JUANITA BYNUM and WOMEN??? EDDIE LONG…why NOW?

Continue Reading Add a comment July 19, 2012

JEDA and WILL… could it be coming to an end… Living in ‘the Life’ …

You would think that 1 of the hottest topics at the Atlanta Hair Show would have been about some fantastic hair-do… but it wasn’t. Way from it.

The buzz on the floor and from booth to booth was about Will Smith and Jeda Pickett-Smith.

I had long ago wrote a glowing blog about them being great role models and a beautiful couple… but who knew that all was not what it seemed?

They seemed to be the perfect couple.  Happy… and certainly with it all going on.  But who knew what dark little secrets lurked deep down within?

Who knew that it was at all as it was made to seem?

I thought them happy.  I thought them perfectly matched.  I thought that they truly loved one another.  I thought that there was nothing that could drive them apart. I thought…

Well, I thought all was well.  But it seems that it wasn’t.  And that it was far from being well.

It was my son that broke the news to me saying-

“It was all everybody was talking about.”

But who knew?

Well… I knew someone who knew… and she told me it many years ago saying-

“Awh, come on, Bern… don’t you see it. If you don’t then you are the only 1 who doesn’t.”

But I refused to accept it. But it seems that she was right… that same friend who I wrote about in my blog about the DeBarge family…  the 1 who I used to laugh with when we would giggle over, and pick fun at how sissy the DeBarge brothers all seemed.  Yeah, her…

So, I asked my son what were they saying?

And why?

And he said they got tired of having an open marriage.

I said -

“What?  What do you mean an open marriage?”

I was thinking he was talking about the usual kind of thing maybe some other woman … or possibly another man. The man part was right… but he wasn’t talking about Jeda.

It was Will.

And my son said that everybody at the hair show was talking about it.  Since the hair show was made up of a large number of gay men… I immediately began to think that this had to be true.  Because  gay men are in the know about such things as this.  And from men to women at the hair show… they were all buzzing about it.

I have yet to pull myself up off the floor behind this. Some things really do come as such a surprise… and this was 1 for me.  Though I have to say it again… my friend had told me it long ago, when Will was playing as the Fresh Prince of Bel Aire.

It was something I guess I never wanted to see… and perhaps way down deep I was hoping it wasn’t so. And I STILL AM.

I really thought Will and Jeda made for a great couple. They seemed to be great parents …and they seemed to place a high value on family.

Though I wasn’t particular about their new-found religious beliefs… and how after coming into all that money they decided that they wanted to convert into becoming members of the Church of Scientology. Which struck me as a Hollywood thang… for the $20 million plus crowd. Which Will stepped into many years ago after leaping from the small screen onto the large screen… with a massive following.

It is disappointing really. But I guess we are all chased by demons at some point or other in our lives. The trick is to not allow them to consume us.  And to fight until we win… and not them.

There seems to be a rash of men and women stepping into the gay lifestyle. For some it seems to be hip…even fashionable.  But for others it is something that they have been drawn into … whether by their own fascination …or by some type of inducement… enticement… inquisitive nature … or whatever have you.  And clearly I forgot about acts of abuse as another root cause for some.

But for whatever reason it seems to be growing. Or maybe it is that it is more open. Perhaps, the latter is probably the real case.

And it seems to me that I see so many young school kids making choices at early ages about such things. And many of them… especially the girls are deep into role-playing… meaning dressing or acting out the male role.

Having come out ‘the life’… meaning having been gay myself… I cannot help but feel for them. So, I study them and watch them… and can’t seem to take my eyes off them. Because I hate to see anyone commit their lives to something that is so anti-them.

I can’t say that I hated me. But I did hate what I looked like… hated my size… and I can’t remember what else. But I never really liked me.

I never thought I was pretty or anything like that. And my interest were not really in girl-ly things.

But I never desired to be a boy… and certainly not a man. I did like that part about me.

So, I never considered role-playing as an option for me… though for most of  my relationships with women …I was designated as what would have been the male role. Because even in not playing roles… somehow you end up in them. Somebody is going to be more fem …and somebody butch. And it is because that is how life is… and we imitated life and the various categories of life as 2 people together.

But I really get disturbed at seeing so many young people gravitating towards an alternate lifestyle. And particular those who are so young… young girls and boys in the 7th or 8th grade.

CLICK.  It has just dawn on me that I was in the 9th grade when some girl first started following me around… and later began to stick letters into my locker. How quickly we forget.

I rarely think of it now. Her letters turned into phone calls when she happen to come upon my sister 1 day… telling my sister that I had given her our phone number… and that she had lost it.  So, my sister accommodated her by giving  it to her again… or so she thought.

This is when I found out that all those mysterious letters in my locker were coming from a girl. It is funny because I never ever talked to that girl face 2 face… until much later in our lives. Because for 1 thing I was afraid of her…

I was naive and had never heard of 2 women …or girls doing anything together. .. sexually that is. And secondly… well… I just thought that she was crazy.

Once I realized what was going on I soon began to notice that that girl used to walk pass all my classrooms.  She used to just stand there outside my classrooms looking through the glass door at me.  She also used to sneak into the 9th grade lunch… as she at the time was only an 8th grader…  and she would always sit somewhere across from me… watching me… staring at me.  It is funny how I had never noticed her before… but then I had thought it was some boy sending me all those letters.

Though the girl never tried to hurt me… or ask me to do anything sexually… I nevertheless kept my distance from her.

Believe it of not I had actually finished this blog…BUT LOST EVERYTHING BELOw THIS.   So, at some point maybe I may come back and redo it.  But not right now …or tonight it  is after 4 AM…

So, please forgive me while I get some sleep.

Well, God bless…

Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on…”  www.bsmith101.wordpress.com  ©2011

Add a comment August 24, 2011

Weiner as dumb as they come… sexual intrigue over the internet…

How do you jeopardize everything by getting caught up in virtual sex?

Believe it or not so many people are caught up in sexual internet encounters.  They are intrigued with meeting up with sexual partners over the internet…and go rushing to get back on-line day after day… or night after night to continue their on-line internet intrigue of sexual encounters.  With many of them… ‘the people’  doing this…ending up rushing off to meet physically  with their virtual love interest.

You would not believe the numbers…

Yes, ‘the NUMBERS’ of people that become introduced via social networks over the computer is astounding.  And they become so wrapped up in technical instruments… be it their computer or their cell phone… their ipad… or laptop …as long as it keeps them plugged into whoever it is that is whetting their sexual appetites over those instruments.

What is the intrigue?

What is the enticement?

What makes so many men and women crazy enough to get so deeply involved in this kind of thing?

And you would be surprised about the number of  women and men who are in ‘the church’ who are as involved in this type of  behavior… if not more so than those outside of the church.

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-banks-20110611,0,6807419.column

I first learned of  this when I happened to be downtown Brooklyn preparing to get ready for an edit session, when an older minister came swinging into the room.  He proclaimed that he was on his way out of  town but wanted to check on something over the computer.  The room was lined with computers… and he fell into a seat at 1 of them… and he began talking to me as he struck the keypad to the computer.

He told me how he was meeting up with women over the internet for sex, and that this was how he was now spending much of his time.

Without any shame or remorse he began opening up pictures over the internet to show me various black women he had carried on with… and was now carrying on with.  They were mostly women outside of  New York… a lot of them in the south.  But I was…

Well, I was shocked.

All I could think was…

“What kind of Preacher is this?”

I stood there looking down on the man… as he gleefully went about his task of communicating with these women over the internet.  I could not phantom myself wanting to do anything like that.

That man had it bad… but if I thought he was bad… 1 of my sisters overtook him.  And soon after…

Well, maybe a year or so later after finding out about her absorbtion in this mess… I came to find out that thousands of women had fallen into the very same trick bag.  And they too were rushing off to points unknown… like crazy to meet up with men that they had become enticed with over the internet.

Not to mention the hundreds of  women who up and marry strangers that they become entangled with over their computers.

This thing is an epidemic.  Truly…

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/06/08/anthony-weiner-wife-pregnant_n_873429.html

I don’t understand it… but I know that it can all happen quickly.

I recall when I first started learning the computer… which believe it or not really wasn’t so long ago.  Oh… yes it was… now that I think about it.  It was about 10 years ago…   No, I think a little more.

My then lover had taken it upon herself  to teach me how to get started.  We had gone up over to the Black Voices’ site into a chat room.

Remember those?

Don’t hear too much about them today… since 1 on 1 conversations have proven to be far more better…I guess.  You also don’t have wonder about who is talking to who.  And besides  the technology has improved vastly.   It has become by far very much more advanced.

But back then it wasn’t all that shabby either  over a period of time… basically slower… much slower.

But getting back to what I was saying… as we were sitting there at the computer… me and my lover… I got my first ‘IM.’   I didn’t even know what the thing was… it was an ‘instant message’ she told me.  But it was really more like an ‘instant photo.’

Wow… this was great I thought.  But my lover didn’t like it… because the woman was attractive and told me all kinds of information about herself.  She lived in D.C. etc…etc…  But that thang came so quick… it was just like that.  And if my lover had not been sitting there I might have struck up a conversation with that woman.

But today the technology is even better… and quicker.  The systems are more compact and lighter as well.  You don’t need to sit at your dusty computer all night anymore.  All you need is your cell phone or ipad… or whatever you have and the possibilities are unlimited.

But would you really risk it all for some lewd encounter over the internet?

I was never really a chat room person.  But the 1 sister I referenced above… she stayed there.  Now, she is on to the next level…social networks.  First it was myspace…now facebook… and who knows what else.

She has met countless men during the course of these past …I don’t know …but I am sure more than 10 years of being involved in this type of behavior.  She is overcome by it… and sadly many many …many other women are too.

Personally, I think it is just a step up from prostitution.  You are just not getting paid for it.  Well, maybe they are if you consider dinner and a cheap hotel constellation for your services.

Needless to say… I have spent many hours considering the actions which she takes so lightly… and prayerfully so.  I find it hard to believe that anyone would trust such encounters… if for no other reason than just the health risk alone.

How do you so willingly trust people who many of them over the internet… use a bunch of alias’… and tell a bunch of lies.

And if they really had anything going on in their lives would not have to be meeting up with people over the internet.

And the worst thing about it is this…

• How do you go running off to meet up with somebody you don’t even know?

And all that you do know is what they have told you… which for the most case is a bunch of  nothing.  Just some stuff to make you all hot and bothered… and eager to give them what they want.

Maybe, I am not the brightest or the smartest… but I am not going to involve myself with seeking out people over the internet to fall into bed with… or with the hope that they will become my husband or wife.

The old fashion way of meeting people… and getting to know people worked just fine for me when I was doing that kind of thing.  And I would never be fool enough to want to risk my life… or livelihood on a virtual reality relationship of any sort.

Evidently, Congressman Weiner was quite proud of his lower half.    So much so that he would take pictures of it and forward them out to women …and possibly young girls… over the internet.

It is all so boyish to me… childish.  I recall when growing up… and it seemed that young boys are so anxious to show you their stuff.  I really cannot remember how many times those of the male species had exposed themselves to me.  Or tried to grab my hand and try to force me to touch something that I did not want to touch… that was attached to them.

But certainly by the time they become adults… I would think that they would have all grown out of obsession with it.  But not so.

Once while standing down on the platform of the subway waiting on my train… I happened to glance across to the platform just across from me.  There staring at me was a man openly exposed with his penis in hand and ejaculating.

I have no idea of what all the intrigue with their lower part is… but somehow those men who have not outgrown playing with themselves in public places… or flashing themselves at women… truly they need to get a life.  And put their hands and heads on bigger and brighter things in this world.

And some women are just as bad… but they do it in other less obvious ways.

No doubt it is truly a spirit which overtakes people.  But the Bible says… ‘be ye not enticed.’

I find nothing enticing in it.  I have always shied away from people who seemed to be too sexually aggressive.  I found it to be a big turn off.  Today… though I do not dwell on sex… but I know that many do.

I am so happy that God released me from the trap that I was in.  I used to be driven by sexual desire.  It was all I could think of.

Some might say that I was a late bloomer since I had not dealt sexually until after I hit the ripe old age of 25.  But even then I was timid… highly selective… and quite discrete.

But sexual desire had me.  It held me captive.  But thank God… He set this captive free… and I now walk in liberty.

I cannot think of anything I would rather not do …than to once again fall prey to my old sexual ways.  To be caught up in sex.  It was all I would think about… and all I wanted to do.  I am soooooooo happy to be free.

But Weiner was as dumb as they get.

As much as I was driven by my desires… I never did anything that would make a fool out of me.

Perhaps, I was a bit prudish in my ways.  I had heard it said of  me… that I liked doing it… but I just didn’t like talking about it.  Nor was I willing to film any video tape footage of me indulging sexually… or take any photos of me naked.  I have to admit that… at the time I liked to hang out at a certain nude beach… but that was the extent of my public exposure.

Once a woman sent me a nude photo of  herself.  This was before computers… when I opened the envelope I was horrified.  I dropped that picture like it was something hot.  The woman was totally naked… and she had positioned herself with her legs wide open. I will stop there.

I could barely pick up that picture.  I didn’t even want to touch it to stuff it back into an envelope and forward it right back to her.  How dare anyone send me such filth.  I forgot what I wrote back to that woman… but it was not nice.

No rational person would involve themselves in such behavior.  The man had a wife who based upon the news is currently pregnant with their first child… and he was or ‘is’ a Congressman.  How could he have acted so foolishly …and so carelessly.

The Bible says… ‘what is done in the dark will come to light.’

Weiner after initially lying… saying that a hacker had done it… he now states that he mistakenly sent the photo of his lower part by error over Tweeter.  He stated that when he realized his mistake he quickly tried to remove the photo.  Needless to say… by that time it was a little too late.

In all of  his excitement… Weiner certainly ‘exposed’ himself.  It came to light…

Well, I really only got up to go to the bathroom.  Never intended to write this… but I had fallen asleep with my son’s laptop resting partly on my stomach and upper legs.

So, just as I crawled back into bed… I decided to check the news headlines.  And it read… ‘Weiner admits lewd tweets.’

http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/anthony-weiner-officials-investigate-messages-exchanged-teen/story?id=13818788

After nearly 2 weeks of lying about it Anthony Weiner finally decided to breakdown and tell somewhat of the truth.  It is kind of like John Edwards over his mistress and baby outside of his marriage… or like Bill Clinton in the White House with Monica.  Or like that Senator in the men’s bathroom… something about his foot and the stall next to his.

http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/rep-anthony-weiner-denies-tweeting-lewd-photo/story?id=13736214

We have been through it before… and it  always seems that if we give it a week or so the story will change.  The lie becomes a half truth… because you can’t really believe that a liar is really going to tell you the truth… not the whole or even the real truth.  They only admit to just enough… but never tell us really ‘the truth’ concerning the matter for which they have become embroiled.

We never quite get the whole sordid truth out of them.

But do we really need to… or expect to?

Just know for the next time… from the on-set when the story first breaks… always expect to hear the lie first.  And then later maybe… just maybe some part of a manufactured truth.

Do you recognize any of these faces?

Do you remember any of their initial stories?

And what was the final outcome?

Wait a minute… I think that there are a few pictures missing.

Is  morality a thing of the past?

I have got to get some sleep.  It is starting to rain now.  I hear it lightly hitting the windowpane.  Good night… rather morning…and enjoy  your weekend.

Well, God bless…

Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on…”  www.bsmith101.wordpress.com  ©2011

[youtube-=http://youtu.be/-jiNEOaCi5U]

Add a comment June 11, 2011

Arnold living ghetto fabulous…transitioning and other gay tales…

I have never thought much of  Arnold Schwarzenegger since a controversy once arose about him being a racist.  I have since forgotten the details… but I think it had to do with him not hiring minorities within his staff, as governor of California.  Or maybe it was something to do with him not having any minorities in his movies.

Through the course of  living we have grown accustom to reading and hearing stories of men and women who have fallen down… who were living double lives and baring children with people outside of their vows of  matrimony.  So, this story about Arnold Schwarzenegger really shouldn’t be a great surprise.  He is afterall… a man.

Don’t you hate hearing that?

“Well, he’s just doing what men do.”

“All men do it.”

“Maybe he wasn’t getting any at home.”

And the list goes on and on… as to the kinds of things people will say.

But sometimes we are caught off guard.  People who we never would have suspected… though I would never classify Arnold as 1 of  those as there had been rumors.  Things about him groping and feeling up on women.  But there were people like for instance… John Edwards.  Even watching that mess unfold while standing at the counter of a local corner store… I just could not believe it.  Not him was all I kept saying.  Not goody 2-shoes… squeaky clean John Edwards.  The John Edwards who said-

“I’m in love with my childhood sweetheart… that John Edwards?”

Then before him… there rose up Jesse Jackson.  What a fine dude he was in his day.  And I do mean fine.

He was the 1 that all the networks turned to concerning ‘black issues.’   He was a man for all season when it came to… his peoples…

Yeah…right.

Up to the point where he called Obama the ‘N’ word.   But let’s go back before that… to those pictures displayed upon the front page of the New York Post and everywhere else… of  Jesse…  and ‘the’ woman… the very pregnant woman …carrying his ‘love’ child… who at the time that story broke… she had already had the baby.   That was the picture with him and Bill Clinton…another 1… and her just grinning like there was not going to be a tomorrow for any of  them.

Yes…the ‘right’ Reverend Jesse Jackson.   Needless to say that controversy certainly changed a lot of people’s opinion about him… and what he truly represented.  Which as already mentioned… was compounded by that little incident with him talking off camera with an open mic on… talking some crazy stuff about what he would like to do to Obama while referencing him with the ‘N’ word.

Clearly, if  I had been Jesse’s wife… and I have said it over and over… since seeing that 1 picture in  the New York Post.   The 1 with the woman being 7 or 8 months pregnant with Jesse standing… I think behind her… grinning from ear to ear with his hands stretch around her inflated belly.

Oh, yeah… I would have been just like Morgan Freeman’s wife, and got me 1 of  those high power lawyers.   And he would have been seeing stars for the rest of life… after I got through with him.  He would have been too dizzy to ever walk up onto any stage ever again… when I got through with him.  But I guess Jesse’s wife is kinder… gentler… and more forgiving than I am.

But some women when they have had enough… they truly have had enough.  And Morgan Freeman’s wife was 1 of those women.

One could argue… what was he thinking?

Maybe it was a lapse in judgment.

But for how many years did he suffer that lapse?

I am talking about Schwarzenegger now.  What could he have been thinking?  And to be doing it with someone who worked within his own house.  Who was impregnated with his child at about the exact same time as his wife with their last child.

And who allowed the other woman… a maid to bring that child into the house of  his wife… where this little boy probably played with his other son… the 1 born about the same time as the child he fathered with the maid… a woman who worked for his wife… aiding  Maria around the house… and probably with her children as well.

Is this a confusing story?

Obviously, not.  It did not seem to confuse Arnold at all.  Because some how during the course of the last 10 to 13 years… the span of the life and birth of his outside son… he  never slipped up.  That is Maria Striver claims to have never known about the child before Arnold finally told her about him some weeks ago.  Whereupon, she packed up and moved out… taking her children with her.

Not to be or seem evil… but I never thought the Striver/Schwarzenegger marriage was a good match.  And it goes beyond him being Republican… and her being deeply rooted as a Democrat.

It just seemed to me that Arnold Schwarzenegger had a need to legitimize himself.  Coming from Austria… and having a funny last name… combined with a funny and then quite thick accent… as well as… I guess he had some political ambitions.  What better way to create for himself the type of  American acceptance that he might not have ever gotten any other way than by marrying a Kennedy.

In seeing a picture of  the woman… 1 would have to wonder what did Arnold see in her.   She appears to be older than Maria… and I don’t know what she looked like some 20 years ago when she started working for the Schwarzenegger family… but that is all gone now.   But then I thought that about the woman John Edwards impregnated… and about  Marla Maples or Naples…or whatever her name was.  The woman who Donald Trump took up with… and soon married.  She probably was pregnant too… because that whole thang happened pretty quick.  And soon it was over.

They snub their noses at those who do not have the money that they do… or who do not live quite as well  off as they do.   I’m talking about the supposed ‘high class’  who talk  about… ‘all they do is make babies.’  But when push comes to shove they themselves are about as ‘ghetto fabulous’ as those they often look down upon.  And they have far less class in the dealings of  their own infidelity… than those they shun.

Though now nearing the end of his term as a governor, I have no doubt… Arnold felt it now safe to disclose his little secret.  However, what men do not take into account is how women feel about men who cheat.  And particularly if they not only cheat …but also make someone pregnant in the process of their cheating.  And don’t let them walk around for years like they had not done anything… pretending.

But Arnold was so bold… he got the woman pregnant and then decided he wanted to be governor too.  That is about just as bad as John Edwards deciding to run for President of the United States a second time… while his wife is dying of cancer… and his mistress was pregnant.

And to put the icing upon the cake for Arnold… it was all done  within the preview of  his wife and children.  Right there under  their own noses.

This is why I will never be able to stand that little guy… Woody Allen.  I will never support him or anything that he does.  To think that Mia Farrow adopted some children… and during the course of some time… he began taking lewd and questionable pictures of the then quite young girl… whom he later divorces Mia Farrow for… so that he could marry her.

What kind of craziness was that?

Clearly, the man had… and has problems.  And I for 1 do no sanction them.

Another rat was… or is… that Rudolph Giuliani.  Yeah, that guy from New York City who used to be the Mayor…then ran for President… and might try to run again.  But he will never make it.  Because women do not forget.

Giuliani… when he was Mayor of New York started seeing this women.  This woman… he would bring to Gracie Mansion… the Mayor’s place of residence. in New York.   This mind you was where  his wife and his son lived.  And Giuliani… the good mayor… would have this woman staying there with him… under the same roof with his wife and child.

What kind of  a dog is that?

At least in the ghetto… most men know not to try that.   If the woman doesn’t have an apartment of  her own… then they know how to find a cheap motel or hotel.  But ain’t nobody in the ghetto going to pull up to his wife’s house talking about he going to bring some other woman… in there to do his thing.  Huh-uh… that ain’t happening… ever.   Not with the wife knowing about it… it is not.  Definitely not.

You have got to be kidding.  And I am not joking about this… as this type of behavior is not acceptable.  It is immoral …and it can be traced throughout history.  Infidelity is not new… you only have to go back a few years to Bill Clinton and his little 24-year-old friend… named Monica.

It would seem that wedding vows do not mean very much today.  Maybe never… as long as men and women have allowed themselves to become enticed sexually outside of their marriages.

Through the course of the 20 years that woman who worked in the Schwarzenegger household was taken care of by Schwarzenegger.  Who knows maybe Schwarzenegger placed her there… got her the job in his home in the first place?

Who knows?

But upon retiring from her job as a maid for  the Schwarzenegger… he bought the woman a nearly $300,000 house in an exclusive LA residence.  And it also looks like he paid for her to have a boob job as well.  Because in her pictures she clearly looks like she had 1.  It does not look natural.

The 1 thing about outside of a marriage children… it is funny how many times those children look more like the men that fathered them… than the children within the marriage.

The Bible says a good name is worth more than rubies.  I was listening to a Preacher preach and he began to talk about rubies.  He said that rubies are more rare than diamonds.  I had never thought about that… but you know what it is true.

The way most things operate in this world is based upon supply and demand.  The higher the demand and the less the supply…the greater the price.  Except for this 1 thing… rubies.  We often hear of the diamond mines in South Africa and other places.  There are some areas where I have heard it said that they… the people who live in some places… almost stumble upon diamonds daily.  In these places the people are banned from gathering the diamonds in their country.  But I have never heard anything about rubies.  I really don’t even know where most rubies come from.

Hold it …I have got to ‘google’ this up.

They are 2nd only to diamonds …and are only the 2nd hardest mineral known to man.   They are found in Thailand, India, Madagascar, Zimbabwe, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Kenya, Tanzania, Kampuchea, and most notably  in Burma.  And here is 1 for you… they are also found in North Carolina… right here in the United States.  Imagine that and we rarely ever hear anything about rubies.

But back in Biblical times it is possible that rubies were considered more valuable than diamonds are today.  Because the Biblical texts says that ‘a good name is worth more than rubies.’

When you think of  it through history certain family names have stood out in this country such as ‘the’ Kennedy’s… ‘the’ Rockefeller’s… and so on.  And with those names has come a certain level of  respect… and to degree of  regard… reverence and honor.  These names are held in high regard and come with a track record so to speak of  commitment and success.  Having such a name opened doors and created opportunities for those who bared their family mark… their name.

Maria Striver has held onto her family identity being part of the Kennedy clan.  I never once ever heard her being refered to as Maria Schwarzenegger.  Though I guess that was kind of  hard to get away from totally as she was, and at this time… still is married to Arnold… who is still governor of  California.

How it all plays out remains to be seen.  But Maria has lawyered up… and if she moves forward this will be a big 1.  And it will cut deeply into Arnold’s fun money.

The moment I read the headline to this story… I knew that I was going to write something on it.

http://msn.foxsports.com/wcbk/story/Transgender-basketball-player-calls-it-quits-at-George-Washington-051811/?GT1=39002

I cannot believe that a 17 or 18…or maybe 20 something young woman would elect to surgically have her body transformed to pretend to be something that she is not.  But then to do it… and want to play on the women’s basketball team… is more than a bit puzzling to me.

What is the point?

It just does not make sense.  Maybe the boys team is too rough for her… or whomever.

http://articles.nydailynews.com/2010-11-02/sports/27079970_1_gender-identity-transgender-outsider

Okay…so, you believe that you are man… and that somehow your body type got confused.  And you decide to straighten out whatever mistake that you tell yourself that God must have made… why then after doing all of  this… changing your sexual organs and such… I guess… from female to male… then why would you want to play basketball on the women’s team?

Could it be that somewhere down deep… she still feels and knows that she is really a woman?

Perhaps, as confusing to me …it must have been for the young lady, Kye Allums, who ventured out to do it.  And recently she has decided to come off of the Georgetown University women’s basketball team amid all this controversy.

It is perplexing.

And maybe… you don’t care to hear this.  But if  it had not been for the Lord we would all be just as equally confused.  Making all kinds of  crazy decisions and seeing them as right.

http://www.theroot.com/buzz/mind-your-business-queen-latifahs-sexuality?wpisrc=obinsite

I first heard this story when a friend relayed it to me.  I, of course, had always had my own thoughts on this as I had come in contact with Queen Latifah a couple of times.  I hadn’t run into her at any parties …but I had heard where she hung out at when she came across the bridge into Manhattan.

And I am all for letting people along… and letting them live their lives.  I once was there and I always felt that what I did in the privacy of my bedroom was my own personal business.  I, of course, at that time never had any consideration of  God.  I just felt that as along as it didn’t involve children or animals… then leave me alone.

I also felt that same way about other people and their lives.  I never liked listening to people tell me about their long weekends with their boyfriends.  BORING.

Because I never thought of the workplace as a place of sharing every detail… and particularly those kind of stories.  I was more quiet… laid back.  I didn’t talk about my business… and only half  listened to what other people were telling me about theirs.

So, the story is finally out… and with pictures.  But if you believe it or not… because most people believe whatever they want to… pictures or no pictures anyway.  I have always admired Queen Latifah.  I am not interested in looking into anyone’s bedroom… I have too much on my own plate for that.

http://www.theroot.com/buzz/mind-your-business-queen-latifahs-sexuality?wpisrc=obinsite

But to me Queen Latifah has always been a good role-model.  Even as a rapper… she did not sell herself out… or our people… or other women.  She was clean… decent… and came with rapps that jammed not insulted… or made us shame.  And then she flipped that around and made herself a movie star…it just showed that she was also capable of reinventing herself… and she was always an entrepreneur.

So, I applaud her.

The fact that you or I may not agree with what she does in the bedroom… does not take away from the fact that she is an adult woman making her own choices and decisions and doing well at doing so.  And 1 day she may make another decision just as I did… but that choice is hers… God gave that right  to her.

But here is something we can all agree upon… at least she is not walking around trying to make it seem that it is alright.  She is not flaunting it.

That takes me now to Tonex.  I saw Lexi’s interview… even posted a blog about  Tonex.  But it is hard for me to agree with anyone who knows scripture… as it is written in the Holy Bible… to believe that living such a life is agreeable to the will of God.  It is totally out of step… and I would be remiss if  I did not say so.

To some level I will not deny that I have and do still now suffer with my own level of  homophobia… which might sound strange coming from an ex-lesbian.  But even while living ‘in the life’… I had it.  But the 1 thing that I am careful not to do… is to hopefully not offend… hurt… or despise anyone.  Nor do I poke fun at… or laugh at… or make light of any situation of  being.  And this is the way that more people should come to be.

I am not talking about being in acceptance… but being understanding… loving… kind… and not confrontational.  The Bible say that with ‘love and kindness have I drawn thee.’

Find that spirit within yourself… and you may start drawing more people to the Lord.

Oh, on my final note… since so many people have been hitting my blog for more information on Cher’s ex-daughter…Chastity… since the release of  some pictures this week and the announcement that she is going to marry her long time girl-friend.   Here is what I have to say on the matter…

http://celebrity.uk.msn.com/news/gossip/articles.aspx?cp-documentid=157500663

Well, she has managed to harden her facial features and looks more like a man… but at the end of the day… none of us can really un-do anything that God has done.  No matter how hard me try… or how much medication… and surgeries you have.  It can’t be undone… no matter what the mirror says… or what people tell you.

I’m sorry, Chastity… it is just the way that it is.

http://articles.nydailynews.com/2011-05-13/gossip/29558011_1_jennifer-elia-chaz-longtime-partner

Gender transitioning is a misnomer.  There is no such thing as transitioning your sex into another.  We are what God says we are.  Removing or having certain things changed about our physical being does not change our basic DNA.  It may corrupt certain cells etc… even effect  parts of our chemical make-up.  But it is impossible to totally reconstruct certain core things about our inner workings and true gender.

Just have any gay transgender male sit down beside you and go to sleep…  and see if  they sound like a woman then.  Impossible…

If you can transition your sex… then why stop there?

Why not transition yourself  into being rich… or famous?

That’s the point… it just does not happen like that.  Though becoming rich and famous are certainly reasonable and achievable goals.  But reconstructing your entire physical chemistry is not.

Well, I have been working on this blog for the better part of  my day now.  Started at about 2:30 this afternoon… and it’s now  a little after 4:30 in the morning.   Definitely time for me to go to sleep now.

But I did get up to mop the kitchen and bathroom… and got me something to eat in the in-between time.  In a few hours it will time for me to get up and go to church.  So, I will say good-night…

Hope you have a bless day… and weekend.  They say mostly sunny and warm weather this week.  I really didn’t mind what we got this past week.  It was dark and rainy most of the time.  But I like the rain… and  that is not to say that I don’t equally enjoy the sun.  Because I do.

Well, God bless…

  Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on…”  www.bsmith101.wordpress.com  ©2011

2 comments May 22, 2011

Alicia Keyes baby-mama drama …and everything that glitters…

Somehow I thought Alicia Keyes was smarter… maybe even a bit wiser.

When I was growing up I never thought to look outside of my home for my role models.  But the kids today like to pattern themselves after everything and everybody they see.

Their whole attire is based upon watching people in music videos.  That whole thing that they do with fingers…like we used to throw up the peace sign.  It’s from watching the guys on the videos.  Grinding and grabbing at their stuff…its from…

Well, you get the point.

I have read a couple stories on this romantic little couple…Keyes and her hubby to be.

But how does that happen?

He’s in divorce court…not even un-married yet  dropping sperm all over the place while hanging a ring around her neck.  Well, I mean on her finger.

http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2010/05/28/2010-05-28_swizz_beatz_and_alicia_keys_engaged_and_expecting_their_first_baby_together.html

He is on the verge of having 3 sets of  kids…children from 3 separate women… 4 in total whenever Alicia gives birth to hers.

Here is a guy where all you have to do is look at his track record and that should give you reason to ease back from him.  What kind of  man is he that has 2 children with the woman who has him in divorce court, and before settling that matter he impregnates another woman and says-

“Lets get married.”

http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2010/01/29/2010-01-29_alicia_keys_engaged_to_rapper_record_producer_swizz_beatz_report.html

And I thought I was disappointed in Vivica Fox when she hooked up with 50¢.  I thought she was too classy for him…just what I thought about Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown at first.  Though I still think that Whitney had more going for her than Bobby Brown, and over a period of time I began to see where neither Whitney or Vivica were quite what I had thought.

Which goes to my point that you should never idolize people who you do not personally know.  If  you don’t really know them then you do not a true perspective as to who they really are.  And that old saying really is quite true-

“All that glitters is not gold.”

Meaning though they may shine…be famous…popular…or whatever  but what you see and believe to be good may…   Well, it may be something totally different from you think you see.  And I am starting to think that about Alicia Keyes.

The guy doesn’t even look like anything to me.  But from the articles Alicia is totally smitten by him.  And she has to be to want to…or to have allowed herself to fall into the predicament she is in.  Pregnant with child by a guy who already has 3 children by 2 different women…and is currently still married.

I hate to say it…but it sounds so ‘ghetto.’  And I say that knowing that many people who live in the ‘ghetto’ do not all act ‘ghetto.’   That is to say that they come out of what is called a ‘ghetto,’ but they do not act or behave in a manner that reflects the negatives of that environment…or the stigma we have come to associate with certain elements within ‘ghettos’ or poorer neighborhoods…such as the character played so realistically by Mo’que in the movie ‘Precious.’

Within ‘the hood’ baby-mama/baby-daddy drama is something well documented…whether you witnessed it on the street or happen to hear someone conversing over a cell phone.  You know it when you hear it.  It  is in the tone of the conversation…the shouting…the emotions…and usually the cussing and swearing.

Amazingly, just like Alicia and this guy, Swizz Beatz.  The name alone gives you a clue that there is nothing there.  But going back to my initial statement…a few months into a fresh new romance everyone looks as in love as Alicia and this guy in this picture.  But then comes the drama.

And I have no doubt that it is going to come…if  history has anything to say about it.

And we all know that history as a way of  repeating itself…and clearly the guy’s history speaks for itself.

The mere fact that he had no respect for Alicia by at least waiting until he finalized his divorce to impregnate her and to set a ring upon her finger…speaks loud and clear.  And it ain’t saying ‘love.’

Oh, you may say-

“Oh, he is just trying to do the right thing.”

The right thing?

The right thing was to respect the mother of  his 2 children whom he is currently attempting to divorce before dropping a ring on somebody else…and making the other woman pregnant.  And Keyes is definitely the other woman in this scenario.

If one went back in time it is possible that the woman who this currently his wife…may have at the time found herself on the other side of the table.  And had been the other woman in that scenario between him and the mother of  his first child.

It is a know fact that if you meet up with someone this kind of way…where you take them from some else…  Well, sooner or later you will find yourself in the same predicament.  While the person moves on to the next one.

This guy strikes me as someone who likes to fraternized with women who have made  it or are their way to making it.  Hint…hint…  All gold digger are not female.

The ex-wife to be is a singer too…somebody named Mashonda.  Since I do not listen to R&B any more…or rapp…or anything much outside of gospel music…I have never heard of  her…or him.  But in watching a music video or 2 of  his… he definitely has to hook up with someone.  Because his talent, if you want to call it that…is not nothing.  You might consider him to be another…uhm… Bobby Brown.

So, he was in dire need to go to the next level.  And I guess you can say he did just that when he somehow managed to rope Alicia into his web of  romance.

At first glance Alicia struck me as clean cut…intelligent…gifted…and a young woman of  high standards and morals.  But she seems to have believed the hype and sunk into the life of  supposed stardom… rapp culture…  and whatever else.  She seems to have lost some of  that style… innocence…  and intuitiveness I thought she had.

So, how come she didn’t see this guy coming?

How could she have fallen so deeply under his spell?

Her style changed… her talk changed …she changed.  She started showing more…and leaving less to your imagination.

Maybe it was a desire to become more like…say a Beyoncé.  And for a while I had thought that it was going to Alicia and whatever Beyoncé’s husband is named.

Then I had thought it was going to be Alicia and Common.  But Serena Williams tied that up.

But personally she looks smart enough to be a lawyer’s wife… or some doctor’s wife.  But somebody with a brain seemed to be what I would have thought Alicia would have wanted.  Somebody like a Barack and not a Swizz Beatz.

But maybe like Vivica…Alicia wanted a thug.  Just somebody able to throw her down and sex her all night long.  But I would have thought that she would’ve wanted far more than that.

Maybe someone she could converse with.  Somebody who could do more than flash and throw his hands up in the air… or spin a couple of  turntables.  Somebody who knew something about responsibility.  Somebody who could really love and respect her.  Somebody who felt so deeply about her that he would not dare pull her into a mess.

But then what about Alicia?

What happened to her common sense?

Why would she want somebody who would pull her down?

Didn’t she see what happened between Janet and her ex-husband?

How about how far Whitney fell messing around with Bobby?

Is she  oblivious to what has been going on around her concerning messing with married men…and baby-daddies?

Doesn’t she realize that depending upon what state they live in that his children could pull a piece of  her earnings too?

Yes, that is right.  Once his way of life increases under the influence of  Alicia’s money… she could be forced by the court to aid him in supporting his other children due to her income.

So, then what would possess Alicia Keyes to want to tie herself down to a man who already has 2 set of children?

I know that it is hard to find men today who do not have any children… but there are some.  Some fine decent men waiting on a fine decent woman.   Who work and are more than capable of support his queen to be.

What happened to choosing one of them?

I see Alicia carries expensive bags…  which cost thousands of  dollar, like Chanel, Veneta, Louis Vuitton etc…etc… then why go bottom shelf  when it comes to choosing a mate?

And she wouldn’t take a bag that somebody else owned.  So, why do that when it comes to a man?

Why would Alicia Keyes want to let herself  in for all the baby-mama drama that is sure to come out of  her relationship with this guy, Swizz Beatz?

I don’t really know Alicia’s background but I have heard an interview or 2 where she has talked about her schooling and music classes.  And it never struck me that she came from the ‘ghetto.’

But one thing is for sure… she is beginning to act like it.

And let me just state this…that ‘ghetto’ is more a state of mind than being.  Because I know people who live in a variety of places including what would be called the ‘ghetto.’   But they do not possess a ‘ghetto’ state of  mind.

No respectable woman would set herself up for failure…except perhaps the woman Ruby Giuliani married after he finally divorced his wife.  What a mess that was… the guy had no respect.

How do you bring your mistress into Gracie Mansion, the Mayor’s mansion in New York City, where your wife and young son live to do your thing with her?

What kind of  woman was she?

I guess Giuliani was just too cheap to get a hotel.  But he did not impregnate her… least ways not that we know.  And just prior to his attempted run for the White House, he married her.

As to whether they are happy or not… I can’t answer that.  But I do not believe any woman can can sleep peacefully at night knowing that have hooked up with someone with a wandering eye.  If  it wandered 1 time…it can and usually wanders 2 or 3 times.  And in Alicia’s case maybe 4… if someone steps up to the plate with more money and appeal.

Because that is clearly the kind of guy this guy strikes me as.  Otherwise, Alicia wouldn’t be pregnant right now.  And he probably worked hard at that… he needed to seal that deal.

And he did.

I do not wish Alicia ill… but I just do not see it working out.  History always repeats itself, and someone’s nature is their nature. But God…only if God steps in and changes them.   And this guy has z history that is speaking loud and very clearly.

But going on to my initial point regarding role models.  Like Serena and Venus… I had thought Alicia as a good and decent role model.  But this thing about being out-of-wedlock, pregnant and messing with a married man has definitely put a dimmer on that.

The problem is …is that because Alicia is in the public eye she does bear a certain level of  responsibility.  I have no doubt that she realizes that there are many young girls and young ladies who follow her closely.  And for them she sets a kind of  standard of excellence and determination.

Her lifestyle and choices like that of  many celebrities gets digested, and incorporated into the being of  those who follow them.  Becoming pregnant by a married man…

Well, it is something most people do not brag about.  It shows a level of  insecurity…  carelessness… and a balant disregard for the other woman on the other side.

This scenario is weighted in history.  Its outcomes can be  read in newspapers time and time again, due to all kinds of crazy acts of  revenge… hatred… threats… kidnappings and murder plots.  It is not a pretty situation …and under it no one can truly find happiness.

Because what started wrong in the first place …can’t help but end up wrong too.

Then that is not to say that errors or lapses in judgment can’t happen.  But never compound a mistake.

Okay, Alicia may be pregnant…but should she really marry the guy?

No.  She made a mistake.  But she does not need to make another mistake… by marrying the wrong person.

Sure she is pregnant with his child.  But if he was worth anything that would not be the case.

Clearly, Swizz Beatz lacks certain morals.  I know that sounds like a foreign word to some.  But morals stand for something.  And anyone without them…

Well, would you really want to trust them with your heart?

Apparently, 2 others did.  And you can see what was the outcome.

Why should the 3rd…Alicia’s relationship with him be any different?

And don’t say-

“Oh, he might really love her.”

Might is the operative word.  He might …and then again he might not.  She might just be another trophy to him.  Might  be just another target for his ego …and something for him to laugh about while chatting with his boys.

As is often in this kind of  case… the man walks out on the other woman eventually…leaving her for the next one.  It is an endless cycle for those who have no moral consciousness going from 1 woman or  young girl to the other.

I pray that women wake up.

In the Biblical story in the Book of  Genesis… Leah eventually did…wake up…but it was not until after she had bore Jacob 5 sons.  She kept hoping child after child that Jacob would love her.

Today, we this scenario still plays itself out over and over again.  In the story of Leah and Jacob …you can assume that Leah did not love herself very much.  The text said that she had a tender eye… whereas  Rachel was beautiful.  And she could clearly see how much Jacob loved her.

It had to be painful.

Hence, any woman…or girl who loves herself  is not going  to just allow someone to use them with the hope of  winning them over.  Or baring a child for them with the hope that this will tie a  person to them.

I had a Jamaican cousin who passed last year.  Since I really didn’t know her I was informed by 1 of her sisters-

“I don’t know what happened to Marva.  She was never ever like that before she met him.”

Before my cousin Marva ‘met him,’  my other cousin shared with me…she was happy and carefree.  She loved life… and was always playing practical jokes.  But then she ‘met him.’  She loss the essence of who she was.

He did not love her… but he kept stringing her along.  Because he knew he had her.  She gave him a child… but yet she could not keep him.  There were other women in his life …but she refused to let go.  Then he married another woman… and my cousin’s life caved in on her.

Suddenly, nothing mattered.  Not even her own child.  Her thoughts were consumed with him.  Her desires were all for him.  Then he shun her… cursed her …and stopped seeing her as regular.

And she began attempting suicide.

She succeeded last year when she finally turned a bottle of  bleach up to her mouth.  This time there was no doctor that could help her.

They could not pump her stomach.  It burnt up her  insides.   And they could do nothing to help her but watch her suffer…for days… my aunt (her mother), her husband (her father) and her other sisters.

But at the funeral they realized that she was now at peace.  But what a sad way to go.  And what a horrible way of  trying to find peace.

What could possess someone to love someone so much…more than than they do themself… or her child… to attempt on several occasions… and then to final succeed in killing themselves?

Could anyone on this planet be worth all that?

No.  Not at all.

His life went on.  But her’s ended…and ended horribly.

It had been compounded by 1 error after another.

There are some people not worth being bothered with.  And particularly if they can somehow manage to cloud up how you feel about you.

I was once so in love.  I do know how it feels.

I loved this person so much.  She had me.  And when it was other… I spun into my own web of  depression… remorse …loss …and pity.  It came across my mind…that thought of  suicide. 

Everywhere I turned I saw couples.  Everywhere I looked I saw people walking hand in hand.  Spring was in the air… and so was love.  And I had no one…I was alone.

The one I cared for had cast me off.  And I was floating …drifting in my mind.  Reality was lapsing from me.  I saw that which I wish I had.  And it was all around me.  Happiness …chatter… the glee of  being with someone you loved.

But there I was alone.

And yes… it came to me.  To kill myself … and to bring it all to an end.

But instead it was overcome by another thought.

I began thinking that maybe ‘the life’ wasn’t for me.

I began thinking that being in ‘the life’…meaning ‘in a gay lifestyle’ was not some place where I could be happy.  And maybe I needed to try the other way?

I tried it.

But I didn’t like it.

But I emerged from it pregnant.

I thought of  abortion.

So, I called the hotline.  But when they started talking about ‘partial anesthesia’ or ‘full anesthesia’… I knew that either way it was going to hurt.

So, I just decided to go through with the pregnancy.  Truly, that was my thought process.  And that is why I now have a son… who I must say is a far better person than his mother.

And my goodness… what would this world be like if my son were not upon it?

I made the right choice.  And it is God’s desire that we have freedom of choice… so we can exercise our right to make ‘the right choice.’

And I am glad that I made another choice.

It took me years to get here.  But I made the choice to walk in liberty …and to come out of darkness.  And I am so happy that I did.

Oh, well…   I have got to end now.  Because I am really supposed to have watched a movie… and now I’ll be up and working on a legal paper.

So, I really must get moving.  Enjoy your day tomorrow.

In closing let me say 1 more thing… Alicia at 29 years of  age should be wiser.  I say all of this because I have no doubt that a lot people will read this blog.  And I would just be wrong if  I did not speak truth…with the hope that someone might hear.  Or that it might help someone…including Alicia.

God bless.

THE BISHOP’S WIFE  is now on sale…

Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on…”  www.bsmith101.wordpress.com  ©2010

You have got to watch the BELOW  video.

1 comment June 1, 2010

Serena at the top of her game… Women turned men…having babies…

Well, what can I say…except she has done it again.  Though she dominated much of  the game playing some of  women’s greatest tennis. ..and she really did.  I enjoyed watching her play…and how well she kept her opponant working and running chasing down balls…and how she made Serena run and chase down balls…and send the balls back.    

It  was certainly not hard to see  Saturday night  during the  Australian Open Women’s Final why Serena is  ranked #1 in the World.   Along with #1 Woman Athelete…#1 Women’s Sports highest ever prize winner…#1 in Women’s Tennis Doubles (along with her sister, Venus)…and #1 in the eyes of  her older sister…and just as deadly on a good day…Venus Williams.

The love and respect that they share for each other is not hard to recognize.  While baby sister sweated it out on the court…older sister, Venus sat prayfully in the stands along with their ever faithful mother, Oracene Price.  With ever stroke Venus sat clutching her hands…cupping her chin…watching every ball as she not only sweated it out with her younger sister but you could see that she struggled with her…mentally right up until the very end.  And when it was all over little sister pulled herself up from the ground and went over to her mother and the waiting arms and kisses of  her mother…and an ever elated older sister who could not have been prouder as she stretched down gripping her little sister in her arms and buried a kiss upon her while whispering something in her ear.  

Now, that is love.

So many times sisters and brothers get so caught up rivaling one another…that  they have very little appreciation for one another.  Sibling  rivalry can be one of  biggest problems  for why  most  families cannot get along.  Clearly we all need to take a  page out of  Venus and Serena’s play book  about  family love and admiration, for the skills and gifts that  God has so richly invested in all of  us.

To be so dominant on the tennis courts…and often coming up against one another… yet  both of  them maintianing the desire to want to win and become #1…earn alcolades…and huge bundles of  money coupled by the fame and prestiege…and yet  it  seems  that  the  endless challenge  that one of   them  will have  lose whenever they end up set against one another in finals…yet  it  has never impacted their love for one another.  In fact, it seems to be  that  thing  which drives them closer… with each and ever tournament…opportunity…contest of  skill and power…and desire to win on both of  their  parts.

Saturday night  during  the  Australian Open final,  Serena Williams not only won  the Australian Open  Women’s  Singles  for her 5th time…nor  did she not only take  home yet  another trophe… but she pushed up her game earnings  into the over $30 million bracket as well.  

With a combination of  12  Aces combined with sharp precision…speed and  force…all  of  which played  major parts  in her game.  Serena  took  it  in 3 sets winning…6-4, 3-6, 6-2.  But I  am sure that when  Serena  hit  the courts in the Land Down Under…it  was  also with a  mind that she had  something to prove.   After being fined and forced to sit out a tournament  following  her outburst  and supposed  threat  to a  lines woman  while  playing  in the  US Open this past year.   I am sure that when Serena stepped  into the tennis arena of  the Australian Open  that  she  went  in to prove  a  few things.  With her main point being… that she had the capabilities  and powere to put away anybody who dared to come up against her.  And she did…back to back…and day after day…tournament after tournament. 

What a game…and what a win.  You go, Serena…and Venus.  And congradulations on also taking the Australian Women’s Doubles again…too. 

When I saw this and initially read this story I laughed…sarcastically of  course.   As I found the whole thing  to be absolutely ludacris.  I am sicken  really by it…because  to me it seems that these 2 women turned men are trying to make a mockery of  God. 

This last set of  men giving birth to a  baby… are 2 women who have turned themselves into supposed men.  They look outwardly quite like men… but evidently they
decided to keep some things… and develop some others… but did not rid themselves of  everything.  And I think that it is sick. 

Yes, I  feel that this thing is sick. 

Why would 2 women want to convert themselves into men…only to end up living their supposed lives as men…living together as gay guys?  

It doesn’t make sense.  It is sick.

On top of  it…taking pills to masculine themselves up…then turn around and become pregnant with all those chemicals in the body of  that woman/turned supposed man.

What is this thing about wanting to be a man…then turning around and wanting to do the most womanly thing any woman can possibly do?

And that is give birth to a little baby.

If  they want to be men…then be men.  But not try to re-write the birth code…or  trying  to revamp  God’s already perfect work…and order.   If   He wanted men giving birth He is more than capable of  performing that little feat for  Himself.  But since He has yet to do so…then evidently it is not His desire.

Then this last couple to do this thing…well, they look not only sick but freakish too. 

How messed up can a little infant be who is being carried in the womb of  some woman who has jacked up her system, face and body with a bunch of  pills messing with her  hormones in order to turn herslf  into some kind of   make believe man?  

And yes…I said  ‘make believe.’

In a couple of  my prior blogs I wrote about this guy whom I knew… and I guess I still know him…just haven’t seen him in a while…who came to Salsa Soul  Sisters, a lesbian organization…under the guise of  being a woman.  At that  time once he began dating  some women in Salsa…which is or was…as it still exists but under another name…but once he started to date some of  those lesbian women the word started circulating.   And I did say…that he came in as a woman…a supposed lesbian…seeking a lesbian lover. 

Okay, let me break it down for you.  He was a guy…who dressed in drag…meaning wore women’s clothes…who came and became a member of  a lesbian organization…and while coming into the organization began dating some of  the Salsa Soul Sisters.

And in my prior blogs on this guy…who we all thought was a woman…except those who happened to date him…they got to find out first hand that he was not… as he had not had the operation yet…but  was working his way to it.

Well, when the word got out…the roof  was  blown off  of   Salsa when the real women got word that their ‘lesbians only’ organization had been infantriated by some man pretending to be a woman, and  talking about he wanted to be a ‘lesbian.’   

Don’t laugh  because it is true.

I thought the whole thing was bizarre.  It was way too deep for me  to  even want to  comprehend.    All I could think was-

“If  he wants to be with women then why doesn’t he just  stay a man.”

But what he wanted was to be a  woman making love with a woman.  He wanted to turn himself   into a woman in order to be a lesbian.  Now, that was bizarre to me…and made absolutely no sense to me.  But it did to him.   And evidently to a few of  my then ‘so called’  Salsa Soul Sisters.

But  for some of  my Salsa Sisters this  act on his part to join Salsa and become a member of  Salsa’s Board was an out and out act of  war…and boy did they come out battling.  Sisters poured into Salsa one night…coming from all ends.  Sisters who had left the organization…and those who had gotten too busy and had simply stopped coming…and then there were some of  the founding mothers (those who were still alive)…they came storming into  Salsa and demanded a vote.  And when it had all been said and done by the end of  the night  they added a note to their charter…and it went like this-

“No woman born biologically a man could ever become part of  Salsa’s Board or  membership.”

So, needless to say we never saw the guy again in any of  our meetings…but some of  us had befriended him and would occasionally run across him.  He seemed to have no problem in  finding supposed lesbians who were willing to indulge him sexually.  One such woman he moved in with…and  they  lived as lesbians.  But he disclosed to me that she wanted him to give her a baby…and he was feeling pressured…as it was something that he didn’t want to do.  After all, he wanted to be a lesbian…not a mother.  Or should I say…be a father.

But I knew that this guy took a lot of various pills because he was in the transitional  stage of  having his operation.  Knowing this…I just could not help but wonder how a fetus in the womb of  his lover…  fathered by him  could possibly be healthy…as this guy’s system had to be all messed up with all the sex changing medication, as he really was working towards having his operation to remove his male sex organ.  He lived his life as woman…and that is how he acted…which is why none of  us knew he was  a man until some of  our  other  sisters (Salsa Soul Sisters)  started climbing into bed with him…or  her as he called himself …and he  had given himself a  female name too which is what we knew him by.

So, when I happened to go up over the internet a few days ago and come across this news  of  another man about to give birth to a baby.  As much as  I really didn’t  want to read that story…I read it.  And upon seeing their pictures and reading about them I laughed…but  it  really was all sarcastic, of  course.  Because I really don’t  think that it funny.

These 2 woman could not look more manly.  Which is something not uncommon in ‘gay life’…but certainly not the norm.  Mostly the fems want men…or the more dominate type want someone softer and not as hardcore like themselves.  This is of  course if  they are into role playing…which means…those who  play like they are male and their partner being female.  Or then there are those who perfer not to  play  roles at all…but just be themselves…which is what many do…they don’t look either or…they are happy with being who they are and desire  simply to be intimate only with ‘like sex’ partners.

So, looking at the pictures of  those 2…that looked like very much men…with one of  them exposing her swollen belly in every shot…just  struck  me  as being humorous at first because of  the obvious contradiction.   Though  inwardly I really felt they  were trying to make a mockery of  God…and I still feel that it is exactly what they want to do.   It is not by error.  Because why would you butch yourself  up…beards, hair cuts, clothes, probably voices etc…to then want  to turn around  and do such a womanly act as become a mother when everything about you appears to speak to the fact that you clearly want to be a man?

Is that  not  a contradiction?

So,  I have come to this conclusion…this can only be for profit…15 minutes of  fame…lights-camera-action…a movie…a reality show….something…but not because he really want to be a mother…or even a woman in kind of way.

How many more women turned men…are we going to see  pop up and do this?

I can’t imagine children growing up under 2 highly confused women as these 2 women.   I really can’t.   I wonder how they explain what they are…or who they are to their children?

And truthfully speaking,  his belly does not look  healthy.  You can’t take all that medication and not know that that it might affect the fetus in some kind of way.   It  must…and I don’t care how slight or mildly  it may do so…but there has to be some type  of  affect or side affect to any child born to someone who does such.

I hope this is not the beginning of  a  preverted and  highly  sick trend.   This  is not to say that I think  gay guys can’t make  great fathers.  I would never be that small minded.  But  I think that a bunch of  people who mess with their gender…and who suffer from gender issues…yes, I feel that  maybe  they might not be the best canidates to parent anyone…or to raise anyone.   Because clearly such people who have done to themselves as these 2 women have…   Well, could  they possibly love themselves.

They are out of  step with the world…and clearly are  trying to re-define gender and parenting…and have  a  strong desire to create their own reality.   It  is  make believe…and springs out of  a  crazy notion that they can somehow restructure  the concept of  what  is  family…father…and mother.  And even more so…what or who…is a birthing mother.  And in reality it could never be a true…or real man.

Saw a  few flurries this morning…but the sun is out.  The weather is cold though and been so I guess all weekend long. 

We were out of  town over the weekend…and when I got in this morning I found the kitchen faucet frozen solid.   And the house, of  course, freezing cold.  I felt sorry for the  cat…though I  had tried to warm up the house as much as I could.  But I guess my efforts were just not enough.

Now, I have  got  to  get  a plumber to the house.  Can’t  imagine  what  this is going cost…but  I think  it  is  going  to be  costly. 

But on the other hand  it  might just be a good time to have them put in  that new sink and faucet that I have been thinking about.  And why not  start tackling some of  the other problems I have with the house…such as getting those raccoons out of the attic.  There has be a way of  chasing them out.   I  thinking loud music…if  they  can’t  sleep because of  the  noise…just may be they might pack  and leave.

The other night I heard  2 of  them fighting.  And it sounded vicious…and they are not small raccoon either  like those in this picture. 

I can’t imagine the damage nor the smell in the attic since they moved in maybe about 2 years now. 

I got to  get them  out.  Besides I  am thinking about transforming  upstairs into a production studio and editing suite for some future plans that I have  for this year.  And I  really don’t  want  to have those  raccoons  roaming around just above my head.

Oh, well…there is always something.  I’ll get over it.

Well, I hope you had a great weekend.  I did.  I enjoyed it so much that coming back and finding the kitchen sink frozen really doesn’t bother me.  It  was worth it…for the weekend I spent with some of  my young nieces who had never spoken so much around me before…until this weekend.  And I loved every minute of  it…being with them and their friends.   I really did.

Well, God bless…

Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on…”  www.bsmith101.wordpress.com  ©2010

  THE BISHOP’S WIFE  is now on sale…CLICK this LINK to purchase my book.  You do not need a paypal account to purchase, and you can purchase using a debit card.  Thank you. 

2 comments February 1, 2010

Tonex… and being honest…

Somewhere between being half asleep and awake…I laid listening when something so impacting caught my attention.  I was forced to turn over and pick up my son’s laptop to see who was talking.

Taking up my broken glasses and trying as best as I could to fix them upon my nose…I glared into the monitor screen of the laptop.

I have heard many conversations on being gay…involved in the homosexual lifestyle…but none as touching or as honest as Tonex’s  discussion with Lexi. 

Now, for those of you who do not know who Tonex is…well he is a young gospel recording artist…now turned pastor and gospel artist.   And Lexi is a gospel recording artist with a talk show on the Word Network…a black religious television channel…which I catch by viewing it over the internet.

This season Lexi has set about making her show more sustance  filled…hitting hot topics and talking to people in the black religious world talking about hot and usually taboo issues within the black church.

So, I was awaken and drawn into the discussion wondering who I was listening to talk about having been abused as a very young child at the age of 3 then again at 6.  But who was careful to clarify that the choices he had made in his life were his choices… and that he did not want to put them off upon the circumstances of sexual abuse as a child.  And that is what made me really start listening to the program.

Oftentimes, people go about playing out their lives and doing things which they want to blame because of past things in their lives.  It is easy to say-

“I did it because of what I had experienced as a child.”

Imagine what kind of world we would be living in if we all set about doing things because of  something in our past.

We have all experienced things.  Things that we may or may not have shared with anyone else or  even our parents.  My 2 experiences as a very young child, I never spoke a word of it to my parents…or anyone else for that matter.   For what reason I do not know. 

I believe as children we feel that certain acts against us are wrong…or that something was not right about it.  Our little minds as a child had no way of quite understanding the acts.  For the most parts we were not even participants…though the act was perpetrated against us.  We felt it…went throught it…but could not wrap our little minds around it (what had happened).

Some became marked by it early…and started acting out sexually.  But others went on…all the while trying to deal with that hidden secret.  And carried it through their lives…and it marked every experience…every relationship…and every thought that they have had.

What struck me as interesting was how honestly Tonex was able to articulate some very true and highly mis-understood things.  Many outside of the life have no understanding at all of  anything gay…except some mis-concepts that they have developed on the subject.

They fail to understand that not just straight people can develop deep and loving relationships with one another.  And that these relationships can run as deep as any of  those of any person.

But these relationships though the people involved may feel  is right…but yes…it is out of  alignment with the word of God.  The feelings…attractions…etc…are not really real.  It is a spirit.  And this spirit is just as strong as any spirit that can attach itself  to anyone.

And unless God brings you…or them out…they continue to linger in the feeling that what they are doing is alright.  What many do not understand is…is this…that it is through God’s grace and mercy that we are all save.   People say that they believe this… and that they know this.  But they don’t… not really.

It is through His love that we who have come out…have emerged from the lives that we once lived (be it drug abuse, adultery, fornication, lying, stealing, lesbanism, homosexuality etc…).  Because without Him none of us would have come out of anything.

I admire people who are honest.  That whole on the DL thing…on down-low thang…distrubs me.  Because it is littered with lies…and deception.  It thrives based upon falsehoods…and may times denial.

I like honest people.  People who know they are battling with something and are looking toward God for deliverance. 

I can see the work that God is going to do in the life of  Tonex…because he is what God loves.   Tonex is someone  who is not afraid to be honest…yet loves  the Lord…and wants Him to do a work in him.  And not ashamed to say-

“I am waiting on Him to do it while I battle living in this thing.”

What a great program that Lexi had with Tonex.  Both she and Tonex through that show did a glorious work.  I am sure that someone fighting to find themself emotionally and sexually…and perhaps has turned against the church for having turned against them…found strenght in that show.  And confirmation of the fact that God is important even in their life…as they continue to battle with the demons that dwell within them. 

But God shall truly give them the victory…if they continue to trust and believe.  And not grow weary.

Love you, Tonex.  Your honesty will fall upon the hearts of many.  And I look forward to continue to see the great works that God is going to truly do through your life and through your honesty.  Many may not understand it…but it is not for the many.  But for those whom God intends to hear it…it shall reach them.  And it will do a work in their hearts.

Married for 4 years, Tonex fought with the demons.  But found that the draw was too great…and eventually came out of his marriage. 

He battled over his singing career though having won many awards…while trying to deal with the demons drawing him.  And for a while turned away from performing and recording.

The demons…the demons.  We fight them everyday.   We all do no matter what they may be…but we fight them.   There are times when we have all submitted ourselves to them.   And if  it had not been for the Lord…we would still all be in them.

It is a subject rarely proached by the black church except as thing of a joke.  But  there is nothing funny about it.   And the problem is in the black church as much as it is everywhere else. ..for the devil has many captives everywhere and in all kinds of  snares.

Though I admire Tonex’s honesty regarding his sexual issues.   A Pastor, however, is suppose to be without spot or blemish.  Though I know that there are many Pastors who fall far short from being spotless.   The office, however, calls for those who are truly lead by the Lord…that they should not themselves be confused…or  be living in confusion.  But God, I am sure…will press this upon his mind and heart. 

Recently, I had to stop going to our usual church because of the Pastor.  He began to start to get too friendly…and believe me it was not my imagination…far from it.    Though I had heard stories about him…I had felt that all the problems in his home had turned him around.  It seemed that God had stricken nearly everybody in his family…wife…children…etc…with something.  And still  he  hadn’t gotten the message.

Since I couldn’t get out to do anything that I really wanted to do today…I stayed home.  Sat out on the porch reading my Bible and then decided to take a nap as I didn’t go to sleep last night until some time after 5 AM this morning as I busy writing another blog…the one before this one.   So, I am a bit tired. 

Hope you had a beautiful day.    

Well, God bless… and enjoy the rest of your evening.

Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on…”  www.bsmith101.wordpress.com  ©2009

 THE BISHOP’S WIFE  is now on sale…CLICK this LINK to purchase my book.  You do not need a paypal account to purchase, and you can purchase using a debit card.  Thank you. 

Add a comment September 10, 2009

EXTREMISM…Chastity Bono

I had thought not to touch this story and just keep my private thoughts on it to myself…and share  them among friends only…and only if they asked me.  But after thinking about it I realized that I could not.

One of the things about coming out of something…is that you sometimes can become highly convicted in your stance against  whatever it is or was that you may have come out of.  Or in other words…things you no longer wallow in…or transgress in…indulge in…or no longer partake in…and was the way you used to be…etc…  So, you emerge from it  being  very strongly opposed to it.

You become very anti- it…about  whatever it was  or is that you used to do…or who you used to be…but now are not…or of  that which you no longer do…or indulge in.    You in fact…move all the way over to the far left side of the bar…and become an extremist regarding that issue…or thing that once had you bounded.  Usually, the farthest  you can get from it…emotionally and opinion-wise as well.

So, having already told you that I was once ‘in the life’  in several other blogs…meaning  I was a lesbian…gay…lived  in the homosexual lifestyle…then I feel I can freely talk on this subject.  But do not ask me anything about drugs or alcohol…or most of anything else…because I know little to nothing on such subjects…outside of the fact of what I have seen regarding the affects of them…or the after-affects of them.  That being said…

Chastity Bono, the daughter of Rock icons Sonny & Cher of the 70′s, decision to alter her sex…and the way that it is being presented in the media…really kind of disturbs me.  Not her decision to change her sex…because that is her choice…but it is the media (the type of coverage) on it that concerns me.

Having had been in the life for many years…some I don’t know…more than 30+ years…I have known many women.  But the people I knew…or should say know…as I still know them…and still converse with some of  them…though I do not hang out with them…but all of them were women who were happy to be women.  In fact…they celebrated their woman-ness… sought out places that were exclusively women… restaurants… bookstores… vacation spots… curise-liners… clubs… etc…

So, Chastity’s decision is not the norm… far from it, in fact.   Many lesbian women have no dealings with men.  And hate them for various historical reasons in regard to their lives and past histories.

Though today, I do see many more young girls trying to really do this thing…that is called ‘butch’ themselves up.  With the hanging pants…and all the other things they do.  But still it is not the norm.  And thank goodness for that.

http://www.tmz.com/2009/06/11/chastity-bono-becoming-a-man-2/?icid=main|hp-laptop|dl3|link3|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.tmz.com%2F2009%2F06%2F11%2Fchastity-bono-becoming-a-man-2%2F

Imagine this world…if  everybody decided that they wanted to change who God created them to be?

How whacked out this place would be?

Some people would be walking around calling themselves some kind of animal…maybe this is a bit  extreme.  But not that far fetch… considering some of the things that some people involve themselves in.

I can’t image wanting to change my sex to become a man.  I am so happy that I never had that conflict.  I mean I have always wondered…how it is that men go to the bathroom when they do the number 2?  

Do men sit on the toilet and have to hold that piece downward in their hands?   I don’t really know men like that as I was a lesbian.   So, I have no way of knowing.  But I do have a serious thing about germs.  I know I really wouldn’t want to do that.   I would be so afraid that I might touch some filthy toilet seat…if  I were out in public having to do that.   Though  rarely do I go to the bathroom while out.

And yes…I am a bit naive.  I do admit it.  There are many things that I do not know.

And since we are on the subject…   When they…men…stand over the urinals…all of that spattering…all over your pants legs.  Who wants to go through all of that?

Yes, I am happy to be a woman.  Though the men’s bathrooms tend to be a bit cleaner.   I have heard that.

But if…I were a man.  Why would I want to be a woman?

What would be the benefit of that?

I am just so glad that God does the selecting and choosing…as to what we will be.  Could you imagine a more confusing situation than that?   Trying to choose whether your child would male or female.   Though some scientist have tried to come up with a way of doing just that.  And many countries  put a premimium on one sex over  the other…the male species.  Though without women this world would come to a very sudden and complete end.

But  going back to my original train of thought…I just could not see myself as being a man…or having ever wanting to be one.  And thank goodness none of my gay women friends have had to battle with that either…nor any of my male friends.

I can imagine the pain that one must go through having that conflict.  Because that has to be one very big and hard inward battle going on to decide to do such a thing.

The truth of the matter, however, is this…the mind plays tricks…and if you are not careful you will fall into the trap.  Of  believing something that is not so.

If  you look into the mirror every day thinking that you hate what looks back and that-

“I would look good as a man.”

Or perhaps…as a woman.  Sooner or later you will begin to believe that you should have been born a man or a woman.   You will also start to believe that you see certain characteristics or qualities about yourself…which in reality  have been sub-consciously taken on…and/or implanted in your sub-conscious…which may not  truly be there…and do not really exist.   But because it is what you want to see and  placed in your mind…it is what you will see.  So, if you desire to see certain things…over time you may come to believe that you see them.

Then in turn you will believe that those characteristics verify the fact that you should be…and are really something else other than what you are.  And so you come to the final conclusion that through some trick or error of  nature you were born a woman rather than a man…or visa versa.

All that kind of thinking is a head-trip…a real mind game.  You will see what you want to see…you will feel what you believe you want to feel.

The mind is wicked…and highly deceptive.

For most of my life I have thought of myself as being unattractive…ugly in fact.  I never wanted mirrors arround…hated to take pictures…etc.   Because I hated seeing me.  It was not until I had to start taking pictures for my book cover…that I came to  realize that I am really not ugly.  In fact, I have to laugh…because of all the years I let get pass me believing myself to be ugly when I was not.

Then too, in my book I made a statement…which made me really have to think.  I state in my book, THE BISHOP’S WIFE, how I had been stalked at least 3 separate times in my life.  After writing that…I began to think about what it was those people saw in me that would have lead them to want to do that.  When I know many good-looking people…very good-looking…exceedingly good-looking…and they had never been stalked.

So, why me?

This is when I thought…again.

Here it was all those years I never realized that I was not ugly.   Because of my profession and always being the public eye…people gravitated to me.  And people who listen to you over the radio…

Well, they just fantasize  about everything…and they all believe they love you.  But I could not have looked that terribly bad…to have problems with 3 separate people at various times in my history.

But I never really knew until I looked into those pictures for my book…that I wasn’t as bad looking as I had thought  I had been for all of my years.  It is amazing.  But it was a mind game…which for me came about when I started thinking that I was not as good-looking as any of my sisters or brothers…as a young child.  And that shaped my thinking of myself for all of these years.

My mind had me tricked…I saw that which my mind allowed me to see.  And so I lived under that shell all of my life until about 6 months ago.

Let me take a quick station break:  my book, THE BISHOP’S WIFE… is coming…. Yes, my book is  coming…I will definitely let you know when it is available for purchase.

Now…back to the subject.

I was deceived by my mind a 2nd time…when I fell into lesbianism.  But thank God…I didn’t sink so far down that I ever thought about mutilating myself…with a sex change.

http://www.usmagazine.com/healthylifestyle/news/chaz-bono-im-enjoying-life-as-a-man-20092910

And yes…I had met some hardcore women…who wore men’s clothes and under garments.  Some even who  thought it manly to beat up their lovers and/or girlfriends.  But I never heard any one of them talk about changing their sex…or wanting to do so…no matter how much outwardly they tried to emulate men.

Yes, though we were living in confusion…we were far from being that confused.  And I thank God…from removing me totally from it.  I no longer dwell in a ball of confusion…and under the cloud of lesbianism.

But the article that I read of  Chastity Bono’s decision to under-go a sex change was so accepting of it…as though it were a natual transition in life…something acceptable. I would hate to think that any poor child or teenage or another adult currently battling with issues over their sexuality…should read that  article and think that such a thing is either natural…or really acceptable.  Not acceptable to you or me…but for themselves.  As it goes against nature.

And there have been many articles and books written on the subject…some opposing and some pro.  But there have been many regrets regarding that whole process.  And I have seen much sadness and anguish among those fighting that battle.

As I mentioned in at least 2 other blogs…I did know a guy…who when I met him was in the process of under-going his sex change.  I met him as the women he presented himself  to me to be…as he had started coming to Salsa Soul Sisters meetingsa lesbian organization in New York City…and we all at the time  believed that he was a woman.  But from the time I met him…and I cannot call him ‘her’…I would be lying if I said that.  But from the time I met him…in the back of my mind I always felt that something about him was out of whack.

I have met many gay guys…but had never met one trying to become a lesbian before.  And neither had anyone else in Salsa Soul Sisters either…until we all met him…who presented himself as a woman to us all.   But when they found out…nothing could hold them back…those black lesbian women.

One night those women stormed into Salsa and turned that meeting out…because they were not having a biological man…turned lesbian…or turning lesbian…within their organization and on their board.  And they meant every word of it…and voted that night ‘that no one born biologically a man could ever sit on the board of Salsa Soul Sister, Inc. or become a member of  Salsa.’     That was their sentiment…and they were right.  I did agree…and still agree even though I am no longer a member.

The fact is…regardless of the pills and surgery…you will always be what God created…biologically.  You can change your name…your hair style…your walk…talk…even your game…or anything  and everything else you want to change.  But underneath it all…your real DNA…can’t be changed.  It can be confused…I guess with all that medication.   But  who you are…is who you are.  It is who you really are…and that can’t be changed no matter what.     No matter how much you dislike it…or dislike yourself.

I don’t know when I saw it…but it was on television.  I think it was a Barbara Walters’ special.  It was one of the saddest and most horrifying shows I had watched in my many years of watching TV.  It was a show on parents allowing their children to cross-dress.  By this I mean…there are parents who are allowing their very young pre-teen children…sons or daughters to decide that they were not whatever sex they had been borned…and dressing like whatever they wanted to be.

It was horrifying.  Truly, horrifying.

It made me sick to see a  4 or 5 year old being allowed to demean himself  or herself  in that fashion.   And they looked hideous.

At such young ages children being bred in a continuous state of high confusion…and their own parents abetting them in doing so.  It was terrifying…absolutely terrifying.

In one of those stories, Barbara visits with a family who allows their little boy to dress as a little girl…long hair…the whole 9 yards.   The little boy has a baby sister.  Her cup and everything about her is pink…while everything for him was blue…do note the word ‘was.’

The boy wanted the pink cup…the pink this and the pink that.  Well, it really doesn’t  take a rocket scientist to figure that thing out.  The little boy had become jealous of his little sister.  I don’t know…maybe the parents stopped doting on him and became pre-occupied with his little sister.  So, he of course wanting his parents attention once again…he might desire to become his little sister…or some how take her place in order to regain their…his parent’s attention and love again.

So, what does his little confused mind decide to do?

He starts wanting what she has… her things… clothing…etc.  He develops a desire to replace her… by becoming her.   Thus, a desire to be a little girl… as in his confused little mind he views it as being the root cause and remedy to his little situation.

It is not at all that he really wants to be a girl.  But he desires his parents’ attention again.   Which if his parents had taken any time with him…it would obvious to them.   That the love he felt that they have taken from him and given to the little girl…his sister…he wanted it back.

Then there is this other side of the coin.  If the little boy doesn’t like boy stuff…toys, sports etc..

So, what if  he doesn’t grow up playing baseball…or basketball…or watching sports.  It doesn’t mean you have to put your stamp all over him…and say-

“I know what…we’ll call him girl.”

And  dress him up like one.

Yes…I do know that some gay guys…and even some women… claim that they knew they were gay from the craddle.  But closer examination on the matter…might bring them to some other opinion if they really sat down and looked back at things in their history that they may have forgotten.

It is a mind game.  Some kids grow up thinking that they are the biggest and the baddest.  Some that they are stupid and don’t know anything.  Some believing that they are beautiful…some that they are smart.  It can vary depending upon who they are…what their social-economic backgrounds… neighborhoods… family… schools… churches…etc.. and what is going on within their home.   But over time it almost always changes…our preception of ourselves…and the world around us…and how we view ourselves in it.

Imagine a little child…4 or 5 years old trying to fight that battle everyday.   Of  having to go to school everyday…and trying to interact with other children…dressed as a little girl when he is a little boy.  It is a ticket to suicide…or drug abuse…and self hate.

Most gay guys can’t even deal with issues from their history…family rejection…etc. when they reach older ages.   They battle those issues most of their lives.    Which is why many of them suffer from alcholism, drug addictions…and indulge so heavily in all types of dangerous sexual practices.

Yes, sadly…I have seen and heard many gay people…mostly men…crying over their broken relationships with their families…endless cycle of  broken love relationships…etc.   Crying over their  lives wreked in pain and sorrow.   Dealing with dying lovers…ex’s …rejections…regrets… etc…etc…  It is hard no matter whether straight or gay to deal with such things.  It’s hard.  But then to have the added burden of  being rejected by your classmates… churches…and society too…makes it all the more worst…and painful…and as a kid?

All across the gay community there are vast levels of self-hate…fear…and self-destruction.  It is sad…very sad.  So, how could any loving or caring parent indulge their child  in any such way as to let them suffer with such thoughts…and conflicts that they…themselves have probably placed upon their child in the first place?   Of which the child may end up battling and trying to fight…and deal with for the rest of their lives.   When all they…the parent or parents of that little boy… had to do was get rid of all that ‘pink and blue’ stuff…and stop setting up stereotypes…and road blocks for their son.   And tried to give him…their  son some quality time.   Rather than to assist him into the further creation of confusion in his little life…by buying him girls clothes etc…and engage him in trying to emulate something which the child is not.  He is not a girl…nor a joke.  Or a plaything…he is a real person…who is on his way to  being badly damaged.

Being a woman encompasses a variety of things.  We do and think differently from the male species.  Our tendencies towards giving, sharing, helping, family, responsibilities, listening, conversing with others, aiding, depth of compassion, commitment, emotions, emotional strenght etc…and so much more are all quite different from men.   It is  far more than one group having a different set of sex organs from the other.  And all the pills and operations…and therapy in the world is not going to change this.

I personally  think that that particular Barbara Walter’s special should have never been aired.  There are some things better not put out there for public consumption.  People start to get simular ideas…and start following suit…copying eveything they see and ear.   We sadly live in a world of people who have  stopped thinking for themselves…and merely seek to duplicate…follow…and do likewise.  And for some people  it is just simplier to assist certain behavior rather than try to work to stem it.

Isn’t that a horrible why to be?

Even worst…to have that kind of parent…or parents.

We would all have been in trouble with those kind of parents…that were that Barbara Walter’s special.  Many parents from time to time feel helpless…but they do not give in to their helplessness.  No, another force kicks in…and they step it up…to the next level.  Parents have to…because all parents are faced with challenges when it comes to their children…at some point or other.  And you just can’t throw up your hands saying-

“I just can’t do anything.”

At that point…some people know that there is one other thing.  They start to pray.  There is power in it.

Finally, no matter what  Chastity’s decision concerning trying to alter her sex…she will always be known as woman…who had a sex change…if she proceeds with the operation and all those pills (which she probably already has done seeing how they have released the story).    But she will never be known as ‘a man’…no matter what she does to herself.  People may pretend…but in the back of their mind will be the fact that she was and will forever be…woman.

Well, in between, Chastity’s decision to change her sex…and that supposed man having another baby (another subject that I said I was not going to touch…as I have already given him rather her too much of my time already)…it has been a very busy week.

In the end Chastity will always be a woman who had the operation.  That is how people will see her…never as a bonafided man.   That only comes by birth.  It is the way people think.  And it is true really… and we should keep it that way.

Besides, if you are truly unhappy with yourself…do you really believe that changing your sex is going to do it?

I say no.

True happiness is something that you have to find within you first.  Putting up pretenses…or  making superficial changes…only brings about more unhappiness… and sadness.

How can you feel happy…when you put up a bunch of pretenses?

I have sat on the trains (the subway) in New York and watched the drag queens.   Unless they were out partying and hanging with friends did I see any gaiety.  Most of  time when I saw them…I saw a lot of saddess…emptiness…and loneliness.

I also talked to some and knew some.  It is how I knew of the inner conflicts.  Which a lot of gay women have too.  I didn’t I did…but I guess I must have.  Because I am so happy that I am out of the life…and have no intentions of ever going back into it.

It is a hard life…and if  the  truth be told.  Life is not  easy for most of us.   And all of  us have found something which we don’t like about ourselves.

But we deal with those things without trying to destory ourselves in the process…or tear ourselves apart.    And that is how I feel about sex change operation.   It is very much like  trying to go against the grain.

One other observation…  Chastity’s girlfriend really looks a bit like her mother.

Well, enjoy your weekend.   And I am still trying to catch up on my sleep.

UPDATE: ON CHAZ (Monday, September 5, 2011)….recently read that she will be on ‘DANCING WITH THE STARS’ this season.  Needless to say there has been an outcry against it.  And I am not really going to say much on it…except this.

Look for her to be voted off the show early.  Controversy brings about higher ratings.  And I have no doubt that some people are going to tune in just to see Chaz’ transformation for themselves.

http://tv.msn.com/tv/article.aspx?news=667737&gt1=28103

Chaz was smart in that she only elected to make some outward changes…and not have other parts of her body touched.  Which makes me think of a conversation that I had recently with a cousin.

That conversation was about gay men who had the operation.  My cousin was trying to tell me that when the so-called ‘bottom’ partner… and not all gay men think as my cousin was trying to tell me.

What she was trying to tell me… as if she really knew anything about which she was talking about… that there was a thing known to gay males as the ‘bottom’ partner and the ‘top’ partner.  That is while they are engaging sexually 1 male is always the 1 on the bottom, while the other sexual partner is the 1 taking him sexually from his position on the top.

While not all of them… gay males operate like that.  And how do I know… because not all gay women operate that way either.  Some do… but not most.

I know this because my cousin Vincent… a gay male… would tell me about some of his partners who would try to force him into taking them sexually… which he never did.  But Vincent was not the norm… and had lost partners because of that.  Anyway… my female cousin who was talking about this was talking like this was the norm for the masses… which is not true.

So, I told her that the real thrill in homosexuality did not come from anything more than knowing that it was ’a man’ …or ‘a women’ depending upon the preference of the people dealing with each other sexually.   And I told her this in an attempt to explain that once someone went through the operation of having their sexual organs changed… that also changed the whole dynamics of their relationship.

Real homosexuals only want someon of their own sex …be it a man or women.  So, therefore if their lover underwent a sex change… they would cause many to get out of that relationship… because the person who underwent the sex change no longer had that part of them that attracted the other person to them in the first place.

Therefore, if the person’s mind becomes warted enough to want to take their body through some type of outter transformation… most elect to not touch their sexual organs.  Which is what Chaz had also elected not to do.

And even if  Chaz had chosen to do the entire thing …and get the whole thing done in terms of having had the final step done… the re-structuring of her sex organs… she still would be a woman.  No matter what she does.  It is utterly imposible to totally erase God’s stamp upon you …in terms of whom He has declared we shall be… male or female.

It is amazing to me how so many people like to talk about homosexuality as if they are in the know… and do not have any real understanding of it at all.

How in the world could my cousin…my female cousin… who had never really been in ‘the life’ as I had been… tell me anything about a life I was definitely a part of for many years… in regards to what our selections and sexual behaviors are that lifestyle?

I would know… because I lived the life.  And in it we… lesbian women were always tied in things… events and discussions etc. with the gay male population.  We shared spaces together, concerns, emotions, conflicts etc. all being homosexuals.  Which I was at that time… I was in the gay lifestyle.  And that is what Chaz is in… the gay lifestyle.

Having an operation can’t take you out of it… it can’t take you out of  being gay.  But it does indeed intrence you deeper in it.  Because you are making some extreme choices that later you might  just want to be able to step away from… if  or when your mind  …or prespective on this lifestyle changes.

This thing is deep…

God bless…

Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on…” http://www.bsmith101.wordpress.com ©2009

THE BISHOP’S WIFE  is now on sale…CLICK on the image of my book cover to purchase my book.   Thank you. 

8 comments June 12, 2009

Getting kicked to the curb… Obama’s airplane…

During the middle of this week, I was out with my son and one of his little friends.  As I got into my son’s truck I noticed that she wasn’t her usually jovelle self.  I never got a clue until my son said to her over the course of our dinner-

“Oh, don’t start crying.”

To which she responded-

“I can’t help it.”

Shortly thereafter, her cell phoned rang and she answered it.  That is when I overheard what the problem was.

She began saying-

“Oooh, boobie.  If you take yourself from me…I want be able to hold you.  And do for you like I want to…You know how I like to hold you…and yeah cook for you.  If you remove yourself I can’t hold you and do that any more.”

I was on the verge of bursting out in laughter because  she sounded ridiculous.  

In essence, she was begging him to not drop her.

Now, I am not a mean spirited person…but you would’ve had to heard that conversation. 

I do not think I could have ever wanted somebody…any humanily body…that bad in my life.  Well, maybe I have…

I have been in my share of relationships…but I have never in my life brought myself to begging any one of them to staying with me.

Yes, as hard as it may seem.  I have been kicked to the curb more than a few times.  And yes, it did hurt.  But I never ever begged.

I won’t say that there may have been a time or 2 that I might have liked to have begged.  But I didn’t do it.

I have never dropped anybody in my life.  But I have been dropped.  I do know the pain of being dropped and yet trying to hold on.   Believe me…I know it well.

But I never begged.

In my wisdom now…I will tell you this. 

Anybody you have to beg to keep is not worth trying to hold on to.  And no matter how much you beg…eventually they are going to leave you anyway.  So, let them go from the on-set of whatever the situation is and they start telling you it is over.  And get on with the mourning process. 

Because in the end…you are going to end up mourning it anyways. 

So, better to start now rather than later…because you would be just putting it off.  And it will certainly be just as painful…if not more.

When somebody wants to leave you…they have their reasons.  And unless there is some type of benefit to staying with you…then they’re gone.  They may come back for a little while…but sooner or later they will be gone for good. 

So, release them and let them go now.   Soon enough you will be mourning over the next one.

As I stated in another one of these blogs…I had never been in type of relationship until I was 25 years old.  And I have also told you that… I have never dated.  Well… any boys… or men.   As sometime after becoming 25, I did what they called…‘came out as a lesbian.’  

I would say that I never really ‘came-out’ per-se.  As my profession wouldn’t let me…that is to say…because I was popular as a radio announcer I never presented myself as being openly gay.   Then, of course, there were my parents…and I would have never done anything to embarrassed them.  And I did not mind keeping my life to myself…and among my close friends.  It was, after all, my life.

I never felt that I had to go around telling  everyone what it was that I did in the bedroom…nor I was interested in what other people did in their’s…just as long as it did not involve children.

At any rate, most of my relationships during that period of my life only lasted for about 6 months or under.  Once I becamed involved with someone it always seemed to me as though it could not get past 6 months.   Finally, one did…because she was determined to be the one to do it.   She had told me that on several occasions…that’s how I know.  It lasted for all of 9 years…but even then she could only take but so much of me.  And finally, she too…kicked me to the curb. 

I must say that I did not mind when  it happening…but what hurt was how it happened.  The relationship had began to turn several years prior…and we had evolved into more or less just being friends.  And I could live with that…that is why I didn’t mind that she left…exited my life…and fnally kicked me to the curb.

She was exceedingly beautiful, and perhaps one of the smartest persons I had ever met.  She was well read and well versed on every subject…truly.  And there was one other thing about her. 

She saw in me something that I never saw.  And she was always telling me that she saw where I was going to be…and that she was not going to let me embarrassed her once I got there.

So, she was always correcting me…polishing up my speech…reading over my text…pointing out business fawls…and huge personality gafts in me.   I must say that without her…I would not be half of what I am today businesswise or otherwise.  God took that situation and used it for His good.

But eventually…yes, even she kicked me to curb.

But I never begged. 

That relationship had become a bit toxic for me.  But as I had never really been in any other long term relationship… and because of my own nature… though I wanted out… I couldn’t say it.   So, I’m happy that she ended that relationship for me.  

There are just some things perhaps… that I will never be good at.  And I think that this is one of them…kicking somebody to the curb.

I can take it…but I don’t think that I could ever dish it out.   But nobody better test me on it…because I am not all that forgiving.

Some people, however, are masters at it.  But not me.

But thank goodness when it is over…and you have finally gotten over it.  As a rule my mourning process…was always for a 2 year period.   And many times at the end, I  found myself wondering what it was that I had seen in that person in the first place.  Except for, of course, the person with whom I was with for 9 years. 

Yes, I got over it.   Which is usually done by finding someone else. 

Isn’t that always the way?

It can really speed up that process.

You lament somebody…until you find somebody new.

I have found…that through those years…having always been the one who was kicked to the curb.  I have found…that usually when I got over it…I was over it.  I do not look back…but there had been some laments.  But It was not on my part.

Time does it, I think.  People often have a tendency to look back and wish they hadn’t done something.

So, move on. 

Forget about Boobie. 

Can anyone you’ve given such a horrid nickname to really be that good?

I think not.   And certainly not enough worth begging for.

As I listened to that girl…and if you want me to say…young lady…I could not help but be thankful to God…I no longer go through anything like that any more.

God is good. 

Well, I just love Obama.

And yes, he was right to fire whomever that was who thought it was a good idea to fly Air Force One into the protected air space over the Statue of Liberty.

Of course, it was going to bring back memories of 9/11.

And yes…people would believe that New York City was again under attack.

How could they not?

That was the exact same air space…which every New Yorker knows is protected air space…that those airplanes flew over that hit the World Trade Center causing the earth to shake…the buildings to fall…people to jump for their lives…dark clouds of heavy smoke, suet and human ashes…amid streets of rumble …bodies… much havoc… and panic.

That day will never be erased from the minds and hearts of every New Yoker.  It was one of the most horrible days that I can remember.

It was a day of much confusion and panic… because no one knew exactly what was going on.   Many believing that the world was coming to an end…or that someone had declared war upon us…the darkness that fell upon New York that day left an undelible mark across the world…and particularly among those in New York City…and the tri-state area that will never be removed throughout the history of this country.

And all for a photo op?

That person had to be insane.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090427/us_nm/us_newyork_plane

http://news.yahoo.com/nphotos/Statue-of-Liberty-water-taxi-Liberty-Island/photo//090427/ids_photos_ts/r1340509400.jpg//s:/nm/20090427/us_nm/us_newyork_plane#photoViewer=/090509/480/85fcbc62c2c54fee9134de675e68acbe

I am happy that  Obama is letting those who work for him…know that he is no joke.  And that he is going to demand from them that they operate as professional and thinking…rational people.  And never dare to do anything that might embarrass him. 

Got up late today…after 12 noon and do not know what time I finally went to bed…though I laid down thinking I was only going to stretch out for a few minutes. Yes, I am still trying to put the finishing touches on my book, THE BISHOP’S WIFE,   and the promo for youtube. 

Well,  it is getting closer…and closer to that time.  And I can’t wait.   

And as a final note…please do not let me be anywhere and overhear any conversations of yours.  I do not easedrop…and I do not like getting all up into people’s business.  I really do not want to be a party to it…but if you are going to sit up around me and put your business all out in the street.  I just might formulate an opinion on it.

Well, enjoy your weekend.

And you know something else…after looking at that first picture of the Statue of Liberty…that is not a woman.

Which reminds me of another time my son took me out this past week…with yet another friend of his.  For most of time we sat at that table eating…we were debating whether or not our waitress was a man or woman.  I had never noticed anything…and had always felt she was a woman. 

But it was my son’s friend who began that whole controversy.  And at the end finally I had to concede after taking a more indepth study of the person…arms in particular…that yes it was a man.  But she was nice anyway…not matter what.  And she…well, he did his job well.

Which reminds me of yesterday, while waiting around in the salon…I happened to overhear a conversation between a young girl and I guess…maybe her aunt or somebody related to her.  

The girl was probably no more than 10 or 12.  She was disclosing to the older person how someone in her class was talking about her…and calling her ‘gay.’

It made me think of that 11 year old boy who had hung himself and it was reported that he had done so because some kids or one of the other boys at his school was doing the exact same thing…calling him ‘gay.’

I think that it is sad…that such burdens are placed upon children today. 

Back when I was going to school…kids taunted you by calling you ‘fat’…or ‘scary cat’…or ‘chicken.’  

It is a shame that all these sexual labels and stigmatisisms are placed upon them…these children…teens…pre-teens etc… at such early ages…when it is hard enough just trying to go to school and get through your school lessons. 

God bless…

Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on…” http://www.bsmith101.wordpress.com ©2009

THE BISHOP’S WIFE  is now on sale…CLICK this LINK to purchase my book.  You do not need a paypal account to purchase, and you can purchase using a debit card.  Thank you. 

Add a comment May 9, 2009

Saint Palin making a push for it… Tracy a city lost in sin… dog fever…

 It should be of no surprise to anyone when Palin recently announced that she had considered aborting her infant son after being told that he was going to be a child with Down Syndrome.  As I wrote in an earlier blog on Palin…the mere fact that she did not tell her family about being pregnant…then her flying off to conferences and the like while knowingly being aware that she was leaking her amniotic fluids…the baby’s lifeline…signaled that she not only thought about it.  But Sarah Palin was attempting to administer in a very real way…her own form of  birth control…or abortion…if you will…you take your pick.

When I initially read that story about the leaking fluids and Palin…I immediately knew exactly what she had been attempting to do.  No loving or caring mother would have jepardized her unborn child like that.  But Palin did…and just like she did this past week…she turned the story around to make it appear as though she had done some great and humane thang…because the baby had survived.  And was born…a thing she has been trying to capitalize on every since. 

Oh, they roared and cheered for Palin…as she did what she has always done…and I guess may have even gotten better at doing now that she has had so much practice doing it…got out seeking her own personal fame at that right-to- life banquet where she made her wonderful disclosure.  What she called…”for a fleeting moment“…that she had considered having an abortion upon hearing the news that her son was going to be born with Down Syndrome.  I doubt that it was anything but for ‘a fleeting moment’ that Palin considered that thought.   I am more of a mind to believe that she actively and intentionally sought to do it…in her own little way.   But it just was not to be…and it was not for a lack of trying.

Palin seems to be a master at pulling that old quasi-Mid-Western/Alaskian thang to con people into believing her to be some king of super mom/woman…and thinking that she is either just a joke…a fool…or some kind of saint.   With most of the Republicans eager to believe the latter no matter what.   She definitely believes she has got ‘em fooled.  And every chance she gets…Saint Palin keeps popping up in the news…for one thing or another.  She is not intent on allowing anybody to forget who she is.   Ambition…is something.

Whatever…

Saint Palin is at it again…and she is willing to use everything and anything it takes…to keep herself in the forefront…with her eye steady on the White House with a hope for her 2012 run straight into the Presidency.  What a joke.   I think…not.   Saint or no Saint…Palin.

http://news.aol.com/article/sarah-palin-speech-in-indiana/432693?icid=main%7Cmain%7Cdl1%7Clink1%7Chttp://news.aol.com%2Farticle%2Fsarah-palin-speech-in-indiana%2F432693

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,449884,00.html

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/booster_shots/2008/09/pregnant-leakin.html

There was something about seeing that woman’s picture that you just knew she had done some insane sort of thing.   But what…you could not imagine.   But you knew it was deep…and going to be disturbing.   And it was.

I cannot remember having ever read before where a newspaper article stated that some woman was arrested for raping anyone.  That woman in that picture…the one with that crazed…insane look…whom I could not imagine what she had done…nor did I want to think about it.  Because if you have gotten anything out of reading these blogs by now…it is this.   That I hate these kind of stores.   I am greatly disturbed by them.  There are some things which haunt me for days…so I try not to read them… particularly…crimes against children. 

Most of the time I turn away and resist reading such stories.  Because I simply cannot take the thought of such things…it bothers me greatly.  And for days if not much longer these things linger in my mind and in my heart. 

I cannot for the life of me…understand it.

Why would someone want to hurt a little child?

What pleasure is gotten out of abusing a child sexually…or any other way?

What kind of woman would have done such a thing?

What is gotten from robbing the innocence from the innocent?

How can you do such a thing without being greatly troubled?

And troubled she was…that woman.  You saw  it in her picture posted all over the web and I guess all in the news.  She looked deranged…insane…besieged by demons…plagued by satanic spirits…and forces.  And she was.

The story is horrible.  She had been a Sunday school teacher…and yet she had done something I had never heard said of any woman before…she raped.

A little girl who played with her own little girl…who had come looking for her playmate…the woman’s daughter.   And this bewildered woman…locked deep in the satanic lust of her mind…laid hands upon her, that little gir…and took her….and performed acts upon her that were unspeakable.  And we pray…killed her before she began to dismember her…stuffed her into a suitcase…and then threw her into an irrigation ditch. 

What was going on in that woman’s mind?

How long had she been wrestling with the demons which were chasing her?

Had she done other acts…this Sunday school teacher?

It is hard to believe that there were not signs.

What kind of place is this town Tracy, California?

What kind of evil town is it that suddenly such evil is prevailing itself upon it…within its walls?

Could it be like one of those evil cities sited in the Bible?

Could there be such places where evil just abounds?

There can…and Tracy, CA  proves it.

The article read that a few months earlier…a young teenage boy with shackles…emaciated…tortured…and weak…somehow managing to get away ran away from those who had kidnapped him and held him hostage…begging , “Hide me…please.  Hide me.”

What kind place is this Tracy?

Is it like the city that Lot lived in?

Where he sat upon the fence watching as the acts of sin that were carried out before him.

What kind of time are we living in?

What is going on?

Could this be last days and time?

A few years ago I was listening to the radio and a story came up over the airwaves about this farm.  At this farm the people checked in like it was hotel…and they went there to have sex with the animals.  They were into beastiality.   It too…was a horrifying story.  It turned my stomach.

Who would think that such a place existed?

But if there was one…there has to be others.

What kind of people are these?

I was sick to my stomach hearing that story.  I am sick now thinking about it…and the other stories which I have heard or know about…including all of this murdering.  And all this murdering of young children.

One night while at a Sala Soul Sister’s meeting in New York…down in the Village at the Gay and Lesbian Center…a young woman came and gave a discussion.  I had not known what she was going to talk about until she was introduced and began to speak.  I had noticed that she was indeed very attractive and she was dressed fashionably in this leather vested outfit.  It was her wardrobe which really gave a clue…but I was naive.   I knew nothing on the subject…but I came to know an awful lot about the subject as she began to share her story with us.

She had just reached 50 years old…and I would not have guessed that.  And she expressed how angry she was that none of her friends had shared with her anything about the lifestyle she was currently involved in.  She even went as far as saying-

“I had to wait until I was 50 before anybody told me about this.  And I am so mad.”

You want to know what her story was…don’t you?

Some of you already know…because of what I said about her dress.

She was involved in S&M…bondage.

Once I came to understand what she was talking about…I began to feel really sorry for this woman.  She looked corporate to me…but I would have never have guessed that she was involved in anything adverse…much less S&M. 

I had never met or talked to anyone involved in such a thing.  But I knew immediately like that woman with that crazed looked upon her face…the Sunday school teacher…that this woman too was lost.  She spoke of some restaurant in New York City…saying that after a certain hour at night all the doors are locked and everybody inside there engages in acts of  S&M. 

I was shocked that such a place as that existed in New York…or anywhere else.  And a restaurant?

That woman was so deep into that life…that sub-culture of  S&M that as I watched and listened to her…I knew she was not going to be coming out unless something miraculous happened to her.  She was deep into it…and she loved it.   She marveled in it…that life…and what she was doing in it.  She spoke of that lifestyle with such passion that it was frightening to me just listening to her.  Just to know that somebody could be so taken with something…so…so… so….contrary to life. 

Bondage?

Pain? 

I do not know if I ever went back to another Salsa Soul Sisters meeting after that.   That had to be one of my last meetings.  I was appalled by it.  And most of the other women there…at that meeting with me…they seemed to be enchanted and intrigued by the lifestyle.  But I found nothing intriguing or enchanting about someone tying me up or handcuffing me to anything and then beating me or bringing out a whip to take it to inflict me with pain.  Nor could I see anything sexually arousing in that.  It was satanic to me…and no one was going to tell me anything different.  And I was angry because my other Salsa Soul Sisters seemed interested in trying it out.  

I am so glad that God gave me a mind of my own…another kind of mind.   A mind to know what I was willing to accept and the things I was not…and not being swayed from my stance.  I am happy that there has always been things that I have said ‘no’ to…and meant it.

How do you allow yourself to sink into all kinds of mess?

How do you allow yourself…your mind to become absorbed in all kinds of foul thoughts and actions?

I am not a fool.  I am not going to try everything…1 time…to see.  There are many things in this life that I have known that I did not have to try in order for me to determine…yes…o r no from the very on-set.

There is a culture of people who whether it be drug abuse…sexual abuse…child pronography… homosexulaity… beastiality… S&M…or some other adverse…or perverse behavior…they have entered into it willingly.

I will never forget how a woman…a black woman…out of the clear blue sky began telling me about how she used to have sex with her dog.  This was somebody I knew…well, I knew her somewhat.  I did not know what made her divulge such a thing to me.  But it made my skin crawl.  I wanted to run out of her presence and get away from her.  It was sick.

I do not know what season we are living in…but it is sick. 

It is corrupt.  

I cannot understand it.   But it is all Biblical.  

The Bible says-

“That there is nothing new under the sun.”

It also says-

“For their sins are great.”

But how can people do what they are doing…to themselves…or to others?”

http://abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=7344342&page=1

http://news.aol.com/article/tracy-california-crimes/432200

I am really troubled by the above stories…but I will try to end on an up note.

The Obama’s mutt in my opinion is ugly.  But he or she seems friendly enough.   So, perhaps Obama’s daughters will be quite happy with their new mutt.  But it really looks like the First Mom is going to have her hands full with their new little addition.

I am just not an animal person…as you could read by the story above. 

But I do not see what all the flax is about…as to whether he…or she came from a rescue center or not.  It is just not all that important…while so many young children are loosing their lives behind all of this insanity.  There is just so much more to concern ourselves with.

I have been tired…tired…tired all week. 

To start with…I never got out of the hairdresser until after 3 AM on Sunday morning.  Then I wanted to go to early morning service…which meant I dared not go to sleep following my leaving the hair salon.  Because I knew I would probably not wake up until some time later that afternoon.  

So, I stayed up as best as I could…and once I got past that.  I then realized that if I went home and went to sleep before regular Sunday service…that I was definitely not going to get up.  So, again I elected not to go home…so that I would not go to sleep. 

I never hit the bed on Easter until some time after 5 PM.  But it was fun.  I spent it with family…the young up and coming legacy of my parents.  And I enjoyed every minute of it…even though I was quite sleepy.

I did managed to peel some apples for a couple of apple pies.  And the food was good…and there was plenty of  laughter.   But through it all I was tired.

So, all this week I have been paying for not having gotten any sleep on Saturday…by being tired my entire week.  I am so happy that it Friday.  Now, I can stay in and get some much needed sleep without feeling guilty for the next 2 days. 

One other thing before closing…no matter what the reasoning of that Sunday school teacher.  There can be no excuse for what she did to that little girl.

Goodnight…and enjoy your weekend.

God bless…

Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends…

“pass it on…” www.bsmith101.wordpress.com ©2009

2 comments April 18, 2009

The spirit of lesbianism…Oprah’s school….

Though I wondered about what prompted Oprah to decide to open a school in

South Africa…thinking one here would have been nice.  Though we do have Spellman.  But a media school…to bring young ladies in the world of television and film that would really be wonderful. 

But then all the ugly little stories about that school in South Africa started surfacing.  First, it was about a teacher or some female administrator who was there who was alleged to be preying upon the young girl students of the school…of which the school is an all girl’s school.

Now, recent stories have it that other girls of the school are preying upon and bullying their fellow schoolmates.

If  the devil can get into something…he will.

One looking or reading about this from a Biblical perspective might say that-

“The spirit of lesbianism has crept into Oprah’s school.”

” What is that?”

Perhaps you don’t believe in such things. In your realm spirits or such are fake and do not exist. Okay…maybe not. Least ways…maybe, not in your realm.  But in other places they do.

How did such a thing come about?

Some might say it was sexual orientation.

Maybe. I do not know.

Maybe, there was an older woman…such as the teacher or administrator who was busted and alleged to have been sexually preying upon those young girls.

Maybe there was…maybe she wasn’t.  I do not know.

Maybe, a few of the girls liked it.

Maybe, she, that older woman, turned them out…that is the phrase used in the gay community…when someone goes after someone who is not involved in the life and begins having relations with them…a bond develops between them that puts the other person onto that course for life or for a while during her life.

Supposed she, that woman, had turned out a few of those young girls…and now they in turn…turn and start preying upon some of the other girls.

Or…maybe some of them had that spirit in them already and it has now just started to manifest itself in them…or her…whomever.

Or, maybe they had been doing whatever they were doing all along.

It is hard to believe that any of those young…bright…young ladies that I saw and watched on that Oprah Winfrey special when she opened her school in South Africa could be guilty of becoming sexual predators.  But it does happen.

I have a friend who went to work at an institution which cares for such children.  And I say children…because that is what they are. When she began to tell me their ages and some stories…I had to stop my friend.  There are some things which I cannot even bare to listen to.

It is hard for me to believe that children as young as 3 or 4 have to be separated and locked away from society because they are sexual deviants…who will prey upon anything that lets them…or not.

How could anyone do that to a child?

It is madness.

And I am going to end this blog here.   I do not wish to go any further with it…as I cannot.

The thought sickens me.

God help…

Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends…

“pass it on…” www.bsmith101.wordpress.com ©2009

http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2009/03/30/2009-03-30_o_no_not_again_oprahs_school_rocked_by_s.html http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21530564/ http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/21535729#21535729 http://www.theage.com.au/news/world/oprah-devastated-by-sex-abuse-claims/2007/11/06/1194329223193.html http://www.boston.com/news/world/africa/articles/2007/01/20/outside_oprahs_school_a_growing_frustration/ http://www.oprah.com/slideshow/angelnetwork/slideshow1_ss_seven_fountains http://www.boston.com/news/world/africa/articles/2007/01/20/outside_oprahs_school_a_growing_frustration/

2 comments April 1, 2009

Considering my gurl…da Brat…

Well, it seems that everybody has been hitting me up today trying to see what is going on with the Da Brat.  Born April 1974, she is 34, and I am checking on it.   But I haven’t tracked down any new info on her since last year when she was given a 3 year sentence for busting a beer bottle and cutting a waitress across the face with it.

But in looking up information on the da Brat while trying to find out what you may have heard…and I hadn’t.  I came across these pictures of her.

From the very beginning I always thought that she was a cute girl…even as a little girl she was cute.

You do remember when we were all introduced?

In was back when this little boys group came out, KrisKross.  They wore their pants backward and they too at the time were being managed by the then an emerging but little known guy out of Atlanta by the name of Jermaine Dupree.

Dupree was actually the manager who started popping up in the videos of his groups…long before the idea hit Puffy…I mean, P. Diddy.  And for a while those little boys were cute…Chris and Chris…but that little girl…this little kid who they called Da Brat even then you could tell she had something.

The unfortunate part…is having something… and being able to do something with it.  Having…and doing are 2 different things.

But, like I said…I always thought she was cute…and she was…and still is. But then she started getting rough around the edges.  She was still cute…but she started emulating the boys.  She had become boyish in her style and manner.

Perhaps, many of the hip-hoppers liked it…but to me it took away so much from her.  Mostly it detracted from her natural beauty.  Which she is…a natural beauty…kind of like that girl who used to be on that HBO show…The Wire…Snoop. That girl is absolutely beautiful… but you can’t really tell it.  Because she has managed to harden herself so much.

But it was what da Brat wanted to do…and I guess maybe that Snoop girl too.

It was who da Brat was becoming…and to a degree she seemed to wallow in it…she was liking it.

From bar hopping to brawling…she was in and out of trouble.  She was diggin’ on this one…and diggin’ on that one.  She was back and forth in and out of court…and I watched and would hear little tidbits of news on her from time to time…always thinking whenever I saw her…that she was cute.  And if she wanted to…she could be a really beautiful woman…if only she would grow up.

I wonder that now that she is sitting in jail if any of that has started to happen for her…the growing up process.  And maybe while sitting in jail and contemplating her life and future…perhaps if she just happened to reach out to a little black book with those 2 little words inscripted upon it.  That book could make all the difference in her life.  It can make all the difference in the world to anyone’s life who chooses to follow it.

Never knew though that da Brat was Lisa Raye’s half sister.  The world is small…and they both are very beautiful young ladies…upon whom God has a calling if they would allow Him to use them.

I have met a lot people in my life whose best years of their lives…were their yesterdays…or so they thought.  And so they chose to stay there…always thinking and talking about yester-years.

When you talked to them…they reminded you of what they did…yester-years ago.

Life moves on.

We do not come into the world moving backwards.

Our tomorrows should always exceed by far our yesterdays.

It is a mystery to me why these young ladies…and young girls of today who decide that they want to go into ‘the life’…why they are so drawn to being hardcore?

Perhaps as a kid…it may appear appealing to them.  But as  adults though …I think of it as being sad.  But it seems to be the big thing today.  Everybody seems to want to try it.  And not just these young kids.

I have to smile every time I think of one of my aunts telling me that she had decided ‘to try it out.’ Just that statement alone lets you know how it went.

She was a woman very much into men.  So, it was interesting to me that she would have allowed someone to talk her into such a thing.  And do note…that all of this is coming from me…an ex-lesbian.  But it was curious to me…and I guess a bit amusing to me now that I think back on her disclosing that information to me…because I never would have imagined my aunt doing such a thing.  And she even told me with who.  That alone should have been her big turn off…but they were friends.

You have to be careful about the sort of people you run with and call friends.  That very woman years later I came to find out had been the grandmother of a few of my nieces…and the niece I wrote about in another blog who told me how her grandmother used to allow her husband..or boyfriend to have sex with her own grand daughter on a regular basis…when my niece was a very young child.  At that time my niece was not part of our family as she came to us via foster care.  But that woman was her maternal grandmother.  Knowing such a thing would have turned my aunt’s stomach.

I had friends who used to ask me to take them with me to clubs…the gay clubs that I hung out at…I really guess I should say partied at…as I never really hung out.  That was not the kind of life I lead.  I had to be a bit more discreet…because of my profession and popularity.  So, I partied outside of where I lived and worked.  But when my friends asked me to take them out with me…I told them ‘no.’ If they wanted to get involved ‘in the life’…then they were going to have to find their own way there.  I was not going to pull my friends into that life with me…and I didn’t.

But I see and hear women talking about it-

“So, who’s the aggressive one?  You or your friend?”

I do not know why people have to be talking about such things…when I am passing by?

Some times I think that it is a fleeting thing…something hip today…something that people want to test out…dip and dab into.  But then I am reminded of scripture…of the Benjaminites.  Whole cities consumed by it.  But there is a cure…and with it comes a re-newing of the mind.

Well, I hope you have enjoyed your day.

I went out walking.  The snow did not last long…but it was wet and heavy.  So, though it was not a lot…I had to put a bit more effort into shoveling it yesterday.  But the sidewalks were all clear today…thanks to the sun.  And my cold is getting better.

THE BISHOP’S WIFE is now on sale…CLICK this LINK to purchase my book.  You do not need a paypal account to purchase, and you can purchase using a debit card.  Thank you. 

God bless…

Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on “ www.bsmith101.wordpress.com ©2009

Just CLICK a few times in following 2 screens below in order to play them…and ignore the text.

4 comments March 11, 2009