Needless to say there has been an outcry against it.  And I am not really going to say much on it…except this.

Look for her to be voted off the show early.  Controversy brings about higher ratings.  And I have no doubt that some people are going to tune in just to see Chaz’ transformation for themselves.

http://tv.msn.com/tv/article.aspx?news=667737&gt1=28103

Chaz was smart in that she only elected to make some outward changes…and not have other parts of her body touched.  Which makes me think of a conversation that I had recently with a cousin.

That conversation was about gay men who had the operation.  My cousin was trying to tell me that when the so-called ‘bottom’ partner… and not all gay men think as my cousin was trying to tell me.

What she was trying to tell me… as if she really knew anything about which she was talking about… that there was a thing known to gay males as the ‘bottom’ partner and the ‘top’ partner.  That is while they are engaging sexually 1 male is always the 1 on the bottom, while the other sexual partner is the 1 taking him sexually from his position on the top.

While not all of them… gay males operate like that.  And how do I know… because not all gay women operate that way either.  Some do… but not most.

I know this because my cousin Vincent… a gay male… would tell me about some of his partners who would try to force him into taking them sexually… which he never did.  But Vincent was not the norm… and had lost partners because of that.  Anyway… my female cousin who was talking about this was talking like this was the norm for the masses… which is not true.

So, I told her that the real thrill in homosexuality did not come from anything more than knowing that it was ’a man’ …or ‘a women’ depending upon the preference of the people dealing with each other sexually.   And I told her this in an attempt to explain that once someone went through the operation of having their sexual organs changed… that also changed the whole dynamics of their relationship.

Real homosexuals only want someon of their own sex …be it a man or women.  So, therefore if their lover underwent a sex change… they would cause many to get out of that relationship… because the person who underwent the sex change no longer had that part of them that attracted the other person to them in the first place.

Therefore, if the person’s mind becomes warted enough to want to take their body through some type of outter transformation… most elect to not touch their sexual organs.  Which is what Chaz had also elected not to do.

And even if  Chaz had chosen to do the entire thing …and get the whole thing done in terms of having had the final step done… the re-structuring of her sex organs… she still would be a woman.  No matter what she does.  It is utterly imposible to totally erase God’s stamp upon you …in terms of whom He has declared we shall be… male or female.

It is amazing to me how so many people like to talk about homosexuality as if they are in the know… and do not have any real understanding of it at all.

How in the world could my cousin…my female cousin… who had never really been in ‘the life’ as I had been… tell me anything about a life I was definitely a part of for many years… in regards to what our selections and sexual behaviors are that lifestyle?

I would know… because I lived the life.  And in it we… lesbian women were always tied in things… events and discussions etc. with the gay male population.  We shared spaces together, concerns, emotions, conflicts etc. all being homosexuals.  Which I was at that time… I was in the gay lifestyle.  And that is what Chaz is in… the gay lifestyle.

Having an operation can’t take you out of it… it can’t take you out of  being gay.  But it does indeed intrence you deeper in it.  Because you are making some extreme choices that later you might  just want to be able to step away from… if  or when your mind  …or prespective on this lifestyle changes.

This thing is deep…

God bless…

Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on…” www.bsmith101.wordpress.com ©2009

THE BISHOP’S WIFE  is now on sale…CLICK on the image of my book cover to purchase my book.   Thank you. 

8 comments June 12, 2009

Getting kicked to the curb… Obama’s airplane…

During the middle of this week, I was out with my son and one of his little friends.  As I got into my son’s truck I noticed that she wasn’t her usually jovelle self.  I never got a clue until my son said to her over the course of our dinner-

“Oh, don’t start crying.”

To which she responded-

“I can’t help it.”

Shortly thereafter, her cell phoned rang and she answered it.  That is when I overheard what the problem was.

She began saying-

“Oooh, boobie.  If you take yourself from me…I want be able to hold you.  And do for you like I want to…You know how I like to hold you…and yeah cook for you.  If you remove yourself I can’t hold you and do that any more.”

I was on the verge of bursting out in laughter because  she sounded ridiculous.  

In essence, she was begging him to not drop her.

Now, I am not a mean spirited person…but you would’ve had to heard that conversation. 

I do not think I could have ever wanted somebody…any humanily body…that bad in my life.  Well, maybe I have…

I have been in my share of relationships…but I have never in my life brought myself to begging any one of them to staying with me.

Yes, as hard as it may seem.  I have been kicked to the curb more than a few times.  And yes, it did hurt.  But I never ever begged.

I won’t say that there may have been a time or 2 that I might have liked to have begged.  But I didn’t do it.

I have never dropped anybody in my life.  But I have been dropped.  I do know the pain of being dropped and yet trying to hold on.   Believe me…I know it well.

But I never begged.

In my wisdom now…I will tell you this. 

Anybody you have to beg to keep is not worth trying to hold on to.  And no matter how much you beg…eventually they are going to leave you anyway.  So, let them go from the on-set of whatever the situation is and they start telling you it is over.  And get on with the mourning process. 

Because in the end…you are going to end up mourning it anyways. 

So, better to start now rather than later…because you would be just putting it off.  And it will certainly be just as painful…if not more.

When somebody wants to leave you…they have their reasons.  And unless there is some type of benefit to staying with you…then they’re gone.  They may come back for a little while…but sooner or later they will be gone for good. 

So, release them and let them go now.   Soon enough you will be mourning over the next one.

As I stated in another one of these blogs…I had never been in type of relationship until I was 25 years old.  And I have also told you that… I have never dated.  Well… any boys… or men.   As sometime after becoming 25, I did what they called…‘came out as a lesbian.’  

I would say that I never really ‘came-out’ per-se.  As my profession wouldn’t let me…that is to say…because I was popular as a radio announcer I never presented myself as being openly gay.   Then, of course, there were my parents…and I would have never done anything to embarrassed them.  And I did not mind keeping my life to myself…and among my close friends.  It was, after all, my life.

I never felt that I had to go around telling  everyone what it was that I did in the bedroom…nor I was interested in what other people did in their’s…just as long as it did not involve children.

At any rate, most of my relationships during that period of my life only lasted for about 6 months or under.  Once I becamed involved with someone it always seemed to me as though it could not get past 6 months.   Finally, one did…because she was determined to be the one to do it.   She had told me that on several occasions…that’s how I know.  It lasted for all of 9 years…but even then she could only take but so much of me.  And finally, she too…kicked me to the curb. 

I must say that I did not mind when  it happening…but what hurt was how it happened.  The relationship had began to turn several years prior…and we had evolved into more or less just being friends.  And I could live with that…that is why I didn’t mind that she left…exited my life…and fnally kicked me to the curb.

She was exceedingly beautiful, and perhaps one of the smartest persons I had ever met.  She was well read and well versed on every subject…truly.  And there was one other thing about her. 

She saw in me something that I never saw.  And she was always telling me that she saw where I was going to be…and that she was not going to let me embarrassed her once I got there.

So, she was always correcting me…polishing up my speech…reading over my text…pointing out business fawls…and huge personality gafts in me.   I must say that without her…I would not be half of what I am today businesswise or otherwise.  God took that situation and used it for His good.

But eventually…yes, even she kicked me to curb.

But I never begged. 

That relationship had become a bit toxic for me.  But as I had never really been in any other long term relationship… and because of my own nature… though I wanted out… I couldn’t say it.   So, I’m happy that she ended that relationship for me.  

There are just some things perhaps… that I will never be good at.  And I think that this is one of them…kicking somebody to the curb.

I can take it…but I don’t think that I could ever dish it out.   But nobody better test me on it…because I am not all that forgiving.

Some people, however, are masters at it.  But not me.

But thank goodness when it is over…and you have finally gotten over it.  As a rule my mourning process…was always for a 2 year period.   And many times at the end, I  found myself wondering what it was that I had seen in that person in the first place.  Except for, of course, the person with whom I was with for 9 years. 

Yes, I got over it.   Which is usually done by finding someone else. 

Isn’t that always the way?

It can really speed up that process.

You lament somebody…until you find somebody new.

I have found…that through those years…having always been the one who was kicked to the curb.  I have found…that usually when I got over it…I was over it.  I do not look back…but there had been some laments.  But It was not on my part.

Time does it, I think.  People often have a tendency to look back and wish they hadn’t done something.

So, move on. 

Forget about Boobie. 

Can anyone you’ve given such a horrid nickname to really be that good?

I think not.   And certainly not enough worth begging for.

As I listened to that girl…and if you want me to say…young lady…I could not help but be thankful to God…I no longer go through anything like that any more.

God is good. 

Well, I just love Obama.

And yes, he was right to fire whomever that was who thought it was a good idea to fly Air Force One into the protected air space over the Statue of Liberty.

Of course, it was going to bring back memories of 9/11.

And yes…people would believe that New York City was again under attack.

How could they not?

That was the exact same air space…which every New Yorker knows is protected air space…that those airplanes flew over that hit the World Trade Center causing the earth to shake…the buildings to fall…people to jump for their lives…dark clouds of heavy smoke, suet and human ashes…amid streets of rumble …bodies… much havoc… and panic.

That day will never be erased from the minds and hearts of every New Yoker.  It was one of the most horrible days that I can remember.

It was a day of much confusion and panic… because no one knew exactly what was going on.   Many believing that the world was coming to an end…or that someone had declared war upon us…the darkness that fell upon New York that day left an undelible mark across the world…and particularly among those in New York City…and the tri-state area that will never be removed throughout the history of this country.

And all for a photo op?

That person had to be insane.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090427/us_nm/us_newyork_plane

http://news.yahoo.com/nphotos/Statue-of-Liberty-water-taxi-Liberty-Island/photo//090427/ids_photos_ts/r1340509400.jpg//s:/nm/20090427/us_nm/us_newyork_plane#photoViewer=/090509/480/85fcbc62c2c54fee9134de675e68acbe

I am happy that  Obama is letting those who work for him…know that he is no joke.  And that he is going to demand from them that they operate as professional and thinking…rational people.  And never dare to do anything that might embarrass him. 

Got up late today…after 12 noon and do not know what time I finally went to bed…though I laid down thinking I was only going to stretch out for a few minutes. Yes, I am still trying to put the finishing touches on my book, THE BISHOP’S WIFE,   and the promo for youtube. 

Well,  it is getting closer…and closer to that time.  And I can’t wait.   

And as a final note…please do not let me be anywhere and overhear any conversations of yours.  I do not easedrop…and I do not like getting all up into people’s business.  I really do not want to be a party to it…but if you are going to sit up around me and put your business all out in the street.  I just might formulate an opinion on it.

Well, enjoy your weekend.

And you know something else…after looking at that first picture of the Statue of Liberty…that is not a woman.

Which reminds me of another time my son took me out this past week…with yet another friend of his.  For most of time we sat at that table eating…we were debating whether or not our waitress was a man or woman.  I had never noticed anything…and had always felt she was a woman. 

But it was my son’s friend who began that whole controversy.  And at the end finally I had to concede after taking a more indepth study of the person…arms in particular…that yes it was a man.  But she was nice anyway…not matter what.  And she…well, he did his job well.

Which reminds me of yesterday, while waiting around in the salon…I happened to overhear a conversation between a young girl and I guess…maybe her aunt or somebody related to her.  

The girl was probably no more than 10 or 12.  She was disclosing to the older person how someone in her class was talking about her…and calling her ‘gay.’

It made me think of that 11 year old boy who had hung himself and it was reported that he had done so because some kids or one of the other boys at his school was doing the exact same thing…calling him ‘gay.’

I think that it is sad…that such burdens are placed upon children today. 

Back when I was going to school…kids taunted you by calling you ‘fat’…or ‘scary cat’…or ‘chicken.’  

It is a shame that all these sexual labels and stigmatisisms are placed upon them…these children…teens…pre-teens etc… at such early ages…when it is hard enough just trying to go to school and get through your school lessons. 

God bless…

Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on…” www.bsmith101.wordpress.com ©2009

THE BISHOP’S WIFE  is now on sale…CLICK this LINK to purchase my book.  You do not need a paypal account to purchase, and you can purchase using a debit card.  Thank you. 

Add a comment May 9, 2009

Weighing in…Chris Brown…Lil’ Kim… Man/Woman Tennis star… Will and Jeda…

I had a conversation with my son who was telling me that Chris Brown’s girlfriend, Rihanna, should not have started it.  Then he commenced to tell me that she had hit him first…as if my son had been in the car with them and seen the whole thing.

I was irritated that my son under any circumstance would find it okay for Chris or anyone of the male species to do what that boy did to that girl.  He beat her…and one could say it was almost unmercifully done so.

I have really been trying to stay away from the subject because I do not know either him or her…nor much about them or their careers outside of this incident.  But what did bother me was my son’s attitude and position on the subject.

I did see the pictures which had been released by the police showing how badly Rihanna, a young singer, had been beat at the hands of her boyfriend, Chris Brown.  As young role models for thousands of teens who follow them closely…the incident sets a bad example and sends all the wrong messages to young teens regarding dating, abuse, power and acceptable male/female interactions…as well as, how to resolve issues and problems in a relationship.

Rightfully so, everyone with endorsements behind Chris Brown should drop him…as I have heard that for the most part they have.

I have no doubt that it has made  Chris Brown think twice about his actions concerning taking his fist to fight his girlfriend…when males possess more than enough power to restrain and resist any attack against them from most women.  So, yes…I believe that loosing all those endorsements have given Chris much to pause and consider.

So, much so that I have no doubt either that it has  mostly been him trying to re-unite with Rihanna and get back their little relationship…because when you loose the kind of money I hear that Chris has lost since the story surfaced…not to mention his music being pulled from radio stations…and police charges.

If they don’t play you over the radio…your videos…it is all that is wrote for you…it is goodbye from there…the career is over.

You have got to have air time in order to sell music or anything else.  Not to mention the legal charges.  Yeah, I am sure…Chris went running to patch up that little miss understanding between him and Rihanna.  I am sure…and real quick.

I wonder if he bought her a rock the size of the one Kobe bought for his wife?

Clearly, the type of anger exhibited by Chris Brown, a very young man of about 19 years of age…shows that he is indeed in need of intervention before it is too late…because someone at such an early age like him who exhibits that kind of rage or anger…may kill the next woman.

And my son has it all wrong…and I don’t care what he says.

And I better not catch him out there trying to beat up some woman.  Or he will have to fight his mother next.

http://www.cbc.ca/arts/story/2009/03/20/rihanna-abuseawareness.htjhtml

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/deadlineusa/2009/mar/16/rihanna-usaml

http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1607405/20090320/rihanna.

http://www.buzz7.com/entertainment/chris-brown-rihanna-stuck-in-los-angeles-due-to-police-investigation.html

http://www.findingdulcinea.com/news/entertainment/2009/feb/Why-Has-Chris-Brown-Lost-Deals-and-Radio-Play-So-Soon-After-Arrest-.html

And will people please leave Will and Jada alone.

I think they are a beautiful couple.

Stop trying to  bad mouth them with a bunch of nasty little rumors.

The Bible says…we can speak life or death into any situation…by the sheer power of the tongue.

What do they have to prove to us?

There are some people just jealous…and they seek to destroy any and everything thing  or anyone they envy.

Out of all those Hollywood families…and Hollywood types…you do not see Will or Jada hanging out…or getting into trouble.  Nor is there any bad press about them anywhere…or has there ever been.  And then…along comes these ugly rumors.

Well, if you can’t find anything bad…I guess you just want to create it.

I admire and respect the Smith’s…Will and Jada…and their beautiful family.  They are wonderful parents and excellent role models.  I guess that might be why…the real reason why the rumors are flying.

Can’t believe that there are decent people in the world.  But there are…look at the Obama’s another example of a great black family.

We do exist.

Now, on to Lil’ Kim.

I really have paid little attention to her lately.  Though I did read that she and Biggie’s mother are currently going at it.

Biggie’s mother said, “Lil’ Kim is a white woman in a black woman’s body.”

I guess that really must be the way Lil’ Kim thinks…as my son was telling me that she wants to look like Barbie (you know the doll).

How sick is that?

Since, Lil’ Kim showed up on Dancing with the Stars…with her new nose…people have been buzzing.  In my opinion she has already wrecked the good looks she used to have…when she did the other things that she had done…including the over-sized boob job.  If she keeps it up…she’ll be another one who won’t be able to leave the house without people running from her in fear…like Michael and some others.

Personally, I think Lil’ Kim’s best years were when she was with Junior M.A.F.I.A…after that it has all been down hill.  And she has been fighting to stay afloat ever since.

Who in their right mind would really want to do this to themselves?

Talking about Biggie’s mother…what mother makes a movie about her deceased son showing him having sex all over the place?

I didn’t see the movie…but my son is pretty good critic when it comes to some things.  And I just happened to overhear a conversation about the movie…and everybody was agreeing on the same things.  So, it has to be true.

http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1603801/20090129/lil_kim.jhtml

And yes, the women on the tennis circuit have a good reason to be concerned over the 22 year old German, Sarah Gronert, who was born having both the male and female sex organs.  Though a couple of years ago she had the male organs removed…she still remains stronger than any average woman because of her biological makeup.

Because of her biological makeup…having been born…both male/female…she does possess greater strength and endurance than
other woman could possibly have.  And this would, therefore, give her a greater advantage over all of her contenders.  Though they state that she has only won 2 tournaments since becoming a pro-player…it doesn’t mean that she wasn’t holding back her added strength until she really stepped into the big time…as she is only listed as being seeded as #619, compared to Serena being #1…and Venus #4 in the women’s world of  tennis.

This reminds me of that story I shared with you a while back in another blog about the woman…who was really a man…who came to Salsa Soul, a lesbian organization, and joined…well, sort of.   She had gotten really involved in the organization for a few months before the story of who she really was got around to all the members.  Or I guess I should say…what she really was got around to all the members.

Though like Sarah has done…she was planning on having the operation.  But unlike Sarah, however…she had not been born having dual sex organs…what they call in the new articles…male and female genitalia.

http://www.momlogic.com/2009/03/tennis_gender_controversy.php

http://www.tennisforum.com/showthread.php?t=351579

As I mentioned in my original blog on that story…the reason I refer to him as ‘her’…is really because that is what I met him as.  Up until that point I had not met anyone like her.  He was highly confused as I have come to now know and understand…as well as, I was.  He wanted to live his life as a lesbian.

Yes, that is what I said…you have to read my original blog to come to understand the story.

But it was when she was appointed to become a board member of Salsa…that is when all the sisters and what was left of the founding mothers of the organization flew into Salsa one night and demanded a special meeting.  They were not having it…and finally had it voted upon…that no one other than a ‘biological female’ from birth could become a board member of Salsa Soul Sisters, Inc.

Though she looked on the surface like a woman…I have no doubt that she possessed superior strength…but mentally could never really think like a woman…because it was not who she really was.  All of her experiences had been different etc…etc…   And besides…legally he was still a man…at that time.

My opinion on the subject.  God does it best.

Even in regard to all that plastic surgery…God does it best.

The body is in constant evolution…from the time we are born until the day we die…our features change…age…mature.  Sometimes for the best…many times for the best…but to some who would like to keep what they have…sometimes for the worst.  But yet…God does it best.

Finally, I found this article to be highly bias and racist.

http://edition.cnn.com/2009/SPORT/02/13/equal.pay.tennis/index.html

Here it is a woman journalist writing that women’s tennis has become boring and that women should not be paid the same amount of money as the men players.  Had the top female players not been black…er- African Americans…I wonder if anybody would be complaining about the amount of money they were paid for winning tournaments?

I highly doubt it.  These issues only come up when it is about us.  It is a shame that we cannot celebrate each other…and our gifts…without bias-ness and racism showing its ugly head.

Following her win in the Australian Open…the female champion, Serena Williams…took home $1.3 million.  Now, is anybody but me and Serena happy about that?

And oh, yes…Dexter King signed EMI to rep him.  Yes, I did say ‘him.’ He signed a deal for EMI to police the licensing of his father’s likeness, his intellectual property etc…etc…

And he signed the agreement without the knowledge of his 2 other siblings…Martin the 3rd and Bernice King.

So, yes…little greedy Dexter is still at it.

How unfortunate for the other 2…but it is a wonder how the mother, Coretta Scott King, had removed Dexter from the foundation following several disputes with him over the direction he was trying to take the Dr. Martin L. King, Jr. Center for Non-Violence… at that time of which she was highly not in agreeance with.

Why would she have restored him as the head of the center if she knew then the type of disagreeable and selfish spirit that Dexter possessed?

Bernice and Martin the 3rd have a very long battle…that frankly without God…they are very likely not going to win.  But it is when things seem the bleakest that God loves to step in.

So, Martin and Bernice…never become discourage…fight to the end.  And even then continue to fight…because the tide always turns.

There was a point in our family matters…that I was told by my son-

“Ma, you’re not going to win.  You should just go back to New York.”

At that time everyone on the planet would have agreed with my son.  But God turned the table around.  All the road blocks and stumbling blocks were swept away…and I am the one left standing.  But for more than a few years it seemed that everything and everyone was against me.  But it is true…you don’t need anybody else as long as you have the Lord on your side.

But I had considered what my son said…but conscience wouldn’t let me do it.  It would have been far easier to have turned and ran from what was going on with my parent’s estate…and I figured-  No, I knew…I was part to blame as I had never tried to intervene from the on-set though I was aware of the problems.  But it was easier for me to look the other way at that time…until I was forced to come home and confront all the issues and problems that I had tried to avoid and had looked upon blindly for years.

I have had to pay for my errors…and have to work to build the bridges to bring our family back together.  But I am the oldest and it is my responsibility…to not allow us to all fall apart from one another.  Families are important…not really should they be allowed to be torn apart.  But there comes a time where every ill thing must be addressed and corrected…and fallout does happen.   In the end the family will be a lot stronger for it if it survives.  But it has to happen…if indeed the family is to survive at all.

I have been so busy working on building my web site.  As Fridays have rolled by…I have pushed hoping that by that weekend I would have at least posted a page or 2.  It is not that I have not completed more than a few pages…but I am just such a stickler about everything.  Everything has to be right…perfect…correct…the music…the photos…the navigation system…the color schemes etc.   You name it and I become obsessed with it…but at the end of the day…you will not only like the site…but enjoy it.   And that is all I will say on it for now…and hopefully by this Friday…I will have some pages posted.  I’ll be working on it…believe that.  Enjoy…

THE BISHOP’S WIFE is now on sale…CLICK this LINK to purchase my book.  You do not need a paypal account to purchase, and you can purchase using a debit card.  Thank you. 

God bless…

Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on “

www.bsmith101.wordpress.com ©2009

1 comment March 22, 2009

Taboo Subject 2…self-respect…maturing… Michelle Obama layout…

Got up very early again this morning…but I was not nearly as productive as I had been on Saturday.  In fact, I got up going to the bathroom and then stopped to read a chapter in my Bible…and then returned to bed.

I spent the past couple of nights sweating out my cold…of course, I can  certainly see a vast difference.  Been drinking plenty of fluids too…and also been making sure I take my iron tablets.  Got to thicken up my blood…which is why I am also enjoying my Cream of Wheat.  I am working on my 2nd box of it now…and still enjoying every minute of it.  And as I do…it makes me think of how my father used to make it for us as children. 

Mondays was our father’s day to care for us.  As he was a barber…Sundays and Mondays were his 2 days off.    I do not know how they worked out their schedules…but my mother and father did have it worked out as we were never left in the care of other people.

Daddy worked days and mommy worked nights.  She worked at a state institution as a nurse supervisor…as I had previously stated in another one of my blogs…my mother had been the first black nurse in the little southern town where I was born.

Everything my parents did centered around us…their children.  When they bought their first house…it was less than a block away from the little grade school that most of us went to…there was a bakery at the corner…a drug store…a small corner grocery store and deli…a bus stop…and we were only three houses in from the corner of a main roadway.  Not to mention as I see by the city records today…they had bought the largest parcel of land of any 2 family house within our block.  They were wise.  And on top of all of that…there is a college right across the street.

So, when I eat Cream of Wheat it takes me back to those days…when daddy used to make it for us on cold mornings just as were going off to school.  Some mornings he would fry us this thing called festival by some Jamaicans…or fried dumplings.  He could really make those things…no matter what you call them.  And we loved them…we filled them up hot out of the pan with plenty of butter and jelly…or some times with lots of syrup and butter…but they were good…always.   But daddy was a great cook…and for that matter…so was our mother.

I am watching the snow fall down…and it is steady.  It had been rain.  It had rained straight through the night…and hard.   Had all that rain been snow we would have been buried up under it right now.  And that rain had been steady right up to the time it just turned to snow not so long ago.  Now it is just a steady flow of un-yielding snow.  I will soon have to go out and start shoveling…cold or no cold.  But I am not going to complain…it is still beautiful.

I remember my friend in New York…the elderly woman, the church mother, who used to go to our church who passed this past August.  You know I had never realized until some time later that she had passed on my mother’s birth date.  And last night as I was thinking of her…my friend…it also dawned on me that when I had gone to the hospital to visit her…that the floor I had to switch from elevator to elevator on…had the same name as our street…the street that my parent’s house in on. 

It is not a common name…and you do not see it everywhere.  I thought that to be divine providence…you know…God’s working in the matter.  I was very blessed to have had her…to have met her…and that she counted me as a friend.  Her guidance to me shall forever be treasured.

In reading the article on religion…it is odd to me that a country founded on the freedom to practice religious beliefs would today be shifting away from having religion at all.  But these days were bound to come.

When you reflect back on the years following 1962 when the push began to remove prayer from public schools…then anything bearing the word “God”…the challenge to remove the 10 Commandments from court houses and so forth…then this really should be of  no surprise.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090309/ap_on_re/rel_religious_america

http://atheism.about.com/od/churchstatemyths/a/ohairprayer.htm

I don’t know…perhaps it is just me.  But where were all those anti-gay marriage people…and anti-abortion people when all of this was going on?

Droves of anti-gay marriage people come out picketing and marching…and demonstrating…against something which does not affect them…and will never affect them.   But when something like taking prayer out the public school system…removal of the 10 Commandments from the court houses and other federal buildings…removing the words “In God we trust” off  of our U.S. currency…comes up…where are these people?

Prayer was taken out of our school and replaced by sex education…and condoms.  The kids today in school learn less about their A-B-C’s, Math, Sciences etc…than they are about condoms and the ‘birds and the bees.’ 

Kids do not need to learn anything about sex.  Nature through all her infinite wisdom and years of expertise in that department has not needed any help…from the day that Adam and Eve ate that fruit from that tree.  There does not seem to be one time in history that men and women did not know how to get together to procreate.  And now it seems…little kids too.  And I won’t blame it all on sex-education…because that would be foolish and quite absurb of me.  But I do not see where educating kids about sex…does one thing to prepare them for their future in life.

But if they wanted to really to teach them something in regard to youth parenting…then maybe like those ‘Scared Straight’ programs they used to have years ago…perhaps they should take them to a welfare office where they get to meet and talk to some teenage mothers and see for themselves the pitfalls of pregnancy at young ages.   There is nothing like a little one-on-one in reality in order to get the whole picture. 

Or maybe…have them go do work study hours in places like a welfare office or WIC office aiding in in-take service…and they would truly learn a lot that just might give them a reason to pause and to think twice about the consequences of childhood pregnancy.

As I sit here watching the snow…I have been thinking about this guy…this man.  I had met him at an event that I gave a few years ago.  So, whenever he sees me…he likes to greet me. 

Which is fine…I have no problem with that.  It is something I became accustom to through my years in radio.  Everybody wants to grab you…hug you…kiss you on the cheek.  Okay…so, allow it.  It is part of the territory…it goes with the turf when you become popular.

But this guy one day while I was in the library computer lab at school saw me…and he came greeting me…kissing me on the top of my head.  Okay…fine.  I did not say anything about it…but it was on my mind.

But the other day while I was waiting in a bank line…he happened to be passing by and saw me.  My back was to the bank door…and he came up behind me.  He said something to me grinning…and then kissed me to the back of my neck.  I thought nothing of it at first…but later as I got into my son’s truck…in which sat a friend of his whom I was giving a ride to…that is when it hit me. 

That guy had kissed me to the back of  my neck.

I am very picky.  Peculiar…you might even say.  I really do not like people getting too familiar with me…and particularly people who I do not really know.  And besides…he was not even good-looking.  And even if he was…he still out of order…and  I am still picky.

After all, this guy started out by sort of hugging me.  Then he moved on to greeting me with a light kiss to a cheek…then to the top of my head.  And I really should have stopped him then.  So, I put it in my mind that the next time I saw that guy I would have to tell him that he could not touch me again. 

That time came shortly…while I was once again in the library computer lab.  As he approached me…he bent with his arms open ready to embrace me…and I guess kiss me again.  But I happened to catch him…right on time…and drew away from him.

I stopped him saying-

“Listen, shake my hand if you want to greet me.  But do not kiss me.”

He looked at me oddly.

So, I began to remind him about that day in the bank when he had come in and kissed me on my neck.  I told him that anyone seeing that would have thought that we had a relationship and were involved with each other.  Then I asked him what he would have thought if he had been standing off somewhere in the distance and happened to see a man kiss me on my neck.

And you know what he said?

“I would have thought that you were involved with each other too.”

Case close.

I said-

“Look, I am a woman of God.  I cannot just have people walking up to me and kissing me all over the place like that.  Plus that is disrespectful of me for you to do that.  You should have more respect of me to even do anything like that.”

Wow, I have truly grown.  I am a woman.

Gone are the days when I was a child…and people could do anything to me…or with me.

I have control over me.

And I am not having it.

You will respect me.

Wow…  I am woman.

That guy apologized to me…and thanked me for correcting him.  I appreciated him accepting my correction.  Yet…I felt within myself that it should not have been warranted that I should have had to do such a thing.  But men have a way…of taking things for granted…and particularly women.

I felt that many times while working in radio.  I hated when my bosses called me ‘sweetheart,’ and ‘dear.’   It was very demeaning to me…while they never greeted each other in such a way…or spoke to each other in such familiar terms.  Consciously , sub-consciously or unconsciously…such things historically have been designed to keep women in their place.

When I was a child…I was powerless.  When I worked in radio…I had limited power.  Today I am my own boss…I wheel power as I may…but yet…I measure it.  As I know I can be highly intimidating to some.

But this may come as a surprise to some of you.  But I have never been kissed.  Not by the male species. 

I know I have a son…but that does not mean that I allowed that man to kiss me.  And I know that I said in my other blog…that Willis Kattrell…well, he kissed me.  And he did.  But I think my head was in motion when he did it…so he only caught  a portion of my lips.  To the side really…of my mouth.

So, I have never been kissed.  Not really…though yes many women have kissed me…and I them.  But the male species…no. 

I never had a boyfriend…and have never dated men.

I am different…   Not like most people.   And my experiences have been different.

Yet, I am a mother.  And I have a fantastically wonderful son.  I treasure and love him very much.  He too is…different.

This is how I know of generational curses.  It was in my mother’s family.  And I do realize…that generational curses can be broken.  I bear witness to it.

I love the change in my life and look forward to my tomorrow.  Perhaps…my husband.  I now wish I had had other children.  My son often had spoken of it…and still does.

There is this funny thing about me.  After having been sexually abused at a very early age…perhaps before or by the age of 10…only twice and by 2 different  men…but sometime thereafter, I decided that I wanted to save myself for my husband.  I thought I wanted to live in a big house with a white picket fence…with a 2 car gargage…and have all the children that I could have.  So, that is what I did…I decided to save myself…and that is what I did. 

From the point of whatever age it was…10 maybe less…the last time someone had taken sexual advantage of me…I never became engaged again sexually until some time when I was 25 years of age.  At this point…I was only interested in woman.  And not just any woman.  Gay women…women like me.  Women who were upper-wardly mobile and doing something with their lives…professional women mostly in media…though some were doctors, accountants etc…but talented…beautiful…well educated women…who looked and acted womanly. 

Not all women who are gay…look it.  In fact…many do not.  The same is true of men…though the reverse thinking about gays is the myth.

I have no idea as to why I have begun to disclose so much to you…about myself.  I shall have to pounder it.

Ahhh…yes…  The point. 

So, I decided to save myself.  Well, at that point I could no longer save certain things as they had been stripped from me.  My innocence had been stolen from me.  But somehow throughout all the years one thing has remained…my kisses.  So, since I have never kissed the male species…or allowed anyone of that species to kiss me directly on the lips…I decided to save it. 

I am saving it for my husband…it is the least that I can give him.  Unpolluted…un-tampered with…safe within my power…to give…or not to give. So, I am saving it for him.  So, no I am not going to let somebody just walk up to me…or sneak up from behind me…and think that he can just come and steal it away from me…not that too.  Except for…of course…er, uhm…if his name is Willis Kattrell.  (you have just got to read that blog)

And let me just say…that I am still scrubbing my neck today…everytime I step into the shower…I am trying to remove the memory of that man’s lips to the back of my neck.

Well, the snow is slowing up now.   And the kids are on their way home from school.  I better get out and start shoveling.  Enjoy the rest of your day.

http://www.stylelist.com/celebrity-style/style-evolution/michelle-obama

http://www.blackvoices.com/life-style/black-style-beauty/michelle-obama-fashion-photos

Didn’t like the VOGUE cover of  Michelle Obama at all…just goes to prove that nobody can do us better than us.   Thank God for Essence, Ebony, Jet, VIB, Right-On, Black Enterprise…and everything
else we have today.

THE BISHOP’S WIFE  is now on sale…CLICK this LINK to purchase my book.  You do not need a paypal account to purchase, and you can purchase using a debit card.  Thank you. 

God bless…

Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on “  www.bsmith101.wordpress.com   ©2009

Add a comment March 9, 2009

$789 Billion reached… its February…

At last they have reached an agreement on the stimulus bill which will hopefully create  jobs and get this economy back up and running.  Though I must admit to not being one of those who was hit by the problems going on with the economy…I must always say that I am concerned about others.

Many people did suffer and are suffering because the economy took a deep plunge under George W. Bush.  I doubt whether gasoline prices will ever get back down to $.99…but it would be nice. 

Wouldn’t it?

We take so much for granted until it is gone.  We never knew just how good we had it until gas prices at the pump started getting over $3.00…and when they neared $4.00…and did hit $4.00 and over in some places…we suddenly realized the party was over.

Food prices went up…everything…you name it and it all went up…due to some lousy war in Iraq that nobody wanted in the first place but George Bush and his people.  If the after-effect could have been seen before hand I doubt that little ol’ George would have stood a chance at getting that war started.   Well…maybe I should take that back.

The fact is…is that there were some pretty greedy people pushing for that war.  You saw them at the Republican National Convention…they were holding up signs that read ‘prosperity.’  

You do remember seeing those signs all actively displayed around the
Republican National Convention floor this past August?   Many of those very people realized what the outcome was going to be…long before hand.  In fact, they were hoping for it.and began buying like crazy whatever they could on the stock market.   They care about nothing… but…   prosperity …at any cost. 

They went into the stock market and started buying up everything that had to do with heating, utility companies, insulating, home improving, coal mining, oil drilling,  trucking, food…etc.  Oh, they saw it coming…and they knew it would come big.  So, what did they do…they pushed for the war.

They were going to go into Iraq and squander it…rob it…pillage it…destroy those museums and take every artifact, painting, golden vessel and piece of pottery they could find…and smuggle it out of that country.

Then they were going to set themselves up as the saviors and peacekeepers of the place…while all the while looting it and the American taxpayers too with bogus invoices…and double billing ploys…while thousands of American people innocent sons and daughters lost their lives fighting in a senseless war brought about by greed.  

It did not make sense for the United States of America to arbitrarily begin a preempted strike on Iraq…when all the world was against it and most of the American people.   Iraq had not done anything to us.  Nor were we under threat by them.

What?

For a man and his 2 sons.  Two ton bombs were unleashed upon those people, their homes, their businesses, their infrastructure, their schools etc…night after night upon building after building. 

That could not have been about Saddam Hussein and his 2 boys.  It was greater than them…it had to be.  The expense and tally was too great to just desire to depose a tyrant and his sons.  

Could it have all been for profit?

As Barack Obama came into office as President of the United States…72 hours later Blackwater pulled out of Iraq…and the others are following.  And a country is being left in devastation.

I have heard somewhere about how ‘leaving something in a better state than when you found it.’

The state of the Iraqi people has changed…but many would argue whether or not it is a better state than when George Bush and his boys went into it.

So, yes…I am happy that the Senate has finally stopped hemming and hawing.  Everybody is trying to make some points…it is so…so…like politicians.  The Republicans held it up…so the Democrats couldn’t get the credit…when they knew all the time that they were going to have to pass the stimulus package or else face the music again come another election period.

You would think those dog gone Republicans would learn.

They can stop the band…but they can’t stop the music.

Hooray, for the passage of Obama’s stimulus package.  Now, maybe some of these companies will not have to continue to lay people off or fire them.  Jobs are very much needed…they help to pay the bills.   And they are good when you want to go somewhere…you’ll have money to do it with.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/congress_stimulus

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/12/us/politics/12stimulus.html_r=1&hp

http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/?rn=3906861&cl=11990303&ch=4226716&src=news

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/38970000/jpg/_38970537_203b_uday96_vt.jpg&imgrefurl=http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/3089379.stm&usg=__zsRi

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/3089379.stm

Well, First Lady Michelle Obama will grace the cover of Vogue magazine next month (March)…making her only the 2nd First Lady to do so.

I have been trying to find a picture somewhere on the internet…but alas…to no avail.

I has to be out on newsstands by now…not to mention out in the mailboxes of thousands who subscribe.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/02/10/AR2009021001579.html?hpid=topnews   

February is just one of those months…I suppose that much of it has to do with the passing of my mother during the first of this month some years ago…as to why I tend to be quiet and rarely have much to say.   I had been wondering why I had so much to do…and seemed to not want to do any of it.  I had forgotten that it was February.

Even with these blogs by this time during a regular month I would have done at least 4 to 5 of them already…but this is only my second since the month has begun.  Oh, I am not as bad as I used to be…there was a time not so long ago either that every month and every day was just like the day she had passed.   Even my being able to form and shape the word ‘passed’…in my mouth or mind in connection to my mother is something new for me.  I could never put the 2 words together…‘she passed’ for years upon years.

I never wanted to accept that she was…was…was gone.

I am who I am because I was given the very best of everything by God.  I had the best mother…and the best father. 

My parents never discussed with me the fact that I was gay.  There was never a mention of it…though they knew.  I had bought most of my girlfriends by the house…so, they had met some of them.  But they never discussed anything about gayness or gay people with me.  They never called anyone names…or talked negatively about anything.

When I called home from Chicago…to tell my mother that I was pregnant.   Yes…gay me…pregnant.  It is a rather long story…but in short it happened because I became depressed over loosing a lover.  I began thinking that maybe the life (gay life) was not for me.  So, I decided I would try the other side.  And the one time I did…BAM.   I was pregnant. 

Being gay I was very naive about straight life.  I would have never have thought about protection or anything like that…because…   Well, because I had never had a boyfriend…and had never dated in my life until I got into gay life…which was sometime during the age of 25.  And I had my son when I was 28.

I must say that I am a strong advocate for ‘pro-choice.’  Without choice I may have chosen differently.  I did think about abortion…even called the abortion hotline.  But when that lady started talking about ‘full anesthesia’ or ‘partial anesthesia.’   And I thought if it was going to hurt either way…then I might as well have the baby. 

So, much for my analytical process at that time.  But I thank God…I made the right choice.  I could not image life without my son…who is the best thing that ever happened to me.  And he is definitely a far better person than his mother…honestly. 

So, I called home and I tell my mother.  I don’t even know what I said…or how I phrased it or whether I just came right out and said it.  Nor can I remember what my mother said to me upon hearing that.  I am sure that perhaps she may have believed that I might not ever have any children…as I was gay.

Nor can I remember how long it took me to pick up the phone to call my parents to tell them that I was pregnant.  I had to have been months…because I knew that they would be disappointed. 

But I remember what my father said upon my arrival home during my 7th month of pregnancy…after my mother had sent one of my sisters to Chicago to bring me home.

My father said-

“Now, you will never be alone.”

That was the extent of it. 

“Now, you will never be alone.”

He was right.  I am not alone.  I am now the matriarch of our family…which continues to grow even in their absence.  And they would proud.

But during the entire period of my mother’s lifetime…I had never shown much interest as an older child or an adult child in church or church matters.  I rarely went…and was so happy when I finally moved out of my parent’s house…just so I wouldn’t have to continue going to church.

Today, the church is my whole focus.  I can’t imagine what my mother would say.  But I know she would smile and be happy.  Because it is true…it is what you put into your children that matters.  Yes, they may wander but somehow…what was pour into them when they were young will surface in their lives at some point.

It’s February…Black History Month…and as tears stream out of  my eyes as I write this thinking about my mother.  I am so thankful for those who walked before us…they poured something in…and today it has surfaced.  Many years of insults and degradation.  But today…the number one person in the world is a black man.   I am so happy…that my nieces, my nephews…my

 son…and us…we are all here to bare witness to this time in American History.  

Pictured above is…the grave stone of Benjamin Banneker, Dr. Charles Drew and Dr. George Washington Carver.   You can CLICK on the LINK right below to find out as to who they are, their accomplishments and those of other black people in American History.

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.cdcmaafa.org/images/pictures/famousinventors.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.cdcmaafa.org/inventors.html&usg=__IuPSOBVxF7tkcjLbtwfssKU0l5U=&h=211&w=207&sz=14&hl=en&start=31&um=1&tbnid=W3F9JcICaeeMsM:&tbnh=106&tbnw=104&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dpictures%2Bof%2Bfamous%2Bblack%2Bscientist%26start%3D20%26ndsp%3D20%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN

It is February…

http://books.google.com/books?id=L2RMRwJ1IUsC&dq=pictures+of+black+people+in+african+american+history&printsec=frontcover&source=in&hl=en&ei=imKTSY6QNJKasAOs_KC1Cw&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=12&ct=result#PPA2007,M1

The weather has broken for a spell…and we are getting a break from the cold…the ice and the snow.  The sun has been shining for the past 2 days so lots of snow has been melting.  But today…was absolutely beautiful.  It felt like spring.  And the house has not been quite as cold.  I look forward to spring…I actually love all the seasons.   Winter…spring…summer…and fall…

Well, God bless…

Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on” www.bsmith101.wordpress.com ©2009  

CLICK LINK BELOVE to trailer to Michael Moore’s lastest film on the bank bailout.

http://movies.msn.com/movies/movie-trailers/?g=f359d88a-4848-43c3-be13-bf505c57cc30>1=28101

Add a comment February 12, 2009

Appalling…

Last night I started thinking about something and it began to strike me as being funny.   And yes, the funny ha-ha kind of funny.   I thought -

“Wow, if I told my gay friends this they would fall over and die laughing.”

And they would.

So, then I tried to call one of them…one of my gay women friends but she wasn’t home.

So, then I thought to call another friend…and finally I called a cousin of mine who I knew would understand what it was that I had found to be so humorous.

I should preface this first by saying…I have never been funny.  I couldn’t tell a joke if they gave me all of Oprah’s money to tell one. 

This is what I felt was so humorous.  As you may or may not know I am saved and have been so now for at least six  or so years.  But during this time…I have run into some very strange things in the church.    Here in lays the joke…when I was in the club and hanging out I understood what it meant if I exchanged my phone number with someone.  It was one of the main reasons we hung out. 

Since having come out of gay life…I do not find it necessary for me to want to exchange my phone number with any woman and particularly any woman I don’t know.  Don’t know her name…and do not share anything in common with…just somebody out of the clear blue sky.  No.  

 And if you have ever been stalked…you too soon learn.   No.

While in the school library computer lab a couple of days ago, this woman who has stopped to talk to me on a few occasions came and began a conversation with me again…near the end she asked me for my phone number so she could call me.  Before I could think about what it was I was going to say…I blabbed out-

“No, I’m not giving you my number.”

To which the woman just grinned at me and asked me why not?

I had not meant to sound so…I don’t know what.  But I thought I had been a bit harsh in my response so I soften a bit.

Then the woman offered me her number…grabbed up a piece of paper and wrote down her number and gave it to me…to which I told her I would not be calling her.

But I recanted…somewhat and said…

“But if you want here is my number.”

And she gave me a piece of paper to write it on.  While I tore up her phone number and handed it back to her saying-

“Here.”

And with that the woman was gone.

I never thought anything of that incident until last night…and then I started laughing.  I have all of my life been naive.  It is something that all of my friends can clearly tell you about me.   It had never dawn on me from the moment that woman started talking to me…I don’t even know how long ago…that she was trying to hit on me.   It is funny but last night…while doing something…I can’t remember what…but that woman asking for my phone number came back to me.  And I started laughing…it struck me humorous.

Once while in church, I was called into one of the church hallways by a very older church mother.  I had no idea what she wanted to say to me.  From the point I had joined this church I had been friendly towards this very older woman.  I respect and have a great love for older women.   I loved my own grand-mother very dearly.  But the thing that this older called me into the hallway to discuss with me horrified me.  I was shock…and …and…   And…oh, I don’t know…insulted.  

Yes, I was insulted…that some woman older than my mother and grand-mother could have possibly thought that I was interested in her.  A woman who was very exceedingly old…with…with…     Well,  with false teeth…and…lots and lots of  wrinkles…and…   And…she was real old…and a church mother too?

It was absolutely appalling to me.  Who would expect such a thing from an old church mother?

What could have been going on in her mind?

 How could she have possibly have thought such a thing? 

This was so far fetch…and yes…again…absolutely appalling to me.  That when our conversation ended…where she had called me out into a hallway to talk to me… I went immediately to my friend, the one I wrote about in a blog earlier who passed, another church mother in this church with whom I had become very close to.  She was a friend… a confidant… a counselor…and  an ear to me and for me…and I told her.  The blog that I wrote about her was back in August 2008…if  you go back through the calendar to the right of this blog you can go right to it…if you would like to read it.

At any rate…I told mother about what the other  older  woman had just said to me.  I had thought about telling it to the pastor.  But mother said no.  She counseled me to not tell anyone and she told me to stay away from that  woman.  There is something which can be said about wisdom…it is wise….and wise always.  I did as mother told me…and have continued to do it even though that older woman seems to changed towards me somewhat…and though my friend has since passed.

In another blog I told you of another church woman…whom following the end of an evening service I offered her a ride home along with someone else.  I have always offered people rides…I do it as this is how I have been trained…my mother taught us.   When we were growing up before church service my mother had us up and out picking up people from the nursing homes and nearby towns to bring them to church.  And at the end of the morning service those people would go home with us to have dinner and then return back to church for the evening service…after which my mother had us take them back to their nursing homes or homes in nearby towns.  So, if  I am driving and I know I am going to pass near somebody’s house and that they do not have a car…I offer a ride to them and to as many people who can fit into my car.

But as I told you in a prior blog about this woman…as I drove up to her apartment.  And it was just me and her in the car…as she started to get out…suddenly  this woman turned back to me and gave me this kiss that even when I was in gay life I never allowed anyone to kiss me that way.  You know that all in the mouth…tongue…everything.    No…it was horrible.  I withdrew from her…and acted like I had not noticed…if you can believe that.

So, last night I thought of  the woman who wanted to exchange phone numbers with me…I thought of the very old church mother…and I thought of that woman who after service I had driven home…and I started laughing.  I thought-

“If my gay friends only knew this they would die laughing.”

Here it was I had gotten out of the life…meaning gay life.  And this was happening to me.

So, I called my cousin because none of my gay friends were home to hear this story…and I…I felt that I just had to share it with someone who could…and would understand what I was talking about.  So, I called my cousin.   And yeah…she understood.

She enjoyed hearing it and began to share some things with me as well.  And by the time I had laid down to go to sleep following my conversation with my cousin I had started to regret having called her at all.

She had taken too much pleasure in my little stories. 

But here is one of the stories she shared with me.

She told me of a church she used to go to where there were a group of older women just like the old church mother I had told her about in my story.  The only difference was…was that they had all become involved with a very good-looking young male who also went to their church.  As time went on the young male died…and he died from AIDS.   Thus the story broke about his involvement with some old church women in the church who were in their latter 70′s and 80′s.

Since Viagra…I understand that the nursing homes have gone crazy.   But the church too?

Though women do not need viagra…or anything else.

If you have been really reading any of these blogs which I have written…then you would know I find all of this absolutely shocking…appalling really.  It is unthinkable to me…that such older women would be behaving in such a way.  And the other part about it  is that they are so loose…that they don’t care who knows.

In hearing this, I said to my cousin-

“You know some people are just in church because their mother is or was in the church…or their father was in the church…or because they just grew up in the church and have nothing else to do.  Some are in the church because they want to find a husband…some because they want to find a good wife…some because they view it as a great networking opportunity.  So, they are just sitting in the church but they have nothing in them…they are just there.”

And I came to find out as we continued to talk that was also true of my cousin.

I had oftentimes admired her for how she could quote scripture and knew where stuff could be found in the Bible.  But I found out last night that that was about it…she could quote it.  Because she sure wasn’t living it.

Awhile back, she had told me of a guy in her church with whom she had a flirting relationship…but she kept saying-

“I just thank God for keeping me.”

This guy sent her pictures of himself…in the nude via their cell phones.  That right there spoke volumes to me as to character of the guy.

So, last night since my cousin had not said anything about this guy for a while, I asked her about him. 

 Yes…the flirtation was over.  She had done it…and that in of  itself was not what was shocking or appalling to me…because I knew it was going to happen.  She had told me how she had gone to Victoria Secret…well, need I say more?    

She had all the while been preparing to do it.   This mind you while she was thanking God for keeping her from doing it.  Yet, she prepped herself to do it.   So, yes…I knew she was going to do it…sooner of  later she and that guy were going to end up in bed with each other.  And they did…and evidently not with the results she had been hoping for either.

She is in her 40′s now…and she sometimes speaks about how she would like to get married.

It seems that very few people save themselves for marriage any more.   And that is quite curious to me.  I would think you would only want to give your husband the best.  Not something used up and all ran through already. 

Isn’t that suppose to be part of  the beauty about  marriage?

I guess I am just old fashion in my thinking. 

But then my cousin went on and commenced to tell about her female supervisor for which she would love to go to bed with…and that is when I started regretting having called my cousin. 

It is hard to believe that she is an active church member and is readily carrying on in such a way.  But her state is not unusual only to her…there are many fallen pastors to go along with all those old church mothers who seem to not be too old to want to get enough of sex either. 

It is disheartening to me…but it does not sway me.  I intend to stand.   I know that everyone may not know what that means…but there are many who do.

Talking about something that is also somewhat appalling.  Blagojevich.

You do remember him don’t you?

Well, he is rather hard to forget since the guy is popping up all over the place.  If we thought he was insane for trying to get paid-off for selling off the Obama Senate seat of the State of Illinois.  We  know now for sure that he is. 

He seems to be getting a charge out of his 15 minutes of fame that is what is really unbelievable to me.  It just goes to show that some people have no shame.  And Blagojevich is one of the biggest of them.   What ah…ah…(I hate to say this)…but what a fool.  And everybody is inviting him on their show…and he is loving every minute of it.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/video/2009/02/04/VI2009020401667.html?sid=ST2009020301282

And yes…   Why is it that people who know that they have issues which will probably be found out…such as having not paid their taxes. 

Why do they accept positions when they know that this information is going to be sought after and checked?

Is it that they secretly hate the people who approach them and say-

“Hey, have I got a great job for you.   And I believe you are the best person for it.”

Do they really hate these people so much to want to embarrass them for having asked you in the first place, Tom Daschle?

I don’t know who Ann Coulter is but clearly she either has issues or she lacks a large amount of understanding.  I had heard this interview with her on the View before…but at last I get a chance to comment on it.

It is interesting to me to hear any white person be critical of a black person for celebrating their blackness…or being African-American… or being a non-white person in America or anywhere else in this world.  Or celebrating the lives and legacies of other black folk.   

After years of  black folks trying become more like ‘them’ and less like us.  I think it was great for Halle Barry to accept the Academy Award in remembrance of all the black women who had stared in movies and never received anything…not even a nod in their direction for their great work.  And there were some truly highly fabulous and talented black women actors who had done some outstanding work…both on stage and screen..and now are little known for those efforts. While everybody knows Bette Davis and their other white counter-parts of the screen.

I also think that it is equally as great for Barack Obama to celebrate his blackness and to be proud of who he is and the forces behind him which have all aided in him getting to where he is today.

If Ann Coulter had grown up as a Halle Barry or a Barrack Obama…when people looked at them and didn’t see screen actor or president…but a little black girl or little black boy whom they didn’t want their little children associating with…much less playing with.   Then maybe Ms. Coulter might have a clue as to why they celebrate their blackness…which has and has always been a prominent part of their everyday lives.   (Also just DOUBLE CLICK on below screen to see and hear Halle make the best acceptance speech of the Academy of all times…and ignore the text that appears.)

Wow, having said all of that…and I am just realizing that it is “Black History Month.”   February will never be the same.

Well, I had to shovel some more snow today.   And I am not tired of it yet…though it was very cold out today.  But it is winter…and we haven’t had a real winter in such a long time.  This winter is making up for those past few years.  And I just love…just wish I could lite a fire in our fireplace.  But I rather be safe than sorry.   For now I will just enjoy looking over at my parent’s fireplace and dream ‘fire.’   Smile…and enjoy.

 THE BISHOP’S WIFE  is now on sale…CLICK this LINK to purchase my book.  You do not need a paypal account to purchase, and you can purchase using a debit card.  Thank you. 

Well, God bless…

Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on” www.bsmith101.wordpress.com ©2009  

Add a comment February 5, 2009

Benjamites… concerned…

A few years ago…really it has been more like….many years ago a friend had a conversation with me concerning the town that he grew up in.  He told me something which totally surprised me and of which I have never spoken about until now.  He said-

“In the city where I grew up…the older men would have sex with all the young boys.”

He said this to say…that the older men in his hometown preyed upon the very young boys in that town.  And I knew without asking…that he had been one of those young boys.

It is hard to believe that such things could happen…and that such things could possibly go on. 

Could you call it sexual perversion?

Or some kind of sickness?

I have been looking around town and I am seeing more and more young girls involved in lesbianism…and gay young men.  One day while shoveling the snow last week 2 young women just happened to pass by…and I could see that one of them could have possibly have been gay.

I have to clarify this just a bit…I don’t want to say that she was ‘gay‘…because I have a friend who accuses me of ‘always calling everybody gay.’   It might be a bit hard to believe…but even I have had to come face to face with it. 

And you know what?

Yes, I am a bit homophobic.  Gay most of my life…and now finding myself homophobic…and if the truth be told…I have always been so.  There is no rhythm nor reason to it.    I am odd…to some degree.  I really am.

So, I work hard at trying not to be homophobic…and I don’t think I am homophobic in the classical sense.  Not as most people know or understand homophobic to be.  But because once I came out of the life…I had even become somewhat scornful.  And that is the problem with sin.  I have seen it in people who were involved in drugs or alcohol.   They are quick to hurl words like “that ol’ crack addict’….or ‘that ol’ bum’ or ‘ol’ drunk.’

Yes, falling into scornfulness once you come out of being something  yourself…is quite easy.  And it is a danger.

I felt for my friend and have felt for him for many years.  He seemed to always be in need of validating his manhood.  And I have no doubt that it was because of his early experiences.  Those men were paedophiles.

As children we have no power to dictate what will or will not happen to us.  The only power we have is over our future.  There is much we might have liked to have changed in our past…but that time is gone.  And there were things and times we would love to take back and changed even today.  But that too may be impossible. 

Some children carry guilt with them forever.  And really we all do…we are just not as scared as some other children are or were.  But we all have been scared…and no matter what anyone says-

“We do carry these scars forever.”

However, I could see that one of the young ladies, of the 2 who walked by as I was shoveling… by her apparel seemed to be dressed a bit…well…shall we say ‘non-feminate.’   Which is something you really cannot go by today…since a lot of girls are choosing to wear their clothes baggy and with pants hanging down too…like most of their male counter-parts.  Something which I may address later…as I have much to say on the matter.

 So, lets say she looked ‘AG.’    I learned that this past summer from a couple women friends of mine in New York.  It stands for ‘aggressive.‘

So, I thought as I had glanced up and saw the 2 young women that they might have been ‘gay.’   A few minutes later the non-AG one came walking back alone but along beside was a car of guys trying to talk to her as their car drove  beside her…and I heard her say-

“Yeah, but my girl….and my girl…my girl…”

And I knew that that was what she called her friend…the other girl whom I had seen her with earlier.  But in my day we called them ‘our lover.’  But everything changes over time…even me..  And I am so happy that I am.

But I have noticed increased numbers of gay people…perhaps it is that I am more keyed in to them than most people.  I don’t know…but it seems to be on a raise.   And I have to be concerned. 

I am not concerned because I am afraid of gay people…or that I have a fear that they are seeking to turn the world gay…or that there is some master plot or plan somewhere.   No, that is insane.  

My fear is for my friends…those whom I left ’in the life.’   People whom I loved…and shared many good times with.   Women who help me to grow up and mature…and how to celebrate my ‘femininity.’  Not all women in the life are hard core and butchy…far from it.  And I feel for the young boys and girls who are falling into a lifestyle…that I used to be in.  I am concerned about them.

I had fun while I was in it…but I was never happy.   I thought that was who I was…but it was not.   It is funny I always felt that I was happy though…but I never knew how unhappy I was in that life until God pulled me out it.

I have heard many proclaim that it is a ‘gene’…a ‘sickness’…a ‘chromosome.’  But I know it is none of those things.  There are many desires we fall prey to.  Many things that we become curious about.  Things we seek to find out more about…experiment with.  They are choices that we choose to make.  To do…or not to do…that is the question?

When I used to hang out, I used to hear the gay guys talking and laughing about the guys they used to pick up.  The joke was they would go out to find the most manly men they could find only to take them back to wherever…and the men would lay down and throw their legs up in the air looking for the gay guys to do them.  The gay guys would do what they call ‘howl’…they would howl on end at that.   Meaning they laughed themselves almost to tears…because they found it to be so funny.   And I imagine it was funny.

After all the gay guys were the ones who were ostracized for being ‘gay.’   And here were these big burly mucho men…quick to lay down and give it up in a heartbeat.  Which reminds me of my cousin, Vincent, who used to tell me stories. 

Vincent told me how he used to look out his apartment window and see the telephone man up the pole…how he would catch the man’s attention then with his finger indicate ‘come here.’   He said the man hurried down the pole and into his apartment. 

Vincent told me of another time…when the UPS man delivered a package to his apartment and how he had invited the UPS man in for a cup of tea.  And I am sure that you can guess the rest.

These stories may seem a bit amusing to you.  But what they show is that there is something wrong…and it is not always with those whom you or many others would chose to blame.  Gay people take the wrap for many things.  But they are not the culprit…nor does the fault lie within them.  But, however, it is those people who would never call themselves ‘gay’…who parade around as though they did not indulge in such things…and are the biggest perpetrators.  It is these people who prey upon children…not gay people.  Like all those old men in that town where my friend grew up…men who had families and pretended to be both godly and honest decent…upstanding men…while all the while ruining the lives of young children.  These people who prey upon children are paedophiles…they are sick beyond understanding. 

They are Benjamintes.

There is a book in the Bible…and at the end of this book there is this story about a priest who goes after this harlot which has left him to return to her family.   Claiming to love her so much that he couldn’t do without her, the priest goes after her and upon setting out to return to wherever he came from…it turns dark.  And he decides to turn into a city of his own people feeling that he and his woman will be safe there for the night.  While there the priest encounters an old man who invites him to come and spend the night in his home…as he informs the priest that it is not safe to sleep in the streets of that city. 

Shortly after the man and priest enter into the old man’s house…a group of men pay a visit to the old man’s home.  They bang on the door and demand that the old man send out the priest…so that they ‘may have their way with him.’  It was a sad story…that ended in the woman being casted out into street to the men who had come seeking to have sex with the priest.   That city was not Sodom or Gomorrah.  Those men were men of Benjamin…they were Benjamites.  And that city was plagued with morbid men corrupt in their nature.

I don’t know what has prompted me to write this.  It is hard to do so…but it is not anti-gay…if anything it is anti-those who pretend that they are not something much worst.  And unlike that woman years ago who came out against homosexuality…I have forgotten her name (Anita something or other…the one who  caused gay people everywhere to ban drinking orange juice back in the ’70′s)…and it was soon discovered that it had all been because she had found out that her husband was gay.  I am not her…I don’t have those kind of problems.  But I am concerned  about some things.

Maybe it is that I am concerned about how gays are always under attack.   Or maybe I am concerned about all the lies concerning homosexuality and lesbianism.  Or maybe I am concerned about all the confusion in this world.  Or perhaps I am just confused as to what I really concerned about.

I don’t even know if this thing even will make any sense to anyone.  I really don’t. 

Perhaps, I am just too analytical.

I loved my cousin Vincent dearly.  He was more manly than most men…yet I know for most of his life he had to fight being jeered and called names because he was so effeminate. 

One night late while returning to his apartment a woman screamed out in the distance and my cousin Vincent went running to save her.  He grabbed and threw down the man who had been attacking and attempting to rob and possibly rape that woman.  And he held that man down on the ground until the police came.  No one gave him a metal.  No one put a star on the walk way outside where he used to live.   He went running in the dark to recue a woman who had screamed out into the dark of night for help.  He did what a lot of men…so-called ‘real’ men would not have done…and he did it without thought of injury to himself.   That was the kind of person he was.

Vincent was the kind of guy who held the door open for women to walk through.  He would pull out your chair so you could be seated.  He helped women with their coats…and he would get up out of a seat to offer his seat if he saw her standing.  He was a gentlemen…worth more than 50,000 or more of the so-called real men. 

He would give the shirt off his back to friend or a stranger…and family.  He was always giving…and quite caring.  Quite handsome and always nice…and friendly.  I never once saw him angry…though I had seen him hurt.  And knew when he was in pain.

Vincent died from A.I.D.S. many years ago…and I am sure that when those men, the telephone man and UPS man…finished their day’s work whatever day that was when they paid Vincent a visit…that they went home to their wives or their girlfriends…pretending.

Speaking of which, I went to dinner the other night with my son and one his church friends…a young lady.  They told me a slightly amusing story about another church girl.

“Oh, she don’t know God didn’t bless her with that car so she couldn’t drive nobody nowhere,” said my son’s friend who was out with us.

Then she dropped the bomb saying how their mutual church friend had just got a brand new car and was out driving one day.  The girl told how my son and her mutual friend just happened to come across this boy whom she used to go to school with many years ago.  So, seeing the boy was walking the girl offered him a ride to wherever he was going.

So, the boy got in…the girl then commence to ask the boy if he was interested in watching a movie and how she would cook him some dinner.  The boy agreed and while the girl was in her kitchen throwing together the pots…cooking turkey wings, macaroni & cheese, warming some greens, making corn bread and things…the boy came and told the girl that he had felt something down in her car.  So, she gave him her car keys.

Yes, the boy stole the woman’s car…while she was busy as a bee singing and humming to herself as she slung together her pots cooking…and thinking about what she was hoping to get in between the movie. 

Now, how foolish was that?

As the girl at our table continued to talk…she began talking about herself and how she only ‘likes older men.’  Now, I am my son’s mother and we are out with a friend of his whom he just happened to offer if she would like to join us.  I don’t know but when I was growing up there things that I would have never talked about in the company of one of my friend’s mother. 

I find young women today lacking.  They seemed to be overcome by a strong desire to only have sex…and if they are not having sex then all they want to do is talk about it.   They consume themselves and their conversations with nothing else. 

The young lady who had joined us at the restaurant was suppose to be in church…and her friend that they, she and my son had told the story about…the one who’s car was stolen.   Well, she was the church secretary.   Their minds are as corrupt as everyone else’s.  The issue of sex is such a huge issue…even in the church.

There is indeed much to be concerned about.   And I am, therefore, concerned…

God bless…and thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on” www.bsmith101.wordpress.com ©2009 

Add a comment January 15, 2009

Vice Presidential Debate Analysis

JOSEPH BIDEN

                      Winner!

 Breakdown:

 Biden…   1.  Very strong factual information

                   2.  Plenty of statistical facts to backup topics

                  3.  Presented future Obama plans with force and clear understanding 

                  4.  Clearly cited his goals and job as Vice President

                 5.  Talked firmly about terrorist, Bin Linden and foreign Policy

                 6.   Clear understanding of problems facing America, American Policies and the world 

Palin…     1.  Never looked Vice Presidential

                 2.  Joked and kidded around a bit too much

                 3.  Failed to fully layout or explain any explicit plans or goals McCain had for the country

                 4.  Kept off topic a lot

                5.  Responses were rehearsed and quite orchestrated

                6.  Never explained anything fully and failed to use facts or figures to back up much of what she said

PALIN…Finding her legs

I have to admit to being somewhat impressed by Sarah Palin last night during the VP debate.  She did hold her own even though I could tell that much of what she had said had been heavily rehearsed.  But one thing about her…she gave it that old school girl try.  Vastly out of her element…and to a very large degree knowing it as oftentimes even voiced by her during the debate…I have to say I admire her. 

She was giddy and girlish through most of the debate…but you know what?  I’m the same way when I’m nervous. 

She is clearly not ready to become Vice President of the United States but that is not her fault.  The scenario reminded me about one of my earlier blogs, ‘On the taboo subject’… where I wrote about a guy who wanted to be a lesbian.  In the blog I made mention that he…well, she…but really he was nominated to become a board member of Sala Soul Sisters, an all women of color lesbian organization.  He…well, she…but really he was nice and a very good worker.  But there was one problem.  He wasn’t really a woman. 

I always thought it was unfair that one of the Sala Soul Sisters had nominated him for a position which she clearly knew he…well, she…no he couldn’t possibly fill.  When the membership at large of Sala Soul Sisters heard of it they all came racing into a Sala Soul meeting one night and demanded to have an emergency meeting on the matter.  They riled and argued…and finally voted on the matter of whether this person should be allowed on the board of Sala.  Of course, the vote was against him…or her…  But I always felt sorry for him…because he sat through it…that meeting where they talked about him…then voted that no one but a woman born biologically woman could ever sit on the board of Sala Soul Sisters.  And I must say I agreed…but felt that she…well, he never should have  been put through that. 

He never came back to Sala after that…whereas he had not missed a meeting or any events or becoming actively involved in the organization.  It was rather sad…but I felt the Sala Soul Sister who knowing that he was actually a male should never have nominated him in the first place.  And that is kind of the way I feel about Sarah Palin.

McCain having chosen a woman who was not perpared to hit centre stage…and I am talking about becoming Vice President of the United States or possible President of the United States should anything happen to McCain…and I certainly do not mean it meanly either.  She was neither polished, nor really had the credentials for the position that McCain had propelled her into. 

If McCain could have made this kind of a huge mistake what other mistakes might he make if he were to become President of the United States?  That job is one where…mistakes cost us all…and simply cannot be willingly made.   We really can’t afford someone who is not thought out…or believes ‘he’s just being a maverick’…when he is actually just being foolish.

One cannot blame Sarah Palin really for any flumbs or gaffs…McCain is to fault.  Because he put her in place where it is clearly not her time.  Besides, the fact that Palin is a mother of 5 children still at home, with one still very much an infant…really should have gave McCain reason to pause before even considering her.  But it was his own selfishness and blind ambition which lead him to pick someone whom he felt could give his campaign the boast that it so direly needed.  And for a while she did.

But reality is reality…Sarah Palin is not ready.  And I say this coming out of the debates liking her.  Because I can truly admire her for attempting to do it…and not feeling that it was or is impossible.  It speaks to human strenght and depth of character.  So, clearly she is to be applauded…not joked or laughed at.  But then…perhaps it was equally…Palin’s blind ambitions which have also gotten her here. 

I have oftentimes wanted to do something…but knew I needed to learn something or do some other things before I would be ready to execute what it was that I was considering.  I am not one for under-rating yourself…or over-rating yourself.  I don’t like letting myself down or others.  When I have stepped through the door to do something…I have always stepped through it knowing that no one worked as hard as I had…to do what I do.  I guess you can say that I am wired to excell…never to under achieve…and always to give 101 percent.  And you can’t do that unless you have first prepared and worked hard to gather the skills and expertise it takes to fill a job.  Real success on any job or in any field cannot be done with in a few weeks and a crash course.  

As we get nearer and near to November…please keep in mind that your vote does count.  Your participation in this up coming election is curcial.  If we don’t do something to set the country back on course we will all loose…rich or poor…advantaged or disadvantaged…Main Street and Wall Street…from shore to shore.

Definitely hope that you are registerd for this upcoming Presidential Election.  It is so important…and may be the most important election of this century.   

God bless…and thanks for reading  ©2008

Add a comment October 3, 2008

On the taboo subject…

I tried not to look but I couldn’t help myself I had to click to the story…about the supposed man giving birth to a child. 

Now, when I initially wrote on this story a few blogs ago…I knew that there had to be something wrong…because it was just out of sync.

And there was…the supposed man in the story…is really a woman living as a man who…I started to say had a sex change.  But she couldn’t have otherwise she wouldn’t have been able to have the baby or get impregnanted.

I am naive on many things…and I truly am.

But there are somethings which clearly just irritate me.

Why go through all of the trouble of trying to present yourself as a man…and then want to get pregnant?

What was she trying to make a mockery of?

Herself or God?

He can’t be made a mockery of.

And then to have this picture of her…well, supposely him and the baby together.  Well…

Was this just a media thang?

And now they…what? The gay couple exploit the child and their relationship? Selling their story to the tabloids and appearing on talk shows. Anything for a dime or a dollar.

I once knew someone…and I guess I still do…just that I haven’t seen them in a very long time.

When I first met this person I realized something was out of whack…but I could not put my hands on it. 

She lived in the same town as a friend of mines…and I say she because really that is what I met him as…and have only known him as.  Though I do realize to call him…her would be lying…though at the time of course I was not saved…nor trying to be.

Well, she lived in the same Jersey town as my friend…who was new to the area.  And I just thought it would be nice for them to meet and then my friend would have somebody to hang with over in Jersey.

It was my friend who informed of what I just couldn’t put my finger on.

She said to me one night…while we were all out at dinner or something I think…she said after the person had gotten up from the table-

“I know you kept saying that there was something strange…or something about her.  So, I have decided to tell you.  And don’t look over there at her when I tell you this.”

I said, “Okay.  So, what is it?”

And she said…she ain’t a she.

I know I said I wouldn’t look over in her direction…but my head spun around so quickly.  It was an automatic response.  I could not believe it.   I knew I had felt something was out of whack…but I never would have guessed it was that.

My friend immediately admonished me saying-

“I told you don’t look.  Don’t look.”

But I could not help but look.  In fact I was staring.  I had never experienced anything like that before.  It was adverse to me.

I thought that she was a woman and nothing could have prepared me for anything otherwise.

I told you I had been terribly naive…and to some degree still am.

That was at a time when I was heavily involved in gay life…hanging out…partying in clubs with women…and a member of Salsa Soul Sisters, Inc, in New York City.  My life is by no means like that now but there was a time…almost 25 years of my life when that is what I did.  Before that I was not sexually involved at all.

So, I had gone through grade school and college without any type of involvement.  Never dated boys in my life.

I was just different from most people and lived a highly sheltered life under the wings of my parents.

It was in Salsa Soul Sisters that I met this person whom I had introduced to my friend who had just moved to New Jersey from St. Louis.  Salsa was a lesbian organization…and I guess that is why I never would have guessed that this person had been anything other than a woman.

But this is the way it went…she was a guy who wanted to be a woman and then a lesbian.

When the Salsa Soul Sisters found out about this…every founding mother and everybody else stormed into Salsa one night…the record had to be set straight (no pun intented)…and they called an emergency meeting.  Where it was voted on that no biological male could ever become a board member of Salsa.  Because that was really the issue…not only did she want to become a woman and be a lesbian…but she also was nominated to run for a position on the board of directors of Salsa…and that of course was a no-no for any male…real or operated on…which at the time she was not.  And the Salsa Soul Sisters were not having it…not at all. 

You would have loved to have heard those women that night…it got pretty heated…and they were not playing.

In the end I felt sorry for him…because he was nice and had proven to be a good worker.  But my Salsa Soul Sisters were right…and I had to agree with them. 

Salsa was a black lesbian organization…the oldest in the world.  And through their years some very well known women, writers, artist of every type…and professional women and otherwise…etc… have walked through their doors…including Audrey Lorde, June Jordan and many many many others…all Salsa Soul Sisters.  Some very well known and widely read, and seen in media and all facets of the arts, performing and otherwise, as well as educators etc…all Salsa Soul Sisters.  Exceedingly, talented women.

It was hard for me to grasp why she…he would want to dress up as an woman and engage in sexual activity with women as a lesbian.  She was after all a man…by living his life as man…he would not have had any of the confusion that just knowing the story caused me and many of the other Salsa Soul Sisters.

And as much as they tried…tried to not say…many of those same women dated her…before and after that meeting.

There is much confusion in the world…and I am so glad to not have that type of confusion any longer.

I am so glad that God has reclaimed my life…and set me free from the bondage that once held me.

Perhaps as strange as I thought she was…she was not more strange than I was.   One thing is for certain we were both lost.  I don’t know about her or him today…but I have been set free.   And I walk in liberty.

But there is one thing though…I will leave a pocketbook like most people forget an umbrella…because I am not used to carrying one.   So, most of the time I don’t even bother with them…unless it is something like a bookbag…because I will walk off and leave it.   Smile…and even that too may become a thing of the past.

It is so good to be free.  I cannot thank the Lord enough…for saving me.

Have a good day…    and God bless….

Oh, yeah…another Chinese word.  wu bu dong ….  means I don’t understand… wu is Chinese for ‘I’.

It is pronounced …..woo boo dung.       So, it can be said either way… wu bu dong   or    bu dong  …meanding I don’t understand.

It has been raining most of the day and yesterday…but just as I was about to finish telling this story the ceiling started leaking.  I look at it as a sign that the devil just doesn’t want me to tell this story.  But I will tell it everywhere I go if need be…if it can encourage somebody or help someone else to find peace and deliverance in their life.  I’m going to tell it.

I am oh so thankful….for the chance to share it with you.

It is funny…but the moment I wrote that last paragraph the ceiling stopped leaking.  It is the power of God…to speak what he puts upon your heart to speak.  I know that this blog is going to touch someone in a special kind of way…and I am so happy to be able to speak life and truth into your life.  Be bless… ©2008

Add a comment July 24, 2008

Looking for someone just like my dad…

Felt like I wanted a donut…

Why can’t I have a donut if I want one?

It is not like I wanted 4 or maybe 6 of them…or even like I splurge heavily on food or go on things like ice cream binges.  Because I don’t.  I only eat ice cream occasionally.  And that is about as often as I eat a donut.  But sometimes you just want one.

So, every now a then…sometimes I just feel like I want a donut.  Sometimes it could be a piece or chocolate cake…and real good chocolate cakes are hard to find nowadays.  But sometimes I feel like I want one of those old time good tasting pieces of chocolate cake.  Now, that I might have to have a couple of pieces  if  I could find it.

I don’t know…I guess from time to time we all get a taste for something…andwhen we do…  Well,  we just want it.

Well, this evening about 9:30 p.m. my urge was for a donut.

So, I jumped into the car and headed for the local Dunkin Donuts.  But the one near the house was closed…just goes to prove I don’t get a donut urge often…otherwise I would have known that. 

So, since I really wanted this donut and the place nearest to the house was closed…and I was already in the car…and even though gas is $4.16 per gallon…I decided to go for it…and get my donut anyways.

I drove right pass the second donut place believing that it too was going to be close.  And even though I had my glasses on…I totally missed the big bright  and very lit up sign reading “Dunkin Donuts.”

So, I had to make a u-turn.  And as I drove home smacking on my donuts .    I started thinking  wouldn’t it have been nice to be able to say-

“Baby, I want a donut.”

And someone would get up and go get in the car and get me a donut.

At any part of  the day when my mother would come in, shower and lay down on the bed…if  she desired something she rarely called any of us…her 8 children.  Instead she could be heard calling for my father.

She would call him softly…never in a barking or rough tone…and she never called daddy by his real name…instead she called him, Douglas.

Whatever daddy was doing he would stop and go to mommie and see what it was that she wanted.

And sometimes mommie would just say-

“Douglas, bring me a glass of  water.”

Daddy never complained…and always went to do or get whatever my mother would ask him for.

He was a businessman who had a very prosperous barber business that had serviced many generations of men in our town.  His business did so well that we were literally the richest people in our church, probably on our street and perhaps in many of the circles in which we travelled even as teens and young adults.

They were very good together…my parents. 

Daddy was 15 years older than mommie but you would have never had guessed it.

I have never met anybody who had all the capabilities of daddy.  He could have been a tailor if  he had wanted to…or a chef, or a mechanic, or an architech.  Daddy could do everything.  And he could do them all well…even better than well.  He was superbly proficient in everything that he could do…and there was nothing that daddy could not do.

Sundays and Mondays were daddy’s days to cook.  Though my mother would help out on Sundays doing things like baking (cakes, pies, fresh rolls etc.) and making macaroni & cheese, and cooking the greens…things like that.  But daddy prepared all the meats which would entail him cutting up many onions, scallions and all kinds of spices. 

He always seasoned his meats hours before cooking…and if  it was curry goat he would season it the night before.  Daddy would take his hands and mesh the seasoning into the meat.  He would pour in hot water and allow the seasoning along with the curry and the onions to steam into the meat before placing it into the refrigerator to sit overnight.  That is how he always cooked the curry goat.

He also prepared the rice, whether it was rice and beans, or regular rice, mashed potatoes etc.

Both mommie and daddy were fantastic cooks…and they could do everything from scratch.  And didn’t have to refer to one cookbook.

Dinner was always a feast at our house no matter what day it was…but on Sundays even more so…we would 2 or 3 meats to chose from.  And there were always guest whom my mother would bring home from church to share our Sunday dinners with us.

It wasn’t until I lived in Chicago…and was a thousands miles away from home that I came to realize just how special it was to be able to open up your home to other people.  When I was in Chicago, I was away from family and all my friends…and there were many times when I was in need.  This, of course, I never shared with my parents.  No, I couldn’t do that.

I went to Chicago to become this big-time radio personality.  As bad as things sometimes got for me, I managed to even send some money ocassionally…though at one point I was virtually homeless in Chicago. 

Sending money home to my parents was something I had seen my parents do throughout our years of growing up…so, when I became of age it was what I wanted to do too.  So, I sent…I never thought about whether or not my parents needed it.  Because clearly my parents had more than enough…as our family was exceedingly blessed.

But while in Chicago there were some holidays that came around…Christmas and Thanksgiving.  And when you are alone and away from your family for the first time in your life it can be very sad and lonely those 2 holidays.

While in Chicago, I never got a job on a radio station…but I had talked to Tom Joyner, Barry Mayo, BB Banna and several others on a regular basis trying to get in.   But I ended up working at a church instead as a church secretary.  I was in need and after a long period of  looking I finally landed this job.  At first I felt myself above it.  “Me”….a secretary….”me…”

Big time me…a church secreatary? 

No.

But my no soon turned to a yes when I met my would be boss during an interview…which I nearly refeused to go to because “it was just too beneath me.”   Thank God, I did not.

Of all the jobs I have ever had that job has meant the most to me,  and I know today that it was right where God intended for me to be.  For the lessons that it taught me and the greatest example of  mentoring and leadership anyone could have possibly have gotten…I got there.

The church was 6th Grace United Presbyterian Church, 35th and Cottage Grove, on Chicago’s South Side…right down the street from the White Sox stadium.  The Pastor was the late Dr. A. L. Reynolds, Jr…who from the moment I met him, I began to marvel at him.  I have never met anybody like Dr. A. L. Reynolds, Jr…not even to this day.  And at the moment I met him I knew he was special…but I had never realized that I had stepped into the presence of greatness until years later.  What a man.

Why am I telling you this story…I have no idea.  I will have to go back and read some of  what I just wrote to see where I’m suppose to be going with  this….give me a minute….

I sometimes get lost.

Oh, yes…oh, yes….

While at home with our parents, I used to wonder why we couldn’t spend our Sundays and holidays with just us…just our family.   Why did we always have to have people over our house, eating our food and taking up our time?

I was selfish…terribly so.

It wasn’t until I was a thousand miles away from home that I came to realize just what a blessing my parents…my mother and father were to other people. 

My parents didn’t invite people into our home who had a lot of things, or who were rich or popular…they invited people who didn’t have family, some were even in nursing homes…whom we would go and pick up to bring to church then take them to our house for dinner and back to church, and  then later back to their nursing home at the end of the day. 

They, my parents…they brought sunshine into people’s lifes and they never asked for anything in return.  They enjoyed doing it.

In Chicago, I spent 2 holidays in the home of the Rippleton’s.  Mr. and Mrs. Rippleton were the parents of the late singer Minnie Rippleton…and they had been members of 6th Grace.  They were extremely nice people and full of alot of fun.  Mr. Rippleton was a real comedian.  Mrs. Rippleton sometimes talked to me about Minnie and the cancer, and how difficult it had been for Minnie…and their family watching her go through that.

My very first day on that job…I got a call early in the morning from someone asking to speak to Dr. Reynolds.

The woman said, “Hello, this is Minnie Rippleton.  Is Dr. Reynolds in?”

I almost dropped the phone…that 6 octive voice, Grammy Winner…Minnie Rippleton was on the other line talking to me.  And here I had come to Chicago to get into radio…and couldn’t get in.   And here was Minnie Rippleton on the other end of my office line…the very first call on my first day on the job.

CLICK to LISTEN Loving You – Minnie Ripperton They don’t make music like this anymore…nor like her family, the Rippertons, whom I shall always love and have the greatest and  highest regard for… for their love and hospitality to me… as well as the whole 6th Grace family.

Minnie died that evening but she had called and conversed with Dr. Reynolds, her spiritual advisor and Pastor.  She had called in the first thing that Monday morning.

It was also at 6th Grace that I met Harold Washington…but that is another story for another time. 

And perhaps I will get around to telling about when I met James Baldwin…what a day that was.  I never met anyone like him…he was quite gracious.  But that too is another story that perhaps I will get around to sharing with you at some other time.

Let me go back to telling you about my father.

Daddy could make the best ice tea, Kool-aide and lemonade.  He also made homemade ice cream,  in  a variety of  tropical favors, which we all gladly churned on Sundays.

Daddy was so good at everything including his business that in the morning men would be outside our door waiting on him to give him a ride to work…so that they could be the first one in his barber chair.

Daddy caught the bus to work usually.  His barber shop was in the downtown area of our town.  He always got up on time and would arrive at his shop every morning that it was due to open, Monday-Saturday, at 7:30 a.m. where a few of  his customers were sure to be there waiting on him.  And because he was so popular…this was, of course, the reason why some of them would come to the house to give him a ride. 

Daddy loved it.   He loved his customers…and always respected their time.

The one thing daddy never did…he didn’t eat sandwiches. 

Mommie always prepared daddy a hot lunch which she would drive down to him some time during noon.  But most of the time daddy would bring the food home mostly untouched because he would never get a chance to eat it.  He was always busy taking care of customers right up until the time he closed his shop for the night.

And when he came home mommie always had him something good to eat…and it was always fresh and hot.  He didn’t eat what we ate.  Where mommie might make us spaghetti some nights, or homemade chicken pot pie, or meatloaf on others etc…which of course all kids love…but daddy would get stuff like smoothered steak with green peppers and onions over mashed potatos, and some sort of vegetable. 

Another thing about daddy…he was a saver.  He was also one of those people who as soon as a bill came in he would pay it.  He never waited on due dates to pay anything.  He managed money very well…and had the bank accounts to prove it.   And though he only had a 7th grade education which render his reading skills weak…he could sure count money.  He stayed on top of  his money and his bills. 

Though my mother worked as well…her money was her money.  Daddy provided for our family.  He paid for all  our  household expenditures, mortgages, grocery bills etc.  And anything to do with us…he paid for it.

Daddy was clearly the husband that the Bible calls men to be…a provider.   And our household wanted for nothing. 

As children we spend our Christmas’ in Florida…and by the time we would return home over the holiday it was as if  Toys R Us had made a special trip just to our house. 

As we grew up we started spending our summers in Florida instead.

My parents spared nothing.

And as we  became of age they bought us all cars.

When they wanted a new car…they bought it.  And they bought nothing that we all could not fit in. 

When we went on trips…we all went. 

When they decided to go to Jamaica…it was a family affair…which was the way my parents treated everything. 

My mother loved to shop and that is what she did with her money.  But she not only loved shopping for herself…but for us as well…as well as for daddy.   At eighteen she was still buying all of my clothes.  And everything she bought was top shelf.

And that is how daddy bought too.  He did not buy cheap…and he tailored all his own clothes.  He had the measuring tape, the pins and the white chalk to make the marks…the whole works.   Daddy took  everything  serious.  He was  very  percise and took such care in whatever he did.  And he could sew by hand…as well as anyone could with a sewing machine.

In the basement he had all his tools; saws, drills, snakes for the plumbing system (which comes in handy when you have kids), levers…everything.  Because daddy could build and make things, and was always working around the house. 

Including gardening…daddy did that too…as well as service our cars and bicycles.

Mommie loved daddy’s tomatoes, green peppers and cabbage, strings beans, greens  etc… 

Yes, along with everything else daddy also had a green thumb too.

I don’t know who taught daddy…but they taught him well.

Though daddy might not have been able to read well…that, however, never stopped him from picking up a book and trying to sound his way through a few words…or from starting his business.  And when I think on it…the thought of me helping him to learn to read never even came into my mind.  I do not know why.

Mommie had been the first black nurse in the little town she grew up in down in a small town in Florida.  When she retired she had been a nurse supervisor at a state institution. 

Their schedules rotated around their children.  We were their pride and joy. 

They treated us to everything…everything good.  They were not drinkers, smokers, cursers or things like that…nor did they allow cards or card playing in their house.  Though we could play Ol’ Maid, checkers and stuff like that.  And I do not know  how  Daddy could do it…but  he was a master even at checkers. 

Who could beat him?

Before you knew it he had the board loaded with  kings…and just blowing you away with his moves taking everything you had on the board.  What a mind.

We were never allowed into people’s houses, nor could any of our friends come into our house.  As my parents said that they had had 8…and that 8 was enough.

We were not allowed to stay over people’s houses.  And they did not believe in paying us any allowances for helping out around the house.  Which sometimes included getting on our knees and scrubbing the floors, or wiping down all (and I do all) the woodwork  in the house etc…etc…   Oh, how I hated those Saturday mornings when we would be  waken up to find buckets in the kitchen with rags in them…waiting on us.

From our parent’s house have sprang graduates from Moorehouse, Florida A & M, Princeton, University of Alabama, University of  Kentucky, Brandeis University, etc…etc…and they are still coming.  We’ve got a few more who will graduating in a couple of years and some whom we have began to set up for Spellman and Harvard…you’ve got to plant these seeds early.

My parents were believers in education.  My mother was always taking classes.  I can’t tell  you  how many times she took typing… she kept flunking it.  But she kept on taking it anyways.  She also took bookkeeping and a few other classes…including voice lessons.

Mommie definitely could not sing…but that didn’t stop her. I have to admit that the voice lessons did do a little good though.

Whenever mommie would go to school for a conference regarding me…she would come home with the report to my father.  Whenever I tried to explain to my father about the teacher and how she didn’t like me…my father would always stop me short…and never hear whatever it was I was trying to tell him. 

He would glare at me saying-

“The teacher got her’s you’ve got to get yours.”

I hated hearing those words…but today I understand them well.  And daddy was right.  I’ve even come to recite them a few times myself. 

Daddy was full of witticisms also.  He was some kind of  special…and I don’t know how he and mommie met. But one thing for sure they sure loved each other.

Yes, daddy was very special and if ever I were looking for someone…I doubt that I would ever ever find anyone quite like daddy. 

Well, if  you feel like a donut…I hope you have someone who can go get you one.  Or go with you…or take you to get one.

I hope I didn’t rample on and on…and that you got some sense out of this blog.

Enjoy your day…and I’m working on my rib business.  I have spent so much money that I have actually run out of money.  I have the whole set-up  but I don’t have the money to buy the goods.  So, maybe we will up and running by next weekend…this weekend looks a bit bleek.   But it is all part of the process.  Sometimes you have just got to learn how to go with the flow. 

You know I really learned that from my friend in New York whom we are expecting to pass.

In her words…”Whatever God allows.”      ….God bless…  ©2008

Add a comment July 16, 2008

Upside/Down…wrong is…Same Sex

This post is inspired by a sermon by Bishop Charles Ellis, III, of Detroit, MI, entitled “I’m Still Standing in an Upside Down World.” 

There is something about my blog on ‘Gay Pride’ which plagues me somewhat.

I in no ways intended to say or make it appear that I agree with gay (same-sex) marriages.  Oh, no…  In no way could I do that.  For those things which are wrong are wrong…and gay marriages are wrong.  And certainly go against the will of God.

However, what I was trying to say was…that I thought it was interesting that many gay people want to get married whereas many heterosexuals (for whom marriage was intended) do not.

I think that we have to be very careful in making statements that make wrong seem right…and to some degree that blog may have seemed that way to some.  But it was not intended that way.

The Bible says “With love and kindness have I drawn thee.” 

So, therefore I cast no judgement upon anyone. 

Yes, I have opinions but my opinions are not meant to comdemn.

I don’t like gay jokes…particularly from the culpit.  Because there is nothing funny about sin.  So, therefore no sin should become a joke.

Nor do I like speaking about being homosexual or heterosexual…as to speak in terms of sex is to be caught up in fleshy things…because sex has to do with the flesh.  And it is something which we all have to battle against.  

Speaking of which, you will have to read my book when it comes out, “The Bishop’s Wife”….a sho’nuf must read.  I will tell you when you can get it…as it is already at the publishers…you can read about that in my very first first blog…under ‘self-publishing.’  Well, so much for my shameless plug for my up-coming book…“The Bishop’s Wife.”

I hope I have addressed the issue of same-sex marriages, pre-martial sex (all of which you can read in my ‘Gay Pride’ blog)… along with my stance on them and other things all through my blogs…of which, if you haven’t read them all…do indeed give them a read.  And don’t forget to share this blog address www.bsmith101.wordpress.com  with your family and friends…and co-workers…everybody!    Enjoy…and thank you for reading. 

Be kind to those around you.  With love…champion your enemies.

I will never forget once being in downtown Brooklyn when I came across a young employee whom I had had a lot of problems with…but when she saw me downtown that day (which had been the first time she had seen me for some time)…when she saw me…she came running towards and threw her arms around me burying her head in my chest with such joy.

And I said to her as we conversed, “Patrina, I thought that you didn’t like me.”

And she answered saying, “Yes, Miss Smith.  But you were fair.”

So, I say champion your enemies and they will run towards you…with open arms.

Be good and have a beautiful day.     God bless….

ps….I have been doing nothing but sleeping.  I’m still trying to catch up to all the sleep I lost while being on vacation last week.  ©2008

Add a comment July 14, 2008