Posts filed under: ‘AIDS‘
Last spring while in Minneapolis I can’t feeling I was going to see Prince. I was going to see Prince… that’s all I would think anytime I was out and about during our church convention, which brought me to Minneapolis in the first place. But I never did.
While working as radio announcer I clearly remember when Prince first emerged upon the scene. He was touted then as he still is now… as a musical genius.
His first album… that’s how long ago that was. Many today have never heard of an album… and most have forgotten what they were. But on his first album Prince was the only musician. He played every instrument used in the recording of that album.
The man was brilliant at his craft and as a business man too. He was a rough negotiator who fought the record company and won… to maintain musical freedom and the rights to all his work. He was definitely not a dumbie.
I had wondered how old he was after I hear the news late yesterday evening of his passing. And I thought about Michael and Whitney… and how they had died in their 50’s… that’s when my son came in and voiced exactly what I had been thinking.
They all had died in their 50’s.
I read today that Prince was 57. Michael had just hit the bit five-‘o.’ And Whitney was in her early 50’s too I believe.
Three remarkable people musically… but dark around the edges. We are all familiar with Whitney and her battle with drugs and for happiness. And Michael’s peculiar ways… dipping and dapping into all kinds of things… and his involvement and fascination with little boy children.
Well, back in the day he was always seen with highly attractive young ladies… though he did admit in an interview to being bi-sexual. I have very deep opinions regarding people who proclaim themselves to be bi-sexual. It kind of goes in line with Biblical scripture… ‘either they will hate the 1 and love the other.’ Something is going to be more intriguing to them sexually over the other… and that is just the way it is.
In fact, I was surprise to find out that he had once married. During the early days he lived a fast life… though he always appeared to be shy and introverted… as Michael often attempted to appear as well. But I think more that a song writer Prince was a musician… and lived as 1.
Though he lived quietly and without much controversy through much of his musical career… except for moving from 1 woman friend to another… Prince managed to stay pretty much out of the limelight.
During his aging process Prince still looked pretty much the same. Though a friend told me this morning that he had had a hip replacement and a knee replacement. I guess that came from years of dropping to his knees while performing… playing his guitar and dancing like James Brown… who was 1 of Michael’s idols as well.
Well, if you are going to mimic someone… mimic the best. And James Brown was the best at what he did. Truly.
And though not well educated James… based upon his movie… was a screwed businessman. Which I guess Prince also learned to be.
In reading an article on the passing of Prince they alluded to the possibility of Prince having suffered a drug overdose. I seems to me every time a black person dies they want to tie it to drugs.
Maybe it’s true. Or maybe not. But 1 thing is for sure Prince was a decent person who gave back… and was not selfish enough to not open the door for other musicians and/or singer etc.
He refused to leave his beloved Minneapolis thereby forcing the record companies to come to him. And because he did acts like… Ready For the World… Time… Babyface and L.A. Reid… Terry Lewis and Jimmy Jam etc.. etc.. etc.. were introduced to the world.
That was a fete that not many black folk are known for… reaching back or opening the doors for others. But Prince did and there are a ton of people who can share their stories of how Prince aided them… or impacted their careers… or opened a door for them. And that truly is a great legacy.
In the end, however, there is the question of eternity. I hope as I had hoped for Michael and Whitney that Prince was able to resolved that with the Lord.
I have no doubt that Princes funeral will be filled with people whom we all know their names… there will be weeping… and fond memories… happy stories of being out on the road. Or maybe the family may chose to quietly bury him … just as he had lived.
Well, God bless… It’s Friday and I hope each of you have an enjoyable weekend.
Before closing I ran across pictures of Denise Matthews… better know as Prince’s girl, Vanity. Whom years later left the music scene and became a woman of God …while also battling A.I.D.S. Ironically, like Prince… Vanity passed as well but a few years ago… also at age 57.
Another 1 of Prince’s girl well known to us was Apollonia. She had been a former cheerleader of some major league team before hooking up with Prince. And she had won a beauty contest or 2.
Vanity often attributed her battle with A.I.D.E.S. to the life she had lived while running with Prince.
Though in life he wore platform heels to add to his short height… he sold lots of records and made lots of money. But in the end I hope his arms were not too short to box with Satan… to have ended up on the winning side.
Imagine in 3 short years Prince would have been 60. Wow…
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Add a comment April 22, 2016
Wow, I don’t even know what happened here. I lost my whole post all most.
I will try to rewrite it again but don’t know if it will be as good as the first. But here goes.
I came across this posting on a site called, MOTHER’S PEARLS. And since the day I initially posted my blog on the DeBarge family and their deep family secret which tormented them for years, that post hands down has been my most popular.
That being so I thought that many of you would also like to read what was said by Tommy DeBarge, who for years as growing up had been molested by his older brother, Bobby.
It cannot be a secret how much pain must go through 1 when they are physically violated. But that pain and hurt must be much deeper when it does not come from the man or woman down the street… but is within your own home… among those who are suppose to love and care for you… and protect you.
The DeBarge children had … I guess all of them… had be sexually abused by their father… both the girls and boys.
The damage that is done to children who experience sexual abuse cannot be overstated. I know this first hand having also been a victim of it, though it was not within the confines of my family.
I know some women who once worked at a facility that housed children sexual offenders. Yes, I said, CHILDREN SEXUAL OFFENDERS. I asked 1 day what were the ages of the children in their facility and I was told, “Well, the youngest is 3.”
That has always stayed with. I cannot image what it is like to be locked away from people for the rest of your life because someone began sexually abusing as an infant or toddler and at the age of 3 they have to lock you away.
The world indeed is a very cruel place… very cruel. And has gotten crueler with all of this child sex trafficking and everything else like it that goes on today.
For that kind of torment to be going on in your own home is something which a very beautiful family of children have had to fight to regain and sustain some type of sanity from the horrors they had to endure not only at the hands of their own father… but as their own siblings began to prey upon them.
As a note here, Bobby the oldest of the DeBarge children died many years ago from AIDS. His predator… his father who had sexually abused … I guess all of his children… Their father died only several years ago… and am sure if he had a conscience he died a very tormented man.
This is from Mother’s Pearls: http://www.pearlswindow.com/2013/06/tommy-debarge-shares-molestation-by.html
Men were attracted to men and openly spoke their minds about it, which offended me because of my past with Bobby. I felt as if something queer had been permanently affixed to me because of the horrible things he did to me.
At this point, Bobby was dating women. There was a brief period of time when I actually thought Bobby might be straight. However, as he became more sure of himself as an artist and comfortable in his surroundings, the more he openly expressed his desire for men.
I watched as homosexuality manifested itself in Bobby’s life. He had a stronger attraction towards men than women. He had a male friend, Tony, whom he had met in California, and whom accompanied him everywhere.
After a while, Bobby removed all restraints from his sexual desires. He didn’t care if his private life was private or exposed. He was staying at a Hollywood Hotel; Tony moved in.
Later, Bobby revealed himself to be bisexual, meaning that he participated in sex with both men and women. He stated that a man’s love is what he was searching for because women were only useful for sexual pleasure and couldn’t be trusted. He used neglect and abuse from the past as an excuse for his lifestyle.
Add a comment March 8, 2016
When I first stepped outside yesterday the sun was shinning, and all was well. But while standing at the bus stop the skies suddenly turned dark…and shortly thereafter came 1 little sprinkle followed by another. And before long it was all over I was soaked, and the bus was nowhere in sight.
Today, while riding on the bus…which is why this month I decided to buy me a bus pass since my son started complaining about me using his car. It is just as well…I really don’t mind…though the buses are a bit small and can be not as clean as I would always like. But I got tired to listening to my son sounding as though I’ve been taking advantage of him. So, I bought me a bus pass…now nobody can complain.
But while riding the bus today I overheard a woman say-
“They got 2 feet of snow today.”
I do not know who they were…or where they was. But I do know that that sounds bad for us.
Yes, it sounds very bad for us. Because I know that the snow is on its way here too. There is no getting around it. Plus, it is cold. And cold enough now to go back to wearing our winter coats.
It is hard to believe that just a few days ago it was in the 90’s. But that is gone now…and been gone now for more than a week.
But least ways when I went away for the weekend this time…I didn’t come back to any frozen water pipes, and water all over the place. And I didn’t have to worry about the cat being left in a cold house due to our furnace still being out. But if all things work out this summer my winter will be very different come October, November, December etc…etc…of this year. Yes…very very different.
So, we were on the road again this pass weekend, and needless to say we had to travel through some rain. But it was beautiful nonetheless. And one of the best parts is…is that while on the road we saw no accidents.
I now have grown to not only pray that we travel safely but also everybody on the road with us does too. And though I never thought of it before…it does indeed make a lot of sense to do so.
Just think about that.
What else did I want to talk about?
I just do not know.
I was awaken from my sleep early yesterday morning. It was one of the church ladies calling me. She had called me saying-
“We lost Deek last night at about 11:30.”
I had gotten into the city late and had found a great parking spot not too far from their apartment building. My plan was to get up early…about 4 or 5 AM and move my car as I knew that the Marathon went right pass their building. But when I went out to move my car early that morning…it was gone. And all I could think about was the New York City Towing Hell that I was bound to be in due to getting towed.
First of all, the car was a rental and that was a problem right there. Since, when they tow in New York they want you to submit papers on the car…all of which were inside the car. Since we didn’t own the car…it meant that they were going to send me to the rental place to have them give me documentation on the car and that I was going to have to be the valid driver. Of which I was not…since my son had rented the car for me. And he, of course, was hundreds of miles away back home.
So, this meant trouble. I could hear my son talking to me as I stared at the spot where the rental car had been parked. And I dredded calling him.
Because it meant that he was going to have to get up, get dress and now drive in to New York City…something that I knew he was not going to want to do. And certainly was something that he wasn’t going to be happy of doing it either.
So, I put in the call. He didn’t answer. And I took a deep breath of relief…it was after all now just about all of 4:30 in morning.
The street was clear…no cars anywhere. But the roadway was filled with squad cars riding up the avenues and crossroads making sure everything had been towed. Turing I went back into the building feeling that I was in for it now…and wondering how much all of this was going to cost me?
By the time I got back upstairs and explained the situation to Deek and his wife…he ask me-
“Did you go and look on the other streets?”
That was the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard.
Why would I go walking around to look for my car when it was obvious that it had been towed?
And all I could think about was how mad my son was going to be hearing this.
So, I finally decided to go back downstairs to try and find out where they had towed it to. And get directions to get there.
Why would they pick up my car to tow it just to set it back down somewhere else outside of a car bound?
Was what I kept thinking in my mind. When they tow your car in New York City…you are in big trouble. And you better have cash…if you want any hope of getting your car back.
Downstairs I walked out to the street and flagged down one of the police squad cars to asked them about my car being towed. And they directed me to call the precinct. And when I did it was just like Deek had said.
We laugh about it now. I have to smile every time I think of it. It makes me think of wisdom every time…this story…and those of us who lack it. We don’t even have good enough sense to know wisdom when we hear it. We pass it up thinking that it is foolishness. That is what I thought Deek was telling me…foolishness when he kept saying that I needed to walk around looking for my car.
He had wisdom over a situation which I thought I knew everything…after having been towed more that a few times in New York. Sometimes we can be so foolish because we think that older people don’t know nothing. That they are off the mark…far removed from things…and even at times lack real understanding of things…or knowledge of things. But nothing can be further from the truth.
Oftentimes given a chance their wisdom far exceeds any mere thoughts we could have on the matter. As such was this case.
To me it sounded ludacris that my rental car was picked up to clear the roadway for the Marathon runners only to have the City of New York without any profit to themselves re-assign me another parking space. But that is just what they did…and Deek knew it. While during the whole time I refused to pay him any attention. And you know…he never held that against me.
Even that shows great wisdom. How many people would have been mad…or become upset because you discounted their suggestions or ideas?
So many older people get kicked to the curb and totally disregarded simply because they are older. People refuse to believe that they have anything legitimate to offer…all because they are aged. But age breeds wisdom. It brings about a plethora of experiences and knowledge. A richness that we just should not pass up…or so freely let get away from us because we lack the wisdom to see just how valuable they are to us.
While on the road we caught the news over the radio that the President and First Lady, Obama and Michelle were taking a little weekend-get-away together. I grinned and my sister turned to me smiling saying-
“I love them.”
And I just loved hearing that they stopped and got some ribs.
I just happened not long ago to come across this story listed below.
And if you took the time to read it then you realize that the story is about some black man who purposely passed the HIV/AIDS virus to 13 women. And that there seems to be a debate about what should be done with him.
What are they debating?
The guy should clearly be thrown into prison and never released ever again.
AIDS kills…and not everybody has the resources of a Magic Johnson to sustain them and their medical needs. The medication for AIDS treatment is not only very costly but they have to take tons of different types of medicine. I will never forget all the pills my cousin Vincent had to take daily. And I have seen what that type of death looks like…and it is not pretty.
I have seen youth turn into the very old…go from being very fit and carefree to bent over and broken, with all types of medical problems and conditions that most of us never have to think about because our system works fighting off everything and anything that might try to invade our bodies. But their system does not…it can’t.
I saw a 34 year old man turn into an old man before very my eyes. He could barely operate his hands, walk or hear well. Vincent became old…a senior man at 34 years of age. Had I not seen it I would have not known anything about AIDS…but I saw how it ravaged his body and stole his youth and everything else from hm.
No one should be allowed to purposely inflict that disease upon anyone. Such a person is quilty of murder. And clearly after reading what his mother had to say…I can see why he is the person he came to be.
When I was teaching…I recall one day that 1 of my student’s mother came to school to pay me a visit. Upon meeting my student’s mother I realized why I had the problems I had with her daughter. Or perhaps I should say…why she was having the problems that she was having with me. Because in my class I do not have problems with students…but there had been some students who may of have had a problem or 2 with me.
This girl’s mother came to my class and she…her mother…had to have been an utter embarrassment to her daughter. The woman was very un-rulely and out of order….but at the end some of my students while handing in their work gave me their take on it that situation. And you know what they said?
“I had my money on you.”
I think that that girl’s mother thought that I was going to back down or become intimidated. But that was far from the case…though she did everything she could to get me to be so. Needless to say that mother never visited me again…and I don’t think I ever had any more problems out of her daughter.
But when her mother came to my class I could see why the girl was like she was. She was very much like her mother. But in my class and classes I lived by one motto-
“It was going to be either them or me.”
And I made up my mind early that it was always going to be me. I was going to be the one in charge and who ruled my classes…and not my students or any one student over me. No…and that went doublely for mothers.
Well, because of their mothers.
The weight and impact of ‘mother’ upon the lives of her children or child is great. It can either enable them or aid in making them become strong, fully thinking and functioning adults with high hopes of success in their lives.
Clearly, anyone wishing to get back at women or others because they have contracted AIDS is a person not willing to take their own personal responsibility in the matter. There are so many people who go around blaming others for everything wrong in their life.
It would seem to me…not that I know a whole lot on this subject…but knowing that so much is out there besides AIDS, that it just makes sense to use good common sense and judgment. Personally, I am an advocate of abstining…but if you love sex that much that you can’t protect yourself then why blame anyone else?
I knew that there was something that I wanted to write about. And now I have found it.
Can you imagine that…the possibility of possibly really finding Noah’s Ark?
It might just be some large ship that became ship wrecked many years ago. I doubt that Noah’s Ark will ever be found. It is not that I doubt the story…but what purpose would it serve God for Noah’s Ark to be found?
None. So, therefore, God would not leave it around to be uncovered several thousands of years later.
But it does make for an interesting story though doesn’t it?
And before I close I have to mention this. Perhaps my son has been so mad at me over his car because I never stop for gas. And it was until we hit the road that I realized that the gas prices had gone up so much. It was costing $4 plus in New York. Mannnnnn……
And you know what?
Well, enjoy your day…and night.
And God bless….
Thank you for reading this blog…and my others. Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on…” www.bsmith101.wordpress.com ©2010
THE BISHOP’S WIFE is now on sale…
3 comments April 29, 2010
I recalled with I was taken advantage of…back then they didn’t kill you. Well, they sort of did. They killed you alright…but you were like the walking dead. They stole something from you…you didn’t know what or even that they had stole it. But you knew something was wrong with it.
So, you just never told anybody. Never whispered a word…just kind of hid it down deep inside…if you could. And if you couldn’t…then those kids became problem kids…some even predators preying upon other kids.
The life of a child can be hard…and particularly so when viewed as a sex object…something to fill someone’s sick preverted fantasy or sexual obsession.
Upon just coming up onto the internet this evening I have read and watched video about 2 very young girls… both of them age 5. One white and one half and half…mixed…half white and half black. And both of them were sexual violated and then murdered.
Two very beautiful young children…and their lives were destroyed at the tender age of 5. Forced into acts that no child should have to endure…or be forced to become party to.
One buried alive and the other the autopsy is forthcoming.
How dare anyone steal their lives from them.
How dare someone rob them of becoming teenagers…going off to college…and hanging out at a movie with friends.
How dare somebody steal their womanhood from…their motherhood…their promise…and now has robbed us all of them and what they might have achieved.
I have no doubt that they both suffered traumatically. People who kill people suffer from a deep sense of needing to feel powerful. Can you imagine being mentally that small that children give them a sense of power when taking their life.
Then there are those who kill children just so that no one is there to tell the story…as to what and who did what to them. What cowards they are.
They are man enough to do it…but not man enough to stand up for having done it. So, they kill the victim…they murder the innocent child…the woman or whoever. And they set out doing it…again and again…and again until they slip up and somehow get caught.
They are like the bank robbers of old…who kept on robbing banks until they got caught. Went to jail…got out…and sooner or later went right back to robbing banks…until they caught again…or shot down.
Does alerting neighborhoods that there is a sexual predator in their neighborhood really work?
I think not.
Do most of these men go back out and start seeking children all over again?
Then there is this other factor… a lot of them look like your husband…and/or brother. In fact, they are your husband…and/or brother. Most men have had sex with somebody who was not of legal or consenting age.
I have a friend who often during some of our conversations has laughed to me about how while in college he had had sex with a 14 year old girl we both knew. And for the life of me I have always wondered why he thought it was so funny?
And why would anybody want to laugh about such a thing?
There are certain things if I were guilty of them…I would not talk about them.
Having sex with children is illegal in this country. And in most countries.
Outside of it being taboo…what could possibly be interesting about having sex with a 5 year old child…or a 3 year old…or any child…or teenager? And in South Africa…they have wide spread incidences of men having sex with infants. Yes, INFANTS…claiming that it is because they have a fear contracting AIDS by having sex with women.
This whole topic is really more than I can bare. I guess because it hits so close to home. I had not only been sexually molested as child…twice…and before I reached 4th grade…but I came very narrowly close to being gang raped by a group of maybe 20 if not more men…had not it been for the grace of God.
I spent my life from that point on…until I was in my mid-20’s abstaining from sex. There were those who asked me…and there were those who tried to force me. But I said ‘no’…and I resisted where I had to.
But I never allowed anyone ever again to take advantage of me…or to use me again like that.
When I had those experiences I was too young to even know what was happening to me. I knew nothing about sex…or sexual intercourse. I had never seen it…the act before…or anyone indulging in it. So, it was very foreign to me. I could not wrap my little mind around it…much less even know that it was wrong.
Though my abusers were not violent towards me…they did steal my innocense. But they steal more than innocense today. They bully, beat, violate and then butcher the child.
I had read many years ago in a book or a publication of some sort…that 3/4 young girls experience some type of sexual abuse. And that a quarter of the men have been propositioned by another male or experienced anal sex.
Since so many men…particularly black go into the prison system today…that figure is probably far higher now. Because a lot of men today also indulge more freely in what they call ‘man love.’ Some openly while many others on the DL…the down low. And the same can be said for more women today…in terms of lesbian hookups…getting themselves a girlfriend. It seems to be the rage (the new in-thing).
Those 2 little girls looked so innocent and so beautiful.
Can there be that much hate…and bitterness in anyone?
I am sicken by all these things. And whether you believe it or not…it is a spirit…very very dark spirits sweeping across America. And I guess the world.
And I was going to talk about Obama and the detainees being imported to the main land…USA. Which I think might be a big mistake. But I guess I will discuss that in another blog.
But let me just point out real quick…that the errors committed by the Bush Administration in the handling of those prisoners…in that many of them were just swept up and secretly flow out from their homes, family and country. Some who were innocent of any crime. But now all violently anti-America…and Americans. And who would not be after what they have all had to endure in Quantanamo Bay?
The past treatment of those prisoners makes them high security risk and threats upon American soil. The bitter taste put into their mouths via the Bush Administration can’t be turned around by any acts of kindness. And particularly not among people who willing do not mind killing themselves to kill you.
So, no they are too dangerous to be brought into this country. America has many other options…and we should be considered. Because those people for the most part will have to be locked away for life. Because they will pose too great of threat…in terms of them trying to get revenge for any and all preceived wrongs that were brought about when they were initially imprisoned. And of course…due also to their gross treatment under the past administration.
Lets face it…I doubt that few of them are not bitter over the situation. And I would be too…and so wouldn’t you.
Thank you for reading this blog…and my others. Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on…” www.bsmith101.wordpress.com ©2009
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Add a comment November 17, 2009
I just finished watching partial footage of Oprah’s interview with Charla Nash, the woman who’s face was ripped apart by a neighbhor’s raging chimpanzee. I recall a friend telling me about the story some time ago. She kind of joked about it…talking about how the neighbor and her lover, the chimp…were having a lover’s spat.
At first I thought it humorous at the time…based upon my friend’s jokes about it. But my goodness…it was anything but a joke. Far from it. But anything where a person is injured can never be a joke at any time. Unfortunately, I wasn’t thinking like this when my friend initially told me the story. And I am so ashamed to have laughed.
I never knew that such a thing could or would have happened to anyone. I prayed for that woman upon seeing that clip. And I am not going to show any pictures in this blog…or put any videos in it…in respect to that woman.
I feel for that woman very much…as someone who ran to someone’s rescue…to try and help them…and ended up being severely injured. Injured beyond all recognition. As half of her face was torn off…and it seemed that her fingers and hands had been destroyed as well.
Her face wasn’t even a face. Her eyes…it was like her whole mouth…teeth were gone too. But I guess it was the best that anyone could do for her considering the intensitiy of her injuries.
It was a horror…but even more so something which really made me feel sad for the woman. And I began to pray for her.
The fact that the woman went on Oprah’s show and discussed the attack was a sign that the woman has come to grip with her life as it is now. Which speaks volumes for her.
But she didn’t sound angry…or furious with God over what had happened to her. As so many people often do when tragedy strikes.
What a woman. Much can be said for inner strenght…and being able to connect to it…in order to see your way through any circumstance.
I don’t know if I have that. But I pray that if ever the need were to arise that I would have the strenght of character to connect to it too.
One day after Veteran’s Day…I spent some time trying to digest what happened on the grounds of Fort Hood where 13 were killed and several others were shot and injured.
I wondered if this was the act of one of those buried or implanted individuals that we had heard so much about following 9/11?
You know…those who were trained aboard then shipped here for some appointed time to cause havoc while killing Americans in the wake of it.
There is so much killing these days…domestically that who is going to tolerate non-American forces or luntics of any kind coming here to add to the carnage?
If indeed there are implants…persons angry with America and Western culture…sitting around and waiting on a time to attack. Well, Americans are not going to sit back and just take that.
So, if indeed that doctor at Fort Hood was part of some kind clan…he will be dealt with very harshly. And as well he should be.
Is it not enough that they went aboard and risked their lives in foreign lands…then to come home and be shot down?
From 19 to 62…so young and so dedicated to the US Military. They did not give their lives…but their lives were taken…stolen.
Since the medication for AIDS has gotten so much better…and people are living longer…we pay little to no attention to AIDS any more. It is not the hot topic it once was.
Because Magic looks so good…so healthy…for many the fear of AIDS has all but been washed away. Many feel that it isn’t as great of a threat as it once was…and its affects are not taken as seriously any more.
But unlike Magic…Natalie Cole doesn’t look so healthy. In fact, she looks sick…aging and weak.
This past week I came across this article about AIDS and that it is a leading cause for deaths in women. You might want to read this for yourself.
Hope you had a good day. It’s late…after 2 AM…and I am planning on getting up early. So, I hope that you have a beautiful day tomorrow and a beautiful weekend.
Thank you for reading this blog…and my others. Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on…” www.bsmith101.wordpress.com ©2009
THE BISHOP’S WIFE is now on sale…CLICK this LINK to purchase my book. You do not need a paypal account to purchase, and you can purchase using a debit card. Thank you.
Add a comment November 13, 2009
I rarely read the newspaper…and have stopped watching television. So, the means that I accquire the news these days is usually when I go up over the net and see a news flash. Most of the time I pay little attention to them…but then there are those which draw me in. And I find myself having to read the story…and not out of real interest…but because I find the headline hard to believe.
Today, I came across one of those attention grabbing headlines. The headline read something like this…‘Gang Rape and nobody helped.’
How could such a thing happen?
What has happened to mankind?
The incident took place during a high school homecoming dance outside in some alleyway or something on the school grounds…for 2 hours long this raping continued. And kids stood around watching, while others jumped in to participate while a 15 year girl was repeatedly raped by up to as many…if not more than 15 to 20 people who in some way participated in this incident or stood by watching.
What would possess somebody to stand around and want to cheer on or watch such a thing?
Why didn’t someone call for help?
Or run and go tell somebody?
What is going on in the minds of our young people that they could get caught up in such a thing…and then become party to it by standing around and doing nothing…or worst…jump in and become more than a watcher?
Everyone of those kids should be pulled into court…and facing some type of charges.
I cannot imagine such a thing. There is not anything that I can see going on…that I would not try to stop…or somehow help in some way. I have seen men fighting their girlfriends…and gotten involved. I have stopped fights between kids. I have gotten between mama-bady-daddy drama. And did it because I just can’t turn a blind eye to anything that I feel is wrong…or harmful…or potentially dangerous to someone.
I don’t have a fear of getting involved. But I know that many people do not think like this. And I know that many people may feel that I am putting my ownself in jeopardy. And if I stopped to considered that…I might act like everybody else.
But I am glad that I do not. I’ve got nieces and nephews…and a son that I have to think about. I just don’t want anything to happen to them. So, let me try to clean up the problems now. Later might be too late…for them and me.
But how could I not help somebody?
Or try to?
But I have never ran towards anything in order to be an observer…not even as a child.
That is something which I cannot understand. Why would I run towards gun fire to see what is going on…or just to see who got shot…and laugh excitely about it?
Now, that is stupid to me.
Or, why would I rush to see people fighting?
If anything…I go to see if I can help…and whenever I am near a fight I go to break it up. Not to laugh and cheer anything on.
But this is the mentality of people…and it is definitely the mentality of of the kids. Everything is a joke…or funny. But somebody being raped…or killed is not a joke. And certainly not funny…nor is it entertainment.
This kind of thinking is dangerous for all mankind. If the new group of adults coming into this world are a bunch of desensitized robots…uncaring…unfeeling…unthinking…uncompassionate ids….where will this world be?
How safe will any of us be…as the world falls into their hands?
I once had a lover who had been gang raped and sodomized…and who knows whatever else. But I cannot tell you the impact it left upon her…and her life. Every time she went to the bathroom she re-lived that situation. That thing lived with her…it was in her insides and something she could not shake. Though she was successful…as an actress…and part-time music teacher…that incident marked her private life. That gang rape greatly colored her life in the in-between time.
She was not big in size…small stature. So, I can imagine just how helpless she must have felt…not to mention the terror of it. She never really talked about it except to say that it had happened. And I did not push it.
So, how could someone…20 or more people witness something like that and not do anything?
How could we…any of us be safe if everyone walking around us only cares about themselves…and have no compassion for anyone else?
There is a great need for serious consideration to be given for where will mankind be and the type of world and societies will dominate this planet in the next 20 to 30…or 50 years from now. Everyting is a joke. Blood…rape…murder…crimes of every conceivable kind and inconceiveable kind are happening today…and very high rates…escalated rates. And nobody is paying attention to it.
And not only a need for serious consideration…but something has to be done now regarding the attitude of our youth to crime and criminal acts. And high officials should be concerned now about what affects desensitizing our teens to blood and criminal acts via computer games, movies, music videos etc. will have upon the increase of future criminal acts and the types of crimes prepetrated…and to what degree these crimes are acted out.
Some feel that the lack of anyone getting involved had to do with fear. But if their fear is that great…then they should fear how much worst it is going to be if people continue to allow criminal acts to take place without something being done now.
They don’t have any fear yet…let the criminals continue acting out as they are acting out.
Fear only empowers those perpetrating the crimes. Fear is the biggest thing that they have going for them. That is why the Bible says….‘Fear not.’
The last thing you want to do…even with an animal…is appear to be afraid. Or in other words…fearful.
What happens when fear is taken out of the equation?
Then you have power…because the power ceases to be in the hands of him or them that are trying to terrorize you. It is one of the first lessons you learned really early in life. Usually while you were in grade school when it came to bullys…who were only as big and as bad as you let them be. But did you ever finally stand up to one…and saw how quickly the tables turned around between you and them?
While living in Chicago…I was at wits end. I was being stalked…something I would suggest that no one try to do today. Because I am no longer that person…believe me.
But I became a nervous wreck under that situation. My fear absorbed me…totally. I was well on my way to having a nervous breakdown behind it…had it not been for the Lord. I could not walk down the street without stopping everytime I heard someone walking behind me. Being in a large city like Chicago…this happened quite often as someone was always behind me…just not normally the person who was terrorizing me. In the evening when I went home…I would throw open the door to my apartment before entering and step in like police detectives…leaving the door wide open behind me. I would go from room to room peering in trying to make sure no one was in my apartment…which definitely left me open for the person to enter into my apartment behind me. But when fear has you…it has you…and you do not think clearly. And when you are not thinking clearly…you leave yourself open to a whole lot of the things… anything can happen to you.
I was tormented by fear. So much so…that by the time I finally got through it I vowed never again. I lived in darkness…afraid to turn on my lights in apartment at night…afraid to answer the phone (this was at a time before Caller-ID). I will never go back to being in that state again. Under any circumstances…or by anyone.
But at the end…the tables turned. It took a dramatic turn…and had not God intervened I might probably be in prison now…and there for the rest of my life. Because I would have killed the person. I snapped…and in my snapping the tables turned…and my perpetrated went fleeing from me. When I think of it now…it is so Biblical….‘and I will make you enemies flee 7 ways before thee.’ And that is when it ended…when I finally stood up to the person…the phone calls…the following …the threats….everything…and I vowed ‘never…ever again’
And I have never feared anything…or anyone ever again.
And this is how I know how big a weapon fear is.
And those who use it…count upon it being so. They dominate neighborhoods…housing complexes…streets…cities…etc…using fear.
So, the more that people cease to do anything…if indeed they are fearful…because I believe that most of them just don’t care…as long as it doesn’t involve them or their family. But those who are fearful of doing something to stop or aid somehow a victim of a criminal act…the more you empower those who perpetrate the crimes. Thereby, in the end causing yourself a greater harm…because you did nothing. And those that you fear become stronger and more more aggressive if they are allowed to continue. It is an unending situation…better to deal with it sooner rather than later.
If nobody cares about your neighborhood…then you should. Because you do live there too. And you should never allow anybody to chase you up or down a street…or make you run…or have you afraid to leave your home.
What happens when you become the victim?
And you will…one way or another…if you allow crime to fester unrestrained…or actively sought to be kept down.
I was pretty sick reading about that man who had imprisoned his own daughter in a very small basement space for over 20 years of her life…breeding kids with her. And all of this while living just above his daughter in the house with his wife…her mother. That story made me sick for such a long time…so much so I could not talk about it…much less write about it. But it is an example of the type of stories that we are reading and hearing about today. But if this is what is going on today…hideous crimes…stomach turning crimes. How much worst will these stories become in the future…if this trend continues?
Criminal activity is on an increase everywhere…and much of it we never even hear about until somebody leaks something. And many others because the value of the poor people who have fallen into the hands of some very sick people…well, their lives were just not worth looking into.
So, no investigation were ever initiated.
Take for instance this story….
It is very unfortunate when police officials pick and chose who is or is not worth looking for. So many people go missing without the police going out to look for them while they might have been found yet alive. But if they…any of these poor women in this story been some rich socialites, or high city officials or lawyers…or anybody with any degree of money or some type of clout…no amount of expense or time would have been spared on their behalf.
There is an imbalance in the world…and it stretches all the way around the world.
I know I have told this story in an earlier blog here… www.bsmith101.wordpress.com. It is when one night…late night…actually early morning…when my cousin, Vincent, was on his home from having been out clubing. As he neared his apartment…in the dark of night he heard a woman scream out for help. He went running in the direction on the cries and came upon the woman and her perpetrator. He grab the man and flung him to the ground…and then held him down until the police came.
My cousin was a very tall and handsome gay male. I have no doubt that most of his life he had to deal with people snickering about him as he was very effeminate. But he never hesitated to step aside for a woman…or get get up to offer his seat to a woman or elderly person… or help you remove your coat…or pull out your chair and hold it for you as you sat down. He was more a man than most ‘so-called’ real men. And not only was he a very nice…but also a very decent person…and caring in every way. He really was someone who would give you the shirt off his back. And if it cost him…he gave to you regardless if he had suffer.
You could not have met a better person than him.
He would have never ran towards a fight to stand and watch it…but to pull the people apart. Nor would he have stood around and watched a young girl or anyone being raped. I wish I had a picture of him…to put in this blog. He was a hero. And we need more like him.
Reggie Jackson of the New York Yankees was the same way. His name had found its way into news headlines for more than baseball…more than once because of some acts of heroism on his part…when he went to the aid of someone.
More people need to do it…and things would change. Just think of 9/11…what not would have happened if the people on those first 2 airplanes had been more like the people on that 3rd airplane?
In looking up information of the gang rape…I happened to come by this story. Though I had seen this picture of this woman many times…I never knew her story. But it is sick. In fact, it is more like beastiality.
She is a socialite…who married a man…wealthy man. He had built a jungle on his property and had a great love for his cats…the type known as ‘lions.’ So, as she started to age and as a means of re-capturing his attention she decided to disfigure herself like this purposely. She is called the ‘lion woman.’ Because she went under the knife to have her face disfigured into that of a lion.
It is beastiality…in its highest form.
What a sick mind…and it truly shows what having too much money and nothing concrete to do with it…can bring about.
Finally, in closing… I got an comment today on my Chastity Bono blog…which has been getting a tremedous amount of hits lately. This particular person was very disenchanted with my statements regarding Chastity and her sex change. But he used a very interesting word while stating his point.
That word was… ‘transitioning.’
Evidently, this person felt that Chastity’s…or Chaz as she is calling herself these days…decision to undergo that surgery to remove somethings and to add some other things… Well, that it is just a simple little transition in life. To a degree we all have to go through some transitioning in our lives, I guess… overcoming some disappointments…some losses…some set-backs…aging….etc. But the altering of ones sex is a bit more deeper than a simple little transitioning phase. And I think most would agree with me about that.
I was reading something on a quakco doctor…one that performs a lot of these type of operations…sex changes…who is now a supposed woman himself. After having undergone the operation himself many years ago…it seems that all of his partners have been women who ‘underwent the operation.’ He became a woman…and they became supposed men. Which means…they kind of ended up in the same kind of situation that they would have been in…in the first place had they merely remained what they already had.
I wouldn’t let anybody who is not clear headed put a knife to me. Most of these surgeons are quakes and definitely…these so-called plastic surgeons.
We are living in a sick world…truly. And we should all be concerned about where this world is going…meaning….in which direction it is headed in. Things are being turned upside down.
And I am not really trying to pass judgement on anyone. Because we all do crazy things…and years later wake up having lots of regrets. I still regret some things…many things in fact. And in the process I have grown. But thank goodness I did nothing that committed me for my whole entire life to a big mistake. I was fortunate…no bless…because many can’t say that.
We can’t change people’s decisions about things concerning themselves…and what it is or isn’t that they want to do. Nor can we force things down people’s throats…or should we try. That is one of the greatest beauties of God…choice. He desires that we should have it…and with the hope that we make the right ones.
Well, the day is almost over. Its been quiet and I am trying to finish up on some things. I want to complete some things before the new year comes in. I want my book, THE BISHOP’S WIFE, to be out and available for sale…my website launched. And a couple of other things settled too.
And I look forward to it.
THE BISHOP’S WIFE is now on sale…CLICK this LINK to purchase my book. You do not need a paypal account to purchase, and you can purchase using a debit card. Thank you.
Thank you for reading this blog…and my others. Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on…” www.bsmith101.wordpress.com ©2009
Add a comment November 2, 2009
I have read some sad and very sick things in the past couple of weeks… but this thing has to make one wonder about what kind of times we are currently living in.
How can you correct something while committing something worst?
What kind of thinking is that?
The crimes being perpetrated are far greater than any fear of AIDS… or any woman’s involvement in lesbianism.
If I were that fearful of AIDS…I would cease to have sex. I would abstine from it…rather than think to destroy innocent babies. But this kind of thinking is a perversion…that stems not from fear of AIDS…but of desire to have sex with babies. The lie of the so-called fear…gives those men some kind of license to perpetrate that evil thing that has seeped into their very pours yeilding forth their evil perverted mind’s endowing them with a fetish to go out and commit such a horrible crime against innocence. And like mad dogs…or animals…once they have tasted it…seek it out all the more.
STop lying…it is not about protecting themselves against AIDS…but it is a deceitful and lustful mind that seeks babies to satisfy an evil supplanted need…not for being with a woman but with babies. Otherwise, there could never be any kind of satisfaction in that.
And corrective rape???
There is no such thing.
Crimminal acts are crimminal acts. And they should not be allowed nor tollerated by any country …or any group of people.
Having grown up reading and hearing about gay men who had been killed simply because….they were…gay. Having heard the stories from some of the last surviors of the Stone Wall bar…that marked the beginning of gay men…black gay men…deciding not to take it any more and began to fight the New York City police back after years of being raided and put into jail…simply because they were… Having participated in Gay Pride…walked in the parades…sat on conference panels…and never once having to fear that my life was in danger because I was…who I was…at that time.
The thing that most parents of gay children fear…is that something will happen to their child simply because…
How sad it is that gangs of men would seek out a woman…gay women in South Africa and rape them. And kill then…kill them…because they are…
Many gay men and women…came into ‘the life’…and are in ‘the life’ because of some things which happened to them. And many times it was rape…that brought them there.
So, how could rape ever be corrective?
How can violence of any kind of way be corrective?
And throughout history it has destroyed… many lives… people… families… etc…
There is something sick about these times.
How do good people…decent people sit around watching this sickness…or hearing about it…without doing something?
Somebody has got to do something. And satan be defeated.
Many years ago…I almost fell victim to gang rape…but by the grace of God…who has more than once spared me. I was but a child. I had no knowledge of what was going on. Because I was too young to process it or anything else really.
I was raped by one man only…but there had to been about 20 of them who would have had me…had not the man who owned the rooming house where these men were staying…not seen the man who had the little girl by the hand and had walked her into that rooming house.
As the man prepared me for himself and his friends…one of them came to the door and told him that the owner of the building had come. The 20 blocked the doorway with some type of wild commotion …while I was quickly ushered through a back doorway.
I recall it well. And yes it marked me…and perhaps you can tell that it did when you read my opinion on some things.
But I was fortunate…to have gotten out… that that man…the owner had seen me being taken inside. Through the grace of God…I had been spared…stained perhaps…even tainted…no doubt. Today, they not only rape children…but kill them too.
These are sad times…but I guess… I guess…that since the time that sin came into this world it has been sad times.
I hope you enjoy your day…it is hard to do knowing that there is so much madness in this world.
Thank you for reading this blog…and my others. Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on…” http://www.bsmith101.wordpress.com ©2009
Add a comment August 9, 2009
I had thought not to touch this story and just keep my private thoughts on it to myself…and share them among friends only…and only if they asked me. But after thinking about it I realized that I could not.
One of the things about coming out of something…is that you sometimes can become highly convicted in your stance against whatever it is or was that you may have come out of. Or in other words…things you no longer wallow in…or transgress in…indulge in…or no longer partake in…and was the way you used to be…etc… So, you emerge from it being very strongly opposed to it.
You become very anti- it…about whatever it was or is that you used to do…or who you used to be…but now are not…or of that which you no longer do…or indulge in. You in fact…move all the way over to the far left side of the bar…and become an extremist regarding that issue…or thing that once had you bounded. Usually, the farthest you can get from it…emotionally and opinion-wise as well.
So, having already told you that I was once ‘in the life’ in several other blogs…meaning I was a lesbian…gay…lived in the homosexual lifestyle…then I feel I can freely talk on this subject. But do not ask me anything about drugs or alcohol…or most of anything else…because I know little to nothing on such subjects…outside of the fact of what I have seen regarding the affects of them…or the after-affects of them. That being said…
Chastity Bono, the daughter of Rock icons Sonny & Cher of the 70’s, decision to alter her sex…and the way that it is being presented in the media…really kind of disturbs me. Not her decision to change her sex…because that is her choice…but it is the media (the type of coverage) on it that concerns me.
Having had been in the life for many years…some I don’t know…more than 30+ years…I have known many women. But the people I knew…or should say know…as I still know them…and still converse with some of them…though I do not hang out with them…but all of them were women who were happy to be women. In fact…they celebrated their woman-ness… sought out places that were exclusively women… restaurants… bookstores… vacation spots… curise-liners… clubs… etc…
So, Chastity’s decision is not the norm… far from it, in fact. Many lesbian women have no dealings with men. And hate them for various historical reasons in regard to their lives and past histories.
Though today, I do see many more young girls trying to really do this thing…that is called ‘butch’ themselves up. With the hanging pants…and all the other things they do. But still it is not the norm. And thank goodness for that.
Imagine this world…if everybody decided that they wanted to change who God created them to be?
How whacked out this place would be?
Some people would be walking around calling themselves some kind of animal…maybe this is a bit extreme. But not that far fetch… considering some of the things that some people involve themselves in.
I can’t image wanting to change my sex to become a man. I am so happy that I never had that conflict. I mean I have always wondered…how it is that men go to the bathroom when they do the number 2?
Do men sit on the toilet and have to hold that piece downward in their hands? I don’t really know men like that as I was a lesbian. So, I have no way of knowing. But I do have a serious thing about germs. I know I really wouldn’t want to do that. I would be so afraid that I might touch some filthy toilet seat…if I were out in public having to do that. Though rarely do I go to the bathroom while out.
And yes…I am a bit naive. I do admit it. There are many things that I do not know.
And since we are on the subject… When they…men…stand over the urinals…all of that spattering…all over your pants legs. Who wants to go through all of that?
Yes, I am happy to be a woman. Though the men’s bathrooms tend to be a bit cleaner. I have heard that.
But if…I were a man. Why would I want to be a woman?
What would be the benefit of that?
I am just so glad that God does the selecting and choosing…as to what we will be. Could you imagine a more confusing situation than that? Trying to choose whether your child would male or female. Though some scientist have tried to come up with a way of doing just that. And many countries put a premimium on one sex over the other…the male species. Though without women this world would come to a very sudden and complete end.
But going back to my original train of thought…I just could not see myself as being a man…or having ever wanting to be one. And thank goodness none of my gay women friends have had to battle with that either…nor any of my male friends.
I can imagine the pain that one must go through having that conflict. Because that has to be one very big and hard inward battle going on to decide to do such a thing.
The truth of the matter, however, is this…the mind plays tricks…and if you are not careful you will fall into the trap. Of believing something that is not so.
If you look into the mirror every day thinking that you hate what looks back and that-
“I would look good as a man.”
Or perhaps…as a woman. Sooner or later you will begin to believe that you should have been born a man or a woman. You will also start to believe that you see certain characteristics or qualities about yourself…which in reality have been sub-consciously taken on…and/or implanted in your sub-conscious…which may not truly be there…and do not really exist. But because it is what you want to see and placed in your mind…it is what you will see. So, if you desire to see certain things…over time you may come to believe that you see them.
Then in turn you will believe that those characteristics verify the fact that you should be…and are really something else other than what you are. And so you come to the final conclusion that through some trick or error of nature you were born a woman rather than a man…or visa versa.
All that kind of thinking is a head-trip…a real mind game. You will see what you want to see…you will feel what you believe you want to feel.
The mind is wicked…and highly deceptive.
For most of my life I have thought of myself as being unattractive…ugly in fact. I never wanted mirrors arround…hated to take pictures…etc. Because I hated seeing me. It was not until I had to start taking pictures for my book cover…that I came to realize that I am really not ugly. In fact, I have to laugh…because of all the years I let get pass me believing myself to be ugly when I was not.
Then too, in my book I made a statement…which made me really have to think. I state in my book, THE BISHOP’S WIFE, how I had been stalked at least 3 separate times in my life. After writing that…I began to think about what it was those people saw in me that would have lead them to want to do that. When I know many good-looking people…very good-looking…exceedingly good-looking…and they had never been stalked.
So, why me?
This is when I thought…again.
Here it was all those years I never realized that I was not ugly. Because of my profession and always being the public eye…people gravitated to me. And people who listen to you over the radio…
Well, they just fantasize about everything…and they all believe they love you. But I could not have looked that terribly bad…to have problems with 3 separate people at various times in my history.
But I never really knew until I looked into those pictures for my book…that I wasn’t as bad looking as I had thought I had been for all of my years. It is amazing. But it was a mind game…which for me came about when I started thinking that I was not as good-looking as any of my sisters or brothers…as a young child. And that shaped my thinking of myself for all of these years.
My mind had me tricked…I saw that which my mind allowed me to see. And so I lived under that shell all of my life until about 6 months ago.
Let me take a quick station break: my book, THE BISHOP’S WIFE… is coming…. Yes, my book is coming…I will definitely let you know when it is available for purchase.
Now…back to the subject.
I was deceived by my mind a 2nd time…when I fell into lesbianism. But thank God…I didn’t sink so far down that I ever thought about mutilating myself…with a sex change.
And yes…I had met some hardcore women…who wore men’s clothes and under garments. Some even who thought it manly to beat up their lovers and/or girlfriends. But I never heard any one of them talk about changing their sex…or wanting to do so…no matter how much outwardly they tried to emulate men.
Yes, though we were living in confusion…we were far from being that confused. And I thank God…from removing me totally from it. I no longer dwell in a ball of confusion…and under the cloud of lesbianism.
But the article that I read of Chastity Bono’s decision to under-go a sex change was so accepting of it…as though it were a natual transition in life…something acceptable. I would hate to think that any poor child or teenage or another adult currently battling with issues over their sexuality…should read that article and think that such a thing is either natural…or really acceptable. Not acceptable to you or me…but for themselves. As it goes against nature.
And there have been many articles and books written on the subject…some opposing and some pro. But there have been many regrets regarding that whole process. And I have seen much sadness and anguish among those fighting that battle.
As I mentioned in at least 2 other blogs…I did know a guy…who when I met him was in the process of under-going his sex change. I met him as the women he presented himself to me to be…as he had started coming to Salsa Soul Sisters meetingsa lesbian organization in New York City…and we all at the time believed that he was a woman. But from the time I met him…and I cannot call him ‘her’…I would be lying if I said that. But from the time I met him…in the back of my mind I always felt that something about him was out of whack.
I have met many gay guys…but had never met one trying to become a lesbian before. And neither had anyone else in Salsa Soul Sisters either…until we all met him…who presented himself as a woman to us all. But when they found out…nothing could hold them back…those black lesbian women.
One night those women stormed into Salsa and turned that meeting out…because they were not having a biological man…turned lesbian…or turning lesbian…within their organization and on their board. And they meant every word of it…and voted that night ‘that no one born biologically a man could ever sit on the board of Salsa Soul Sister, Inc. or become a member of Salsa.’ That was their sentiment…and they were right. I did agree…and still agree even though I am no longer a member.
The fact is…regardless of the pills and surgery…you will always be what God created…biologically. You can change your name…your hair style…your walk…talk…even your game…or anything and everything else you want to change. But underneath it all…your real DNA…can’t be changed. It can be confused…I guess with all that medication. But who you are…is who you are. It is who you really are…and that can’t be changed no matter what. No matter how much you dislike it…or dislike yourself.
I don’t know when I saw it…but it was on television. I think it was a Barbara Walters’ special. It was one of the saddest and most horrifying shows I had watched in my many years of watching TV. It was a show on parents allowing their children to cross-dress. By this I mean…there are parents who are allowing their very young pre-teen children…sons or daughters to decide that they were not whatever sex they had been borned…and dressing like whatever they wanted to be.
It was horrifying. Truly, horrifying.
It made me sick to see a 4 or 5 year old being allowed to demean himself or herself in that fashion. And they looked hideous.
At such young ages children being bred in a continuous state of high confusion…and their own parents abetting them in doing so. It was terrifying…absolutely terrifying.
In one of those stories, Barbara visits with a family who allows their little boy to dress as a little girl…long hair…the whole 9 yards. The little boy has a baby sister. Her cup and everything about her is pink…while everything for him was blue…do note the word ‘was.’
The boy wanted the pink cup…the pink this and the pink that. Well, it really doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that thing out. The little boy had become jealous of his little sister. I don’t know…maybe the parents stopped doting on him and became pre-occupied with his little sister. So, he of course wanting his parents attention once again…he might desire to become his little sister…or some how take her place in order to regain their…his parent’s attention and love again.
So, what does his little confused mind decide to do?
He starts wanting what she has… her things… clothing…etc. He develops a desire to replace her… by becoming her. Thus, a desire to be a little girl… as in his confused little mind he views it as being the root cause and remedy to his little situation.
It is not at all that he really wants to be a girl. But he desires his parents’ attention again. Which if his parents had taken any time with him…it would obvious to them. That the love he felt that they have taken from him and given to the little girl…his sister…he wanted it back.
Then there is this other side of the coin. If the little boy doesn’t like boy stuff…toys, sports etc..
So, what if he doesn’t grow up playing baseball…or basketball…or watching sports. It doesn’t mean you have to put your stamp all over him…and say-
“I know what…we’ll call him girl.”
And dress him up like one.
Yes…I do know that some gay guys…and even some women… claim that they knew they were gay from the craddle. But closer examination on the matter…might bring them to some other opinion if they really sat down and looked back at things in their history that they may have forgotten.
It is a mind game. Some kids grow up thinking that they are the biggest and the baddest. Some that they are stupid and don’t know anything. Some believing that they are beautiful…some that they are smart. It can vary depending upon who they are…what their social-economic backgrounds… neighborhoods… family… schools… churches…etc.. and what is going on within their home. But over time it almost always changes…our preception of ourselves…and the world around us…and how we view ourselves in it.
Imagine a little child…4 or 5 years old trying to fight that battle everyday. Of having to go to school everyday…and trying to interact with other children…dressed as a little girl when he is a little boy. It is a ticket to suicide…or drug abuse…and self hate.
Most gay guys can’t even deal with issues from their history…family rejection…etc. when they reach older ages. They battle those issues most of their lives. Which is why many of them suffer from alcholism, drug addictions…and indulge so heavily in all types of dangerous sexual practices.
Yes, sadly…I have seen and heard many gay people…mostly men…crying over their broken relationships with their families…endless cycle of broken love relationships…etc. Crying over their lives wreked in pain and sorrow. Dealing with dying lovers…ex’s …rejections…regrets… etc…etc… It is hard no matter whether straight or gay to deal with such things. It’s hard. But then to have the added burden of being rejected by your classmates… churches…and society too…makes it all the more worst…and painful…and as a kid?
All across the gay community there are vast levels of self-hate…fear…and self-destruction. It is sad…very sad. So, how could any loving or caring parent indulge their child in any such way as to let them suffer with such thoughts…and conflicts that they…themselves have probably placed upon their child in the first place? Of which the child may end up battling and trying to fight…and deal with for the rest of their lives. When all they…the parent or parents of that little boy… had to do was get rid of all that ‘pink and blue’ stuff…and stop setting up stereotypes…and road blocks for their son. And tried to give him…their son some quality time. Rather than to assist him into the further creation of confusion in his little life…by buying him girls clothes etc…and engage him in trying to emulate something which the child is not. He is not a girl…nor a joke. Or a plaything…he is a real person…who is on his way to being badly damaged.
Being a woman encompasses a variety of things. We do and think differently from the male species. Our tendencies towards giving, sharing, helping, family, responsibilities, listening, conversing with others, aiding, depth of compassion, commitment, emotions, emotional strenght etc…and so much more are all quite different from men. It is far more than one group having a different set of sex organs from the other. And all the pills and operations…and therapy in the world is not going to change this.
I personally think that that particular Barbara Walter’s special should have never been aired. There are some things better not put out there for public consumption. People start to get simular ideas…and start following suit…copying eveything they see and ear. We sadly live in a world of people who have stopped thinking for themselves…and merely seek to duplicate…follow…and do likewise. And for some people it is just simplier to assist certain behavior rather than try to work to stem it.
Isn’t that a horrible why to be?
Even worst…to have that kind of parent…or parents.
We would all have been in trouble with those kind of parents…that were that Barbara Walter’s special. Many parents from time to time feel helpless…but they do not give in to their helplessness. No, another force kicks in…and they step it up…to the next level. Parents have to…because all parents are faced with challenges when it comes to their children…at some point or other. And you just can’t throw up your hands saying-
“I just can’t do anything.”
At that point…some people know that there is one other thing. They start to pray. There is power in it.
Finally, no matter what Chastity’s decision concerning trying to alter her sex…she will always be known as woman…who had a sex change…if she proceeds with the operation and all those pills (which she probably already has done seeing how they have released the story). But she will never be known as ‘a man’…no matter what she does to herself. People may pretend…but in the back of their mind will be the fact that she was and will forever be…woman.
Well, in between, Chastity’s decision to change her sex…and that supposed man having another baby (another subject that I said I was not going to touch…as I have already given him rather her too much of my time already)…it has been a very busy week.
In the end Chastity will always be a woman who had the operation. That is how people will see her…never as a bonafided man. That only comes by birth. It is the way people think. And it is true really… and we should keep it that way.
Besides, if you are truly unhappy with yourself…do you really believe that changing your sex is going to do it?
I say no.
True happiness is something that you have to find within you first. Putting up pretenses…or making superficial changes…only brings about more unhappiness… and sadness.
How can you feel happy…when you put up a bunch of pretenses?
I have sat on the trains (the subway) in New York and watched the drag queens. Unless they were out partying and hanging with friends did I see any gaiety. Most of time when I saw them…I saw a lot of saddess…emptiness…and loneliness.
I also talked to some and knew some. It is how I knew of the inner conflicts. Which a lot of gay women have too. I didn’t I did…but I guess I must have. Because I am so happy that I am out of the life…and have no intentions of ever going back into it.
But we deal with those things without trying to destory ourselves in the process…or tear ourselves apart. And that is how I feel about sex change operation. It is very much like trying to go against the grain.
One other observation… Chastity’s girlfriend really looks a bit like her mother.
Well, enjoy your weekend. And I am still trying to catch up on my sleep.
UPDATE: ON CHAZ (Monday, September 5, 2011)….recently read that she will be on ‘DANCING WITH THE STARS’ this season. Needless to say there has been an outcry against it. And I am not really going to say much on it…except this.
Look for her to be voted off the show early. Controversy brings about higher ratings. And I have no doubt that some people are going to tune in just to see Chaz’ transformation for themselves.
That conversation was about gay men who had the operation. My cousin was trying to tell me that when the so-called ‘bottom’ partner… and not all gay men think as my cousin was trying to tell me.
What she was trying to tell me… as if she really knew anything about which she was talking about… that there was a thing known to gay males as the ‘bottom’ partner and the ‘top’ partner. That is while they are engaging sexually 1 male is always the 1 on the bottom, while the other sexual partner is the 1 taking him sexually from his position on the top.
While not all of them… gay males operate like that. And how do I know… because not all gay women operate that way either. Some do… but not most.
I know this because my cousin Vincent… a gay male… would tell me about some of his partners who would try to force him into taking them sexually… which he never did. But Vincent was not the norm… and had lost partners because of that. Anyway… my female cousin who was talking about this was talking like this was the norm for the masses… which is not true.
So, I told her that the real thrill in homosexuality did not come from anything more than knowing that it was ‘a man’ …or ‘a women’ depending upon the preference of the people dealing with each other sexually. And I told her this in an attempt to explain that once someone went through the operation of having their sexual organs changed… that also changed the whole dynamics of their relationship.
Real homosexuals only want someon of their own sex …be it a man or women. So, therefore if their lover underwent a sex change… they would cause many to get out of that relationship… because the person who underwent the sex change no longer had that part of them that attracted the other person to them in the first place.
Therefore, if the person’s mind becomes warted enough to want to take their body through some type of outter transformation… most elect to not touch their sexual organs. Which is what Chaz had also elected not to do.
And even if Chaz had chosen to do the entire thing …and get the whole thing done in terms of having had the final step done… the re-structuring of her sex organs… she still would be a woman. No matter what she does. It is utterly imposible to totally erase God’s stamp upon you …in terms of whom He has declared we shall be… male or female.
It is amazing to me how so many people like to talk about homosexuality as if they are in the know… and do not have any real understanding of it at all.
How in the world could my cousin…my female cousin… who had never really been in ‘the life’ as I had been… tell me anything about a life I was definitely a part of for many years… in regards to what our selections and sexual behaviors are that lifestyle?
I would know… because I lived the life. And in it we… lesbian women were always tied in things… events and discussions etc. with the gay male population. We shared spaces together, concerns, emotions, conflicts etc. all being homosexuals. Which I was at that time… I was in the gay lifestyle. And that is what Chaz is in… the gay lifestyle.
Having an operation can’t take you out of it… it can’t take you out of being gay. But it does indeed intrence you deeper in it. Because you are making some extreme choices that later you might just want to be able to step away from… if or when your mind …or prespective on this lifestyle changes.
This thing is deep…
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8 comments June 12, 2009
A few years ago…really it has been more like….many years ago a friend had a conversation with me concerning the town that he grew up in. He told me something which totally surprised me and of which I have never spoken about until now. He said-
“In the city where I grew up…the older men would have sex with all the young boys.”
He said this to say…that the older men in his hometown preyed upon the very young boys in that town. And I knew without asking…that he had been one of those young boys.
It is hard to believe that such things could happen…and that such things could possibly go on.
Could you call it sexual perversion?
Or some kind of sickness?
I have been looking around town and I am seeing more and more young girls involved in lesbianism…and gay young men. One day while shoveling the snow last week 2 young women just happened to pass by…and I could see that one of them could have possibly have been gay.
I have to clarify this just a bit…I don’t want to say that she was ‘gay‘…because I have a friend who accuses me of ‘always calling everybody gay.’ It might be a bit hard to believe…but even I have had to come face to face with it.
And you know what?
Yes, I am a bit homophobic. Gay most of my life…and now finding myself homophobic…and if the truth be told…I have always been so. There is no rhythm nor reason to it. I am odd…to some degree. I really am.
So, I work hard at trying not to be homophobic…and I don’t think I am homophobic in the classical sense. Not as most people know or understand homophobic to be. But because once I came out of the life…I had even become somewhat scornful. And that is the problem with sin. I have seen it in people who were involved in drugs or alcohol. They are quick to hurl words like “that ol’ crack addict’….or ‘that ol’ bum’ or ‘ol’ drunk.’
Yes, falling into scornfulness once you come out of being something yourself…is quite easy. And it is a danger.
I felt for my friend and have felt for him for many years. He seemed to always be in need of validating his manhood. And I have no doubt that it was because of his early experiences. Those men were paedophiles.
As children we have no power to dictate what will or will not happen to us. The only power we have is over our future. There is much we might have liked to have changed in our past…but that time is gone. And there were things and times we would love to take back and changed even today. But that too may be impossible.
Some children carry guilt with them forever. And really we all do…we are just not as scared as some other children are or were. But we all have been scared…and no matter what anyone says-
“We do carry these scars forever.”
However, I could see that one of the young ladies, of the 2 who walked by as I was shoveling… by her apparel seemed to be dressed a bit…well…shall we say ‘non-feminate.’ Which is something you really cannot go by today…since a lot of girls are choosing to wear their clothes baggy and with pants hanging down too…like most of their male counter-parts. Something which I may address later…as I have much to say on the matter.
So, lets say she looked ‘AG.’ I learned that this past summer from a couple women friends of mine in New York. It stands for ‘aggressive.‘
So, I thought as I had glanced up and saw the 2 young women that they might have been ‘gay.’ A few minutes later the non-AG one came walking back alone but along beside was a car of guys trying to talk to her as their car drove beside her…and I heard her say-
“Yeah, but my girl….and my girl…my girl…”
And I knew that that was what she called her friend…the other girl whom I had seen her with earlier. But in my day we called them ‘our lover.’ But everything changes over time…even me.. And I am so happy that I am.
But I have noticed increased numbers of gay people…perhaps it is that I am more keyed in to them than most people. I don’t know…but it seems to be on a raise. And I have to be concerned.
I am not concerned because I am afraid of gay people…or that I have a fear that they are seeking to turn the world gay…or that there is some master plot or plan somewhere. No, that is insane.
My fear is for my friends…those whom I left ‘in the life.’ People whom I loved…and shared many good times with. Women who help me to grow up and mature…and how to celebrate my ‘femininity.’ Not all women in the life are hard core and butchy…far from it. And I feel for the young boys and girls who are falling into a lifestyle…that I used to be in. I am concerned about them.
I had fun while I was in it…but I was never happy. I thought that was who I was…but it was not. It is funny I always felt that I was happy though…but I never knew how unhappy I was in that life until God pulled me out it.
I have heard many proclaim that it is a ‘gene’…a ‘sickness’…a ‘chromosome.’ But I know it is none of those things. There are many desires we fall prey to. Many things that we become curious about. Things we seek to find out more about…experiment with. They are choices that we choose to make. To do…or not to do…that is the question?
When I used to hang out, I used to hear the gay guys talking and laughing about the guys they used to pick up. The joke was they would go out to find the most manly men they could find only to take them back to wherever…and the men would lay down and throw their legs up in the air looking for the gay guys to do them. The gay guys would do what they call ‘howl’…they would howl on end at that. Meaning they laughed themselves almost to tears…because they found it to be so funny. And I imagine it was funny.
After all the gay guys were the ones who were ostracized for being ‘gay.’ And here were these big burly mucho men…quick to lay down and give it up in a heartbeat. Which reminds me of my cousin, Vincent, who used to tell me stories.
Vincent told me how he used to look out his apartment window and see the telephone man up the pole…how he would catch the man’s attention then with his finger indicate ‘come here.’ He said the man hurried down the pole and into his apartment.
Vincent told me of another time…when the UPS man delivered a package to his apartment and how he had invited the UPS man in for a cup of tea. And I am sure that you can guess the rest.
These stories may seem a bit amusing to you. But what they show is that there is something wrong…and it is not always with those whom you or many others would chose to blame. Gay people take the wrap for many things. But they are not the culprit…nor does the fault lie within them. But, however, it is those people who would never call themselves ‘gay’…who parade around as though they did not indulge in such things…and are the biggest perpetrators. It is these people who prey upon children…not gay people. Like all those old men in that town where my friend grew up…men who had families and pretended to be both godly and honest decent…upstanding men…while all the while ruining the lives of young children. These people who prey upon children are paedophiles…they are sick beyond understanding.
They are Benjamintes.
There is a book in the Bible…and at the end of this book there is this story about a priest who goes after this harlot which has left him to return to her family. Claiming to love her so much that he couldn’t do without her, the priest goes after her and upon setting out to return to wherever he came from…it turns dark. And he decides to turn into a city of his own people feeling that he and his woman will be safe there for the night. While there the priest encounters an old man who invites him to come and spend the night in his home…as he informs the priest that it is not safe to sleep in the streets of that city.
Shortly after the man and priest enter into the old man’s house…a group of men pay a visit to the old man’s home. They bang on the door and demand that the old man send out the priest…so that they ‘may have their way with him.’ It was a sad story…that ended in the woman being casted out into street to the men who had come seeking to have sex with the priest. That city was not Sodom or Gomorrah. Those men were men of Benjamin…they were Benjamites. And that city was plagued with morbid men corrupt in their nature.
I don’t know what has prompted me to write this. It is hard to do so…but it is not anti-gay…if anything it is anti-those who pretend that they are not something much worst. And unlike that woman years ago who came out against homosexuality…I have forgotten her name (Anita something or other…the one who caused gay people everywhere to ban drinking orange juice back in the ’70’s)…and it was soon discovered that it had all been because she had found out that her husband was gay. I am not her…I don’t have those kind of problems. But I am concerned about some things.
Maybe it is that I am concerned about how gays are always under attack. Or maybe I am concerned about all the lies concerning homosexuality and lesbianism. Or maybe I am concerned about all the confusion in this world. Or perhaps I am just confused as to what I really concerned about.
I don’t even know if this thing even will make any sense to anyone. I really don’t.
Perhaps, I am just too analytical.
I loved my cousin Vincent dearly. He was more manly than most men…yet I know for most of his life he had to fight being jeered and called names because he was so effeminate.
One night late while returning to his apartment a woman screamed out in the distance and my cousin Vincent went running to save her. He grabbed and threw down the man who had been attacking and attempting to rob and possibly rape that woman. And he held that man down on the ground until the police came. No one gave him a metal. No one put a star on the walk way outside where he used to live. He went running in the dark to recue a woman who had screamed out into the dark of night for help. He did what a lot of men…so-called ‘real’ men would not have done…and he did it without thought of injury to himself. That was the kind of person he was.
Vincent was the kind of guy who held the door open for women to walk through. He would pull out your chair so you could be seated. He helped women with their coats…and he would get up out of a seat to offer his seat if he saw her standing. He was a gentlemen…worth more than 50,000 or more of the so-called real men.
He would give the shirt off his back to friend or a stranger…and family. He was always giving…and quite caring. Quite handsome and always nice…and friendly. I never once saw him angry…though I had seen him hurt. And knew when he was in pain.
Vincent died from A.I.D.S. many years ago…and I am sure that when those men, the telephone man and UPS man…finished their day’s work whatever day that was when they paid Vincent a visit…that they went home to their wives or their girlfriends…pretending.
Speaking of which, I went to dinner the other night with my son and one his church friends…a young lady. They told me a slightly amusing story about another church girl.
“Oh, she don’t know God didn’t bless her with that car so she couldn’t drive nobody nowhere,” said my son’s friend who was out with us.
Then she dropped the bomb saying how their mutual church friend had just got a brand new car and was out driving one day. The girl told how my son and her mutual friend just happened to come across this boy whom she used to go to school with many years ago. So, seeing the boy was walking the girl offered him a ride to wherever he was going.
So, the boy got in…the girl then commence to ask the boy if he was interested in watching a movie and how she would cook him some dinner. The boy agreed and while the girl was in her kitchen throwing together the pots…cooking turkey wings, macaroni & cheese, warming some greens, making corn bread and things…the boy came and told the girl that he had felt something down in her car. So, she gave him her car keys.
Yes, the boy stole the woman’s car…while she was busy as a bee singing and humming to herself as she slung together her pots cooking…and thinking about what she was hoping to get in between the movie.
Now, how foolish was that?
As the girl at our table continued to talk…she began talking about herself and how she only ‘likes older men.’ Now, I am my son’s mother and we are out with a friend of his whom he just happened to offer if she would like to join us. I don’t know but when I was growing up there things that I would have never talked about in the company of one of my friend’s mother.
I find young women today lacking. They seemed to be overcome by a strong desire to only have sex…and if they are not having sex then all they want to do is talk about it. They consume themselves and their conversations with nothing else.
The young lady who had joined us at the restaurant was suppose to be in church…and her friend that they, she and my son had told the story about…the one who’s car was stolen. Well, she was the church secretary. Their minds are as corrupt as everyone else’s. The issue of sex is such a huge issue…even in the church.
There is indeed much to be concerned about. And I am, therefore, concerned…
God bless…and thank you for reading this blog…and my others. Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on” www.bsmith101.wordpress.com ©2009
Add a comment January 15, 2009
I was shocked when I read this story in Vibe magazine. I would have never realized the things that they were going through…and had gone through as they were all growing up. It is a shame some of the things that many children are forced to endure. There is little wonder why some have such anger and rage years later. On the surface who would have thought what hidden darkness they had locked within. Family secrets can be some of the worst kind of secrets.
They were one of the hottest family groups along with the Jackson’s to emerge from Motown. It is funny how success usually is often rooted in so much pain, sorrow and personal sadness.
A large family of 8 boys and 2 girls… Bunny, El, Randy, Mark and James made up the DeBarges, the Motown singing group, who left home from Detroit by way of Grand Rapids, Michigan to LA in search of success… but they were haunted by many sad memories that perhaps they had been trying to escape…but found that they couldn’t.
Two other members of the family made up part of the group called Switch which was also hot during the early 80’s, Bobby and Tommy.
Tortured by the deep dark secrets they all shared and carried into their success in the 80’s, they were colored by a past that ultimately claimed most of their lives. Their lives have been left shattered…and though the church could not and did not help shield them from the events that were taking place in their home as very young children…but over time some have found healing and renewing in God.
You can read the full story below. It is sad…and painful to read.
When I think of the times that a friend and I used to rush home to catch them being showcased on TV shows, and how we used to laugh at them. Though we loved their music and them…it always struck us, me and one of my friends, that the boys…were well rather ‘sweet.’ And I am shamefully sorrowful of that now.
We should not poke fun or laugh at others. And I will not blame it upon my youth nor on the lack of proper home training.
I never laughed at people with disabilities but I have seen people who have…and I have seen them do it openly as I was growing up. These people, of course, were not in our family…because my parents were not that kind of people. Plus they would not have ever allowed it of us. Nor did they indulge in gossiping or talking or laughing about anyone. Yes, they would occasionally chuckle about things. But they were never mean spirited or degrading people, nor did they find fault with people or talk or laughed about anyone.
I laughed at those boys, fine as they were but yet so effeminate…I found humor in that.
Should we laugh at such things and pick fun at people?
No. We should not.
And I regret having ever done it…which is why I am writing this blog.
I have never liked preachers doing such things as finding humor at the expense of gay people. It seems that within the church everything else is sacred accept poking fun and making jokes about gay people. They do not do that with any other sin…prostitution, lying, stealing, murdering…none of these things find their way into a Sunday morning sermon or any other time…as a joke.
Then why should they find it okay to make jokes about gays, lesbians or homosexuals?
And really the church is loaded with… Well, it is loaded with some of everything. And a lot of times from the top to the bottom…somebody is doing something which they should not be doing or acting out in ways which are not Godly.
And I am not trying to come down on the church or incite a war of words. But the church is full of everything. It was true in Jesus’ time and it is still very true today. The church is even full of predators. Not so long ago at least 10 Priests in the upper North East, the Massachusetts…Boston area were found quilty of such acts…leaving in their wake hundreds of very shattered and broken lives.
In Connecticut a preacher impregnated a 12 year girl that he had been routinely been engaging in sexual intercourse with. Since she was 12 when she had the baby…she had to be 11 or maybe 10 if not younger when he first got started.
This was the plight of the DeBarge children.
Without a doubt there should be some level of sensitivity with regards to making jokes that are belittling and unkind to anyone at any time. And particularly any jokes about all those lost in sin… any sin. The church is suppose to loving and giving in spirit. Yet, it is sanctuary for all types of activity as well.
Once well sitting in the choir as a young teen…I was seated beside this boy. His father was preaching less than…I don’t know…less that 4 or 5 feet away. And this boy produced from under his choir robe his…….. and tried to pulled my hand across to touch it. I at the time did not quite understand anything about erections or anything else. But that was what he had…and his father was preaching right there beside us as his son did this one Sunday morning…in front of the whole church. It is hard for me to believe that no one sitting in the church that Sunday saw our exchange as we were seated on the front row of the choir facing outward…must less seeing what he had in his hand.
Nor, will I ever forget the night I dropped this woman home following church service that night…and this was not so very long ago. As I pulled in front of her building and she was about to get out of my car she suddenly turned to me and kissed me in a way no woman had ever kissed me before. And having come out of lesbianism…that should
speak volumes as to how and the way this woman kissed me. But I didn’t say anything. I didn’t respond. She got out and I drove home determined to not even think about what that woman had just done. And I didn’t.
I didn’t think about it…for a couple of reasons. For one thing because I didn’t want to dwell on that kiss. For another reason I just did not want to obsess about it. I felt it was a trap…orchestrated by the devil to try to lure me back into a life I had now left behind. And I was not going to fall for it. So, I shoved that kiss and that woman aside in my mind…and never bothered to linger there thinking about it…now or then.
But the church is full of a lot of things…like whoremongers, adulterers , liars etc. None of which I see any humor in…as all sin is sin and shameful. But for some reason people in the church really like to poke fun and laugh about gay people…and no one seems to find that to be offensive…but me it seems.
It is almost as though it is open season on gays in most churches while all else is taboo as something to joke about. None of it should be something to joke about. Perhaps it is that none of them were ever gay…or maybe they just do not want to confess to it. But there must be some reason for this.
Here were these children, the DeBarges, growing up in the church and such nasty things were going on in their own home from the earliest of ages. And I laughed at them when they finally hit the stage and started performing.
They were the most beautiful family of siblings…as were those Jacksons.
And in case you do not understand what ‘fine’ means when used here this way…it means that they were fantastically handsome, terribly good looking etc…etc…etc…
But those boys acted so gay.
I didn’t try to figure it out…I didn’t try to see anything other than that. And it struck me as being humorous…and that is as sad as whatever else they had to go through…if not more so. That we should all be so small…especially me…to have thought that that was humorous.
I sincerely apologize for that now. Not just because I now have a part inkling of their story, affliction and pain that they were forced to suffer…but because it was wrong of me to do so in the first place. And particularly because of all the misery and heartaches they have all had to come through and to have to bear in their lives very young children.
I cannot imagine how hard it is for a child to grow up having a father who is a predator…and using his own children sexually for most of their years growing up.
In August of 1996, Bobby DeBarge at the age of 39 died after years of alcohol and drugs abuse. He died from complications AIDS related. He was named after his father, Robert Louis DeBarge, a man who frequently sexually abused his own children beginning very early in their childhood. Bobby was a multi-talented song writer, lead singer and musican. In 1988 both he and his younger, Chico, were arrested for attempting to traffic drugs, they served 6 years in prison.
In October of this year, 2008, El DeBarge was back in court on more drug charges, vandalism and domestic violence. Though for many years El was able to not fall prey to the demons chasing him, as well as, his other sisters and brothers…but following Bobby’s death and other family issues, El too soon fell to the demons chasing them all.
Update on EL: I was very happy to see El last week when he emerged on the Soul Train Music Awards Show. He looks absolutely great… and he sounded great too. I am happy for him. Trying to pull your life back together is not an easy accomplishment. But thank God it can happen.
Bunny today is free of drugs and alcohol. She is saved and a mother. She is living her life as a Christian and has just finished writing a book called “The Kept Ones,” a tell all autobiography.
James DeBarge who was once married to Janet Jackson for a few weeks before her family had the marriage annulled, is also saved and living his life as a Christian, as well is their mother, Etterlene DeBarge.
You can CLICK the LINK S below to read the whole VIBE magazine story.
Their mother Etterlene DeBarge, which is also Bunny’s real name, is 72 with her own page on myspace.
Their lives have not been easy. But through it all they have a testimony of survival, defying the odds and are attempting to rise above, and through it all to once again unite as a family victorious through Christ Jesus.
In the words of James DeBarge in the last youtube video clip below-
Child abuse hurts…and in many cases it ruins people’s lives. Many never recover from it. Some just learn how to go on. But we all remember it…and it does remain with us for the rest of our lives whether it appears on the outside or not.
UPDATE: July 29, 2010…Robert Debarge, the father, died last year, August 2009. What a very sad, lonely and broken man he must have been for all the horrors he committed. Truly a sad story…which I understand is soon going to hit the big screen.
UPDATE: August 7, 2012…Just checking on my files and things as I usually do…when I spotted that a few people had been looking for info on the death of James. Immediately, I hit the internet looking thinking that James must have just died. But thank God… he has not. But I came across some pictures of him… and he has really aged.
In looking at his pictured I noticed how much he looks like his father. It must be hard waking up in the morning and looking into the mirror and seeing him… the face of the man who used to abuse you and all your other siblings.
I imagine that they all have good days… and bad days. There are some scars that never go away. That kind of hurt most hurt forever…but thank goodness for Jesus, He can make a difference. A lot of things become easier to bare because of Him.
Let us keep them all lifted up in our prayers.
THE BISHOP’S WIFE is now on sale…CLICK this LINK to purchase my book. And I would like to thank you all…if you have purchased my book. It is amazing to see that my book sells are growing and it is because of people like you. I thank you…and hope that it is a blessing upon to you.
…pass it on…’ www.bsmith101.wordpress.com
CLICK the above screen a COUPLE TIMES if it fails to play at first attempt…and ignor the text which appears on the screen.
God bless…and thanks for reading and …pass it on www.bsmith101.wordpress.com ©2008
71 comments December 14, 2008
These young girls are receiving all the wrong messages and there is little being said about it. And forget…about ‘being done about it.’ Bcause that isn’t happening either.
The teen pact in Massachusetts was a shocker and should have created far more than just a wake-up call. It should have had people rolling out of their beds onto the floor and leaping up yelling-
“We’ve got to do something about this.”
But it did not. It was merely a hot topic for the moment…and then it was gone off the horizon.
What has since been done?
What heighten interest in this topic has been generated?
How many encounter groups have been formed to sincerely meet this problem head-on?
Where is the concern on this topic?
Teen sexual habits as they are today are highly serious problems. There is more at stake than a boy and girl getting together sexually. The problem is bigger than that and no one is really or sincerely looking into this problem. The issues and the impact are huge.
There are health issues involved…all kinds of dieases…many of which are life long. But this problem is also going to put millions more on the welfare rows.
Under age girls becoming mothers does impact us all and it should be all of our concerns. It is a moral issue…but it is even greater than that. And this concern is not only to what it will cost the states and eventually the federal government of this country, but there should also be a concern that these young girls are no more than mere kids themselves. Beyond a point the level of resentment does arise. And these kids have no knowledge that they are severely limiting their future life goals, expectations and levels of success…and choices in life.
While the kids are suppose to be busy going back and forth to school every day…they now have to balance their education with trying to parent babies or very young children. This can be a very daunting task for young parentsas babies and/or children take up a lot of time. It is even a very difficult task for the most grown-up adults to handle.
Children take time…and lots of it. They also require responsible and reasonable people in the care of them. Young girls under the age of 12 of even into their 20s or 30s many times are not ready for such a heavy responsibility nor the sacrafices that becoming a mother calls for.
Instead of chasing behind the gay population and trying to change them, and trying to get them to conform when laws are being created every day to encourage just the opposite…we should try working instead to make an impact in an area where we all have some level of control and a voice and that is among our children.
Oftentimes, the argument about education gets down to ‘the home’…well, this argument certainly is a ligitmate argument in this debate…as things in ‘the home’ can lead to effecting change.
Whether parents realize it or not…they can regulate their homes, the type of messages that their children are receiving, what is watched and listened to in ther homes…etc… But it is far more involved than just putting a chip in the cable system to block certain programming. It means getting your child’s face off myspace, out of facebook and whatever or wherever else it is…or whatever means they use to to make contact and meet people with whom they are enaging in sex…which on the face of it alone even sounds and looks wrong.
I personally don’t believe that anybody worth meeting is on the internet. You, if you are an adult, you should not indulged in it…and certainly your children should not. Yes, the internet has it values and good uses, but it also has a lot of risk factors…and safety issues when it comes to your children, teens…and even for older people who never learned that….yes, the world can be full of evil people who lie and try to sway you into dangerous places and situations. Predators are real…and none of you should have to find this out first hand.
But the kids are not alone when it comes to the internet. There are tons of grown up supposedly adult people who are doing the exact same thing. They have pages on myspace and pictures in facebook etc. And it is all wrong if you use it like a game of Russian roulette.
There is little wonder why the kids are in the situation that they are in if the adults are setting the examples or…and I hate to say this…or if the adults in their lives are following their examples…the kids examples in meeting people and becoming sexually involved with just anybody and everybody via the internet. Or even outside of meeting them over the internet.
What in the world is this world coming to?
What is the world is that?
There is too much tied in to sex…just the inter-personal nature of it alone. Call it what you want…but sex is not casual…it is just too intimate for that.
It is all wrong. WRONG….WRONG.
And of course, I know that the kids are hooking up at school too. Let’s face it now…even I at some point was a kid. But I never was stupid…and there is just no other way to say that. Nor was I…or have I ever been common.
There is something seriously wrong when a bunch of young girls are busy thinking more about getting pregnant than they are about the dress they plan of wearing to their class prom…or how they are going to get their mom to give them the money to go to movies next weekend.
There is something wrong when sex is the only thing on the fore-minds of young kids in school…more so than trying to study for an exam or thinking about their futures.
They do not care about an exam…or evidently their futures. No, they do not. Because if they did they wouldn’t be busy trying to get pregnant…or thinking about getting pregnant.
When I was growing up people tried hard to avoid getting pregnant. But then he standards of the day have been drastically lowered as opposed to those of yester-year. In fact, there are none…not today.
When did getting pregnant at a very early age become a badge of honor in this country?
And how can these kids be expected to do any better than the people they are watching and trying to emulate present these kinds of things to them day in and day out?
These kids are obsessed with images of the people they consider to be so-called stars. These so-called stars…they read about them, skim through the web to catch photos of…watch them in the movies or on television…and/or listen to on their iPods. And these people are their role models…whom they desire to emulate in every possible way…down to having babies by this one and by that one over there. And they never see a marriage ring or a wedding band.
That is the world our many of kids live in…and many adults, as well. That is why they can search facebook or myspace…and go from one person to the next. Because they live in a world of ‘no commitment.’ There parents are not committed to them. There teachers aren’t committed to them. Their schools aren’t committed to them…the government…society…nothing.
So, what do you expect…when a stranger over the internet shows them more interest than you do?
Even if it is for a hot minute. To them it beats none at all…no matter what they end up having to sacrifice.
Parents have got to invest time in…and quality time with their children. They need us to be concern about them…about their day…what’s going on with them…and the things we can help them with…as well as to encourage them…and, of course, to look out for their well being, as well as, protect them. There has to be quality time invested in your children’s lives all through their development…even into adulthood…if they allow you. And they will…if they trust you…but that trust is built up over time. That trust comes with involvement in their lives from the earliest stages of their lives straight throughout their developedment into adulthood.
It is time for America to not just take a serious look at this problem of teen and under age sex…but also to actively work to do something to cuve it. This tide must be stemmed because of the dire future consequences for America.
These young babies need to have a fighting chance at life. And they can’t do that by being born to people who are not mature enough to parent them properly.
The cost, to the system upon whom they will soon be imposing, should not become the driving force to make this country face this problem today.
…pass it on…’ www.bsmith101.wordpress.com
…pass it on…’ www.bsmith101.wordpress.com
God bless…and thanks for reading ©2008
Add a comment November 19, 2008