Who is to blame?

April 27, 2011 bsmith101
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I rarely follow 1 blog right behind the other… but I just finished reading this as I hit the button and said ‘post’ to my last blog.

It is a story about a woman who killed herself and 3 of her children with her.   Perhaps, you heard or read this story.  I now recall hearing someone vaguely mentioned something about it last week while I was in the beauty salon getting my hair done for Easter.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110427/ap_on_re_us/us_river_deaths_blame;_ylt=AvTGBx5blvs4ltAwbzNIdjA7PcB_;_ylu=X3oDMTM3c3E4MGFuBGFzc2V0A2FwLzIwMTEwNDI3L3VzX3JpdmVyX2RlYXRoc19ibGFtZQRjY29kZQNvZmZwemYzMARjcG9zAzYEcG9zAzYEc2VjA3luX3RvcF9zdG9yaWVzBHNsawNmYXRoZXJnZXRzY3I

So, I just finished reading the story to the situation…just CLICK the LINK ABOVE if you want to read it too… if you haven’t done so already.

Much effort in the story…the slant in the story is who is to blame.

Who is to BLAME??????

I am a firm believer that we all have to take responsibility for all our own actions.  It is something I tried to teach my son and to all of my nieces and nephews.  Because at the end of  the day… we have no one to blame but ourselves for the course of our own lives.  And many of the events that happen in it.

In the above story about this young woman who decided to take her own life and the lives of  her children… just 3 of  them by default.  Because she had a 4th child but when she drove into the Hudson River…he being older (her eldest child)…I think the story stated that he was anywhere from 7 to 10 years old.  But he somehow managed to swim a shore.

Supposedly, just prior to the woman driving into the Hudson River… she had just had an argument with her boyfriend.  The man who happened to be the father of  her last 3 children… to which she was not married.

The story states that the father… the man who was the father of the woman last 3 children was 25 years old.  Which leads me to believe that the woman who committed the murder/suicide… was also somewhere in her early 20’s.

The story goes that she supposedly became distraught after the argument… jumped into her car after packing in her children… and headed for a ramp leading into the Hudson River.

Now, who is to blame?

It seems that many in the story blame the supposed father.  They labeled him as a cheater and other things.

Some I have no doubt blame it upon the times.

Some maybe blame it upon the hardship of  just being a mother.

Others might say that she just became ‘overwhelmed.’

Then others might just say that she was just plain crazy.

Any and all of  these might very well be true.

But I see it as a bigger picture which is why I am taking this time now… while I should be up and doing something else… to write on this issue.

And it is an issue.

Recently, 1 of  my brothers started seeking treatment for diabetes.  A couple of weeks ago he was in the hospital due to now  dying kidneys.   Upon him being released from the hospital he called me and asked me to come sit with him.  So I have.

I have also started going with him to all his doctor’s appointments… and that has meant that every week since he came out of the hospital I have been sitting in some doctor’s office listening to them discuss my brother’s condition with him and me.

A couple of  times my brother had me pull up to a liquor store telling me he was going in to cash a check.  But the other day as we were on our way to the doctor I smelled the smell of  alcohol upon him.  So, I asked him about it and he told me that-

“Yeah, I take a couple of  sips every now and then.  Ain’t no big biggy.”

Here he is dizzy and hands shaking…and his kidneys on near collapse, and he is telling  me that taking a drink of alcohol  is ‘no biggy’  …not  a big thing?

Who in the world does my brother think that he is kidding?

Perhaps, he is trying to fool himself.

But I asked the doctors-

“Is there anyway possible that he can be maintained right here at this level without him going on dialysis?”

And somewhat hesitantly the doctor kind of  said yes.  But only if  my brother did what he was supposed to do.

But while at another doctor’s office when the doctor asked him about drug abuse… my brother informed him of something I was not aware of.   He told the doctor he used to snort heroin.  I just thought people shot that up… that is how native I am about drugs and alcohol.

But when the doctor asked my brother why he had done it… my brother told him because he had gotten with the wrong girl.

The doctor then commenced to tell me brother to not blame that on the girl.  And that he… my brother had made the choice for himself  to do it.   That the girl had not forced him to do anything.

And the doctor told my brother that he needed to take the responsibility for the choices that ‘he’  …my brother had made.

Having said that I imagine that you can guess where I am going with this.  But I am lead to speak it anyhow.

In regards to the young woman who drove into the Hudson River killing herself and 3 of  her children… who would you say is to blame?

Who would you blame for her chain of  circumstances?

Who would you say put her in the situation where she found herself?

Did her environment have anything to do with it?

Was it a matter of up-bringing?

Who made the choice to lay down and bare all those children?

Would marriage have made a difference in this story?

Can anyone say that anyone does not know or believe that the act of  engaging in sex was not given to us merely for pleasure… but for procreation?

A vast majority of  women become pregnant usually after indulging once… the very first time.   This was true for me as well.  So, I know this for myself.  But I elected not to continue.

I made my choices too.

Oh, I wasn’t against having children.  I wanted as many as I could have.  Truly, when I was a very young girl I made that decision 1 day.  But I also made another decision… that I wanted to save myself for my husband.  And I did up until the age of  25.

At that point I stepped into another lifestyle that greatly variated and deviated from the thoughts of  me as that young school girl.  But had I not… I still doubt that I would have laid down and allowed people to use me time and time again without any commitment… while yet aiding me into digging myself into a deeper hole.

Because truly 1 could say that the young man in this story…the supposed father… did aid in digging this young lady into a deeper and deeper hole.  And without a doubt he does have his own share of  blame concerning  some of the  problems and difficulty in her young life …and the lifes and end of  lifes concerning his children.

But every choice made by that young woman was her own… including the thought and action of  committing suicide …and the eventual murder of  3 of  her 4 children.

In terms of  Biblical text…1 could look at the story of  Leah.  But the difference here was that Leah was married to Jacob.  And  though Jacob loved Rachel… and was married to both… there had to been something about Leah.  Because she continued to give birth to children for him.  In fact, Leah was the mother of  Judah… and Judah is the line under which both David and Jesus emerge.

But getting off the Biblical angle and just going back to today’s reality… and this story there is only 1 reality when it comes to baring child after child for someone you hope you will be able to hold onto… or who will marry you.  And that is… baring children is not going to do it for you.

Yes, you have created a tie with a person that will be between you and that person for as long you and/or  he and/or the child lives… and in this case children lived.  But that is it.

It does not make them love you.  There is nowhere written that after Leah bared Jacob all those sons…and a daughter… that at any time Jacob came to love Leah.

But just for the sake of  Biblical text… let me note that Leah did get him in the end.  Because Jacob was buried in the tomb with her… while Rachel was buriedView Bernadine Smith's profile on FiledBy along side the road on their way  after having died in child-birth.

It is evident that this young mother neither loved herself  or her children as much as she hated the prospect of  loosing this young man to another woman.

And that is the travesty of  it all.  Because at the end of  the day it does not matter what area you come from… or your level education… or your socio-economic advantages… or the lack thereof…  if you do not love yourself you will continued to make mistake after mistake and doom your own life.  And there will be no one to blame but you… yourself … and the ‘I’ whoever you are.2ab-the-bishop-wifecover

I have no doubt that the young woman in this story became overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed with having made 1 bad choice after another… and another.

Overwhelmed with trying to deal with those bad choices and not having any real support mechanism in place that might have aided her… or even assisted her in some way to start making some good choices in order to turn her life and situation around.

Nobody heard her voice.   Nobody saw her tears… nobody realized that she was way over being overwhelmed.

I am sadden by the lost of  her… and her innocent little children.  And by the knowledge that the little son  which survived will now live with this  for the rest of  his life.

If any of us were perfect then I guess we could all point fingers and laugh… joke about this… I guess to some degree.  But life is no joking matter.  It is precious.  Everybody’s life is precious.  And none of  us is exempt from mistake making.  Even at this age I still make mistakes.  But thank God…He is working on my behalf  that I am not overtaken.

I pray that God steps into every bad situation …and situation where people need help…

Now, maybe I can get up from here and finally do what I really have to do.  I have been up and working on blogs since 6 AM this morning.  And it really hadn’t even been my intent.  The day is slipping pass me… I have got to get moving.

Hope you have a beautiful rest of the day.

I have been searching for something that I really need to find.  So, I have really have to put my all and all into it today.

Well, God bless…

  Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends“pass it on…”  www.bsmith101.wordpress.com  ©2011

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Entry Filed under: Choice,Dealing with loss,death,Family Values,Finding the right person for you,health,lost of love ones,Marriage,New York,Parenting,sex,Sex and single,Sex before marriage,Sexual Revolution,the Bible,wisdom

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