Another Post I never got around to Publishing… SOUL TRAIN MUSIC AWARDS a couple years ago… TEXAS STABBINGS & EXPLOSION at BOSTON MARATHON

Talk about not getting around to POST… when I finally came back to this blog it was I don’t know how long.  Now, after that it has been several weeks more  …had to add the tags and things.  And finally today here it goes…after a bomber or more…struck at the Boston Marathon today just as the runners started crossing the finish line.

I almost wrote… I’m just shaking my head… but it takes more than that if we ever expect to get a handle on this.  And it goes beyond insanity to some type of morbid inner nothingness that these people have who go out and do these type of things.

Well, nevertheless…. here is another Post that I just never got around to publishing for one reason or other.  After briefly reading through it I thought that I might share it with you…it seems that I felt like sharing some more of myself in it to you… wonder why?

I rarely like telling much about myself… though I must say that you really cannot tell it by reading many of my blogs.  But for the record… I cannot remember at all when I wrote this but it was a while back… so today I am feeling great and the day is sunny and beautiful.

Now, here is that blog which I failed to published some time ago…

Not feeling well today… but I am not complaining.  Because I have had many more days when I didn’t feel bad at all.  And not many people can say that.

I am just a touch under the weather.  And because I am not accustom to being sick… it tends to bother me a little more than most people.

The other thing is… I do not take medication.  Not at all.   Well… almost not at all.  There have been times when I had to breakdown and swallow something… or go in and have them give me a shot or something… but not often.  And believe me when I say… I have to be in an awful lot of  pain and/or discomfort for me to do it.

Otherwise, I just suffer whatever it is that is bothering me… until it goes away.  Not many people can do that… or attempt to do that.  Since so many people rush to go grab up a bottle of this or that at the slightest on-set of something they think may be bothering them… they never even try to fight off anything.

But this is just a little slight cold.  A sliver of dust must have gotten into my system while I was helping my brother move some furniture that he chose to move from my parent’s house into his new apartment.  And since I am allergic to house dust… and it didn’t take much before I started itching then a tickle came into my throat.  But as soon as the dust gets out of my system I will be up and about again.

But this past weekend I had a chance to catch the Soul Train Music Awards.  Needless to say… I did not know most of  acts or  the awardees.  But, of course, I did recognize Anita Baker and Ron Isley as they paid tribute to them.

But I waited around watching because I had never seen Eryka Badu perform before… and boy…oh, boy…  What a disheartening show it really was.

For one thing how can anyone who portrayed herself as being so Afro-centric ever have lighten their skin?

Well, that is exactly what Eryka Badu has done… or so it appeared to be the case to me.  And she looked terrible.  At first I didn’t even notice it… because it was kind of subtle and her face was camouflaged by the hat she was wearing.  It cast a shadow over her face.

We have all read about black women in Africa and the West Indies doing it… but to see that Eryka Badu has stooped to bleaching????

It is insane.  If anything I have always wanted to be darker… but lighter no.  A cousin of mine slipped and started calling me ‘light’ and I totally disliked it.  She was trying to anger me.  And she did the moment she let that slip out of mouth.

Needless to say, Eryka has always been a bit wired and out there.  She likes doing things to grab attention… I guess you could say.   I remember when she first came onto the music scene… everybody thought that the very long dredlocks she was sporting then were her own.  But low-and-behold… over a period of  time we all came to find out that it had been a wig or more than likely dred extensions.   After that I think she went to having no hair at all.

But seeing Erykah Badu with lighter skin… was discussing to me.  Talking about a mindless woman… who evidently hates herself.  I wouldn’t want attention that bad.  And whatever song that was… that she song on the Soul Train Music Awards… if  it was intended to catapult  the re-emergence of  her  singing career?

I think not.  For all it was worth she could have stayed home.  But I must say that I did love the hat… and that was about all I liked about this whole supposed Soul Train Music Awards.

For the most part most of  the music on the Soul Train Music Awards show really wasn’t even ‘soul music’ any more.   But a bunch of that ‘neo-soul’  junk.

So, in watching the Soul Train Music Awards… I began to feel that we are loosing our identity…our musical identity and authenticity.   An identity and authenticity which has marked and ruled… in my opinion the whole music world in this country since we came to these shores as slaves brought to America.  And my did we bring something with us.

Some of the best and most authentic music America has ever had  really came out of a revised culture whose roots were founded in slavery.  Much like the food we developed here called ‘Soul Food.’  Hence, Soul Music… the Blues… Doo-Wop… Gospel Music… Rhythm & Blues  etc… etc.. etc…

In watching the Soul Train Music Awards show I felt that soul music had been replaced by a bunch of  people who neither wrote lyrics  or  played real instruments.  People who only looked black, but were trying very hard to appear as weird and way-out as they possibly could be.   This because it would seem that everything today concerning music is about branding and images… and far less than about true talent… real vocal skills or any skills as far as being a musician or a real song writer.  What happened to artists with the talent of a Little Stevie Wonder or a Prince?

Based upon what I had seen those type of talents had faded far far far away.

None of  them… this group or now generation singers seemed to want to have any connection to the music that put Motown on the charts, or  Philly on the map… or  Chicago, Detroit, Memphis, New York,  and LA.  Or that had made other urban places  hubs for the rich urban soul sound and melodic tones that had come to be called ‘soul music’  or  ‘rhythm & blues”  …or even “gospel.”

While watching the Soul Train Music Awards… there were no Anita Bakers or Ron Isleys awaiting in the crowd to hear their names called for award.  In fact, the only soulful talenst on the show was Anita Baker, Ron Isley, Pebo Bryson, Chante Moore, Rochelle Ferrell, Jeffery Osborne and a few others.  But clearly the ‘soul‘  that had been in the history of  Soul Train is now gone.

Everybody wants to be a cross-over artist… some neutral detergent that appears to be black or African American but actually doing some white thang.

The whole time I sat watching the Soul Train Music Awards… which is something I have not watched in years… or any other music or movie  awards show in years.   As I had long ago felt that they had been watered down to appeal to more less urban audiences.

But it was frightening for me to see  such a lost of what seemed to me to be a vast depreciation of  what has always been ours… our real musical genius and talenst… gifted voices and fantastic lyric writing… such as that of  Barry White and Issac Hayes… Holland,-Dozier-Holland, Ashford & Simpson, Marvin Gaye, Curtis Mayfield… etc…etc… all to be turned into something which sounded a lot more like that puff of glitter disco music and digitized junk.  And I must say that I see the exact same thing  happening to gospel music.

In gospel music there has developed a vast desire to be played on something ‘called‘ Christian Radio stations…  which in my opinion is nothing but a bunch of  rock music  stations playing rock music and calling it ‘Christian Music.’

It would be a shame to loose the richness of  our music… and the history that our music carries with it to the junk I bared witnessed to on the Soul Train Music Awards.  Outside of the tributes to some real Soul legends… there was nothing on that show I would have voted to give 1 award to.

One day we will look up and no one will know what ‘soul music’  was or that it had ever been.  They will not know that there had been such groups like Blue Magic, the Dramatics, Delfonics, Temptations, Supremes, Marvin Gaye, Stevie Wonder, the Manhattans, Teddy Pendergrass, Harold Melvin & the Blue Notes, Chi-Lites, Rufus featuring Chaka Khan, Phyllis Hyman, Najee, Kirk Walham, the Sylvers, Michael Jackson, the Jackson 5, the Sugar Hill Gang and the list goes on and on and on…  And those are just those from my era there tons more before them.

Who can forget when James Brown first cried-

“Say it loud I’m black and I’m proud.”

Or, “Baby, please don’t go.”

Or when Curtis Mayfield song these words-

“If  I had a choice of  colors.”

Or Nina came with-

“To be young gifted and black.”

Maybe there is no need for such lyrics like these today anymore.  But that can’t true… particularly after what I just said about Eryka Badu and skin bleaching.   But then how about-

“La-la-la means I love you… I love you.”

What about –

“They’re smiling in your face…all the while they want to take your place.”

Will soul music die like jazz has died?

There are no more jazz artists like Max… Coltrane …  Gillipsie…  or Yusuf LaTiff… or Miles …. any more.

Or how about a Junior Parker…  or another B.B. King…  or Muddy Waters…  or Bo Diddley and their special blend?

Now, I must admit that these days I am strictly into gospel music… but having a history in the radio industry it is hard for me to not realize the importance of preserving this cultural history.  It is ours… and our children need to be recipients of at least knowing of that it once was.  We cannot just forsake everything.

These musical forms and artists are long gone…  Well, more or less off the musical scene… the ones I just mentioned above.  And soon along with their names will the memories of Blue Magic, Phyllis Hyman, the Dells, Temptations, Supremes, the Staple Singers and everybody else either before them or who came after them like Chak Khan, Earth, Wind & Fire, Emotions etc. be forgotten too.  To be replaced by a bunch of  people who have forsaken moving bass beats for  neo- tinty sounds that have nothing soul about them.  Music you can hop and jump up and down to… like we used to watch those young white kids do on those afternoon after school dance shows like the Dick Clark Show.   But they can’t really dance to.  And I guess that is really the point… its not meant to be danced to… but just to make some money.

Forget art…   What does art have to do with it?

No wonder the Soul Train Musical Awards show didn’t resemble anything like their old award shows… or for that matter… didn’t come close to emitting anything I would have called ‘soul’… outside of having a tribute to a few past ‘soul’ artists.  What a real shame…a legacy gone to naught…

I hate to say it… but little wonder Don Cornelius took a gun…  When you sell off something your control of it goes too…  Truly the history of Soul Train will never be the same…

Well, God bless… it’s Monday and I have been relaxing most of my day.  Then I started getting calls about an explosion in Boston.

After the stabbings on a Texas Campus last week… and now these explosions in Boston during the Boston Marathon… coupled with the guy shooting up the movie theater and that boy killing all those children plus his mother, in a Connecticut classroom…  Can you really say that we are not living in divers times?

I can’t imagine anybody saying that since they were 9 years old they had had fantasies about stabbing people.   FANTASIES ABOUT STABBING PEOPLE?

When I called my son to tell him about the explosions at the Boston Marathon today, he said to me-

Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on…”  www.bsmith101.wordpress.com  ©2013

Add a comment April 15, 2013

A SEASON OF FORGETTING…They do come…

Can’t believe this.  I had started a blog about something… can’t remember what… but evidently I failed to save it.  It is nowhere to be found among these records of things that I have written.  Might be just as well…  I suppose…

Alas…   Nothing to do but to start another 1… and hopefully I will remember to save this 1.  Needless say that over time…these last few months I have gotten a little bit older.   So, though I had never done it before it is possible… that I just FORGOT.

Wow, don’t you hate that… when people start tying your forgetfulness to your age?

It can be annoying.  Like when you were young you never forgot anything.  I used to forget things all the time.  In fact, I had to make it a habit to go back into the house… to double-check if I had unplugged the iron almost all the time before leaving for work.  Or I would always turn back to look down at the lock… to make sure I had taken the key.   Now, don’t tell you have never done that one.

I recall 1 night while in kitchen cooking there was a knock on the door…   In fact, it happened to me at least twice but in 2 different apartments that I had once lived in.  A neighbor knocked on my door to inform me that I had come in and forgotten my key.  Luckily, it happened at a time when you could still find people who were honest… and caring enough to knock and notify you.

What else have I forgotten…

Well, once having to drop off some papers down at the Courthouse… I got all the way down there only to begin digging in my bag only to discover that I had forgotten the papers.

I have also gotten to the gas pump only to remember that I changed jackets leaving my card… and cash at home.

Now, what is my earliest remembrance of me forgetting something?

Well, I cannot remember.  But I do know this I have been forgetting things for a long time… and it didn’t just start when I celebrated my 60th birthday the other day.  So, if you must lay it something do not lay my lack of being able to retain things to my age… simply say I have soooooo much on my mind.   Yes, I think I like that better.  Because truthfully that would be closer to the truth than anything else.

For all of my life I have been busy.  And busy people are subject to forget things from time to time.  Like how I lost my last blog… that I evidently forgot to save.  Or maybe I never partially wrote 1 in the first place.

Now, that would be something huh?

Like me thinking that I had done something which I had not.  Now, that I believe would be an age thing.  Because I can’t remember having ever done anything like that before.

Could it be… I am getting old?

Oh, well…   I am informed that if you live long enough you too will grow old.  Then I want to see how much you remember.

If I fail to write anything between now and Christmas… let me say it now while I’m still thinking of  it : )…. Merry Christmas…

This case of the missing blog reminds of a dispute I had with 1 of my professors.  At the end of the semester the professor claimed I had not turned in an important essay assignment.  Come on now…  as you can tell I do nothing but write.  I love to write… and that paper was about writing on a subject giving my opinion.  Now, I really like writing things like that.  So, then why did that professor say she never got my paper?

It is a mystery to me.  As I had indeed given the woman my paper.  I never miss class assignments.  Well, not since I’ve gotten older.  You know how being young is… you are carefree.  So, when I was young years ago I was carefree in college… back in the ’70’s I did nothing but stay in the campus radio station.  Which might be why I never quite became that lawyer… but a professional radio announcer instead.

Well, everybody doesn’t get offers to go professional in their first year of college… but I did.  I never even thought about radio as a profession.  But I guess God did.  And it has carried me wide and far… and paid my bills for most of my adult life.

But going back to that professor.  Until this dispute over my missing grade… because you see she had give me the paper back with a grade of -A.  At that time I used to record the grades I got when my papers were handed back to me on my class syllabus.  I had recorded the grade… but I was later unable to locate the paper to prove it.

The professor, however, said that she had never in her life ever lost a student’s paper.  Which she really had not done… because she had returned the paper back to me.

However, if you have ever seen a teacher’s grading book you would understand how easy it is for an instructor to mark your work but give your grade to someone else.  Because the names are all bunched up together.  And sitting over a bunch of exams all night and day you start seeing cross-eyed.  So, yes the woman probably gave my grade to some student whose name was near mine…either before it or after it.  But I never got the grade.  And I have never been able to find that paper.

But what was upsetting to me about the whole matter was the teacher’s attitude regarding it.  This class was 1 I had taken 7 years ago.  So, it was long after my carefree days.  At this point none of my classes were any real challenge to me mentally or otherwise.  And I have never really been a dummie.

But the lady acted like she had never ever made an error in her life.  And that really got to me… because I knew she had.

Having been a teacher there is 1 thing I know… a teacher knows her students.  The teacher knows the slackers… and the students who study.  The teacher knows the student that struggle with the subject matter… those who half do the work… and those who breeze their way through it.  A teacher knows the good students from the bad ones.  But for some reason this teacher seemed to have a problem differentiating between the 2.  She didn’t know me at all.

I never missed a class… always participated… and turned in all my work… and on time.  So, why didn’t that lady know me?

Because she didn’t want to is the only reason I surmise.  And maybe to some degree I intimidated her.

Though I was not 1 of those returning older students who took up class time talking about myself… or about how different things were from when I first started college… or ever talked about any of my life experiences or work expertise… or any vacations my husband and I once took…    Because well.. for (1) I never had a husband and… (2) I have sat in classes where older students took up a lot of class time talking about nothing… and that nothing did not even come close to anything dealing with our text… or the class discussion if there was one.

My work and expertise in the various fields I have worked overwhelms most people.  And because I have done so much…  most people wouldn’t believe it anyway.

Then too I have always been 1 who believes that I don’t have to whip out my resume… and in my case resumes…  in order to prove anything.  A smart person need only listen to how I speak and what I say… and they will gather it for themselves.

So, there was a dispute because due to that paper which that professor did something with my grade other than having given it to me… she marked me down a whole grade for my class final grade.  While having to fail to inform me that a paper was ever supposedly missing.  It was not until I approached her to asked why I had not received a higher grade than the C+ she gave me… that the woman commenced to tell me about a paper I had not passed in.

Now, as I write this it sounds very shady doesn’t it?

Because I remember being in her class and hearing her reading from her grade book the names of students who owed her papers… and she never once called my name.  But this woman had also said at the beginning of the term that she was not going to accept any papers late.

You know what?

I’m glad that I have them in Court right now… because now that I think about maybe it was I who did not know her.

God bless… and I had already said…  I definitely hope you have a very Merry Merry Merry Christmas.  And do remember to be safe.

Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on…”  www.bsmith101.wordpress.com  ©2012

Add a comment December 13, 2012

Taboo Subject 2…self-respect…maturing… Michelle Obama layout…

Got up very early again this morning…but I was not nearly as productive as I had been on Saturday.  In fact, I got up going to the bathroom and then stopped to read a chapter in my Bible…and then returned to bed.

I spent the past couple of nights sweating out my cold…of course, I can  certainly see a vast difference.  Been drinking plenty of fluids too…and also been making sure I take my iron tablets.  Got to thicken up my blood…which is why I am also enjoying my Cream of Wheat.  I am working on my 2nd box of it now…and still enjoying every minute of it.  And as I do…it makes me think of how my father used to make it for us as children. 

Mondays was our father’s day to care for us.  As he was a barber…Sundays and Mondays were his 2 days off.    I do not know how they worked out their schedules…but my mother and father did have it worked out as we were never left in the care of other people.

Daddy worked days and mommy worked nights.  She worked at a state institution as a nurse supervisor…as I had previously stated in another one of my blogs…my mother had been the first black nurse in the little southern town where I was born.

Everything my parents did centered around us…their children.  When they bought their first house…it was less than a block away from the little grade school that most of us went to…there was a bakery at the corner…a drug store…a small corner grocery store and deli…a bus stop…and we were only three houses in from the corner of a main roadway.  Not to mention as I see by the city records today…they had bought the largest parcel of land of any 2 family house within our block.  They were wise.  And on top of all of that…there is a college right across the street.

So, when I eat Cream of Wheat it takes me back to those days…when daddy used to make it for us on cold mornings just as were going off to school.  Some mornings he would fry us this thing called festival by some Jamaicans…or fried dumplings.  He could really make those things…no matter what you call them.  And we loved them…we filled them up hot out of the pan with plenty of butter and jelly…or some times with lots of syrup and butter…but they were good…always.   But daddy was a great cook…and for that matter…so was our mother.

I am watching the snow fall down…and it is steady.  It had been rain.  It had rained straight through the night…and hard.   Had all that rain been snow we would have been buried up under it right now.  And that rain had been steady right up to the time it just turned to snow not so long ago.  Now it is just a steady flow of un-yielding snow.  I will soon have to go out and start shoveling…cold or no cold.  But I am not going to complain…it is still beautiful.

I remember my friend in New York…the elderly woman, the church mother, who used to go to our church who passed this past August.  You know I had never realized until some time later that she had passed on my mother’s birth date.  And last night as I was thinking of her…my friend…it also dawned on me that when I had gone to the hospital to visit her…that the floor I had to switch from elevator to elevator on…had the same name as our street…the street that my parent’s house in on. 

It is not a common name…and you do not see it everywhere.  I thought that to be divine providence…you know…God’s working in the matter.  I was very blessed to have had her…to have met her…and that she counted me as a friend.  Her guidance to me shall forever be treasured.

In reading the article on religion…it is odd to me that a country founded on the freedom to practice religious beliefs would today be shifting away from having religion at all.  But these days were bound to come.

When you reflect back on the years following 1962 when the push began to remove prayer from public schools…then anything bearing the word “God”…the challenge to remove the 10 Commandments from court houses and so forth…then this really should be of  no surprise.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090309/ap_on_re/rel_religious_america

http://atheism.about.com/od/churchstatemyths/a/ohairprayer.htm

I don’t know…perhaps it is just me.  But where were all those anti-gay marriage people…and anti-abortion people when all of this was going on?

Droves of anti-gay marriage people come out picketing and marching…and demonstrating…against something which does not affect them…and will never affect them.   But when something like taking prayer out the public school system…removal of the 10 Commandments from the court houses and other federal buildings…removing the words “In God we trust” off  of our U.S. currency…comes up…where are these people?

Prayer was taken out of our school and replaced by sex education…and condoms.  The kids today in school learn less about their A-B-C’s, Math, Sciences etc…than they are about condoms and the ‘birds and the bees.’ 

Kids do not need to learn anything about sex.  Nature through all her infinite wisdom and years of expertise in that department has not needed any help…from the day that Adam and Eve ate that fruit from that tree.  There does not seem to be one time in history that men and women did not know how to get together to procreate.  And now it seems…little kids too.  And I won’t blame it all on sex-education…because that would be foolish and quite absurb of me.  But I do not see where educating kids about sex…does one thing to prepare them for their future in life.

But if they wanted to really to teach them something in regard to youth parenting…then maybe like those ‘Scared Straight’ programs they used to have years ago…perhaps they should take them to a welfare office where they get to meet and talk to some teenage mothers and see for themselves the pitfalls of pregnancy at young ages.   There is nothing like a little one-on-one in reality in order to get the whole picture. 

Or maybe…have them go do work study hours in places like a welfare office or WIC office aiding in in-take service…and they would truly learn a lot that just might give them a reason to pause and to think twice about the consequences of childhood pregnancy.

As I sit here watching the snow…I have been thinking about this guy…this man.  I had met him at an event that I gave a few years ago.  So, whenever he sees me…he likes to greet me. 

Which is fine…I have no problem with that.  It is something I became accustom to through my years in radio.  Everybody wants to grab you…hug you…kiss you on the cheek.  Okay…so, allow it.  It is part of the territory…it goes with the turf when you become popular.

But this guy one day while I was in the library computer lab at school saw me…and he came greeting me…kissing me on the top of my head.  Okay…fine.  I did not say anything about it…but it was on my mind.

But the other day while I was waiting in a bank line…he happened to be passing by and saw me.  My back was to the bank door…and he came up behind me.  He said something to me grinning…and then kissed me to the back of my neck.  I thought nothing of it at first…but later as I got into my son’s truck…in which sat a friend of his whom I was giving a ride to…that is when it hit me. 

That guy had kissed me to the back of  my neck.

I am very picky.  Peculiar…you might even say.  I really do not like people getting too familiar with me…and particularly people who I do not really know.  And besides…he was not even good-looking.  And even if he was…he still out of order…and  I am still picky.

After all, this guy started out by sort of hugging me.  Then he moved on to greeting me with a light kiss to a cheek…then to the top of my head.  And I really should have stopped him then.  So, I put it in my mind that the next time I saw that guy I would have to tell him that he could not touch me again. 

That time came shortly…while I was once again in the library computer lab.  As he approached me…he bent with his arms open ready to embrace me…and I guess kiss me again.  But I happened to catch him…right on time…and drew away from him.

I stopped him saying-

“Listen, shake my hand if you want to greet me.  But do not kiss me.”

He looked at me oddly.

So, I began to remind him about that day in the bank when he had come in and kissed me on my neck.  I told him that anyone seeing that would have thought that we had a relationship and were involved with each other.  Then I asked him what he would have thought if he had been standing off somewhere in the distance and happened to see a man kiss me on my neck.

And you know what he said?

“I would have thought that you were involved with each other too.”

Case close.

I said-

“Look, I am a woman of God.  I cannot just have people walking up to me and kissing me all over the place like that.  Plus that is disrespectful of me for you to do that.  You should have more respect of me to even do anything like that.”

Wow, I have truly grown.  I am a woman.

Gone are the days when I was a child…and people could do anything to me…or with me.

I have control over me.

And I am not having it.

You will respect me.

Wow…  I am woman.

That guy apologized to me…and thanked me for correcting him.  I appreciated him accepting my correction.  Yet…I felt within myself that it should not have been warranted that I should have had to do such a thing.  But men have a way…of taking things for granted…and particularly women.

I felt that many times while working in radio.  I hated when my bosses called me ‘sweetheart,’ and ‘dear.’   It was very demeaning to me…while they never greeted each other in such a way…or spoke to each other in such familiar terms.  Consciously , sub-consciously or unconsciously…such things historically have been designed to keep women in their place.

When I was a child…I was powerless.  When I worked in radio…I had limited power.  Today I am my own boss…I wheel power as I may…but yet…I measure it.  As I know I can be highly intimidating to some.

But this may come as a surprise to some of you.  But I have never been kissed.  Not by the male species. 

I know I have a son…but that does not mean that I allowed that man to kiss me.  And I know that I said in my other blog…that Willis Kattrell…well, he kissed me.  And he did.  But I think my head was in motion when he did it…so he only caught  a portion of my lips.  To the side really…of my mouth.

So, I have never been kissed.  Not really…though yes many women have kissed me…and I them.  But the male species…no. 

I never had a boyfriend…and have never dated men.

I am different…   Not like most people.   And my experiences have been different.

Yet, I am a mother.  And I have a fantastically wonderful son.  I treasure and love him very much.  He too is…different.

This is how I know of generational curses.  It was in my mother’s family.  And I do realize…that generational curses can be broken.  I bear witness to it.

I love the change in my life and look forward to my tomorrow.  Perhaps…my husband.  I now wish I had had other children.  My son often had spoken of it…and still does.

There is this funny thing about me.  After having been sexually abused at a very early age…perhaps before or by the age of 10…only twice and by 2 different  men…but sometime thereafter, I decided that I wanted to save myself for my husband.  I thought I wanted to live in a big house with a white picket fence…with a 2 car gargage…and have all the children that I could have.  So, that is what I did…I decided to save myself…and that is what I did. 

From the point of whatever age it was…10 maybe less…the last time someone had taken sexual advantage of me…I never became engaged again sexually until some time when I was 25 years of age.  At this point…I was only interested in woman.  And not just any woman.  Gay women…women like me.  Women who were upper-wardly mobile and doing something with their lives…professional women mostly in media…though some were doctors, accountants etc…but talented…beautiful…well educated women…who looked and acted womanly. 

Not all women who are gay…look it.  In fact…many do not.  The same is true of men…though the reverse thinking about gays is the myth.

I have no idea as to why I have begun to disclose so much to you…about myself.  I shall have to pounder it.

Ahhh…yes…  The point. 

So, I decided to save myself.  Well, at that point I could no longer save certain things as they had been stripped from me.  My innocence had been stolen from me.  But somehow throughout all the years one thing has remained…my kisses.  So, since I have never kissed the male species…or allowed anyone of that species to kiss me directly on the lips…I decided to save it. 

I am saving it for my husband…it is the least that I can give him.  Unpolluted…un-tampered with…safe within my power…to give…or not to give. So, I am saving it for him.  So, no I am not going to let somebody just walk up to me…or sneak up from behind me…and think that he can just come and steal it away from me…not that too.  Except for…of course…er, uhm…if his name is Willis Kattrell.  (you have just got to read that blog)

And let me just say…that I am still scrubbing my neck today…everytime I step into the shower…I am trying to remove the memory of that man’s lips to the back of my neck.

Well, the snow is slowing up now.   And the kids are on their way home from school.  I better get out and start shoveling.  Enjoy the rest of your day.

http://www.stylelist.com/celebrity-style/style-evolution/michelle-obama

http://www.blackvoices.com/life-style/black-style-beauty/michelle-obama-fashion-photos

Didn’t like the VOGUE cover of  Michelle Obama at all…just goes to prove that nobody can do us better than us.   Thank God for Essence, Ebony, Jet, VIB, Right-On, Black Enterprise…and everything
else we have today.

THE BISHOP’S WIFE  is now on sale…CLICK this LINK to purchase my book.  You do not need a paypal account to purchase, and you can purchase using a debit card.  Thank you. 

God bless…

Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on “  www.bsmith101.wordpress.com   ©2009

Add a comment March 9, 2009

Aretha’s diet…losing weight… finding someone

 Didn’t she look good?

Heard her talk about being on a diet…and when she showed up at Barack Obama’s inaugural in her grey suit with her Sunday morning go to church hat…she looked fabulous.

She was most recently spotted here on her way from the White House…pushing a shopping cart in Walmart.  Signed autographs and took pictures…and people crowded around.  I said I wanted to see the pictures…but my son saw them.  And he said-

“Ma, it was her.”

I thought it interesting when I saw that Obama’s oldest daughter made sure she got a shot of Aretha with her camera during the inaugural ceremony.  Those Obama’s are teaching their children well.   She knew Aretha and who it was she was looking at…and she wasn’t going to let Aretha get pass her without grabbing a picture.  Smart girl.

I didn’t know that Aretha had signed up with Jenny Craig back in 2007.  She might have lost some pounds…but evidently had like most…put them back on and then some.  But at the inaugural she really looked great.  And I was happy to see that she had shed lots of that extra added bagage…those dirty little pounds. 

Her plan was this…

I heard her comment on some show that…she eats what she’s suppose to for 4 or 3 days…then on 3 days eats whatever she wants.  I think that is a great plan…because it seems to be working for Lady Re.’  

Now, I have just found out what it really is.   She has a new somebody in her life.  It will make you want to do something… and real quick.   Get somebody…and see if you don’t want to make sure he only has eyes for you.  Oh, yeah…you’ll start losing real quick.  

And don’t have him look good.   Because if he looks good…you will want to look good with him.  No self-respecting woman would think any differently.  And Aretha is the real r-e-s-p-e-c-t woman…didn’t you know?

I just hope that this one is the one she has always been hoping for.  After 3 or 4 prior marriages…a bout with the bottle (many many years ago)…one of her mansions burning down…and some local legal worries.  I think it is about time…for plenty of happiness in her life. 

And I certainly wish you well, Lady Re.’  

One thing about Aretha Franklin…no matter what…you can always say that she has been a class act.  I remember when I had considered her for a concert gig…the price tag, however, was a bit too much for this little ol’ country girl…$65,000.00 with a quarter of it up front…and I think maybe a precentage.  Now, that is business.

But that whole diet thing is mind over matter.  If your mind is not there…then save yourself from the bother.  It won’t work. 

But if you can get your mind there…you have won before you start.

I know some people who did the gastric bypass and a few other things.   Though I must say…my friend who did the lap band raved about.  And she truly did look good.  But she told me that before she did it she went to meetings and read lots of information on it first.  And she said she spoke in great detail with the doctor who was going to handle her surgery…and she too told me she was on her way to the altar once again. 

I must admit to admiring women…and men who don’t want to just lay around with everybody.  And then find out that have nothing. 

Marriage is good…and if you are going to be with somebody then let them marry you.

But that gastric bypass…I have a sister who did it.  She can’t eat anything without getting sick to her stomach.  And the worst part is…though…yes, she lost lots of weight and even though she can’t keep much down…she is still over weight.  And it is all due to not having gotten her mind to where it needed to be.  Sick or not she eats and then throws up some of everything she eats.  I would hate to live like that.

If you really want to lose weight…learn how to put the fork down first.  And believe me…you won’t need anything else.

http://www.starpulse.com/news/index.php/2007/05/30/aretha_franklin_chooses_celebrity_diet_t

http://www.singersroom.com/news/entertainment-story-841.asp

It’s Black History Month…so enjoy…

Wow…the kids do not have anything compared to this.

I hope all of this downloads properly…and doesn’t take too much time. Guess I got a bit carried away.

Enjoy your day…and this weekend. It’s freezing cold outside…but the funny part is that the house doesn’t seem quite so cold to me any more. Guess I must be getting used to it. My father would smile. All of my life I have been cold…because I am extremely anemic. I, in fact, am suppose to be taking iron tablets everyday…and I do when I can remember. But I have to really work on that.

Since, so many people have so much more to take by way of medication…and if I desire not to join them… Well, you know…   I better take what I have to right now. Because based upon what they say having a low number of red blood cells can be very unhealthy.  And I do not want anything to sneak up on me.

Between yesterday and today…it has looked like snow. In fact, there were flurries this morning. Might be too cold…it can’t snow when the weather is too cold. But I guess even in that we are doing okay…because Vee, my friend’s daughter in Chicago…had told me that Chi-town was definitely freezing.

Well, God bless…

THE BISHOP’S WIFE  is now on sale…CLICK this LINK to purchase my book.  You do not need a paypal account to purchase, and you can purchase using a debit card.  Thank you. 

Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on” www.bsmith101.wordpress.com ©2009

11 comments February 21, 2009

Willis Kattrell… alas…

ahhhh….alas….

I have been doing nothing but smiling and glowing deep down inside since this past weekend…(it is a girl thang). 

It is kind of like going to church and hearing a sermon that really seeps down deep into your soul.  And you leave church feeling…feeling good all over…and glowing all through the week whenever you think about it.

I experienced one of those this past weekend.  It was at a school reunion…Black Alumni Conference for my college…and since the moment I received an email from a very unexpected person…well, I had been looking forward to seeing him.

The email that was sent to me was out of the clear blue sky…and it said-

“See you tomorrow.”

It could have been written directly from a suspense thriller. 

It had me on the edge of my seat.  It intrigued me. 

It had been some mere 40 years since seeing that wonderful smile and those teeth of life…but I remembered them well.  And that face which they lit from day to day.

Midway through the evening the following night upon not seeing him, I whispered to someone…

“Willis said that he was coming. But I guess he must be running late.”

And to my surprise she informed me by poking out her little pinky finger saying-

“That’s Willis right there.”

He had been sitting directly in front of me…and…  Well, I had not…well…he-he…  Well, he was clean shaven.  He looked corporate.

Gone was that big afro that marked his time in American history.  He was bald…but when he turned and smiled in  our direction.  There it was…that smile…those teeth.  They…they had not changed.

Upon getting the opportunity to speak with him…I did not fail to tell him of all that I had thought of him while we were in school. 

Though he too had failed to recognized me…and that was okay,  I still disclosed my undying love, my admiration, my appreciation and my respect for him.  And he stood before me so gracious, so humble and so kind just politely thanking me all the while for every kind word.

To think that I would ever grow up to be able to tell Willis all of that…oh, alas….

And Willis, he was…   He still walked like Willis.   He still talked like Willis…his voice tone was the same.  He was still pretty much basically his same size…and he still had that…that wonderful laugh. 

Yeah…I may not have recognized him at first…but he was still very much Willis.

And near the end of evening he walked over to me and turned my chin upward towards his…oh, so unexpectedly…and he kissed me. 

I have no idea how I reacted…but I have been smiling ever since.

Willis kissed me.

Did I tell you…that Willis kissed me?

Willis Kattrill kissed me.

He kissed me.  And now I know how Peppermint Patty must have felt when Charlie Brown…excused me, when ‘Charles’ kissed her.

I can’t believe it.

Oh, alas…

Willis Kattrell kissed me.

And I have been smiling ever since.  I have been feeling happy way deep down inside…because that…that…that Willis Kattrell…he-he kissed me.

Are you sure that I told you….that Willis Kattrell kissed me?

Well, he did.  And my world shall never be the same…because alas…that…that Willis Kattrell…he kissed me. 

Now, nothing will ever be the same…because….well….because Willis kissed me.

And then he introduced me to his wife saying-

“Tell her all the things you told me.”

I groaned saying-

“Awh…Willis, she already knows.”

But just in case she didn’t…I tapped the table a couple of times just to emphasize the point saying-

“Baby, you got the prize…you got the prize.”

She got Willis Kattrell…and my what a prize.

And he loved it.  He laughed.

He was standing behind me…and oh me, oh my…       

I was suddenly propelled back into the 70’s listening to that laugh.  My mind went back to when Willis had a big afro, when on occasions I would see those beautiful teeth appear from up under his wonderful warm smile.  

That Willis Kattrell…he was one of the best looking guys of the campus…par none.  And he was always a gentleman.  And then, of course, he was the guy who took the time to teach me everything I learned in radio that had to do with basic board operation in the beginning stage of  what would become my profession.

It was Willis…and I was so happy to see him.

And now…I am still smiling because…  Well, because Willis Kattrell kissed me.

This is for every wallflower, plain Jane and fat girl out there who has stood around wishing she were like all the other girls.  Remember this…Willis Kattrell kissed me.  I never dreamed it.  Well, this should give you all hope…time is the great equalizer, baby.  And don’t you ever dare forget it.

I…I love you, Willis Kattrell.

Smile and have a beautiful day.

“Hey, are you sure?”

“Are you sure that I told you that…that…   Well, that…that Willis Kattrell…that he…that he kissed me?”

“Did I tell you?”

Please be sure to share this blog site with all your friends…family…just….just….everyone!

Have a beautiful day…and thank you for reading.

…pass it on…’ www.bsmith101.wordpress.com

God bless…and thanks for reading ©2008

Add a comment October 23, 2008