Appalling…

Last night I started thinking about something and it began to strike me as being funny.   And yes, the funny ha-ha kind of funny.   I thought –

“Wow, if I told my gay friends this they would fall over and die laughing.”

And they would.

So, then I tried to call one of them…one of my gay women friends but she wasn’t home.

So, then I thought to call another friend…and finally I called a cousin of mine who I knew would understand what it was that I had found to be so humorous.

I should preface this first by saying…I have never been funny.  I couldn’t tell a joke if they gave me all of Oprah’s money to tell one. 

This is what I felt was so humorous.  As you may or may not know I am saved and have been so now for at least six  or so years.  But during this time…I have run into some very strange things in the church.    Here in lays the joke…when I was in the club and hanging out I understood what it meant if I exchanged my phone number with someone.  It was one of the main reasons we hung out. 

Since having come out of gay life…I do not find it necessary for me to want to exchange my phone number with any woman and particularly any woman I don’t know.  Don’t know her name…and do not share anything in common with…just somebody out of the clear blue sky.  No.  

 And if you have ever been stalked…you too soon learn.   No.

While in the school library computer lab a couple of days ago, this woman who has stopped to talk to me on a few occasions came and began a conversation with me again…near the end she asked me for my phone number so she could call me.  Before I could think about what it was I was going to say…I blabbed out-

“No, I’m not giving you my number.”

To which the woman just grinned at me and asked me why not?

I had not meant to sound so…I don’t know what.  But I thought I had been a bit harsh in my response so I soften a bit.

Then the woman offered me her number…grabbed up a piece of paper and wrote down her number and gave it to me…to which I told her I would not be calling her.

But I recanted…somewhat and said…

“But if you want here is my number.”

And she gave me a piece of paper to write it on.  While I tore up her phone number and handed it back to her saying-

“Here.”

And with that the woman was gone.

I never thought anything of that incident until last night…and then I started laughing.  I have all of my life been naive.  It is something that all of my friends can clearly tell you about me.   It had never dawn on me from the moment that woman started talking to me…I don’t even know how long ago…that she was trying to hit on me.   It is funny but last night…while doing something…I can’t remember what…but that woman asking for my phone number came back to me.  And I started laughing…it struck me humorous.

Once while in church, I was called into one of the church hallways by a very older church mother.  I had no idea what she wanted to say to me.  From the point I had joined this church I had been friendly towards this very older woman.  I respect and have a great love for older women.   I loved my own grand-mother very dearly.  But the thing that this older called me into the hallway to discuss with me horrified me.  I was shock…and …and…   And…oh, I don’t know…insulted.  

Yes, I was insulted…that some woman older than my mother and grand-mother could have possibly thought that I was interested in her.  A woman who was very exceedingly old…with…with…     Well,  with false teeth…and…lots and lots of  wrinkles…and…   And…she was real old…and a church mother too?

It was absolutely appalling to me.  Who would expect such a thing from an old church mother?

What could have been going on in her mind?

 How could she have possibly have thought such a thing? 

This was so far fetch…and yes…again…absolutely appalling to me.  That when our conversation ended…where she had called me out into a hallway to talk to me… I went immediately to my friend, the one I wrote about in a blog earlier who passed, another church mother in this church with whom I had become very close to.  She was a friend… a confidant… a counselor…and  an ear to me and for me…and I told her.  The blog that I wrote about her was back in August 2008…if  you go back through the calendar to the right of this blog you can go right to it…if you would like to read it.

At any rate…I told mother about what the other  older  woman had just said to me.  I had thought about telling it to the pastor.  But mother said no.  She counseled me to not tell anyone and she told me to stay away from that  woman.  There is something which can be said about wisdom…it is wise….and wise always.  I did as mother told me…and have continued to do it even though that older woman seems to changed towards me somewhat…and though my friend has since passed.

In another blog I told you of another church woman…whom following the end of an evening service I offered her a ride home along with someone else.  I have always offered people rides…I do it as this is how I have been trained…my mother taught us.   When we were growing up before church service my mother had us up and out picking up people from the nursing homes and nearby towns to bring them to church.  And at the end of the morning service those people would go home with us to have dinner and then return back to church for the evening service…after which my mother had us take them back to their nursing homes or homes in nearby towns.  So, if  I am driving and I know I am going to pass near somebody’s house and that they do not have a car…I offer a ride to them and to as many people who can fit into my car.

But as I told you in a prior blog about this woman…as I drove up to her apartment.  And it was just me and her in the car…as she started to get out…suddenly  this woman turned back to me and gave me this kiss that even when I was in gay life I never allowed anyone to kiss me that way.  You know that all in the mouth…tongue…everything.    No…it was horrible.  I withdrew from her…and acted like I had not noticed…if you can believe that.

So, last night I thought of  the woman who wanted to exchange phone numbers with me…I thought of the very old church mother…and I thought of that woman who after service I had driven home…and I started laughing.  I thought-

“If my gay friends only knew this they would die laughing.”

Here it was I had gotten out of the life…meaning gay life.  And this was happening to me.

So, I called my cousin because none of my gay friends were home to hear this story…and I…I felt that I just had to share it with someone who could…and would understand what I was talking about.  So, I called my cousin.   And yeah…she understood.

She enjoyed hearing it and began to share some things with me as well.  And by the time I had laid down to go to sleep following my conversation with my cousin I had started to regret having called her at all.

She had taken too much pleasure in my little stories. 

But here is one of the stories she shared with me.

She told me of a church she used to go to where there were a group of older women just like the old church mother I had told her about in my story.  The only difference was…was that they had all become involved with a very good-looking young male who also went to their church.  As time went on the young male died…and he died from AIDS.   Thus the story broke about his involvement with some old church women in the church who were in their latter 70’s and 80’s.

Since Viagra…I understand that the nursing homes have gone crazy.   But the church too?

Though women do not need viagra…or anything else.

If you have been really reading any of these blogs which I have written…then you would know I find all of this absolutely shocking…appalling really.  It is unthinkable to me…that such older women would be behaving in such a way.  And the other part about it  is that they are so loose…that they don’t care who knows.

In hearing this, I said to my cousin-

“You know some people are just in church because their mother is or was in the church…or their father was in the church…or because they just grew up in the church and have nothing else to do.  Some are in the church because they want to find a husband…some because they want to find a good wife…some because they view it as a great networking opportunity.  So, they are just sitting in the church but they have nothing in them…they are just there.”

And I came to find out as we continued to talk that was also true of my cousin.

I had oftentimes admired her for how she could quote scripture and knew where stuff could be found in the Bible.  But I found out last night that that was about it…she could quote it.  Because she sure wasn’t living it.

Awhile back, she had told me of a guy in her church with whom she had a flirting relationship…but she kept saying-

“I just thank God for keeping me.”

This guy sent her pictures of himself…in the nude via their cell phones.  That right there spoke volumes to me as to character of the guy.

So, last night since my cousin had not said anything about this guy for a while, I asked her about him. 

 Yes…the flirtation was over.  She had done it…and that in of  itself was not what was shocking or appalling to me…because I knew it was going to happen.  She had told me how she had gone to Victoria Secret…well, need I say more?    

She had all the while been preparing to do it.   This mind you while she was thanking God for keeping her from doing it.  Yet, she prepped herself to do it.   So, yes…I knew she was going to do it…sooner of  later she and that guy were going to end up in bed with each other.  And they did…and evidently not with the results she had been hoping for either.

She is in her 40’s now…and she sometimes speaks about how she would like to get married.

It seems that very few people save themselves for marriage any more.   And that is quite curious to me.  I would think you would only want to give your husband the best.  Not something used up and all ran through already. 

Isn’t that suppose to be part of  the beauty about  marriage?

I guess I am just old fashion in my thinking. 

But then my cousin went on and commenced to tell about her female supervisor for which she would love to go to bed with…and that is when I started regretting having called my cousin. 

It is hard to believe that she is an active church member and is readily carrying on in such a way.  But her state is not unusual only to her…there are many fallen pastors to go along with all those old church mothers who seem to not be too old to want to get enough of sex either. 

It is disheartening to me…but it does not sway me.  I intend to stand.   I know that everyone may not know what that means…but there are many who do.

Talking about something that is also somewhat appalling.  Blagojevich.

You do remember him don’t you?

Well, he is rather hard to forget since the guy is popping up all over the place.  If we thought he was insane for trying to get paid-off for selling off the Obama Senate seat of the State of Illinois.  We  know now for sure that he is. 

He seems to be getting a charge out of his 15 minutes of fame that is what is really unbelievable to me.  It just goes to show that some people have no shame.  And Blagojevich is one of the biggest of them.   What ah…ah…(I hate to say this)…but what a fool.  And everybody is inviting him on their show…and he is loving every minute of it.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/video/2009/02/04/VI2009020401667.html?sid=ST2009020301282

And yes…   Why is it that people who know that they have issues which will probably be found out…such as having not paid their taxes. 

Why do they accept positions when they know that this information is going to be sought after and checked?

Is it that they secretly hate the people who approach them and say-

“Hey, have I got a great job for you.   And I believe you are the best person for it.”

Do they really hate these people so much to want to embarrass them for having asked you in the first place, Tom Daschle?

I don’t know who Ann Coulter is but clearly she either has issues or she lacks a large amount of understanding.  I had heard this interview with her on the View before…but at last I get a chance to comment on it.

It is interesting to me to hear any white person be critical of a black person for celebrating their blackness…or being African-American… or being a non-white person in America or anywhere else in this world.  Or celebrating the lives and legacies of other black folk.   

After years of  black folks trying become more like ‘them’ and less like us.  I think it was great for Halle Barry to accept the Academy Award in remembrance of all the black women who had stared in movies and never received anything…not even a nod in their direction for their great work.  And there were some truly highly fabulous and talented black women actors who had done some outstanding work…both on stage and screen..and now are little known for those efforts. While everybody knows Bette Davis and their other white counter-parts of the screen.

I also think that it is equally as great for Barack Obama to celebrate his blackness and to be proud of who he is and the forces behind him which have all aided in him getting to where he is today.

If Ann Coulter had grown up as a Halle Barry or a Barrack Obama…when people looked at them and didn’t see screen actor or president…but a little black girl or little black boy whom they didn’t want their little children associating with…much less playing with.   Then maybe Ms. Coulter might have a clue as to why they celebrate their blackness…which has and has always been a prominent part of their everyday lives.   (Also just DOUBLE CLICK on below screen to see and hear Halle make the best acceptance speech of the Academy of all times…and ignore the text that appears.)

Wow, having said all of that…and I am just realizing that it is “Black History Month.”   February will never be the same.

Well, I had to shovel some more snow today.   And I am not tired of it yet…though it was very cold out today.  But it is winter…and we haven’t had a real winter in such a long time.  This winter is making up for those past few years.  And I just love…just wish I could lite a fire in our fireplace.  But I rather be safe than sorry.   For now I will just enjoy looking over at my parent’s fireplace and dream ‘fire.’   Smile…and enjoy.

 THE BISHOP’S WIFE  is now on sale…CLICK this LINK to purchase my book.  You do not need a paypal account to purchase, and you can purchase using a debit card.  Thank you. 

Well, God bless…

Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on” www.bsmith101.wordpress.com ©2009  

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