JEDA and WILL… could it be coming to an end… Living in ‘the Life’ …

You would think that 1 of the hottest topics at the Atlanta Hair Show would have been about some fantastic hair-do… but it wasn’t. Way from it.

The buzz on the floor and from booth to booth was about Will Smith and Jeda Pickett-Smith.

I had long ago wrote a glowing blog about them being great role models and a beautiful couple… but who knew that all was not what it seemed?

They seemed to be the perfect couple.  Happy… and certainly with it all going on.  But who knew what dark little secrets lurked deep down within?

Who knew that it was at all as it was made to seem?

I thought them happy.  I thought them perfectly matched.  I thought that they truly loved one another.  I thought that there was nothing that could drive them apart. I thought…

Well, I thought all was well.  But it seems that it wasn’t.  And that it was far from being well.

It was my son that broke the news to me saying-

“It was all everybody was talking about.”

But who knew?

Well… I knew someone who knew… and she told me it many years ago saying-

“Awh, come on, Bern… don’t you see it. If you don’t then you are the only 1 who doesn’t.”

But I refused to accept it. But it seems that she was right… that same friend who I wrote about in my blog about the DeBarge family…  the 1 who I used to laugh with when we would giggle over, and pick fun at how sissy the DeBarge brothers all seemed.  Yeah, her…

So, I asked my son what were they saying?

And why?

And he said they got tired of having an open marriage.

I said -

“What?  What do you mean an open marriage?”

I was thinking he was talking about the usual kind of thing maybe some other woman … or possibly another man. The man part was right… but he wasn’t talking about Jeda.

It was Will.

And my son said that everybody at the hair show was talking about it.  Since the hair show was made up of a large number of gay men… I immediately began to think that this had to be true.  Because  gay men are in the know about such things as this.  And from men to women at the hair show… they were all buzzing about it.

I have yet to pull myself up off the floor behind this. Some things really do come as such a surprise… and this was 1 for me.  Though I have to say it again… my friend had told me it long ago, when Will was playing as the Fresh Prince of Bel Aire.

It was something I guess I never wanted to see… and perhaps way down deep I was hoping it wasn’t so. And I STILL AM.

I really thought Will and Jeda made for a great couple. They seemed to be great parents …and they seemed to place a high value on family.

Though I wasn’t particular about their new found religious beliefs… and how after coming into all that money they decided that they wanted to convert into becoming members of the Church of Scientology. Which struck me as a Hollywood thang… for the $20 million plus crowd. Which Will stepped into many years ago after leaping from the small screen onto the large screen… with a massive following.

It is disappointing really. But I guess we are all chased by demons at some point or other in our lives. The trick is to not allow them to consume us.  And to fight until we win… and not them.

There seems to be a rash of men and women stepping into the gay lifestyle. For some it seems to be hip…even fashionable.  But for others it is something that they have been drawn into … whether by their own fancination …or by some type of inducement… enticement… inquisitive nature … or whatever have you.  And clearly I forgot about acts of abuse as another root cause for some.

But for whatever reason it seems to be growing. Or maybe it is that it is more open. Perhaps, the latter is probably the real case.

And it seems to me that I see so many young school kids making choices at early ages about such things. And many of them… especially the girls are deep into role playing… meaning dressing or acting out the male role.

Having come out ‘the life’… meaning having been gay myself… I cannot help but feel for them. So, I study them and watch them… and can’t seem to take my eyes off them. Because I hate to see anyone commit their lives to something that is so anti-them.

I can’t say that I hated me. But I did hate what I looked like… hated my size… and I can’t remember what else. But I never really liked me.

I never thought I was pretty or anything like that. And my interest were not really in girl-ly things.

But I never desired to be a boy… and certainly not a man. I did like that part about me.

So, I never considered role playing as an option for me… though for most of  my relationships with women …I was designated as what would have been the the male role. Because even in not playing roles… somehow you end up in them. Somebody is going to be more fem …and somebody butch. And it is because that is how life is… and we immitated life and the various catagories of life as 2 people together.

But I really get disturbed at seeing so many young people gravitating towards an alternate lifestyle. And particular those who are so young… young girls and boys in the 7th or 8th grade.

CLICK.  It has just dawn on me that I was in the 9th grade when some girl first started following me around… and later began to stick letters into my locker. How quickly we forget.

I rarely think of it now. Her letters turned into phone calls when she happen to come upon my sister 1 day… telling my sister that I had given her our phone number… and that she had lost it.  So, my sister accommodated her by giving  it to her again… or so she thought.

This is when I found out that all those mysterious letters in my locker were coming from a girl. It is funny because I never ever talked to that girl face 2 face… until much later in our lives. Because for 1 thing I was afraid of her…

I was naive and had never heard of 2 women …or girls doing anything together. .. sexually that is. And secondly… well… I just thought that she was crazy.

Once I realized what was going on I soon began to notice that that girl used to walk pass all my classrooms.  She used to just stand there outside my classrooms looking through the glass door at me.  She also used to sneak into the 9th grade lunch… as she at the time was only an 8th grader…  and she would always sit somewhere across from me… watching me… staring at me.  It is funny how I had never noticed her before… but then I had thought it was some boy sending me all those letters.

Though the girl never tried to hurt me… or ask me to do anything sexually… I nevertheless kept my distance from her.

Believe it of not I had actually finished this blog…BUT LOST EVERYTHING BELOw THIS.   So, at some point maybe I may come back and redo it.  But not right now …or tonight it  is after 4 AM…

So, please forgive me while I get some sleep.

Well, God bless…

Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on…”  www.bsmith101.wordpress.com  ©2011

Add a comment August 24, 2011

Weiner as dumb as they come… sexual intrigue over the internet…

How do you jeapordize everything by getting caught up in virtual sex?

Believe it or not so many people are caught up in sexual internet encounters.  They are intrigued with meeting up with sexual partners over the internet…and go rushing to get back on-line day after day… or night after night to continue their on-line internet intrigue of sexual encounters.  With many of them… ‘the people’  doing this…ending up rushing off to meet physically  with their virtual love interest.

You would not believe the numbers…

Yes, ‘the NUMBERS’ of people that become introduced via social networks over the computer is astounding.  And they become so wrapped up in technical instrutments… be it their computer or their cell phone… their ipad… or laptop …as long as it keeps them plugged into whoever it is that is whetting their sexual appetites over those instrutments.

What is the intrigue?

What is the enticement?

What makes so many men and women crazy enough to get so deeply involved in this kind of thing?

And you would be surprised about the number of  women and men who are in ‘the church’ who are as involved in this type of  behavior… if not more so than those outside of the church.

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-banks-20110611,0,6807419.column

I first learned of  this when I happened to be downtown Brooklyn preparing to get ready for an edit session, when a older minister came swinging into the room.  He proclaimed that he was on his way out of  town but wanted to check on something over the computer.  The room was lined with computers… and he fell into a seat at 1 of them… and he began talking to me as he struck the keypad to the computer.

He told me how he was meeting up with women over the internet for sex, and that this was how he was now spending much of his time.

Without any shame or remorse he began openning up pictures over the internet to show me various black women he had carried on with… and was now carrying on with.  They were mostly women outside of  New York… a lot of them in the south.  But I was…

Well, I was shocked.

All I could think was…

“What kind of Preacher is this?”

I stood there looking down on the man… as he gleefully went about his task of communicating with these women over the internet.  I could not phantom myself wanting to do anything like that.

That man had it bad… but if I thought he was bad… 1 of my sisters overtook him.  And soon after…

Well, maybe a year or so later after finding out about her absortion in this mess… I came to find out that thousands of women had fallen into the very same trick bag.  And they too were rushing off to points unknown… like crazy to meet up with men that they had become enticed with over the internet.

Not to mention the hundreds of  women who up and marry strangers that they become entangled with over their computers.

This thing is an epidemic.  Truly…

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/06/08/anthony-weiner-wife-pregnant_n_873429.html

I don’t understand it… but I know that it can all happen quickly.

I recall when I first started learning the computer… which believe it or not really wasn’t so long ago.  Oh… yes it was… now that I think about it.  It was about 10 years ago…   No, I think a little more.

My then lover had taken it upon herself  to teach me how to get started.  We had gone up over to the Black Voices’ site into a chat room.

Remember those?

Don’t hear too much about them today… since 1 on 1 conversations have proven to be far more better…I guess.  You also don’t have wonder about who is talking to who.  And besides  the technology has improved vastly.   It has become by far very much more advanced.

But back then it wasn’t all that shabby either  over a period of time… basically slower… much slower.

But getting back to what I was saying… as we were sitting there at the computer… me and my lover… I got my first ‘IM.’   I didn’t even know what the thing was… it was an ‘instant message’ she told me.  But it was really more like an ‘instant photo.’

Wow… this was great I thought.  But my lover didn’t like it… because the woman was attractive and told me all kinds of information about herself.  She lived in D.C. etc…etc…  But that thang came so quick… it was just like that.  And if my lover had not been sitting there I might have struck up a conversation with that woman.

But today the technology is even better… and quicker.  The systems are more compact and lighter as well.  You don’t need to sit at your dusty computer all night anymore.  All you need is your cell phone or ipad… or whatever you have and the possibilities are unlimited.

But would you really risk it all for some lewd encounter over the internet?

I was never really a chat room person.  But the 1 sister I referenced above… she stayed there.  Now, she is on to the next level…social networks.  First it was myspace…now facebook… and who knows what else.

She has met countless men during the course of these past …I don’t know …but I am sure more than 10 years of being involved in this type of behavior.  She is overcome by it… and sadly many many …many other women are too.

Personally, I think it is just a step up from prositution.  You are just not getting paid for it.  Well, maybe they are if you consider dinner and a cheap hotel constellation for your services.

Needless to say… I have spent many hours considering the actions which she takes so lightly… and prayerfully so.  I find it hard to believe that anyone would trust such encounters… if for no other reason than just the health risk alone.

How do you so willingly trust people who many of them over the internet… use a bunch of alias’… and tell a bunch of lies.

And if they really had anything going on in their lives would not have to be meeting up with people over the internet.

And the worst thing about it is this…

• How do you go running off to meet up with somebody you don’t even know?

And all that you do know is what they have told you… which for the most case is a bunch of  nothing.  Just some stuff to make you all hot and bothered… and eager to give them what they want.

Maybe, I am not the brightest or the smartest… but I am not going to involve myself with seeking out people over the internet to fall into bed with… or with the hope that they will become my husband or wife.

The old fashion way of meeting people… and getting to know people worked just fine for me when I was doing that kind of thing.  And I would never be fool enough to want to risk my life… or livelihood on a virtual reality relationship of any sort.

Evidently, Congressman Weiner was quite proud of his lower half.    So much so that he would take pictures of it and forward them out to women …and possibly young girls… over the internet.

It is all so boyish to me… childish.  I recall when growing up… and it seemed that young boys are so anxious to show you their stuff.  I really cannot remember how many times those of the male species had exposed themselves to me.  Or tried to grab my hand and try to force me to touch something that I did not want to touch… that was attached to them.

But certainly by the time they become adults… I would think that they would have all grown out of obsession with it.  But not so.

Once while standing down on the platform of the subway waiting on my train… I happened to glance across to the platform just across from me.  There staring at me was a man openly exposed with his penis in hand and ejaculating.

I have no idea of what all the intrigue with their lower part is… but somehow those men who have not outgrown playing with themselves in public places… or flashing themselves at women… truly they need to get a life.  And put their hands and heads on bigger and brighter things in this world.

And some women are just as bad… but they do it in other less obvious ways.

No doubt it is truly a spirit which overtakes people.  But the Bible says… ‘be ye not enticed.’

I find nothing enticing in it.  I have always shyed away from people who seemed to be too sexually agressive.  I found it to be a big turn off.  Today… though I do not dwell on sex… but I know that many do.

I am so happy that God released me from the trap that I was in.  I used to be driven by sexual desire.  It was all I could think of.

Some might say that I was a late bloomer since I had not dealt sexually until after I hit the ripe old age of 25.  But even then I was timid… highly selective… and quite discreet.

But sexual desire had me.  It held me captive.  But thank God… He set this captive free… and I now walk in liberty.

I cannot think of anything I would rather not do …than to once again fall prey to my old sexual ways.  To be caught up in sex.  It was all I would think about… and all I wanted to do.  I am soooooooo happy to be free.

But Weiner was as dumb as they get.

As much as I was driven by my desires… I never did anything that would make a fool out of me.

Perhaps, I was a bit prudish in my ways.  I had heard it said of  me… that I liked doing it… but I just didn’t like talking about it.  Nor was I willing to film any video tape footage of me indulging sexually… or take any photos of me naked.  I have to admit that… at the time I liked to hang out at a certain nude beach… but that was the extent of my public exposure.

Once a woman sent me a nude photo of  herself.  This was before computers… when I opened the envelop I was horrified.  I dropped that picture like it was something hot.  The woman was totally naked… and she had positioned herself with her legs wide open. I will stop there.

I could barely pick up that picture.  I didn’t even want to touch it to stuff it back into an envelop and forward it right back to her.  How dare anyone send me such filth.  I forgot what I wrote back to that woman… but it was not nice.

No rational person would involve themselves in such behavior.  The man had a wife who based upon the news is currently pregnant with their first child… and he was or ‘is’ a Congressman.  How could he have acted so foolishly …and so carelessly.

The Bible says… ‘what is done in the dark will come to light.’

Weiner after initially lying… saying that a hacker had done it… he now states that he mistakenly sent the photo of his lower part by error over Tweeter.  He stated that when he realized his mistake he quickly tried to remove the photo.  Needless to say… by that time it was a little too late.

In all of  his excitement… Weiner certainly ‘exposed’ himself.  It came to light…

Well, I really only got up to go to the bathroom.  Never intended to write this… but I had fallen asleep with my son’s laptop resting partly on my stomach and upper legs.

So, just as I crawled back into bed… I decided to check the news headlines.  And it read… ‘Weiner admits lewd tweets.’

http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/anthony-weiner-officials-investigate-messages-exchanged-teen/story?id=13818788

After nearly 2 weeks of lying about it Anthony Weiner finally decided to breakdown and tell somewhat of the truth.  It is kind of like John Edwards over his mistress and baby outside of his marriage… or like Bill Clinton in the White House with Monica.  Or like that Senator in the men’s bathroom… something about his foot and the stall next to his.

http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/rep-anthony-weiner-denies-tweeting-lewd-photo/story?id=13736214

We have been through it before… and it  always seems that if we give it a week or so the story will change.  The lie becomes a half truth… because you can’t really believe that a liar is really going to tell you the truth… not the whole or even the real truth.  They only admit to just enough… but never tell us really ‘the truth’ concerning the matter for which they have become embroiled.

We never quite get the whole sorted truth out of them.

But do we really need to… or expect to?

Just know for the next time… from the on-set when the story first breaks… always expect to hear the lie first.  And then later maybe… just maybe some part of a manufactured truth.

Do you recognize any of these faces?

Do you remember any of their initial stories?

And what was the final outcome?

Wait a minute… I think that there are a few pictures missing.

Is  morality a thing of the past?

I have got to get some sleep.  It is starting to rain now.  I hear it lightly hitting the windowpane.  Good night… rather morning…and enjoy  your weekend.

Well, God bless…

Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on…”  www.bsmith101.wordpress.com  ©2011

Add a comment June 11, 2011

Arnold living ghetto fabulous…transitioning and other gay tales…

I have never thought much of  Arnold Schwarzenegger since a controversy once arose about him being a racist.  I have since forgotten the details… but I think it had to do with him not hiring minorities within his staff, as governor of California.  Or maybe it was something to do with him not having any minorities in his movies.

Through the course of  living we have grown accustom to reading and hearing stories of men and women who have fallen down… who were living double lives and baring children with people outside of their vows of  matrimony.  So, this story about Arnold Schwarzenegger really shouldn’t be a great surprise.  He is afterall… a man.

Don’t you hate hearing that?

“Well, he’s just doing what men do.”

“All men do it.”

“Maybe he wasn’t getting any at home.”

And the list goes on and on… as to the kinds of things people will say.

But sometimes we are caught off guard.  People who we never would have suspected… though I would never classify Arnold as 1 of  those as there had been rumors.  Things about him groping and feeling up on women.  But there were people like for instance… John Edwards.  Even watching that mess unfold while standing at the counter of a local corner store… I just could not believe it.  Not him was all I kept saying.  Not goody 2-shoes… squeaky clean John Edwards.  The John Edwards who said-

“I’m in love with my childhood sweetheart… that John Edwards?”

Then before him… there rose up Jesse Jackson.  What a fine dude he was in his day.  And I do mean fine.

He was the 1 that all the networks turned to concerning ‘black issues.’   He was a man for all season when it came to… his peoples…

Yeah…right.

Up to the point where he called Obama the ‘N’ word.   But lets go back before that… to those pictures displayed upon the front page of the New York Post and everywhere else… of  Jesse…  and ‘the’ woman… the very pregnant woman …carrying his ‘love’ child… who at the time that story broke… she had already had the baby.   That was the picture with him and Bill Clinton…another 1… and her just grinning like there was not going to be a tomorrow for any of  them.

Yes…the ‘right’ Reverend Jesse Jackson.   Needless to say that controversy certainly changed a lot of people’s opinion about him… and what he truly represented.  Which as already mentioned… was compounded by that little incident with him talking off camera with an open mic on… talking some crazy stuff about what he would like to do to Obama while referencing him with the ‘N’ word.

Clearly, if  I had been Jesse’s wife… and I have said it over and over… since seeing that 1 picture in  the New York Post.   The 1 with the woman being 7 or 8 months pregnant with Jesse standing… I think behind her… grinning from ear to ear with his hands stretch around her inflated belly.

Oh, yeah… I would have been just like Morgan Freeman’s wife, and got me 1 of  those high power lawyers.   And he would have been seeing stars for the rest of life… after I got through with him.  He would have been too dizzy to ever walk up onto any stage ever again… when I got through with him.  But I guess Jesse’s wife is kinder… gentler… and more forgiving than I am.

But some women when they have had enough… they truly have had enough.  And Morgan Freeman’s wife was 1 of thos women.

One could argue… what was he thinking?

Maybe it was a lapse in judgment.

But for how many years did he suffer that lapse?

I am talking about Schwarzengger now.  What could he have been thinking?  And to be doing it with someone who worked within his own house.  Who was impregnanted with his child at about the exact same time as his wife with their last child.

And who allowed the other woman… a maid to bring that child into the house of  his wife… where this little boy probably played with his other son… the 1 born about the same time as the child he fathered with the maid… a woman who worked for his wife… aiding  Maria around the house… and probably with her children as well.

Is this a confusing story?

Obviously, not.  It did not seem to confuse Arnold at all.  Because some how during the course of the last 10 to 13 years… the span of the life and birth of his outside son… he  never slipped up.  That is Maria Striver claims to have never known about the child before Arnold finally told her about him some weeks ago.  Whereupon, she packed up and moved out… taking her children with her.

Not to be or seem evil… but I never thought the Striver/Schwarzenegger marriage was a good match.  And it goes beyond him being Republican… and her being deeply rooted as a Democrat.

It just seemed to me that Arnold Schwarenegger had a need to legitmatize himself.  Coming from Austria… and having a funny last name… combined with a funny and then quite thick accent… as well as… I guess he had some political ambitions.  What better way to create for himself the type of  American acceptance that he might not have ever gotten any other way than by marrying a Kennedy.

In seeing a picture of  the woman… 1 would have to wonder what did Arnold see in her.   She appears to be older than Maria… and I don’t know what she looked like some 20 years ago when she started working for the Schwarzenegger family… but that is all gone now.   But then I thought that about the woman John Edwards impregnanted… and about  Marla Maples or Naples…or whatever her name was.  The woman that Donald Trump took up with… and soon married.  She probably was pregnant too… because that whole thang happened pretty quick.  And soon it was over.

They snud their noses at those who do not have the money that they do… or who do not live quite as well  off as they do.   I’m talking about the supposed ‘high class’  who talk  about… ‘all they do is make babies.’  But when push comes to shove they themselves are about as ‘ghetto fabulous’ as those they often look down upon.  And they have far less class in the dealings of  their own infidelity… than those they shun.

Though now nearing the end of his term as a governor, I have no doubt… Arnold felt it now safe to disclose his little secret.  However, what men do not take into account is how women feel about men who cheat.  And particularly if they not only cheat …but also make someone pregnant in the process of their cheating.  And don’t let them walk around for years like they had not done anything… pretending.

But Arnold was so bold… he got the woman pregnant and then decided he wanted to be governor too.  That is about just as bad as John Edwards deciding to run for President of the United States a second time… while his wife is dying of cancer… and his mistress was pregnant.

And to put the icing upon the cake for Arnold… it was all done  within the preview of  his wife and children.  Right there under  their own noses.

This is why I will never be able to stand that little guy… Woody Allen.  I will never support him or anything that he does.  To think that Mia Farrow adopted some children… and during the course of some time… he began taking lewd and questionable pictures of the then quite young girl… whom he later divorces Mia Farrow for… so that he could marry her.

What kind of craziness was that?

Clearly, the man had… and has problems.  And I for 1 do no sanction them.

Another rat was… or is… that Rupdolph Giuliani.  Yeah, that guy from New York City who used to be the Mayor…then ran for President… and might try and run again.  But he will never make it.  Because women do not forget.

Giuliani… when he was Mayor of New York started seeing this women.  This woman… he would bring to Gracie Mansion… the Mayor’s place of residence. in New York.   This mind you was where  his wife and his son lived.  And Giuliani… the good mayor… would have this woman staying there with him… under the same roof with his wife and child.

What kind of  a dog is that?

At least in the ghetto… most men know not to try that.   If the woman doesn’t have an apartment of  her own… then they know how to find a cheap motel or hotel.  But ain’t nobody in the ghetto going to pull up to his wife’s house talking about he going to bring some other woman… in there to do his thing.  Huh-uh… that ain’t happening… ever.   Not with the wife knowing about it… it is not.  Definitely not.

You have got to be kidding.  And I am not joking about this… as this type of behavior is not acceptable.  It is immoral …and it can be traced thoughout history.  Infidelity is not new… you only have to go back a few years to Bill Clinton and his little 24 year old friend… named Monica.

It would seem that wedding vows do not mean very much today.  Maybe never… as long as men and women have allowed themselves to become enticed sexually outside of their marriages.

Through the course of the 20 years that woman who worked in the Schwarzenegger household was taken care of by Schwarzenegger.  Who knows maybe Schwarzenegger placed her there… got her the job in his home in the first place?

Who knows?

But upon retiring from her job as a maid for  the Schwarzeggers… he bought the woman a nearly $300,000 house in an exclusive LA residence.  And it also looks like he paid for her to have a boob job as well.  Because in her pictures she clearly looks like she had 1.  It does not look natural.

The 1 thing about outside of a marriage children… it is funny how many times those children look more like the men that fathered them… than the children within the marriage.

The Bible says a good name is worth more than rubies.  I was listening to a Preacher preach and he began to talk about rubies.  He said that rubies are more rare than diamonds.  I had never thought about that… but you know what it is true.

The way most things operate in this world is based upon supply and demand.  The higher the demand and the less the supply…the greater the price.  Except for this 1 thing… rubies.  We often hear of the diamond mines in South Africa and other places.  There are some areas where I have heard it said that they… the people who live in some places… almost stumble upon diamonds daily.  In these places the people are banned from gathering the diamonds in their country.  But I have never heard anything about rubies.  I really don’t even know where most rubies come from.

Hold it …I have got to ‘google’ this up.

They are 2nd only to diamonds …and are only the 2nd hardest mineral known to man.   They are found in Thailand, India, Madagascar, Zimbabwe, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Kenya, Tanzania, Kampuchea, and most notably  in Burma.  And here is 1 for you… they are also found in North Carolina… right here in the United States.  Imagine that and we rarely ever hear anything about rubies.

But back in Biblical times it is possible that rubies were considered more valuable than diamonds are today.  Because the Biblical texts says that ‘a good name is worth more than rubies.’

When you think of  it through history certain family names have stood out in this country such as ‘the’ Kennedy’s… ‘the’ Rockefellers… and so on.  And with those names has come a certain level of  respect… and to degree of  regard… reverence and honor.  These names are held in high regard and come with a track record so to speak of  commitment and success.  Having such a name opened doors and created opportunites for those who bared their family mark… their name.

Maria Striver has held onto her family identity being part of the Kennedy clan.  I never once ever heard her being refered to as Maria Schwarzenegger.  Though I guess that was kind of  hard to get away from totally as she was, and at this time… still is married to Arnold… who is still governor of  California.

How it all plays out remains to be seen.  But Maria has lawyered up… and if she moves forward this will be a big 1.  And it will cut deeply into Arnolds fun money.

The moment I read the headline to this story… I knew that I was going to write something on it.

http://msn.foxsports.com/wcbk/story/Transgender-basketball-player-calls-it-quits-at-George-Washington-051811/?GT1=39002

I cannot believe that a 17 or 18…or maybe 20 something young woman would elect to surgically have her body transformed to pretend to be something that she is not.  But then to do it… and want to play on the women’s basketball team… is more than a bit puzzling to me.

http://articles.nydailynews.com/2010-11-02/sports/27079970_1_gender-identity-transgender-outsider

Okay…so, you believe that you are man… and that somehow your body type got confused.  And you decide to straighten out whatever mistake that you tell yourself that God must have made… why then after doing all of  this… changing your sexual organs and such… I guess… from female to male… then why would you want to play basketball on the women’s team?

Could it be that somewhere down deep… she still feels and knows that she is really a woman?

Perhaps, as confusing to me …it must have been for the young lady, Kye Allums, who ventured out to do it.  And recently she has decided to come off of the Georgetown University women’s basketball team amid all this controversy.

It is perplexing.

And maybe… you don’t care to hear this.  But if  it had not been for the Lord we would all be just as equally confused.  Making all kinds of  crazy decisions and seeing them as right.

http://www.theroot.com/buzz/mind-your-business-queen-latifahs-sexuality?wpisrc=obinsite

I first heard this story when a friend relayed it to me.  I, of course, had always had my own thoughts on this as I had come in contact with Queen Latifah a couple of times.  I hadn’t run into her at any parties …but I had heard where she hung out at when she came across the bridge into Manhattan.

And I am all for letting people along… and letting them live their lives.  I once was there and I always felt that what I did in the privacy of my bedroom was my own personal business.  I, of course, at that time never had any consideration of  God.  I just felt that as along as it didn’t involve children or animals… then leave me alone.

I also felt that same way about other people and their lives.  I never liked listening to people tell me about their long weekends with their boyfriends.  BORING.

Because I never thought of the workplace as a place of sharing every detail… and particularly those kind of stories.  I was more quiet… laid back.  I didn’t talk about my business… and only half  listened to what other people were telling me about theirs.

So, the story is finally out… and with pictures.  But if you believe it or not… because most people believe whatever they want to… pictures or no pictures anyway.  I have always admired Queen Latifah.  I am not interested in looking into anyone’s bedroom… I have too much on my own plate for that.

http://www.theroot.com/buzz/mind-your-business-queen-latifahs-sexuality?wpisrc=obinsite

But to me Queen Latifah has always been a good role-model.  Even as a rapper… she did not sell herself out… or our people… or other women.  She was clean… decent… and came with rapps that jammed not insulted… or made us shame.  And then she flipped that around and made herself a movie star…it just showed that she was also capable of reinventing herself… and she was always an entrepreneur.

So, I applaud her.

The fact that you or I may not agree with what she does in the bedroom… does not take away from the fact that she is an adult woman making her own choices and decisions and doing well at doing so.  And 1 day she may make another decision just as I did… but that choice is hers… God gave that right  to her.

But here is something we can all agree upon… at least she is not walking around trying to make it seem that it is alright.  She is not flunting it.

That takes me now to Tonex.  I saw Lexi’s interview… even posted a blog about  Tonex.  But it is hard for me to agree with anyone who knows scripture… as it is written in the Holy Bible… to believe that livng such a life is agreeable to the will of God.  It is totally out of step… and I would be remiss if  I did not say so.

To some level I will not deny that I have and do still now suffer with my own level of  homophobia… which might sound strange coming from an ex-lesbian.  But even while living ‘in the life’… I had it.  But the 1 thing that I am careful not to do… is to hopefully not offend… hurt… or despise anyone.  Nor do I poke fun at… or laugh at… or make light of any situation of  being.  And this is the way that more people should come to be.

I am not talking about being in acceptance… but being understanding… loving… kind… and not confrontational.  The Bible say that with ‘love and kindness have I drawn thee.’

Find that spirit within yourself… and you may start drawing more people to the Lord.

Oh, on my final note… since so many people have been hitting my blog for more information on Cher’s ex-daughter…Chastity… since the release of  some pictures this week and the announcement that she is going to marry her long time girl-friend.   Here is what I have to say on the matter…

http://celebrity.uk.msn.com/news/gossip/articles.aspx?cp-documentid=157500663

Well, she has managed to harden her facial features and looks more like a man… but at the end of the day… none of us can really un-do anything that God has done.  No matter how hard me try… or how much medication… and surgeries you have.  It can’t be undone… no matter what the mirror says… or what people tell you.

I’m sorry, Chastity… it is just the way that it is.

http://articles.nydailynews.com/2011-05-13/gossip/29558011_1_jennifer-elia-chaz-longtime-partner

Gender transitioning is a misnomer.  There is no such thing as transitioning your sex into another.  We are what God says we are.  Removing or having certain things changed about our physical being does not change our basic DNA.  It may corrupt certain cells etc… even effect  parts of our chemical make-up.  But it is impossible to totally reconstruct certain core things about our inner workings and true gender.

Just have any gay transgender male sit down beside you and go to sleep…  and see if  they sound like a woman then.  Impossible…

If you can transition your sex… then why stop there?

Why not transition yourself  into being rich… or famous?

That’s the point… it just does not happen like that.  Though becoming rich and famous are certainly reasonable and achievable goals.  But reconstructing your entire physical chemistry is not.

Well, I have been working on this blog for the better part of  my day now.  Started at about 2:30 this afternoon… and it’s now  a little after 4:30 in the morning.   Definitely time for me to go to sleep now.

But I did get up to mop the kitchen and bathroom… and got me something to eat in the in-between time.  In a few hours it will time for me to get up and go to church.  So, I will say good-night…

Hope you have a bless day… and weekend.  They say mostly sunny and warm weather this week.  I really didn’t mind what we got this past week.  It was dark and rainy most of the time.  But I like the rain… and  that is not to say that I don’t equally enjoy the sun.  Because I do.

Well, God bless…

  Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on…”  www.bsmith101.wordpress.com  ©2011

2 comments May 22, 2011

Who is to blame?

I rarely follow 1 blog right behind the other… but I just finished reading this as I hit the button and said ‘post’ to my last blog.

It is a story about a woman who killed herself and 3 of her children with her.   Perhaps, you heard or read this story.  I now recall hearing someone vaguely mentioned something about it last week while I was in the beauty salon getting my hair done for Easter.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110427/ap_on_re_us/us_river_deaths_blame;_ylt=AvTGBx5blvs4ltAwbzNIdjA7PcB_;_ylu=X3oDMTM3c3E4MGFuBGFzc2V0A2FwLzIwMTEwNDI3L3VzX3JpdmVyX2RlYXRoc19ibGFtZQRjY29kZQNvZmZwemYzMARjcG9zAzYEcG9zAzYEc2VjA3luX3RvcF9zdG9yaWVzBHNsawNmYXRoZXJnZXRzY3I-

So, I just finished reading the story to the situation…just CLICK the LINK ABOVE if you want to read it too… if you haven’t done so already.

Much effort in the story…the slant in the story is who is to blame.

Who is to BLAME??????

I am a firm believer that we all have to take responsibility for all our own actions.  It is something I tried to teach my son and to all of my nieces and nephews.  Because at the end of  the day… we have no one to blame but ourselves for the course of our own lives.  And many of the events that happen in it.

In the above story about this young woman who decided to take her own life and the lives of  her children… just 3 of  them by default.  Because she had a 4th child but when she drove into the Hudson River…he being older (her eldest child)…I think the story stated that he was anywhere from 7 to 10 years old.  But he somehow managed to swim a shore.

Supposedly, just prior to the woman driving into the Hudson River… she had just had an argument with her boyfriend.  The man who happened to be the father of  her last 3 children… to which she was not married. 

The story states that the father… the man who was the father of the woman last 3 children was 25 years old.  Which leads me to believe that the woman who committed the murder/suicide… was also somewhere in her early 20′s.

The story goes that she supposedly became distraught after the argument… jumped into her car after packing in her children… and headed for a ramp leading into the Hudson River.

Now, who is to blame?

It seems that many in the story blame the supposed father.  They labeled him as a cheater and other things.

Some I have no doubt blame it upon the times.

Some maybe blame it upon the hardship of  just being a mother.

Others might say that she just became ‘overwhelmed.’

Then others might just say that she was just plain crazy.

Any and all of  these might very well be true.

But I see it as a bigger picture which is why I am taking this time now… while I should be up and doing something else… to write on this issue.

And it is an issue.

Recently, 1 of  my brothers started seeking treatment for diabetes.  A couple of weeks ago he was in the hospital due to now  dying kidneys.   Upon him being released from the hospital he called me and asked me to come sit with him.  So I have.

I have also started going with him to all his doctor’s appointments… and that has meant that every week since he came out of the hospital I have been sitting in some doctor’s office listening to them discuss my brother’s condition with him and me.

A couple of  times my brother had me pull up to a liquor store telling me he was going in to cash a check.  But the other day as we were on our way to the doctor I smelled the smell of  alcohol upon him.  So, I asked him about it and he told me that-

“Yeah, I take a couple of  sips every now and then.  Ain’t no big biggy.”

Here he is dizzy and hands shaking…and his kidneys on near collapse, and he is telling  me that taking a drink of alcohol  is ‘no biggy’  …not  a big thing?  

Who in the world does my brother think that he is kidding?

Perhaps, he is trying to fool himself. 

But I asked the doctors-

“Is there anyway possible that he can be maintained right here at this level without him going on dialysis?”

And somewhat hesitantly the doctor kind of  said yes.  But only if  my brother did what he was suppose to do.

But while at another doctor’s office when the doctor asked him about drug abuse… my brother informed him of something I was not aware of.   He told the doctor he used to snort heroin.  I just thought people shot that up… that is how native I am about drugs and alcohol.

But when the doctor asked my brother why he had done it… my brother told him because he had gotten with the wrong girl.

The doctor then commenced to tell me brother to not blame that on the girl.  And that he… my brother had made the choice for himself  to do it.   That the girl had not forced him to do anything.

And the doctor told my brother that he needed to take the responsibility for the choices that ‘he’  …my brother had made.

Having said that I imagine that you can guess where I am going with this.  But I am lead to speak it anyhow.

In regards to the young woman who drove into the Hudson River killing herself and 3 of  her children… who would you say is to blame?

Who would you blame for her chain of  circumstances?

Who would you say put her in the situation where she found herself?

Did her environment have anything to do with it?

Was it a matter of up-bringing?

Who made the choice to lay down and bare all those children?

Would marriage have made a difference in this story?

Can anyone say that anyone does not know or believe that the act of  engaging in sex was not given to us merely for pleasure… but for procreation?

A vast majority of  women become pregnant usually after indulging once… the very first time.   This was true for me as well.  So, I know this for myself.  But I elected not to continue.

I made my choices too.

Oh, I wasn’t against having children.  I wanted as many as I could have.  Truly, when I was a very young girl I made that decision 1 day.  But I also made another decision… that I wanted to save myself for my husband.  And I did up until the age of  25.  

At that point I stepped into another lifestyle that greatly variated and diviated from the thoughts of  me as that young school girl.  But had I not… I still doubt that I would have laid down and allowed people to use me time and time again without any commitment… while yet aiding me into digging myself into a deeper hole.

Because truly 1 could say that the young man in this story…the supposed father… did aid in digging this young lady into a deeper and deeper hole.  And without a doubt he does have his own share of  blame concerning  some of the  problems and difficulty in her young life …and the lifes and end of  lifes concerning his children.

But every choice made by that young woman was her own… including the thought and action of  commiting suicide …and the eventual murder of  3 of  her 4 children.

In terms of  Biblical text…1 could look at the story of  Leah.  But the difference here was that Leah was married to Jacob.  And  though Jacob loved Rachel… and was married to both… there had to been something about Leah.  Because she continued to give birth to children for him.  In fact, Leah was the mother of  Judah… and Judah is the line under which both David and Jesus emerge.

But getting off the Biblical angle and just going back to today’s reality… and this story there is only 1 reality when it comes to baring child after child for someone you hope you will be able to hold onto… or who will marry you.  And that is… baring children is not going to do it for you. 

Yes, you have created a tie with a person that will be between you and that person for as long you and/or  he and/or the child lives… and in this case children lived.  But that is it. 

It does not make them love you.  There is nowhere written that after Leah bared Jacob all those sons…and a daughter… that at any time Jacob came to love Leah.

But just for the sake of  Biblical text… let me note that Leah did get him in the end.  Because Jacob was buried in the tomb with her… while Rachel was buried along side the road on their way  after having died in child birth.

It is evident that this young mother neither loved herself  or her children as much as she hated the prospect of  loosing this young man to another woman.

And that is the travesty of  it all.  Because at the end of  the day it does not matter what area you come from… or your level education… or your socio-economic advantages… or the lack thereof…  if you do not love yourself you will continued to make mistake after mistake and doom your own life.  And there will be no one to blame but you… yourself … and the ‘I’ whoever you are.

I have no doubt that the young woman in this story became overwhelmed. 

Overwhelmed with having made 1 bad choice after another… and another. 

Overwhelmed with trying to deal with those bad choices and not having any real support mechanism in place that might have aided her… or even assisted her in some way to start making some good choices in order to turn her life and situation around. 

Nobody heard her voice.   Nobody saw her tears… nobody realized that she was way over being overwhelmed.

I am sadden by the lost of  her… and her innocent little children.  And by the knowledge that the little son  which survived will now live with this  for the rest of  his life.

If any of us were perfect then I guess we could all point fingers and laugh… joke about this… I guess to some degree.  But life is no joking matter.  It is precious.  Everybody’s life is precious.  And none of  us is exempt from mistake making.  Even at this age I still make mistakes.  But thank God…He is working on my behalf  that I am not overtaken.

I pray that God steps into every bad situation …and situation where people need help…

Now, maybe I can get up from here and finally do what I really have to do.  I have been up and working on blogs since 6 AM this morning.  And it really hadn’t even been my intent.  The day is slipping pass me… I have got to get moving.

Hope you have a beautiful rest of the day. 

I have been seaching for something that I really need to find.  So, I have really have to put my all and all into it today.

 Well, God bless…

  Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on…”  www.bsmith101.wordpress.com  ©2011

Add a comment April 27, 2011

Land Court… Me… and the Judge… and God…

Today I had a court date in Land Court.   Blessingly, God blessed me not to have to travel to our state capitol to have to do it.

By the time I got off the bus… jumped the train… then walked up the hill… I could barely walk into the courtroom the last time.  In fact, I could hardly stand when they called my case before the judge. 

Seeing that the judge suggested that we do our next  court date by phone in order to make it easier on me.  At first I was resistant to that idea because I felt I could better sway the judge… be more effective or otherwise do more and better  for my case by standing before the judge than I could over the phone.

But I forgot 1 key factor.

It is not me… that I now depend upon when I walk into a courtroom… or anywhere else for that matter… but the Lord.

I have come to know that  if you truly trust Him… then you have to act like you trust Him.  It is not about saying ‘I trust the Lord.’   But it is about putting that into action… showing it forth so that it may manfest to be so.

So, I longer study… or pour over anything pining or worrying about the outcome.  I never try to even think about what it is that I am suppose to dred… because I do not think about.  I do not let it interfere with my days or nights any longer… because God has said ‘cast our cares upon Him.’

And let me tell you… that when you do… you will not believe the outcome.

Truly… truly cast your cares upon Him.

Well, today when I got up… I went about my normal routine.  I read a chapter in my Bible.  But I decided not to eat anything… I just wanted to mediate on God and what was going to be ahead of me in a couple of hours… that court conference call.

For the first time I glanced over the documents that the lawyer representing the City had sent to me.  Pulled out my calculator and started examining the figures for the past 4 years of  property taxes owed.  Trying to find some discrepencies… and when you are dealing with figures there will always be some somewhere.

Finally, the phone rang.   It was the court.

As the judge began to speak to me she informed me that the lawyer for the City wasn’t feeling well.  I’m thinking wow… it’s over there will be a postponement for another date… and it will give me some more time.

I knew I needed time because no matter which way it went I was going to have to come up with some money.  So, I needed time in order to save up an amount that might be agreeable… since there was no issue that  there property taxes due.   And so…the issue would come down to how much can you pay now… if  any… and work out some kind of  payment arrangement.

So, I was happy to believe that the case was going to get pushed back again.

But then the judge said  that the lawyer for the City has laryngitis and is having trouble speaking.  But if  you have any problems hearing or understanding  just interupt and I will have her repeat it.

When the lawyer talked I couldn’t understand a word she was saying.  I turned up my phone and it was worst.  But I decided to listen as closely as I could. 

In order to try and save the voice of the City lawyer… the judge had me do most of  the talking.  In beginning I suddenly remembered our last  court  session and what questions I had posed about the total amount of  taxes owed upon my parent’s property.  There had been places in the statements from the City where the amount owed leaped 2 to 3 thousand dollars from 1 quarter to another.   So, of course… I questioned this along with some other points I had found in the documents sent to me.

By the time our session was over the judge said send copies of  what you have to the City lawyer, and I am sure that the 2 of  you should be able to work out something.  And if  not the court is always here. 

And then the judge said-

“And you can get those documents to her when you can.  And send copies to the court.”

So, the judge did not schedule another court date and she left it up to me as to how soon I could send the documents in question.

No payment schedule was set. 

No return court date.

Nothing.

And through it all the lawyer for the City never said anything… because she could not talk.  She had laryngitis.

It is amazing.  A few months ago the City lawyer had sent court notices to me and all my siblings that they were in possession of  my parent’s house… and that we had 30 days to respond.   And when I called the number and spoke with the man handling it… he demanded $2,000 now in order to stop the process.

And about 4 months later… that process has yet to see the light of  day. 

And the ultimate decision lays in the hands of  the court… and the judge had just finished giving me some more time.

Wow…

God is truly something. 

Some may say why do I give all the credit to God?

First,  you would have to know when events are beyond your control  there can only be ONE somebody who can turn them in your favor.  And that somebody is God.

I write this blog for those of  you going through something.  Tons of  people are going through foreclosure still and so many other things.  And though it may seem bleek… or impossible for you to overcome… I implore you to just turn it over to  Jesus and see for yourself … first hand  just what I am talking about.

No lawyer… or  doctor … or even judge…  can beat  God at what He does.   And every lawyer…. doctor … and judge… and everybody in between have to submit to the will of  God… like Pharaoh.

God hardened Pharaoh’s heart… until He decided to soften it.  And when God softened Pharaoh’s heart… Pharaoh did as God desired him… he let God’s people go… the Israelites.  But it was all God’s will… the hardening to not let the people… and the softening to let the people go.

And it was God’s will in land court today… what that man working for the City had said to me some months ago has gone to naught.  I did not have to pay him $2,000 …and that was back in January when he told me that.  It is now March… and I am still here and nobody has a hammer over my head anymore… demanding anything from me by way of  my parent’s property taxes… or other funds.

That is not to say… the taxes or anything else  is not owed.  But it is to say… that time is on my side… through the sheer grace and mercy of  God.  I  yet have time to set my parent’s house in order.   Thank you, Lord God…

Well, God bless…and  hope you enjoy the rest of your evening. 

Sometime during the course of  your day just take the time to look up and observe the beauty that God has planted up there  for you to enjoy.

Oh, yeah… been sharing the house with 1 of my nieces.  My sister put her out. 

She is only 16 and has gone totally crazy over some boy. 

Beautiful girl…smart and everything… and I do mean everything going for herself.  ‘A’ student… on the honor society at school… captain of the school soccer and volleyball team…   And  BAMB! 

All of  it down the toilet after meeting this boy.  Who happens to be 17 and in the 10th grade.  LOSER.   And she has had sex with him… and now she is out in the streets with me… sharing the roof  over my parent’s house.

I can’t wait until my sister gets over being mad.   Noooo… but really I love my niece to death.  She is not bad… totally not.  But recently  she has made some very bad choices. 

So, currently she is in ‘in-house’ at school because she has skipped tons of  classes.  Her grades have dropped from the ‘A’s’ to ‘E’s.’  

How do you do that?

The spirit of  lust.  People have lost their homes and families… marriages… children…  all of their friends etc… etc… all because lust caused them to do some ugly… and bad things..  say some things… and forced everyone who  truly cares for them to turn away from them.. simply  because the person cannot hear… nor can they see.   They have eyes to see… but cannot see.  And ears to hear …but cannot hear.

So,  I thought she was going home Monday…  But my niece slipped up again.  She went missing for 4 hours while she was at school.  

Of  one thing I am sure… my niece wants to hurry and get out of  here.  Because her aunt is no  joke.  Sometimes you just gotta seem to meaner than you really are.  And none of my nieces or  nephews  play with me.  But… they love me the most if  the truth be told.  I know they do… and it is because I love them… I have become to be an enforcer.  But I do it all in love… and I can laugh and have fun with them and still enforce.

Now my niece is counting the days when she can go back home… and I know they can’t come soon enough.  It is all she can talk about-

“Auntie, do you think my mom this… and my mom that.”

Mom come and ge your daughter… she is driving me crazy.  

 Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family to em , co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on…”  www.bsmith101.wordpress.com  ©2011

 

Add a comment March 11, 2011

Alicia Keyes baby-mama drama …and everything that glitters…

Somehow I thought Alicia Keyes was smarter… maybe even a bit wiser.

When I was growing up I never thought to look outside of my home for my role models.  But the kids today like to pattern themselves after everything and everybody they see. 

Their whole attire is based upon watching people in music videos.  That whole thing that they do with fingers…like we used to throw up the peace sign.  Its from watching the guys on the videos.  Grinding and grabbing at their stuff…its from…

Well, you get the point.

I have read a couple stories on this romantic little couple…Keyes and her hubby to be. 

But how does that happen?

He’s in divorce court…not even un-married yet  dropping sperm all over the place while hanging a ring around her neck.  Well, I mean on her finger.

http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2010/05/28/2010-05-28_swizz_beatz_and_alicia_keys_engaged_and_expecting_their_first_baby_together.html

He is on the verge of having 3 sets of  kids…children from 3 separate women… 4 in total whenever Alicia gives birth to hers.

Here is a guy where all you have to do is look at his track record and that should give you reason to ease back from him.  What kind of  man is he that has 2 children with the woman who has him in divorce court, and before settling that matter he impregnants another woman and says-

“Lets get married.”

http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2010/01/29/2010-01-29_alicia_keys_engaged_to_rapper_record_producer_swizz_beatz_report.html

And I thought I was disappointed in Vivica Fox when she hooked up with 50¢.  I thought she was too classy for him…just what I thought about Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown at first.  Though I still think that Whitney had more going for her than Bobby Brown, and over a period of time I began to see where neither Whitney or Vivica were quite what I had thought.

Which goes to my point that you should never idolize people who you do not personally know.  If  you don’t really know them then you do not a true prespective as to who they really are.  And that old saying really is quite true-

“All that glitters is not gold.”

Meaning though they may shine…be famous…popular…or whatever  but what you see and believe to be good may…   Well, it may be something totally different from you think you see.  And I am starting to think that about Alicia Keyes.

The guy doesn’t even look like anything to me.  But from the articles Alicia is totally smitten by him.  And she has to be to want to…or to have allowed herself to fall into the predicament she is in.  Pregnant with child by a guy who already has 3 children by 2 different women…and is currently still married.

I hate to say it…but it sounds so ‘ghetto.’  And I say that knowing that many people who live in the ‘ghetto’ do not all act ‘ghetto.’   That is to say that they come out of what is called a ‘ghetto,’ but they do not act or behave in a manner that reflects the negatives of that environment…or the stigma we have come to associate with certain elements within ‘ghettos’ or poorer neighborhoods…such as the character played so realistically by Mo’que in the movie ‘Precious.’

Within ‘the hood’ baby-mama/baby-daddy drama is something well documented…whether you witnessed it on the street or happen to hear someone conversing over a cell phone.  You know it when you hear it.  It  is in the tone of the conversation…the shouting…the emotions…and usually the cussing and swearing.

Amazingly, just like Alicia and this guy, Swizz Beatz.  The name alone gives you a clue that there is nothing there.  But going back to my inital statement…a few months into a fresh new romance everyone looks as in love as Alicia and this guy in this picture.  But then comes the drama.

And I have no doubt that it is going to come…if  history has anything to say about it. 

And we all know that history as a way of  repeating itself…and clearly the guy’s history speaks for itself.

The mere fact that he had no respect for Alicia by at least waiting until he finalized his divorce to impregnant her and to set a ring upon her finger…speaks loud and clear.  And it ain’t saying ‘love.’

Oh, you may say-

“Oh, he is just trying to do the right thing.”

The right thing?

The right thing was to respect the mother of  his 2 children whom he is curently attempting to divorce before dropping a ring on somebody else…and making the other woman pregnant.  And Keyes is definitely the other woman in this scenario.

If one went back in time it is possible that the woman who this currently his wife…may have at the time found herself on the other side of the table.  And had been the other woman in that scenario between him and the mother of  his first child.

It is a know fact that if you meet up with someone this kind of way…where you take them from some else…  Well, sooner or later you will find yourself in the same predicament.  While the person moves on to the next one.

This guy strikes me as someone who likes to frantinized with women who have made  it or are their way to making it.  Hint…hint…  All gold digger are not female.

The ex-wife to be is a singer too…somebody named Mashonda.  Since I do not listen to R&B any more…or rapp…or anything much outside of gospel music…I have never heard of  her…or him.  But in watching a music video or 2 of  his… he definitely has to hook up with someone.  Because his talent, if you want to call it that…is not nothing.  You might consider him to be another…uhm… Bobby Brown.

So, he was in dire need to go to the next level.  And I guess you can say he did just that when he somehow managed to rope Alicia into his web of  romance.

At first glance Alicia struck me as clean cut…intelligent…gifted…and a young woman of  high standards and morals.  But she seems to have believed the hype and sunk into the life of  supposed stardom… rapp culture…  and whatever else.  She seems to have lost some of  that style… innocence…  and intuitiveness I thought she had. 

So, how come she didn’t see this guy coming?

How could she have fallen so deeply under his spell?

Her style changed… her talk changed …she changed.  She started showing more…and leaving less to your imagination.

 Maybe it was a desire to become more like…say a Beyonce.  And for a while I had thought that it was going to Alicia and whatever Beyonce’s husband is named. 

Then I had thought it was going to be Alicia and Common.  But Serena Williams tied that up.

But personally she looks smart enough to be a lawyer’s wife… or some doctor’s wife.  But somebody with a brain seemed to be what I would have thought Alicia would have wanted.  Somebody like a Barack and not a Swizz Beatz.

But maybe like Vivica…Alicia wanted a thug.  Just somebody able to throw her down and sex her all night long.  But I would have thought that she would’ve wanted far more than that.

Maybe someone she could converse with.  Somebody who could do more than flash and throw his hands up in the air… or spin a couple of  turntables.  Somebody who knew something about responsibility.  Somebody who could really love and respect her.  Somebody who felt so deeply about her that he would not dare pull her into a mess.

But then what about Alicia?

What happened to her common sense?

Why would she want somebody who would pull her down?

Didn’t she see what happend between Janet and her ex-husband?

How about how far Whitney fell messing around with Bobby?

Is she  oblivious to what has been going on around her concerning messing with married men…and baby-daddies?

Doesn’t she realize that depending upon what state they live in that his children could pull a piece of  her earnings too?

Yes, that is right.  Once his way of life increases under the influence of  Alicia’s money… she could be forced by the court to aid him in supporting his other children due to her income. 

So, then what would possess Alicia Keyes to want to tie herself down to a man who already has 2 set of children?

I know that it is hard to find men today who do not have any children… but there are some.  Some fine decent men waiting on a fine decent woman.   Who work and are more than capable of support his queen to be.

What happened to choosing one of them?

I see Alicia carrys expensive bags…  which cost thousands of  dollar, lik Chanel, Veneta, Louis Vuitton etc… then why go bottom shelf  when it comes to choosing a mate?

And she wouldn’t take a bag that somebody else owned.  So, why do that when it comes to a man?

Why would Alicia Keyes want to let herself  in for all the baby-mama drama that is sure to come out of  her relationship with this guy, Swizz Beatz?

I don’t really know Alicia’s background but I have heard an interview or 2 where she has talked about her schooling and music classes.  And it never struck me that she came from the ‘ghetto.’

But one thing is for sure… she is beginning to act like it.

And let me just state this…that ‘ghetto’ is more a state of mind than being.  Because I know people who live in a variety of places including what would called the ‘ghetto.’   But they do not possess a ‘ghetto’ state of  mind.

No respectable woman would set herself up for failure…except perhaps the woman Ruby Giuliani married after he finally divorced his wife.  What a mess that was… the guy had no respect.

How do you bring your mistress into Gracie Mansion, the Mayor’s mansion in New York City, where your wife and young son live to do your thing with her?

What kind of  woman was she?

I guess Giuliani was just too cheap to get a hotel.  But he did not impregnant her… least ways not that we know.  And just prior to his attmpted run for the White House, he married her.

As to whether they are happy or not… I can’t answer that.  But I do not believe any woman can can sleep peacefully at night knowing that have hooked up with someone with a wandering eye.  If  it wandered 1 time…it can and usually wanders 2 or 3 times.  And in Alicia’s case maybe 4… if someone steps up to the plate with more money and appeal.

Because that is clearly the kind of guy this guy strikes me as.  Otherwise, Alicia wouldn’t be pregnant right now.  And he probably worked hard at that… he needed to seal that deal.

And he did.

I do not wish Alicia ill… but I just do not see it working out.  History always repeats itself, and someone’s nature is their nature. But God…only if God steps in and changes them.   And this guy has z history that is speaking loud and very clearly.

But going on to my initial point regarding role models.  Like Serena and Venus… I had thought Alicia as a good and decent role model.  But this thing about being out of wedlock, pregnant and messing with a married man has definitely put a dimmer on that.

The problem is is that because Alicia is in the public eye she does bare a certain level of  responsibility.  I have no doubt that she realizes that there are many young girls and young ladies who follow her closely.  And for them she sets a kind of  standard of excellence and determination. 

Her lifestyle and choices like that of  many celebrities gets digested, and incorporated into the being of  those who follow them.  Becoming pregnant by a married man… 

 Well, it is something most people do not brag about.  It shows a level of  insecurity…  carelessness… and a balant disregard for the other woman on the other side.

This scenario is weighted in history.  Its outcomes can be  read in newspapers time and time again, due to all kinds of crazy acts of  revenge… hatred… threats… kidnappings and murder plots.  It is not a pretty situation …and under it no one can truly find happiness.

Because what started wrong in the first place …can’t help but end up wrong too.

Then that is not to say that errors or lapses in judgment can’t happen.  But never compound a mistake.

Okay, Alicia may be pregnant…but should she really marry the guy?

No.  She made a mistake.  But she does not need to make another mistake… by marrying the wrong person.

Sure she is pregnant with his child.  But if he was worth anything that would not be the case.

Clearly, Swizz Beatz lacks certain morals.  I know that sounds like a foreign word to some.  But morals stand for something.  And anyone without them…

Well, would you really want to trust them with your heart?

Apprarently, 2 others did.  And you can see what was the outcome.

Why should the 3rd…Alicia’s relationship with him be any different?

And don’t say-

“Oh, he might really love her.”

Might is the operative word.  He might …and then again he might not.  She might just be another trophy to him.  Might  be just another target for his ego …and something for him to laugh about while chatting with his boys.

As is often in this kind of  case… the man walks out on the other woman eventually…leaving her for the next one.  It is an endless cycle for those who have no moral consciousness going from 1 woman or  young girl to the other.

I pray that women wake up. 

In the Biblical story in the Book of  Genesis… Leah eventually did…wake up…but it was not until after she had bore Jacob 5 sons.  She kept hoping child after child that Jacob would love her. 

Today, we this scenario still plays itself out over and over again.  In the story of Leah and Jacob …you can assume that Leah did not love herself very much.  The text said that she had a tender eye… whereas  Rachel was beautiful.  And she could clearly see how much Jacob loved her.

It had to be painful.

Hence, any woman…or girl who loves herself  is not going  to just allow someone to use them with the hope of  winning them over.  Or baring a child for them with the hope that this will tie a  person to them.

I had a Jamaican cousin who passed last year.  Since I really didn’t know her I was informed by 1 of her sisters-

“I don’t know what happened to Marva.  She was never ever like that before she met him.”

Before my cousin Marva ‘met him,’  my other cousin shared with me…she was happy and carefree.  She loved life… and was always playing practical jokes.  But then she ‘met him.’  She loss the essence of who she was.

He did not love her… but he kept stringing her along.  Because he knew he had her.  She gave him a child… but yet she could not keep him.  There were other women in his life …but she refused to let go.  Then he married another woman… and my cousin’s life caved in on her.

Suddenly, nothing mattered.  Not even her own child.  Her thoughts were consumed with him.  Her desires were all for him.  Then he shun her… cursed her …and stopped seeing her as regular.

And she began attempting suicide. 

She succeeded last year when she finally turned a bottle of  bleach up to her mouth.  This time there was no doctor that could help her.

They could not pump her stomach.  It burnt up her  insides.   And they could do nothing to help her but watch her suffer…for days… my aunt (her mother), her husband (her father) and her other sisters.

But at the funeral they realized that she was now at peace.  But what a sad way to go.  And what a horrible way of  trying to find peace.

What could possess someone to love someone so much…more than than they do themself… or her child… to attempt on several occasions… and then to final succeed in killing themselves?

Could anyone on this planet be worth all that?

No.  Not at all.

His life went on.  But her’s ended…and ended horribly.

It had been compounded by 1 error after another.

There are some people not worth being bothered with.  And particularly if they can somehow manage to cloud up how you feel about you.

I was once so in love.  I do know how it feels.

I loved this person so much.  She had me.  And when it was other… I spun into my own web of  depression… remorse …loss …and pity.  It came across my mind…that thought of  suicide. 

Everywhere I turned I saw couples.  Everywhere I looked I saw people walking hand in hand.  Spring was in the air… and so was love.  And I had no one…I was alone.

The one I cared for had cast me off.  And I was floating …drifting in my mind.  Reality was lapsing from me.  I saw that which I wish I had.  And it was all around me.  Happiness …chatter… the glee of  being with someone you loved. 

But there I was alone.

And yes… it came to me.  To kill myself … and to bring it all to an end.

But instead it was overcome by another thought. 

I began thinking that maybe ‘the life’ wasn’t for me. 

I began thinking that being in ‘the life’…meaning ‘in a gay lifestyle’ was not some place where I could be happy.  And maybe I needed to try the other way?

I tried it.

But I didn’t like it.

But I emerged from it pregnant.

I thought of  abortion.

So, I called the hotline.  But when they started talking about ‘partial anesthesia’ or ‘full anesthesia’… I knew that either way it was going to hurt. 

So, I just decided to go through with the pregnancy.  Truly, that was my thought process.  And that is why I now have a son… who I must say is a far better person than his mother.

And my goodness… what would this world be like if my son were not upon it?

I made the right choice.  And it is God’s desire that we have freedom of choice… so we can exercise our right to make ‘the right choice.’

And I am glad that I made another choice.

It took me years to get here.  But I made the choice to walk in liberty …and to come out of darkness.  And I am so happy that I did.

Oh, well…   I have got to end now.  Because I am really suppose to have watched a movie… and now be up and working on a legal paper.

So, I really must get moving.  Enjoy your day tomorrow.

In closing let me say 1 more thing… Alicia at 29 years of  age should be wiser.  I say all of this because I have no doubt that a lot people will read this blog.  And I would just be wrong if  I did not speak truth…with the hope that someone might hear.  Or that it might help someone…including Alicia.

God bless.

THE BISHOP’S WIFE  is now on sale…CLICK this LINK to purchase my book.  You do not need a paypal account to purchase, and you can purchase using a debit card.  Thank you. 

Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on…”  www.bsmith101.wordpress.com  ©2010

You have got to watch the BELOW  video.

1 comment June 1, 2010

Nothing in particular… Obama and Michelle’s weekend retreat… and on wisdom… sex psychopaths…

Yesterday I got soaking wet.  Today I went out thinking it would be warmer…but I quickly found out I was wrong.

When I first stepped outside yesterday the sun was shinning, and all was well.  But while standing at the bus stop the skies suddenly turned dark…and shortly thereafter came 1 little sprinkle followed by another.  And before long  it was all over I was soaked, and the bus was nowhere in sight.

Today, while riding on the bus…which is why this month I decided to buy me a bus pass since my son started complaining about me using his car.  It is just as well…I really don’t mind…though the buses are a bit small and can be not as clean as I would always like.  But I got tired to listening to my son sounding as though I’ve been taking advantage of him.  So, I bought me a bus pass…now nobody can complain.

But while riding the bus today I overheard a woman say-

“They got 2 feet of snow today.”

I do not know who they were…or where they was.  But I do know that that sounds bad for us.

http://www.ocregister.com/articles/blankets-246326-northeast-snow.html?pic=1

Here it is almost May…and it is still snowing.

Yes, it sounds very bad for us.  Because I know that the snow is on its way here too.  There is no getting around it.  Plus, it is cold.  And cold enough now to go back to wearing our winter coats.

It is hard to believe that just a few days ago it was in the 90′s.  But that is gone now…and been gone now for more than a week.

But least ways when I went away for the weekend this time…I didn’t come back to any frozen water pipes, and water all over the place.  And I didn’t have to worry about the cat being left in a cold house due to our furnace still being out.  But if  all things work out this summer my winter will be very different come October, November, December etc…etc…of this year.   Yes…very very different.

So, we were on the road again this pass weekend, and needless to say we had to travel through some rain.  But it was beautiful nonetheless.  And one of the best parts is…is that while on the road we saw no accidents.

That is not to say that we did not meet up with some traffic.  But there were no accidents.  And I just thank the Lord for that.

I now have grown to not only pray that we travel safely but also everybody on the road with us does too.  And though I never thought of  it before…it does indeed make a lot of sense to do so.

Just think about that.

When I started this blog I thought that I had a lot to say.  But right now I can’t think anything outside of the weather…and I’ve already mentioned that.

What else did I want to talk about?

I just do not know.

I was awaken from my sleep early yesterday morning.  It was one of the church ladies calling me.  She had called me saying-

“We lost Deek last night at about 11:30.”

It made me think of the last time I had been with them.   I was in New York City and it was the night before the New York City Marathon.

I had gotten into the city late and had found a great parking spot not too far from their apartment building.  My plan was to get up early…about 4 or 5 AM and move my car as I knew that the Marathon went right pass their building.  But when I went out to move my car early that morning…it was gone.  And all I could think about was the New York City Towing Hell that I was bound to be in due to getting towed.

First of all, the car was a rental and that was a problem right there.  Since, when they tow in New York they want you to submit papers on the car…all of which were inside the car.  Since we didn’t own the car…it meant that they were going to send me to the rental place to have them give me documentation on the car and that I was going to have to be the valid driver.  Of which I was not…since my son had rented the car for me.   And he, of course, was hundreds of miles away back home.

So, this meant trouble.  I could hear my son talking to me as I stared at the spot where the rental car had been parked.  And I dredded calling him.

Because it meant that he was going to have to get up, get dress and now drive in to New York City…something that I knew he was not going to want to do.  And certainly was something that he wasn’t going to be happy of doing it either.

So, I put in the call.  He didn’t answer.  And I took a deep breath of  relief…it was after all now just about all of  4:30 in morning.

The street was clear…no cars anywhere.  But the roadway was filled with squad cars riding up the avenues and crossroads making sure everything had been towed.  Turing I went back into the building feeling that I was in for it now…and wondering how much all of  this was going to cost me?

By the time I got back upstairs and explained the situation to Deek and his wife…he ask me-

“Did you go and look on the other streets?”

That was the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard.

Why would I go walking around to look for my car when it was obvious that it had been towed?

And all I could think about was how mad my son was going to be hearing this.

So, I finally decided to go back downstairs to try and find out where  they had towed it to.  And get directions to get there.

By this time Deek had gone out on the balcony trying to still tell me that  I should walk around looking for my car.  I thought he was loosing it.

Why would they pick up my car to tow it just to set it back down somewhere else outside of a car bound?

Was what  I kept thinking in my mind.  When they tow your car in New York City…you are in big trouble.  And you better have cash…if you want any hope of getting your car back.

Downstairs I walked out to the street and flagged down one of the police squad cars to asked them about my car being towed.  And they directed me to call the precinct.  And when I did it was just like Deek had said.

We laugh about it now.  I have to smile every time I think of  it.  It makes me think of  wisdom  every time…this story…and those of us who lack it.  We don’t even have good enough sense to know wisdom when we hear it.  We pass it up thinking that it is foolishness.  That is what I thought Deek was telling me…foolishness when he kept saying that I needed to walk around looking for my car.   

He had wisdom over a situation which I thought I knew everything…after having been towed more that a few times in New York.  Sometimes we can be so foolish because we think that older people don’t know nothing.  That they are off the mark…far removed from things…and even at times lack real understanding of things…or knowledge of things.  But nothing can be further from the truth.

Oftentimes given a chance their wisdom far exceeds any mere thoughts we could have on the matter.  As such was this case.

To me it sounded ludacris that my rental car was picked up to clear the roadway for the Marathon runners only to have the City of  New York without any profit to themselves re-assign me another parking space.  But that is just what they did…and Deek knew it.  While during the whole time  I refused to pay him any attention.  And you know…he never held that against me.

Even that shows great wisdom.  How many people would have been mad…or become upset because you discounted their suggestions or ideas?

But Deek didn’t.

So many older people get kicked to the curb and totally disregarded simply because they are older.  People refuse to believe that they have anything legitimate to offer…all because they are aged.  But age breeds wisdom.  It brings about a plethora of  experiences and knowledge.   A richness that we just should not pass up…or so freely let get away from us because we lack the wisdom to see just how valuable they are to us.

While on the road we caught the news over the radio that the President and First Lady, Obama and Michelle were taking a little weekend-get-away together.  I grinned and my sister turned to me smiling saying-

“I love them.”

And I just loved hearing that they stopped and got some ribs.

http://www.baltimoresun.com/travel/bal-trav-obama-weekend-0423,0,6829607.photogallery

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20003269-503544.html

I just happened not long ago to come across this story listed below.

http://www.aolnews.com/story/ny-wants-man-who-spread-hiv-locked-up/1035429?cid=10

And if  you took the time to read it then you realize that the story is about some black man who purposely passed the HIV/AIDS virus to 13 women.  And that there seems to be a debate about what should be done with him.

What are they debating?

Spreading AIDS knowingly is like taking a loaded gun, aiming it at someone’s head and pulling the trigger killing them.  So, what is there to think about? 

The guy should clearly be thrown into prison and never released ever again.

Why should he be allowed to walk around…enjoying himself  while he knows that he committing someone else to a death sentence?

AIDS kills…and not everybody has the resources of a  Magic Johnson to sustain them and their medical needs.  The medication for AIDS treatment is not only very costly but they have to take tons of different types of medicine.  I will never forget all the pills my cousin Vincent had to take daily.   And I have seen what that type of  death looks like…and it is not pretty.

I have seen youth turn into the very old…go from being very  fit and carefree to bent over and broken, with all types of medical problems and conditions that most of us never have to think about because our system works fighting off everything and anything that might try to invade our bodies.   But their system does not…it can’t.

I saw a 34 year old man turn into an old man before very my eyes.  He could barely operate his hands, walk or hear well.  Vincent became old…a senior man at 34 years of age.  Had I not seen it I would have not known anything about AIDS…but I saw how it ravaged his body and stole his youth and everything else from hm.

No one should be allowed to purposely inflict that disease upon anyone.  Such a person is quilty of  murder.  And clearly after reading what his mother had to say…I can see why he is the person he came to be.

When I was teaching…I recall one day that 1 of my student’s mother came to school to pay me a visit.  Upon meeting my student’s mother I realized why I had the problems I had with her daughter.  Or perhaps I should say…why she was having the problems that she was having with me.  Because in my class I do not have problems with students…but there had been some students who may of  have had a problem or 2 with me.

This girl’s mother came to my class and she…her mother…had to have been an utter embarrassment to her daughter.  The woman was very un-rulely and out of  order….but at the end some of  my students while handing in their work gave me their take on it that situation.  And you know what they said?

They said-

“I had my money on you.”

Smart kids.

I think that that girl’s mother thought that I was going to back down or become intimidated.  But that was far from the case…though she did everything she could to get me to be so.   Needless to say that mother never visited me again…and I don’t think I ever had any more problems out of her daughter.

But when her mother came to my class I could see why the girl was like she was.  She was very much like her mother.  But in my class and classes I lived by one motto-

“It was going to be either them or me.”

And I made up my mind early that it was always going to be me. I was going to be the one in charge and who ruled my classes…and not my students or any one student over me.  No…and that went doublely for mothers.

Some mothers are the reason why their children are the way that they are.   Many men children are not men because…

Well, because of their mothers.

The weight and impact of  ‘mother’ upon the lives of  her children or child is great.  It can either enable them or aid in making them become strong, fully thinking and functioning adults with high hopes of success in their lives.

http://hubpages.com/hub/DONT-BE-AN-ENABLER

Clearly, anyone wishing to get back at women or others because they have contracted AIDS is a person not willing to take their own personal responsibility in the matter.  There are so many people who go around blaming others for everything wrong in their life.

It would seem to me…not that I know a whole lot on this subject…but knowing that so much is out there besides AIDS, that it just makes sense to use good common sense and judgment.  Personally, I am an advocate of  abstining…but if you love sex that much that you can’t protect yourself then why blame anyone else?

I knew that there was something that I wanted to write about.  And now I have found it.

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2010/04/100428-noahs-ark-found-in-turkey-science-religion-culture/

Can you imagine that…the possibility of  possibly really finding Noah’s Ark?

It might just be some large ship that became ship wrecked many years ago.  I doubt that Noah’s Ark will ever be found.  It is not that I doubt the story…but what purpose would it serve God for Noah’s Ark to be found?

None.  So, therefore, God would not leave it around to be uncovered several thousands of  years later.

But it does make for an interesting story  though doesn’t it?

And before I close I have to mention this.  Perhaps my son has been so mad at me over his car because I never stop for gas.  And it was until we hit the road that I realized that the gas prices had gone up so much.  It was costing $4 plus in New York.  Mannnnnn……

While on our little road trip this weekend I also got my first chance to publicly talk about my book, THE BISHOP’S WIFE.  And I was pleasantly surprised at how well it went.

And you know what?

I didn’t even think about getting nervous.   There was a time I would never have done it…and certainly not as freely and as well as I happened to present my book to these people this weekend.

I guess I am growing.

Well, enjoy your day…and night.

And God bless….

Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on…” www.bsmith101.wordpress.com ©2010

THE BISHOP’S WIFE is now on sale…CLICK this LINK to purchase my book.  You do not need a paypal account to purchase, and you can purchase using a debit card.  Thank you. 

3 comments April 29, 2010

Tiger Woods…a time of derision

Demoted to looking like a prison inmate at  Riker’s Island or  Sing-Sing…out in the yard lifting weights…in the nude.   Tiger is finding out first hand  just  how much everybody in the media world…and maybe in the world of  golf  really loves him.   Like the old saying goes-

You really  never find out who your friends are  until when you are down.

I had thought to finally say something on Tiger Woods today…but this photo really motivated me to certainly do so.    I am really feeling bad for him.  For 1 thing …because his number 1 support and person that he turned to…his father passed and left him a few years ago now.  So, who does he have that he can turn to…to talk to?

I don’t know?

http://beforeitsnews.com/story/657/Tiger_Woods_Car_Crash_Caused_by_Alleged_Affair%3F

But clearly he needs a voice with wisdom who can speak to him as a friend and confidant.  Because when it has all been said and done…Tiger is still pretty much just a kid.   And you can clearly tell that by some of the decisions that he has made lately.

Who in world told him to take a shot like the one which is currently parading around on the front cover of  Vanity Fair?

And what a bad time for such  a  stupid magazine cover and photos  of  him to pop up.   Clearly that  photographer  was no friend of  his.  But it just goes to show you that when you are down the vultures  will start circling you like half dead road kill…closing in the finish off  the  job.

The truth be told…none of  them ever  really like seeing a black man with a white woman.   Particularly…a black man with lots and lots…and lots of money…more money than them.  And he didn’t get it pimping or selling drugs…or being a rapper?

Though  Tiger does  not  consider  himself  black…or  African American…but a mixture of  several other things…he may well yet get to know that his real problem is much like that of   what Ojay’s  was…as in Simpson. 

I am sure that you still remember him.    How  could you forget  Ojay?

I spent many hours…days and nights…months…a couple of  years maybe…watching television staying  up  biting my nails with each of  the episodes  and turns  of  his story…and as they unfolded.  When I hit LA…was I not treated to a visit  of  that  infamous house and street where everything happened?  

He was well loved too…and though I never thought of  it before …he had plenty of  endorsements too.   But of course…Tiger endorsements far exceed anything that  poor ol’  Ojay could have ever hoped for.  But they also have one other thing in  common…and that is… being black men who love white women.  And perferably…blonde.

In  Ojay’s case  it  ended up  in  murder.   And in  Tiger’s…a few busted car windows…well, all of  them… by an enraged wife swinging a golf  club. 

When I first heard about Tiger extra-martial affairs…and caught a glimpse of some of the women…all I could wonder was-

“When did all of  this start?”

I wondered if  it  came about as some backlash or need out of  lost  following the pasting of  his father.  Which I know  it  had to  have  been a pretty big blow…devastating blow  and  lost  to Tiger.  Being that they were so close.

Though I offer no excuses for Tiger or his lack of  discretions  or  wise thinking concerning his involvement with several women outside of  his marriage.  No, I  would never do that…as I do feel that marriage is something sacred.  And should be treated as such.

For the life of me…I never got over  ‘the Donald’  leaving Ivana for Paula.  And  I  was not alone in my thinking.

But men do some dumb things.

I couldn’t understand Michael  Jordan cheating on his wife…or the problems in  Shaq’s  marriage. 

If  you have a good woman…what in the street is going to make you ruin your good thing?  

And not that I know that was the problem between Shaq and his wife…but it was for ‘the Donald’ and for Michael.

How do you mess up your family life like that?

How can your mind be thinking so uncorrectly?

Evidently, Tiger never read anything about what had happened to actor Morgan Freeman once he had his accident,  and information was disclosed to his wife about him riding around in their car with some girlfriend…who was injured  in that  accident  too.  No, Tiger could not have read that story.   Because if  he had…I am so sure that  Tiger  might not have found himself  in this position which he currently is in.

Morgan Freeman’s wife didn’t even wait  24 hours before she hit him with the divorce papers…bright and early…before day break  the following morning after  Morgan’s  crashing  his car…and  having to be pulled  out of  it via  the aid  of  the  ‘Jaws of  Life’...with his girlfriend seated right beside him.  

Morgan’s wife’s lawyers  went into his  hospital room while one of  his legs was suspended up the air…with  the cast wrapping it still damp.  But that  small little  thing did  not stop them…or  any  consideration to the amount of  pain he may have been…while they served him with her divorce papers.   Which based upon the reports has cost him far more pain  than those  few scratches from the actual impact of  that accident.

But  Tiger’s situation is a little bit  different.   They  have small children.  Being that  Tiger chose to marry her…I am sure that he must have found some likeable  or   even highly  redeeming  qualities in his wife at  the time he proposed then later married her.  And as I have never seen much  of  her being  out  in public view…with all the cameras flashing about her…clearly she is not one of  those people out to make a name or  gain some  type of  fame for herself.

Seeing how much he obviously loves his children…I would suggest that  Tiger get  down on his knees if  he  has to.   But do it…or whatever it may take to save his marriage and win his wife back.

Of  course she is angry.   But  what  self-respecting  woman wouldn’t be? 

But beyond all that anger…most women start to think about their family and what is best for their children. 

I  have  never  been married but  I do realize that if a relationship is worth keeping…and things can be worked out…or salvaged… then that is what should happen.  Many times we have to put away our  pride and hurt…and look at the bigger picture.  And that is… (1) do I love this person… (2) can we make this work… (3) and be happy and a family in it?

And oh, yes…probably the biggest question of  them all…(4) can I get over it…and allow us to move on in this marriage without it  forever plaguing me?

I’m hoping that  Tiger decides that his family is worth more to him than all the accolades …and money that he has won.  And…yes, even more than he loves golf. 

And I am also hoping that this very public stumble…and that is what it is…not a fall but a stumble…will prove to be  a valued lesson to Tiger in this his time of  derision.  And that he will go on to  aid him  in becoming the best father to his children…and husband to his wife…whom  I really do hope that  he loves since she is the mother of  his children.

In my life  I have had to learn so many lessons.  Most of  them were not easy to take…some embarrassing…some down right stupid… and some even shameful to me.  But in the end they were lessons that I needed to learn.   And I am now glad I had them…but at the time they hurt and were hard for me to take. 

Now, if   Tiger goes on to play some of  best golf   of   his life…watch how quickly the tide will  turn around.   And that is  just what  Tiger is going  to  have  to do…from this point on.

If   he  thought he liked pressure before…it’s pressure that he is truly  going to get now.   Because he will have to out perform  and prove  himself  now in ways  he never had to before.

At the end of  the day…will he be able to do it?

That is the question.

Well…he’s Tiger Woods isn’t he…still?

Though it  is  interesting  just  how quietly the whole episode of  Charlie  Sheen and his  threatening his wife with a knife  so quickly and quietly faded off the radar screen.  Along with his other run in with  the law…for driving under the influence  (DUI).  And nobody pulled  any endorsements  from up under  him…or thought about cancelling his show.

http://www.fancast.com/blogs/tv-news/tiger-woods-charlie-sheen-is-there-a-double-standard/

I wonder  why?

http://kevin-blackistone.fanhouse.com/2010/01/06/as-vanity-fair-cashes-in-tigers-image-crawls-into-the-gutter/?icid=main|hp-laptop|dl1|link1|http%3A%2F%2Fkevin-blackistone.fanhouse.com%2F2010%2F01%2F06%2Fas-vanity-fair-cashes-in-tigers-image-crls-into-the-gutter%2F

http://sports.espn.go.com/golf/news/story?id=4693657

http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/11/27/tiger.woods/index.html

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/golf/tigerwoods/6680928/Tiger-Woods-car-crash-throws-spotlight-on-family-life-of-this-most-private-of-sportsmen.html

UPDATE: Thursday, February 19, 2010

Why is everybody bothering  poor Tiger Woods.  He does not owe any of us an apology.  The matter is really between him and his wife. 

How many men have been caught in the same trap?

John Edwards, numerous other politicans…such as the governor of  New Jersey…now an ex-governor…Giuliani…aand others on Capital Hill…such as Bill Clinton…as well as numerous actors…such as Mel Gibson…and that list just goes on and on…not to mention other male athletes. 

For some reason seem…not all…but many…just seem to have a problem keeping their pants up.  And some of  them…like it both ways…but yet poor Tiger is being dragged through the mud like this is some type of  new phenomenon…like this never happened before.  Oh, please…it happens so often who can keep count.  And then when these guys are caught with anything other than a woman…then maybe they too are dragged through the mud and through the streets.

(Just DOUBLE CLICK the video  below and ignor the text to view it)

And it is not that I am excusing Tiger.  No, not at all.  But to me…he is just a kid who recently lost his hero…I would assume that this is  when all of  this started happening.  So, I feel for him…and you should too.  And we all should hope that this situation will bring something positive and a new direction to his life.  Something that he may have lost  focus of  in the passing of  his father.  It does happen.

So, no…Tiger Woods owes none of  us nothing.  All of  his apologies should be directed to his wife…and his children.   And possibly to his mother…who I am sure may also be very hurt by his behavior…and recent poor choices.

None of  us can say that we have never made any mistakes…or so poor choices at some time in our life.

Why isn’t anybody calling for Charlie Sheen when he pull a knife out on his wife…or for his latest family blunder?  Which seem to be an on-going thing with poor ol’ Charlie.

http://jay-mariotti.fanhouse.com/2010/02/19/tiger-bares-soul-lets-leave-him-alone/

http://www.aolnews.com/article/tiger-woods-offers-measured-apology/19365282

http://www.fanhouse.com/news/main//tiger-woods-says-sorry-golf-return-still/791719?cid=10

http://www.aolnews.com/opinion/article/opinion-5-things-tiger-woods-should-say-but-probably-wont/19362576

Just let  Tiger alone.  Clearly the thing is tearing him up.  He looks so old.  He definitely is in great need of  someone positive to step into his life to aid him…and to  give him some sure and positive advice concerning this matter…and who can aid him in being strong through it.  He needs a strong  male figure…some with business smarts and plenty of  wisdom  to replace that person who he once had.  He need someone like the one he lost when his father died.

(Again just DOUBLE CLICK the video and ignor the text to view it)

It is my hope, however, that Tiger gets a grip upon his life…and not become too reliant upon pyscho-therapy…or Buddha…or Budhism…but  upon God.

It has been exceedingly cold here.  But then…it’s winter and it is suppose to be cold.  And it is suppose to get colder. 

I knew all along that we were in for a real winter this year.  And we are getting it…and I guess everybody is.

Had to shovel a couple more times.  But it was fun.  And remarkably the house really isn’t all that cold…considering that furance is blown.  

Or maybe…it is just that I am getting use to it.   I  don’t know which…but I  thank God for it.    

So, needless to say…I have been sleeping late and spending as much time as I can up under the blankets.   And  it  is working…it is aiding me in staying warm.  I am even writing this up under the blankets…but  I am beginning to look  forward to Spring already.

Well, God bless…

Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on…”  www.bsmith101.wordpress.com  ©2010

THE BISHOP’S WIFE  is now on sale…CLICK this LINK to purchase my book.  You do not need a paypal account to purchase, and you can purchase using a debit card.  Thank you. 

Add a comment January 7, 2010

Two 5 year olds…raped…and murdered… and on Obama and the detainees…

I recalled with I was taken advantage of…back then they didn’t kill you.  Well, they sort of did.  They killed you alright…but you were like  the walking dead.  They stole something from you…you didn’t know what or even that they had stole it.   But you knew something was wrong with it. 

So, you just never told anybody.  Never whispered a word…just kind of  hid it down deep inside…if  you could.  And if  you couldn’t…then those kids became problem kids…some even predators preying upon other kids.

The life of  a child can be hard…and particularly so when viewed as a sex object…something to fill someone’s sick preverted fantasy or sexual obsession.

Upon just coming up onto the internet this evening  I have read and watched video about  2 very young girls… both of  them age 5.   One white and one half and half…mixed…half white and half black.  And both of  them were sexual violated and then murdered. 

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/33945506/ns/us_news-crime_and_courts/

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/33970521#33970521

http://www.toledoblade.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20090715/NEWS02/907150347

Two very beautiful young children…and their lives were destroyed at the tender age of 5.   Forced into acts that no child should have to endure…or be forced to become party to. 

One buried alive and the other the autopsy is forthcoming.

How dare anyone steal their lives from them.

How dare someone rob them of  becoming teenagers…going off to college…and hanging out at a movie with friends.

How dare somebody steal their womanhood from…their motherhood…their promise…and now has robbed us all of  them and what they might have achieved.

http://video.aol.com/video-detail/missing-5-year-old-michigan-girls-body-found/4267798260

I have no doubt that they both suffered traumatically.  People who kill people suffer from a deep sense of  needing to feel powerful.  Can you imagine being mentally that small that children give them a sense  of  power when taking their life.

Then there are those who kill children just so that no one is there to tell the story…as to what and who did what to them.   What cowards they are.

They are man enough to do it…but not man enough to stand up for having done it.  So, they kill the victim…they murder the innocent child…the woman or whoever.  And they set out  doing  it…again and again…and again until they slip up and somehow get caught.

They are like the bank robbers of  old…who kept on robbing banks until they got caught.  Went to jail…got out…and sooner or later went right back to robbing banks…until they caught again…or shot down.

Does alerting neighborhoods that there is a sexual predator in their neighborhood really work?

I think not.

Do most of  these men go back out and start seeking children all over again?

Yes.

Paedophiles and sexual deviants clutter most neighborhoods.  The only problem is…is that most of  them are never caught.  Because most children don’t tell.  And a lot of  women who get raped don’t either.

Then there is this other factor… a lot of  them look like your husband…and/or brother.   In fact, they are your husband…and/or brother.  Most men have had sex with somebody who was not of  legal  or consenting age.

I have a friend who often during some of our conversations has laughed to me about how while in college he had had sex with a 14 year old girl we both knew.  And for the life of me I have always wondered why he thought it was so funny? 

And why would anybody want to laugh about such a thing?

There are certain things if  I were guilty of  them…I would not talk about them.

It’s illegal!

Having sex with children is illegal in this country.   And in most countries.

Outside of  it being taboo…what could possibly be interesting about having sex with a  5 year old child…or a 3 year old…or any child…or teenager?    And in South Africa…they have wide spread incidences of  men having sex with infants.   Yes, INFANTS…claiming that it is because they have a fear contracting AIDS by having sex with women.

An…infant????

This whole topic is really more than I can bare.  I guess because it hits so close to home.  I had not only been sexually molested as child…twice…and before I reached 4th grade…but I came very narrowly close to being gang raped by a group of maybe 20 if not more men…had not it been for the grace of  God.

I spent my life from that point on…until I was in my mid-20′s abstaining from sex.   There were those who asked me…and there were those who tried to force me.  But I said ‘no’…and I resisted where I had to.

But I never allowed anyone ever again to take advantage of me…or to use me again like that.

When I had those experiences I was too young to even know what was happening to me.   I knew nothing about sex…or sexual intercourse.   I had never seen it…the act before…or anyone indulging in it.   So, it was very foreign to me.  I could not wrap my little mind around it…much less even know that it was wrong. 

Though my abusers were not violent towards me…they did steal my innocense.    But they steal more than innocense today.  They bully, beat, violate and then butcher the child.

I had read many years ago in a book or a publication of  some sort…that 3/4  young girls experience some type of  sexual abuse.  And that  a quarter of  the  men have been propositioned by another male or experienced anal sex. 

Since so many men…particularly black go into the prison system today…that figure is probably far higher now.  Because a lot of men today also indulge more freely in what they call ‘man love.’   Some openly while many others on the DL…the down low.  And the same can be said for more women today…in terms of  lesbian hookups…getting themselves a girlfriend.  It seems to be the rage (the new in-thing).

There seems to be a growing obession with sex…and deviant sexual behavior…and violent deviant sexual behaviors.

It has become a growing practice for sexual offenders to ‘snuff  people out’…killing them while engaged in sex or following it.

Those 2 little girls looked so innocent and so beautiful.

How could a mother sell her child out as prostitute?

Her little 5 year old daughter…her own flesh and blood?

Can there be that much hate…and bitterness in anyone?

Yes…sadly, yes.

I am sicken by all these things.  And whether you believe it or not…it is a spirit…very  very dark spirits sweeping across America.  And I guess the world.

And I was going to talk about Obama and the detainees being imported to the main land…USA.  Which I think might be a big mistake.  But I guess I will discuss that in another blog.

But let me just point out real quick…that the errors committed by the Bush Administration in the handling of those prisoners…in that  many of  them were just swept up and secretly flow out from their homes, family  and country.  Some who were innocent of  any crime.  But now all violently anti-America…and Americans.  And who would not be after what they have all had to endure in Quantanamo Bay?

The past treatment of  those prisoners makes them high security risk and threats upon American soil.  The bitter taste put into their mouths via the Bush Administration can’t be turned around by any acts of  kindness.  And particularly not among people who willing do not mind killing themselves to kill you.

So, no they are too dangerous to be brought into this country.  America has many other options…and  we should  be considered.  Because those people for the most part will have to be locked away for life.  Because they will pose too great of  threat…in terms of  them trying to  get  revenge  for any  and all preceived wrongs that were brought about when they were initially imprisoned.  And of course…due also to their gross treatment under the past administration.

Lets face it…I doubt that few of  them are  not bitter over the situation.  And I would be too…and so wouldn’t you.

Well, hoped you had a beautiful day.  Started off  fine but then turned cold.  And we are inching our way towards Thanksgiving.  I know that I am looking forward to it.  And hope that you are too.

http://news.aol.com/main/nc/article/body-of-missing-girl-shaniya-davis-found/764600?icid=main|hp-laptop|dl1|link3|http%3A%2F%2Fnews.aol.com%2Fmain%2Fnc%2Farticle%2Fbody-of-missing-girl-shaniya-davis-found%2F764600

Well, God bless…

Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on…”  www.bsmith101.wordpress.com  ©2009

 THE BISHOP’S WIFE  is now on sale…CLICK this LINK to purchase my book.  You do not need a paypal account to purchase, and you can purchase using a debit card.  Thank you. 

Add a comment November 17, 2009

Serena Williams nude on cover of ESPN mag…

I was shocked to read that Serena Williams had done such a thing as allow any magazine or anyone photograph her…and put such a photo on the cover of their magazine.  I don’t care who they told me was going to do it.   They would have gotten a ‘no’ out of me.  And that would have been a definite ‘no’…and don’t ever ask me again…kind of  ‘no.’

This edition of the magazine had other athletes doing the same thing…I guess.  Well, kind of…sort of…some of them did have something on down bottom.  But not so for Serena.  She is totally nude.

I mean…how do you justify that?

I mean…I know that Serena is proud of her body. 

But evidently not proud enough of it…to not allow anyone to talk her out of her clothes for a few dollars.   And I don’t care how much anyone offered her…it was a ridiculous thing to do. 

Utterly, ridiculous.

I am embarassed for her…even if she doesn’t have enough sense to be embarassed for herself.  Some things are just plain dumb.  And that was a dumb thing to do on Serena’s part.

And I am not going to show that picture.  If you want to see it google it.   That is how I happened to find it.

Ridiculous.

Okay, I’ll give you the link…but not without duress.   Now, judge it  for yourself.   What ashame.  But I guess it was just a matter of time before it happened…given some of the photos that I have seen that Serena has taken…and some of  the  clothes she wears.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/06/espns-body-issue-of-naked_n_311168.html?slidenumber=1#slide_image

http://www.bvonsports.com/2009/10/19/serena-williams-powerful-nude-and-possibly-banned-from-austral/?icid=main|hp-laptop|dl7|link5|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.bvonsports.com%2F2009%2F10%2F19%2Fserena-williams-powerful-nude-and-possibly-banned-from-austral%2F#

I really didn’t like her explosion on the court where she yelled some vulgar  things at the lines woman.  But I can understand pressure…and having taken some things…until you can’t take them any more…and finally blow a gasket, as they say.   Been nice…and been quiet for some time…just riding along and taking it…untl you finally explode.  Because you just can’t take it any more. 

It happens.   I have had it  happen to me too.   I took things for a while…then became angry…and then starting tapping things and wanting to fling them over my should as walked passed them.  Yelling at the top of  my lungs…and feeling like I wanted to smash up the place.  It can get like that.    It happens.   But you don’t go on and do ridiculous things like stripping off all of your clothes and allowing your naked body being exploited by being exposed upon the cover of magazines.

How dumb is that?

At some point you have to take yourself seriously…even when nobody else does.  You have to.  And you take that attitude of pride and strength…mantain it…and walk around in it…and in your dignity…making others take you seriously too.  But you can’t do that by making a fool of yourself.

You do it by continuing to be your best.  By continuing to out perform them.  But you don’t start crackling and falling apart…into pieces.   Crackling and falling apart is easy.  We can all fall apart and go to pieces…and most of us have.  But sometimes you have to fight falling apart…and particularly in the public eye.  And especially among those who disrespect you…and don’t give you your just due.

But you simply cannot  fall apart in the public eye.  Or do stupid things.

You don’t set yourself up to have people to be whispering about you behind your back.

Nor do you set yourself up to have people smirking and smiling…and laughing at you behind your back…and in ways that are less than flattering.

YOU DON’T DO IT.

How do you go into a room full of decent people and your naked body has been plastered all over magazine covers?

You can say-

“It was art.”

Maybe in Greece and Rome in the 16th through the 18th Century.  But not today.  A  nude body in…or on a magazine…or in a music video…is not considered art…not today.  It is considered what it is…sexual in nature.   It is not meant to bring about artistic appreciation…but bring about certain emotions…and desires.

So, why set yourself up for that, Serena?

It is not sexy.  And certainly not an intelligent thing to do.

And certainly not something to do for somebody who considers herself to be a role-model to young black women and girls. 

Definitely, not.

At any rate…that explosion of words directed at the lines woman… on the part of  Serena is going  to cost her more than the $5,000 fine levied against her during the US Open in New York City, this past summer.   It looks as though they are not going to allow her to play in the Australian Open either as an additional pentalty for her outbursts…and a supposed threat to kill the lines woman.  Or something that the lines woman claims she took as  a threat against her life.

http://sports.espn.go.com/sports/tennis/news/story?id=4764170

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/sports/tennis/top-stories/Venus-Williams-dismisses-talk-of-retirement/articleshow/5425088.cms

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/11/30/AR2009113002988.html

DOUBLE CLICK a few times to see the below video…and just ignore the text which will appear in the box.

Both Serena and Venus are breezing their way through  the Australian Open… hopefully they will continue to do what  they both have more than proven that  they are exceptional at… and that is play great tennis.

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/sport/tennis/venus-williams-makes-light-of-long-break/story-fn4oejln-1225821376994

I had said that winter was going to be early this year.   And guess what?

I was right.  Earlier last week it started snowing.  

Not only is going to be earlier this year…but it is also going to be a cold and snowy winter.  

So, I definitely hope that you are preping yourself for it.  Might not be a bad idea to start stocking up on some key things…like extra toilet paper, can goods, tea, coffee or hot chocolate etc….and can milk etc…for just in case.   And maybe a candle or 2…and matches. 

Hope you had a beautiful day.  I have been in for the past few days.  Been slightly sick…but God is yet good.  And I am getting stronger.

  THE BISHOP’S WIFE  is now on sale…CLICK this LINK to purchase my book.  You do not need a paypal account to purchase, and you can purchase using a debit card.  Thank you. 

Well, God bless…

Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on…”  www.bsmith101.wordpress.com  ©2009 

3 comments October 23, 2009

Tonex… and being honest…

Somewhere between being half asleep and awake…I laid listening when something so impacting caught my attention.  I was forced to turn over and pick up my son’s laptop to see who was talking.

Taking up my broken glasses and trying as best as I could to fix them upon my nose…I glared into the monitor screen of the laptop.

I have heard many conversations on being gay…involved in the homosexual lifestyle…but none as touching or as honest as Tonex’s  discussion with Lexi. 

Now, for those of you who do not know who Tonex is…well he is a young gospel recording artist…now turned pastor and gospel artist.   And Lexi is a gospel recording artist with a talk show on the Word Network…a black religious television channel…which I catch by viewing it over the internet.

This season Lexi has set about making her show more sustance  filled…hitting hot topics and talking to people in the black religious world talking about hot and usually taboo issues within the black church.

So, I was awaken and drawn into the discussion wondering who I was listening to talk about having been abused as a very young child at the age of 3 then again at 6.  But who was careful to clarify that the choices he had made in his life were his choices… and that he did not want to put them off upon the circumstances of sexual abuse as a child.  And that is what made me really start listening to the program.

Oftentimes, people go about playing out their lives and doing things which they want to blame because of past things in their lives.  It is easy to say-

“I did it because of what I had experienced as a child.”

Imagine what kind of world we would be living in if we all set about doing things because of  something in our past.

We have all experienced things.  Things that we may or may not have shared with anyone else or  even our parents.  My 2 experiences as a very young child, I never spoke a word of it to my parents…or anyone else for that matter.   For what reason I do not know. 

I believe as children we feel that certain acts against us are wrong…or that something was not right about it.  Our little minds as a child had no way of quite understanding the acts.  For the most parts we were not even participants…though the act was perpetrated against us.  We felt it…went throught it…but could not wrap our little minds around it (what had happened).

Some became marked by it early…and started acting out sexually.  But others went on…all the while trying to deal with that hidden secret.  And carried it through their lives…and it marked every experience…every relationship…and every thought that they have had.

What struck me as interesting was how honestly Tonex was able to articulate some very true and highly mis-understood things.  Many outside of the life have no understanding at all of  anything gay…except some mis-concepts that they have developed on the subject.

They fail to understand that not just straight people can develop deep and loving relationships with one another.  And that these relationships can run as deep as any of  those of any person.

But these relationships though the people involved may feel  is right…but yes…it is out of  alignment with the word of God.  The feelings…attractions…etc…are not really real.  It is a spirit.  And this spirit is just as strong as any spirit that can attach itself  to anyone.

And unless God brings you…or them out…they continue to linger in the feeling that what they are doing is alright.  What many do not understand is…is this…that it is through God’s grace and mercy that we are all save.   People say that they believe this… and that they know this.  But they don’t… not really.

It is through His love that we who have come out…have emerged from the lives that we once lived (be it drug abuse, adultery, fornication, lying, stealing, lesbanism, homosexuality etc…).  Because without Him none of us would have come out of anything.

I admire people who are honest.  That whole on the DL thing…on down-low thang…distrubs me.  Because it is littered with lies…and deception.  It thrives based upon falsehoods…and may times denial.

I like honest people.  People who know they are battling with something and are looking toward God for deliverance. 

I can see the work that God is going to do in the life of  Tonex…because he is what God loves.   Tonex is someone  who is not afraid to be honest…yet loves  the Lord…and wants Him to do a work in him.  And not ashamed to say-

“I am waiting on Him to do it while I battle living in this thing.”

What a great program that Lexi had with Tonex.  Both she and Tonex through that show did a glorious work.  I am sure that someone fighting to find themself emotionally and sexually…and perhaps has turned against the church for having turned against them…found strenght in that show.  And confirmation of the fact that God is important even in their life…as they continue to battle with the demons that dwell within them. 

But God shall truly give them the victory…if they continue to trust and believe.  And not grow weary.

Love you, Tonex.  Your honesty will fall upon the hearts of many.  And I look forward to continue to see the great works that God is going to truly do through your life and through your honesty.  Many may not understand it…but it is not for the many.  But for those whom God intends to hear it…it shall reach them.  And it will do a work in their hearts.

Married for 4 years, Tonex fought with the demons.  But found that the draw was too great…and eventually came out of his marriage. 

He battled over his singing career though having won many awards…while trying to deal with the demons drawing him.  And for a while turned away from performing and recording.

The demons…the demons.  We fight them everyday.   We all do no matter what they may be…but we fight them.   There are times when we have all submitted ourselves to them.   And if  it had not been for the Lord…we would still all be in them.

It is a subject rarely proached by the black church except as thing of a joke.  But  there is nothing funny about it.   And the problem is in the black church as much as it is everywhere else. ..for the devil has many captives everywhere and in all kinds of  snares.

Though I admire Tonex’s honesty regarding his sexual issues.   A Pastor, however, is suppose to be without spot or blemish.  Though I know that there are many Pastors who fall far short from being spotless.   The office, however, calls for those who are truly lead by the Lord…that they should not themselves be confused…or  be living in confusion.  But God, I am sure…will press this upon his mind and heart. 

Recently, I had to stop going to our usual church because of the Pastor.  He began to start to get too friendly…and believe me it was not my imagination…far from it.    Though I had heard stories about him…I had felt that all the problems in his home had turned him around.  It seemed that God had stricken nearly everybody in his family…wife…children…etc…with something.  And still  he  hadn’t gotten the message.

Since I couldn’t get out to do anything that I really wanted to do today…I stayed home.  Sat out on the porch reading my Bible and then decided to take a nap as I didn’t go to sleep last night until some time after 5 AM this morning as I busy writing another blog…the one before this one.   So, I am a bit tired. 

Hope you had a beautiful day.    

Well, God bless… and enjoy the rest of your evening.

Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on…”  www.bsmith101.wordpress.com  ©2009

 THE BISHOP’S WIFE  is now on sale…CLICK this LINK to purchase my book.  You do not need a paypal account to purchase, and you can purchase using a debit card.  Thank you. 

Add a comment September 10, 2009

EXTREMISM…Chastity Bono

I had thought not to touch this story and just keep my private thoughts on it to myself…and share  them among friends only…and only if they asked me.  But after thinking about it I realized that I could not.

One of the things about coming out of something…is that you sometimes can become highly convicted in your stance against  whatever it is or was that you may have come out of.  Or in other words…things you no longer wallow in…or transgress in…indulge in…or no longer partake in…and was the way you used to be…etc…  So, you emerge from it  being  very strongly opposed to it.

You become very anti- it…about  whatever it was  or is that you used to do…or who you used to be…but now are not…or of  that which you no longer do…or indulge in.    You in fact…move all the way over to the far left side of the bar…and become an extremist regarding that issue…or thing that once had you bounded.  Usually, the farthest  you can get from it…emotionally and opinion-wise as well.

So, having already told you that I was once ‘in the life’  in several other blogs…meaning  I was a lesbian…gay…lived  in the homosexual lifestyle…then I feel I can freely talk on this subject.  But do not ask me anything about drugs or alcohol…or most of anything else…because I know little to nothing on such subjects…outside of the fact of what I have seen regarding the affects of them…or the after-affects of them.  That being said…

Chastity Bono, the daughter of Rock icons Sonny & Cher of the 70′s, decision to alter her sex…and the way that it is being presented in the media…really kind of disturbs me.  Not her decision to change her sex…because that is her choice…but it is the media (the type of coverage) on it that concerns me.

Having had been in the life for many years…some I don’t know…more than 30+ years…I have known many women.  But the people I knew…or should say know…as I still know them…and still converse with some of  them…though I do not hang out with them…but all of them were women who were happy to be women.  In fact…they celebrated their woman-ness… sought out places that were exclusively women… restaurants… bookstores… vacation spots… curise-liners… clubs… etc…

So, Chastity’s decision is not the norm… far from it, in fact.   Many lesbian women have no dealings with men.  And hate them for various historical reasons in regard to their lives and past histories.

Though today, I do see many more young girls trying to really do this thing…that is called ‘butch’ themselves up.  With the hanging pants…and all the other things they do.  But still it is not the norm.  And thank goodness for that.

http://www.tmz.com/2009/06/11/chastity-bono-becoming-a-man-2/?icid=main|hp-laptop|dl3|link3|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.tmz.com%2F2009%2F06%2F11%2Fchastity-bono-becoming-a-man-2%2F

Imagine this world…if  everybody decided that they wanted to change who God created them to be?

How whacked out this place would be?

Some people would be walking around calling themselves some kind of animal…maybe this is a bit  extreme.  But not that far fetch… considering some of the things that some people involve themselves in.

I can’t image wanting to change my sex to become a man.  I am so happy that I never had that conflict.  I mean I have always wondered…how it is that men go to the bathroom when they do the number 2?  

Do men sit on the toilet and have to hold that piece downward in their hands?   I don’t really know men like that as I was a lesbian.   So, I have no way of knowing.  But I do have a serious thing about germs.  I know I really wouldn’t want to do that.   I would be so afraid that I might touch some filthy toilet seat…if  I were out in public having to do that.   Though  rarely do I go to the bathroom while out.

And yes…I am a bit naive.  I do admit it.  There are many things that I do not know.

And since we are on the subject…   When they…men…stand over the urinals…all of that spattering…all over your pants legs.  Who wants to go through all of that?

Yes, I am happy to be a woman.  Though the men’s bathrooms tend to be a bit cleaner.   I have heard that.

But if…I were a man.  Why would I want to be a woman?

What would be the benefit of that?

I am just so glad that God does the selecting and choosing…as to what we will be.  Could you imagine a more confusing situation than that?   Trying to choose whether your child would male or female.   Though some scientist have tried to come up with a way of doing just that.  And many countries  put a premimium on one sex over  the other…the male species.  Though without women this world would come to a very sudden and complete end.

But  going back to my original train of thought…I just could not see myself as being a man…or having ever wanting to be one.  And thank goodness none of my gay women friends have had to battle with that either…nor any of my male friends.

I can imagine the pain that one must go through having that conflict.  Because that has to be one very big and hard inward battle going on to decide to do such a thing.

The truth of the matter, however, is this…the mind plays tricks…and if you are not careful you will fall into the trap.  Of  believing something that is not so.

If  you look into the mirror every day thinking that you hate what looks back and that-

“I would look good as a man.”

Or perhaps…as a woman.  Sooner or later you will begin to believe that you should have been born a man or a woman.   You will also start to believe that you see certain characteristics or qualities about yourself…which in reality  have been sub-consciously taken on…and/or implanted in your sub-conscious…which may not  truly be there…and do not really exist.   But because it is what you want to see and  placed in your mind…it is what you will see.  So, if you desire to see certain things…over time you may come to believe that you see them.

Then in turn you will believe that those characteristics verify the fact that you should be…and are really something else other than what you are.  And so you come to the final conclusion that through some trick or error of  nature you were born a woman rather than a man…or visa versa.

All that kind of thinking is a head-trip…a real mind game.  You will see what you want to see…you will feel what you believe you want to feel.

The mind is wicked…and highly deceptive.

For most of my life I have thought of myself as being unattractive…ugly in fact.  I never wanted mirrors arround…hated to take pictures…etc.   Because I hated seeing me.  It was not until I had to start taking pictures for my book cover…that I came to  realize that I am really not ugly.  In fact, I have to laugh…because of all the years I let get pass me believing myself to be ugly when I was not.

Then too, in my book I made a statement…which made me really have to think.  I state in my book, THE BISHOP’S WIFE, how I had been stalked at least 3 separate times in my life.  After writing that…I began to think about what it was those people saw in me that would have lead them to want to do that.  When I know many good-looking people…very good-looking…exceedingly good-looking…and they had never been stalked.

So, why me?

This is when I thought…again.

Here it was all those years I never realized that I was not ugly.   Because of my profession and always being the public eye…people gravitated to me.  And people who listen to you over the radio…

Well, they just fantasize  about everything…and they all believe they love you.  But I could not have looked that terribly bad…to have problems with 3 separate people at various times in my history.

But I never really knew until I looked into those pictures for my book…that I wasn’t as bad looking as I had thought  I had been for all of my years.  It is amazing.  But it was a mind game…which for me came about when I started thinking that I was not as good-looking as any of my sisters or brothers…as a young child.  And that shaped my thinking of myself for all of these years.

My mind had me tricked…I saw that which my mind allowed me to see.  And so I lived under that shell all of my life until about 6 months ago.

Let me take a quick station break:  my book, THE BISHOP’S WIFE… is coming…. Yes, my book is  coming…I will definitely let you know when it is available for purchase.

Now…back to the subject.

I was deceived by my mind a 2nd time…when I fell into lesbianism.  But thank God…I didn’t sink so far down that I ever thought about mutilating myself…with a sex change.

http://www.usmagazine.com/healthylifestyle/news/chaz-bono-im-enjoying-life-as-a-man-20092910

And yes…I had met some hardcore women…who wore men’s clothes and under garments.  Some even who  thought it manly to beat up their lovers and/or girlfriends.  But I never heard any one of them talk about changing their sex…or wanting to do so…no matter how much outwardly they tried to emulate men.

Yes, though we were living in confusion…we were far from being that confused.  And I thank God…from removing me totally from it.  I no longer dwell in a ball of confusion…and under the cloud of lesbianism.

But the article that I read of  Chastity Bono’s decision to under-go a sex change was so accepting of it…as though it were a natual transition in life…something acceptable. I would hate to think that any poor child or teenage or another adult currently battling with issues over their sexuality…should read that  article and think that such a thing is either natural…or really acceptable.  Not acceptable to you or me…but for themselves.  As it goes against nature.

And there have been many articles and books written on the subject…some opposing and some pro.  But there have been many regrets regarding that whole process.  And I have seen much sadness and anguish among those fighting that battle.

As I mentioned in at least 2 other blogs…I did know a guy…who when I met him was in the process of under-going his sex change.  I met him as the women he presented himself  to me to be…as he had started coming to Salsa Soul Sisters meetingsa lesbian organization in New York City…and we all at the time  believed that he was a woman.  But from the time I met him…and I cannot call him ‘her’…I would be lying if I said that.  But from the time I met him…in the back of my mind I always felt that something about him was out of whack.

I have met many gay guys…but had never met one trying to become a lesbian before.  And neither had anyone else in Salsa Soul Sisters either…until we all met him…who presented himself as a woman to us all.   But when they found out…nothing could hold them back…those black lesbian women.

One night those women stormed into Salsa and turned that meeting out…because they were not having a biological man…turned lesbian…or turning lesbian…within their organization and on their board.  And they meant every word of it…and voted that night ‘that no one born biologically a man could ever sit on the board of Salsa Soul Sister, Inc. or become a member of  Salsa.’     That was their sentiment…and they were right.  I did agree…and still agree even though I am no longer a member.

The fact is…regardless of the pills and surgery…you will always be what God created…biologically.  You can change your name…your hair style…your walk…talk…even your game…or anything  and everything else you want to change.  But underneath it all…your real DNA…can’t be changed.  It can be confused…I guess with all that medication.   But  who you are…is who you are.  It is who you really are…and that can’t be changed no matter what.     No matter how much you dislike it…or dislike yourself.

I don’t know when I saw it…but it was on television.  I think it was a Barbara Walters’ special.  It was one of the saddest and most horrifying shows I had watched in my many years of watching TV.  It was a show on parents allowing their children to cross-dress.  By this I mean…there are parents who are allowing their very young pre-teen children…sons or daughters to decide that they were not whatever sex they had been borned…and dressing like whatever they wanted to be.

It was horrifying.  Truly, horrifying.

It made me sick to see a  4 or 5 year old being allowed to demean himself  or herself  in that fashion.   And they looked hideous.

At such young ages children being bred in a continuous state of high confusion…and their own parents abetting them in doing so.  It was terrifying…absolutely terrifying.

In one of those stories, Barbara visits with a family who allows their little boy to dress as a little girl…long hair…the whole 9 yards.   The little boy has a baby sister.  Her cup and everything about her is pink…while everything for him was blue…do note the word ‘was.’

The boy wanted the pink cup…the pink this and the pink that.  Well, it really doesn’t  take a rocket scientist to figure that thing out.  The little boy had become jealous of his little sister.  I don’t know…maybe the parents stopped doting on him and became pre-occupied with his little sister.  So, he of course wanting his parents attention once again…he might desire to become his little sister…or some how take her place in order to regain their…his parent’s attention and love again.

So, what does his little confused mind decide to do?

He starts wanting what she has… her things… clothing…etc.  He develops a desire to replace her… by becoming her.   Thus, a desire to be a little girl… as in his confused little mind he views it as being the root cause and remedy to his little situation.

It is not at all that he really wants to be a girl.  But he desires his parents’ attention again.   Which if his parents had taken any time with him…it would obvious to them.   That the love he felt that they have taken from him and given to the little girl…his sister…he wanted it back.

Then there is this other side of the coin.  If the little boy doesn’t like boy stuff…toys, sports etc..

So, what if  he doesn’t grow up playing baseball…or basketball…or watching sports.  It doesn’t mean you have to put your stamp all over him…and say-

“I know what…we’ll call him girl.”

And  dress him up like one.

Yes…I do know that some gay guys…and even some women… claim that they knew they were gay from the craddle.  But closer examination on the matter…might bring them to some other opinion if they really sat down and looked back at things in their history that they may have forgotten.

It is a mind game.  Some kids grow up thinking that they are the biggest and the baddest.  Some that they are stupid and don’t know anything.  Some believing that they are beautiful…some that they are smart.  It can vary depending upon who they are…what their social-economic backgrounds… neighborhoods… family… schools… churches…etc.. and what is going on within their home.   But over time it almost always changes…our preception of ourselves…and the world around us…and how we view ourselves in it.

Imagine a little child…4 or 5 years old trying to fight that battle everyday.   Of  having to go to school everyday…and trying to interact with other children…dressed as a little girl when he is a little boy.  It is a ticket to suicide…or drug abuse…and self hate.

Most gay guys can’t even deal with issues from their history…family rejection…etc. when they reach older ages.   They battle those issues most of their lives.    Which is why many of them suffer from alcholism, drug addictions…and indulge so heavily in all types of dangerous sexual practices.

Yes, sadly…I have seen and heard many gay people…mostly men…crying over their broken relationships with their families…endless cycle of  broken love relationships…etc.   Crying over their  lives wreked in pain and sorrow.   Dealing with dying lovers…ex’s …rejections…regrets… etc…etc…  It is hard no matter whether straight or gay to deal with such things.  It’s hard.  But then to have the added burden of  being rejected by your classmates… churches…and society too…makes it all the more worst…and painful…and as a kid?

All across the gay community there are vast levels of self-hate…fear…and self-destruction.  It is sad…very sad.  So, how could any loving or caring parent indulge their child  in any such way as to let them suffer with such thoughts…and conflicts that they…themselves have probably placed upon their child in the first place?   Of which the child may end up battling and trying to fight…and deal with for the rest of their lives.   When all they…the parent or parents of that little boy… had to do was get rid of all that ‘pink and blue’ stuff…and stop setting up stereotypes…and road blocks for their son.   And tried to give him…their  son some quality time.   Rather than to assist him into the further creation of confusion in his little life…by buying him girls clothes etc…and engage him in trying to emulate something which the child is not.  He is not a girl…nor a joke.  Or a plaything…he is a real person…who is on his way to  being badly damaged.

Being a woman encompasses a variety of things.  We do and think differently from the male species.  Our tendencies towards giving, sharing, helping, family, responsibilities, listening, conversing with others, aiding, depth of compassion, commitment, emotions, emotional strenght etc…and so much more are all quite different from men.   It is  far more than one group having a different set of sex organs from the other.  And all the pills and operations…and therapy in the world is not going to change this.

I personally  think that that particular Barbara Walter’s special should have never been aired.  There are some things better not put out there for public consumption.  People start to get simular ideas…and start following suit…copying eveything they see and ear.   We sadly live in a world of people who have  stopped thinking for themselves…and merely seek to duplicate…follow…and do likewise.  And for some people  it is just simplier to assist certain behavior rather than try to work to stem it.

Isn’t that a horrible why to be?

Even worst…to have that kind of parent…or parents.

We would all have been in trouble with those kind of parents…that were that Barbara Walter’s special.  Many parents from time to time feel helpless…but they do not give in to their helplessness.  No, another force kicks in…and they step it up…to the next level.  Parents have to…because all parents are faced with challenges when it comes to their children…at some point or other.  And you just can’t throw up your hands saying-

“I just can’t do anything.”

At that point…some people know that there is one other thing.  They start to pray.  There is power in it.

Finally, no matter what  Chastity’s decision concerning trying to alter her sex…she will always be known as woman…who had a sex change…if she proceeds with the operation and all those pills (which she probably already has done seeing how they have released the story).    But she will never be known as ‘a man’…no matter what she does to herself.  People may pretend…but in the back of their mind will be the fact that she was and will forever be…woman.

Well, in between, Chastity’s decision to change her sex…and that supposed man having another baby (another subject that I said I was not going to touch…as I have already given him rather her too much of my time already)…it has been a very busy week.

In the end Chastity will always be a woman who had the operation.  That is how people will see her…never as a bonafided man.   That only comes by birth.  It is the way people think.  And it is true really… and we should keep it that way.

Besides, if you are truly unhappy with yourself…do you really believe that changing your sex is going to do it?

I say no.

True happiness is something that you have to find within you first.  Putting up pretenses…or  making superficial changes…only brings about more unhappiness… and sadness.

How can you feel happy…when you put up a bunch of pretenses?

I have sat on the trains (the subway) in New York and watched the drag queens.   Unless they were out partying and hanging with friends did I see any gaiety.  Most of  time when I saw them…I saw a lot of saddess…emptiness…and loneliness.

I also talked to some and knew some.  It is how I knew of the inner conflicts.  Which a lot of gay women have too.  I didn’t I did…but I guess I must have.  Because I am so happy that I am out of the life…and have no intentions of ever going back into it.

It is a hard life…and if  the  truth be told.  Life is not  easy for most of us.   And all of  us have found something which we don’t like about ourselves.

But we deal with those things without trying to destory ourselves in the process…or tear ourselves apart.    And that is how I feel about sex change operation.   It is very much like  trying to go against the grain.

One other observation…  Chastity’s girlfriend really looks a bit like her mother.

Well, enjoy your weekend.   And I am still trying to catch up on my sleep.

UPDATE: ON CHAZ (Monday, September 5, 2011)….recently read that she will be on ‘DANCING WITH THE STARS’ this season.  Needless to say there has been an outcry against it.  And I am not really going to say much on it…except this.

Look for her to be voted off the show early.  Controversy brings about higher ratings.  And I have no doubt that some people are going to tune in just to see Chaz’ transformation for themselves.

http://tv.msn.com/tv/article.aspx?news=667737&gt1=28103

Chaz was smart in that she only elected to make some outward changes…and not have other parts of her body touched.  Which makes me think of a conversation that I had recently with a cousin.

That conversation was about gay men who had the operation.  My cousin was trying to tell me that when the so-called ‘bottom’ partner… and not all gay men think as my cousin was trying to tell me.

What she was trying to tell me… as if she really knew anything about which she was talking about… that there was a thing known to gay males as the ‘bottom’ partner and the ‘top’ partner.  That is while they are engaging sexually 1 male is always the 1 on the bottom, while the other sexual partner is the 1 taking him sexually from his position on the top.

While not all of them… gay males operate like that.  And how do I know… because not all gay women operate that way either.  Some do… but not most.

I know this because my cousin Vincent… a gay male… would tell me about some of his partners who would try to force him into taking them sexually… which he never did.  But Vincent was not the norm… and had lost partners because of that.  Anyway… my female cousin who was talking about this was talking like this was the norm for the masses… which is not true.

So, I told her that the real thrill in homosexuality did not come from anything more than knowing that it was ’a man’ …or ‘a women’ depending upon the preference of the people dealing with each other sexually.   And I told her this in an attempt to explain that once someone went through the operation of having their sexual organs changed… that also changed the whole dynamics of their relationship.

Real homosexuals only want someon of their own sex …be it a man or women.  So, therefore if their lover underwent a sex change… they would cause many to get out of that relationship… because the person who underwent the sex change no longer had that part of them that attracted the other person to them in the first place.

Therefore, if the person’s mind becomes warted enough to want to take their body through some type of outter transformation… most elect to not touch their sexual organs.  Which is what Chaz had also elected not to do.

And even if  Chaz had chosen to do the entire thing …and get the whole thing done in terms of having had the final step done… the re-structuring of her sex organs… she still would be a woman.  No matter what she does.  It is utterly imposible to totally erase God’s stamp upon you …in terms of whom He has declared we shall be… male or female.

It is amazing to me how so many people like to talk about homosexuality as if they are in the know… and do not have any real understanding of it at all.

How in the world could my cousin…my female cousin… who had never really been in ‘the life’ as I had been… tell me anything about a life I was definitely a part of for many years… in regards to what our selections and sexual behaviors are that lifestyle?

I would know… because I lived the life.  And in it we… lesbian women were always tied in things… events and discussions etc. with the gay male population.  We shared spaces together, concerns, emotions, conflicts etc. all being homosexuals.  Which I was at that time… I was in the gay lifestyle.  And that is what Chaz is in… the gay lifestyle.

Having an operation can’t take you out of it… it can’t take you out of  being gay.  But it does indeed intrence you deeper in it.  Because you are making some extreme choices that later you might  just want to be able to step away from… if  or when your mind  …or prespective on this lifestyle changes.

This thing is deep…

God bless…

Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on…” www.bsmith101.wordpress.com ©2009

THE BISHOP’S WIFE  is now on sale…CLICK on the image of my book cover to purchase my book.   Thank you. 

8 comments June 12, 2009