Benjamites… concerned…

January 15, 2009 bsmith101
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A few years ago…really it has been more like….many years ago a friend had a conversation with me concerning the town that he grew up in.  He told me something which totally surprised me and of which I bld0463591have never spoken about until now.  He said-

“In the city where I grew up…the older men would have sex with all the young boys.”

He said this to say…that the older men in his hometown preyed upon the very young boys in that town.  And I knew without asking…that he had been one of those young boys.

It is hard to believe that such things could happen…and that such things could possibly go on. 

Could you call it sexual perversion?

Or some kind of sickness?

I have been looking around town and I am seeing more and more young girls involved in lesbianism…and gay young men.  One day while shoveling the snow last week 2 young women just happened to pass by…and I could see that one of them could have possibly have been gay.

I have to clarify this just a bit…I don’t want to say that she was ‘gay‘…because I have a friend who accuses me of ‘always calling everybody gay.’   It might be a bit hard to believe…but even I have had to come face to face with it. 

And you know what?

Yes, I am a bit homophobic.  Gay most of my life…and now finding is989-0781myself homophobic…and if the truth be told…I have always been so.  There is no rhythm nor reason to it.    I am odd…to some degree.  I really am.

So, I work hard at trying not to be homophobic…and I don’t think I am homophobic in the classical sense.  Not as most people know or understand homophobic to be.  But because once I came out of the life…I had even become somewhat scornful.  And that is the problem with sin.  I have seen it in people who were involved in drugs or alcohol.   They are quick to hurl words like “that ol’ crack addict’….or ‘that ol’ bum’ or ‘ol’ drunk.’

Yes, falling into scornfulness once you come out of being something  yourself…is quite easy.  And it is a danger.

I felt for my friend and have felt for him for many years.  He seemed to always be in need of validating his manhood.  And I have no doubt that it was because of his early experiences.  Those men were paedophiles.

As children we have no power to dictate what will or will not happentfl0011 to us.  The only power we have is over our future.  There is much we might have liked to have changed in our past…but that time is gone.  And there were things and times we would love to take back and changed even today.  But that too may be impossible. 

Some children carry guilt with them forever.  And really we all do…we are just not as scared as some other children are or were.  But we all have been scared…and no matter what anyone says-

“We do carry these scars forever.”

However, I could see that one of the young ladies, of the 2 who walked by as I was shoveling… by her apparel seemed to be dressed a bit…well…shall we say ‘non-feminate.’   Which is something you really cannot go by today…since78631-12lc1 a lot of girls are choosing to wear their clothes baggy and with pants hanging down too…like most of their male counter-parts.  Something which I may address later…as I have much to say on the matter.

 So, lets say she looked ‘AG.’    I learned that this past summer from a couple women friends of mine in New York.  It stands for ‘aggressive.

So, I thought as I had glanced up and saw the 2 young women that they might have been ‘gay.’   A few minutes later the non-AG one came walking back alone but along beside was a car of guys trying to talk to her as their car drove  beside her…and I heard her say-

“Yeah, but my girl….and my girl…my girl…”

And I knew that that was what she called her friend…the other girl whom I had seen her with earlier.  But in my day we called them ‘our lover.’  But everything changes over time…even me..  And I am so happy that I am.

But I have noticed increased numbers of gay people…perhaps it is 558428041that I am more keyed in to them than most people.  I don’t know…but it seems to be on a raise.   And I have to be concerned. 

I am not concerned because I am afraid of gay people…or that I have a fear that they are seeking to turn the world gay…or that there is some master plot or plan somewhere.   No, that is insane.  

My fear is for my friends…those whom I left ‘in the life.’   People whom I loved…and shared many good times with.   Women who help me to grow up and mature…and how to celebrate my ‘femininity.’  4270511Not all women in the life are hard core and butchy…far from it.  And I feel for the young boys and girls who are falling into a lifestyle…that I used to be in.  I am concerned about them.

I had fun while I was in it…but I was never happy.   I thought that was who I was…but it was not.   It is funny I always felt that I was happy though…but I never knew how unhappy I was in that life until God pulled me out it.

I have heard many proclaim that it is a ‘gene’…a ‘sickness’…a ‘chromosome.’  But I know it is none of those things.  There are many desires we fall prey to.  Many things that we become curious about.  Things we seek to find out more about…experiment with.  They are choices that we choose to make.  To do…or not to do…that is the question?

When I used to hang out, I used to hear the gay guys talking and 759105101laughing about the guys they used to pick up.  The joke was they 558426341would go out to find the most manly men they could find only to take them back to wherever…and the men would lay down and throw their legs up in the air looking for the gay guys to do them.  The gay guys would do what they call ‘howl’…they would howl on end at that.   Meaning they laughed themselves almost to tears…because they found it to be so funny.   And I imagine it was funny.

After all the gay guys were the ones who were ostracized for being ‘gay.’   And here were these big burly mucho men…quick to lay down and give it up in a heartbeat.  Which reminds me of my cousin, Vincent, who used to tell me stories. 

Vincent told me how he used to look out his apartment window and 200246043-0011see the telephone man up the pole…how he would catch the man’s attention then with his finger indicate ‘come here.’   He said the man hurried down the pole and into his apartment. 

Vincent told me of another time…when the UPS man delivered a package to his apartment and how he had invited the UPS man in for a cup of tea.  And I am sure that you can guess the rest.

These stories may seem a bit amusing to you.  But what they show is that there is something wrong…and it is not always with those whom you or many others would chose to blame.  Gay people take the wrap for ar1216052161many things.  But they are not the culprit…nor does the fault lie within them.  But, however, it is those people who would never call themselves ‘gay’…who parade around as though they did not indulge in such things…and are the biggest perpetrators.  It is these people who prey upon children…not gay people.  Like all those old men in that town where my friend grew up…men who had families and pretended to be both godly and honest decent…upstanding men…while all the while ruining the lives of young children.  These people who prey upon children are paedophiles…they are sick beyond understanding. 

They are Benjamintes.

There is a book in the Bible…and at the end of this book there is this story about a priest who goes after this harlot which has left him to return to her family.   Claiming to love her so much that he couldn’t do without her, the priest goes after her and upon setting out to return to wherever he came from…it turns dark.  And he decides to turn into a city of his own people feeling that he and his woman will be safe there for the night.  While there the priest encounters an old man who invites him to come and spend the night in his home…as he informs the priest that it is not safe to sleep in the streets of that city. 

Shortly after the man and priest enter into the old man’s house…a group of men pay a visit to the old man’s home.  They bang on the door and demand that the old man send out the priest…so that they ‘may have their way with him.’  It was a sad story…that ended in the woman being casted out into street to the men who had come seeking to have sex with the priest.   That city was not Sodom or Gomorrah.  Those men were men of Benjamin…they were Benjamites.  And that city was plagued with morbid men corrupt in their nature.

I don’t know what has prompted me to write this.  It is hard to do so…but it is not anti-gay…if anything it is anti-those who pretend that they are not something much worst.  And unlike that woman years ago who came out against homosexuality…I have bxp363411forgotten her name (Anita something or other…the one who  caused gay people everywhere to ban drinking orange juice back in the ’70’s)…and it was soon discovered that it had all been because she had found out that her husband was gay.  I am not her…I don’t have those kind of problems.  But I am concerned  about some things.

Maybe it is that I am concerned about how gays are always under attack.   Or maybe I am concerned about all the lies concerning homosexuality and lesbianism.  Or maybe I am concerned about all the confusion in this world.  Or perhaps I am just confused as to what I really concerned about.

I don’t even know if this thing even will make any sense to anyone.  I really don’t. 

Perhaps, I am just too analytical.

I loved my cousin Vincent dearly.  He was more manly than most men…yet I know for most of his life he had to fight being jeered and bld0502701called names because he was so effeminate. 

One night late while returning to his apartment a woman screamed out in the distance and my cousin Vincent went running to save her.  He grabbed and threw down the man who had been attacking and attempting to rob and possibly rape that woman.  And he held that man down on the ground until the police came.  No one gave him a metal.  No one put a star on the walk way outside where he used to live.   He went running in the dark to recue a woman who had screamed out into the dark of night for help.  He did what a lot of men…so-called ‘real’ men would not have done…and he did it without thought of injury to himself.   That was the kind of person he was.

Vincent was the kind of guy who held the door open for women to walk through.  He would pull out your chair so you could be seated.  He helped women with their coats…and he would get up out of a seat to offer his seat if he saw her standing.  He was a gentlemen…worth more than 50,000 bld0502691or more of the so-called real men

He would give the shirt off his back to friend or a stranger…and family.  He was always giving…and quite caring.  Quite handsome and always nice…and friendly.  I never once saw him angry…though I had seen him hurt.  And knew when he was in pain.

Vincent died from A.I.D.S. many years ago…and I am sure that when those men, the telephone man and UPS man…finished their day’s work whatever day that was when they paid Vincent a visit…that they went home to their wives or their girlfriends…pretending.

Speaking of which, I went to dinner the other night with my son and one his church friends…a young lady.  They told me a slightly amusing story about another church girl.

“Oh, she don’t know God didn’t bless her with that car so she couldn’t drive nobody nowhere,” said my son’s friend who was out with us.

Then she dropped the bomb saying how their mutual church friend had just got a brand new car and was out driving one day.  The girl told how my son and her mutual friend just happened to come across this boy whom she used to go to school with many years ago.  So, seeing the boy was walking the girl offered him a ride to wherever he was going.

So, the boy got in…the girl then commence to ask the boy if he wasbld0547751 interested in watching a movie and how she would cook him some dinner.  The boy agreed and while the girl was in her kitchen throwing together the pots…cooking turkey wings, macaroni & cheese, warming some greens, making corn bread and things…the boy came and told the girl that he had felt something down in her car.  So, she gave him her car keys.

Yes, the boy stole the woman’s car…while she was busy as a bee singing and humming to herself as she slung together her pots cooking…and thinking about what she was hoping to get in between the movie. 

Now, how foolish was that?

As the girl at our table continued to talk…she began talking about herself and how she only ‘likes older men.’  Now, I am my son’s mother and we are out with a friend of his whom he just happened to offer if she would like to join us.  I don’t know but when I was growing up there things that I would have never talked about in the company of one of my friend’s mother. 

I find young women today lacking.  They seemed to be overcome by bld0406181a strong desire to only have sex…and if they are not having sex then all they want to do is talk about it.   They consume themselves and their conversations with nothing else. 

The young lady who had joined us at the restaurant was suppose to be in church…and her friend that they, she and my son had told the story about…the one who’s car was stolen.   Well, she was the church secretary.   Their minds are as corrupt as everyone else’s.  The issue of sex is such a huge issue…even in the church.

There is indeed much to be concerned about.   And I am, therefore, concerned…

God blessand thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on” www.bsmith101.wordpress.com ©2009 




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Entry Filed under: AIDS,Choice,Evils of this world,Family Values,Finding the right person for you,Gay Pride,health,HIV,Homosexuality,Hypocrisy,Lesbianism,lost of love ones,Marriage,Paedophile,Parenting,Reality Check,sex,Sex and single,Sex before marriage,Sexual Revolution,Teens,the Bible,the Taboo subject,wisdom,youtube

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